ugh!! people judge quickly

WifeNMama

I have posted in a commetn ebfore that I know this post is about me because me and this person had a private message going on about 30 minutes before about how I am not a christian and I am a horrible sinner for living with him before marriage, etc..... it may be a coincedence but I highly doubt it...

If you are indeed not a Christian, then whatever you do does NOT fall under the "rules" of Christianity. I apologize in advance for the person who claims to be a Christian and yet is judging you. We as Christians are not to judge nonbelievers, only to judge believers, and even then, with kindness and out of love, to keep them on track towards their eternal rewards.

We are SUPPOSED to live a life that is in keeping with our teachings (I do as I say I do) so that we can spread the Good News of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and eternal salvation, by example, by deed, and by sharing our testimonies of God's grace and mercy. A person who claims to be a Christian calling a non-believer a sinner is just wrong, not by what I say, but by what the BIBLE says. They aren't sharing the Gospel or the Good News, they are preaching HATE, which is the complete opposite of what we as Christians are about.

Jesus said it best with "The Great Commandments":
"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

"Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
Matthew 22:36-40 (NIV)

Any Christian who is really walking the walk should know that EVEN WE are bums, screw-ups and sinners, but we have been saved by the grace of God and Jesus Christ, and THAT is why we try to live better, out of gratitude and love for our God and our Lord and Saviour.

I hope this helps, and may you know that God loves you.

Exactly!

courtneyxjayne

I definitely feel like you should live with someone before getting married. You have to know what it's going to be like seeing someone every single day, more than in two hour intervals and whatnot.

kristirlk

I believe that you should live with the boyfriend/girlfriend only when you are seriously thinking about marriage. You will learn pet peeves, cleaning habits, etc when living with a boyfriend/girlfriend. Some which will make or break the relationship, better to find them out prior to marriage. With that said, I moved in with my now husband (and his kids) only a month after MEETING him.. (Although my family knew him.. I went through quite a bit prior to marriage and some now, but Im happy. That's all that matters. Do what you do and don't pay no mind to anyone else!

bm99

I believe that you should live with the boyfriend/girlfriend only when you are seriously thinking about marriage. You will learn pet peeves, cleaning habits, etc when living with a boyfriend/girlfriend. Some which will make or break the relationship, better to find them out prior to marriage. With that said, I moved in with my now husband (and his kids) only a month after MEETING him.. (Although my family knew him.. I went through quite a bit prior to marriage and some now, but Im happy. That's all that matters. Do what you do and don't pay no mind to anyone else!

I think it's better to have the mindset that annoying habits can be tolerated, fixed or worked through rather than something to "make or break" a relationship. If you get to the point of marriage you are probably pretty "in love"... the little things should take a backseat to what's really important (establishing the family unit for financial stability and procreating).

AllTehBeers

Honestly, they have an opinion just like you do. It doesn't make them wrong or right. I am personally anti-cohabitation, since I believe it cheapens marriage itself. That is my opinion of course. . If someone says I should live with someone first to test it out first, I would think its crazy. Honestly, we live in a morally corrupt society, so everything is on the table..lol

Exactly. While I don't agree with this entire opinion, I agree that no one is wrong or right. Just because I express and defend my personal opinion, doesn't mean I judge anyone for holding a different opinion. I don't mind having a debate about the why's and I keep it all respectful. I would never bash someone personally for holding an opinion but I will defend my own opinion until I'm proven otherwise.

I may hate your opinion, religion, culture or lifestyle but I will defend your right to express it.

sisierra

Never get married before living together. Never.

I disagree, might as well put everything to the test from before you're totally stuck with'em haha

gingerveg

I believe that you should live with the boyfriend/girlfriend only when you are seriously thinking about marriage. You will learn pet peeves, cleaning habits, etc when living with a boyfriend/girlfriend. Some which will make or break the relationship, better to find them out prior to marriage. With that said, I moved in with my now husband (and his kids) only a month after MEETING him.. (Although my family knew him.. I went through quite a bit prior to marriage and some now, but Im happy. That's all that matters. Do what you do and don't pay no mind to anyone else!

I think it's better to have the mindset that annoying habits can be tolerated, fixed or worked through rather than something to "make or break" a relationship. If you get to the point of marriage you are probably pretty "in love"... the little things should take a backseat to what's really important (establishing the family unit for financial stability and procreating).

This is very limited thinking. Marriage is anything you want it to be. There is not "one point" that we all have to get. There are atheist and theists who marry, childfree by choice marriages, open marriages, same sex marriages, sexless marriages etc. Theists may not like it but there is a great big diverse world out there and theists do not get to decide what constitutes marriage theists do not get to own marriage.

kennodogs

Who married Adam and Eve? Come to think of it, who was Adam's best man or Eve's chief bridesmaid? And all this time I was worried that eating an apple was the original sin.....

bm99

I believe that you should live with the boyfriend/girlfriend only when you are seriously thinking about marriage. You will learn pet peeves, cleaning habits, etc when living with a boyfriend/girlfriend. Some which will make or break the relationship, better to find them out prior to marriage. With that said, I moved in with my now husband (and his kids) only a month after MEETING him.. (Although my family knew him.. I went through quite a bit prior to marriage and some now, but Im happy. That's all that matters. Do what you do and don't pay no mind to anyone else!

I think it's better to have the mindset that annoying habits can be tolerated, fixed or worked through rather than something to "make or break" a relationship. If you get to the point of marriage you are probably pretty "in love"... the little things should take a backseat to what's really important (establishing the family unit for financial stability and procreating).

This is very limited thinking. Marriage is anything you want it to be. There is not "one point" that we all have to get. There are atheist and theists who marry, childfree by choice marriages, open marriages, same sex marriages, sexless marriages etc. Theists may not like it but there is a great big diverse world out there and theists do not get to decide what constitutes marriage theists do not get to own marriage.

Maybe you should tell a "theist" that. I am not one.

You are just as limited as you claim I am.

Marriage is not "anything you want it to be". Your relationship can be whatever you want it to be, MARRAIGE is a legal and binding contract that was put together with a very specific purpose. You choosing to live outside the norm does not change that fact.

Theists do not get to decide what marriage is, but neither do you. Legally it is what it is no matter who's signing the paper.

It must be AWESOME to be a liberal...

victoria4321

I'm curious as to how everyone dates. Is there any reason that so many people think you must live with a person to learn anything about them? Spending time with their family and with someone at their own house or apt often enough will give you a better idea of how that person lives.

Also how much trust is everyone lacking? You can ask questions, discuss future goals, etc. you don't need to be up someones butt to figure these things out. A marriage should be about building a new life together, new home and a new future. It must suck to have a nice wedding then continue dating exactly like it was before back in the same house with the same furniture and same everything. Why bother getting married then?

Krissy366

It must be AWESOME to be a liberal...

Unnecessary and ridiculous comment. You match her assumption with one of your own, and set it in a "tone" of insult. Is there a reason you can't disagree (and correct the other person's erroneous assumption) without dragging political leanings/ideologies into the conversation?

As it happens, the history of marriage is quite diverse and varies in the extreme from culture to culture. To say marriage is any one thing with some sort of definitive authority is absurd. In fact, in your post you stated:

If you get to the point of marriage you are probably pretty "in love"...

Well - that might be true of (very recent) modern day marriage, but historically marriage had very little to do with love. In many cultures the happy couple didn't even meet before the wedding (or only met very shortly before), so there was no love. There was familial obligation and property transfers. In fact, that is still the case in some cultures.

You go on to then say:

the little things should take a backseat to what's really important (establishing the family unit for financial stability and procreating)

Many people are getting married after they are already financially stable, so that doesn't really hold for many couples anymore. And not everyone is in it to procreate. You don't want people defining marriage for themselves as a couple, you'd better take love out of the equation. You can't cling to one historical practice, while ignoring another and then claim that marriage is only one thing.

For the record, I didn't live with my husband before marriage, but I see no problem with other people making a different choice than we did. For a long time I assumed I'd make that choice, too. But why it would concern anyone but the couple involved is beyond me.

Sarahbara76

I am afraid I am the devils seed then, I have been living in sin 9 years..whoa :devil: But the boyfriend treats me like a wife :laugh: and we are as good as married in his families eyes so whatever. Some bible folks get carried away and all judgy :grumble: and that's just pathetic because they always are the 1st to fall and fall the hardest off this pedestal they put themselves on .. I say forget them, they and their opinions stink Have a nice day and let it roll off your back because I am sure you have better things to do then worry about a blind fool and their stupid dribble :flowerforyou:

All who want to quote me and feel attacked by me go the F--CK ahead I don't care. I have bigger things to do then worry about then a fruitless , faceless battle on the internet . You know like conning people to sign over there souls for a few doughnuts that won't make them fat.. Carry on humans

AllTehBeers

I'm curious as to how everyone dates. Is there any reason that so many people think you must live with a person to learn anything about them? Spending time with their family and with someone at their own house or apt often enough will give you a better idea of how that person lives.

Also how much trust is everyone lacking? You can ask questions, discuss future goals, etc. you don't need to be up someones butt to figure these things out. A marriage should be about building a new life together, new home and a new future. It must suck to have a nice wedding then continue dating exactly like it was before back in the same house with the same furniture and same everything. Why bother getting married then?

As some one who both dated and lived with someone, there is a huge difference between being with someone a lot and with their family and spending every waking minute with someone. You get to see all the little things they do that you don't realize go on ALL THE TIME.
Examples:

Realizing you have to clean the sink and mirror after them every time they brush their teeth because they dont. They leave every light in the house on and you have to go behind them and turn them off. In the summer (especially relevent here in the south) they leave the back door open 'just to run outside for a second' and end up being out there 10 minutes. Leaving dirty dishes all over the house. Putting things in the fridge with a paper towel over it instead of taking the time to put it in a tupperware or ziplock. Not putting the tv tray back. Leaving the towel on the bathroom floor. Ect...

These are things that a lot of people will never stop doing no matter how much you tell them it bugs you. You can even admit these things to your SO but you don't realize how it'll drive you nuts until you live together.

ETA: even though you both have the same future financial goals (house, kids, retirement) what about those days when you're tight to pay the electric and your SO goes out and buys that video game, grill, weekend project stuff then just shrugs you off when you get mad about it because you can 'just pay it late'?

BAMFMeredith

I'm curious as to how everyone dates. Is there any reason that so many people think you must live with a person to learn anything about them? Spending time with their family and with someone at their own house or apt often enough will give you a better idea of how that person lives.

Also how much trust is everyone lacking? You can ask questions, discuss future goals, etc. you don't need to be up someones butt to figure these things out. A marriage should be about building a new life together, new home and a new future. It must suck to have a nice wedding then continue dating exactly like it was before back in the same house with the same furniture and same everything. Why bother getting married then?

I can't speak for other people's relationships, but for me, personally, it just made sense to move in together after a year or so of being in a relationship (we had our own separate places, established on our own, etc). My bf became very involved with my child's (from a previous relationship) life and since he was at my place most of the time anyway spending time with me and my son (I have primary custody, so he is with me the majority of the time), logistically it just seemed like the next step for him to move in with us when his lease was up. We later upgraded to a much larger place, and operate much as a family unit right now. I'm extremely close to his family, as he is to mine, etc.

For us, when we do get married (which we're not in any big rush to do yet, maybe in the next couple years or so), we plan not only to have a full traditional Catholic wedding, but I'll change my last name to his, we'll buy a house, and begin trying to have (more) children. I guess it will be a lot like it is now, but we do have some special things we're holding out for until we get married (buying a home, having children, merging our finances--we keep them separate right now).

I think each relationship is different. And I don't really think one alternative is better than the other for anyone else, but for me, personally, co-habitating before marriage is a must.

EmpressOfJudgment

Never get married before living together. Never.

I disagree, might as well put everything to the test from before you're totally stuck with'em haha

I think you and I just said the same thing. I said never get married before living together.

My sister was with her husband for 7 years before they got married. They bought a house together and moved in together just weeks before the wedding. Even after 7 years of dating she didn't know he was old fashioned, thinks the wife has to do all the cooking and cleaning, and child rearing. She didn't know he'd come home from work and sit on the couch drinking beer while his woman makes his meals. All while also giving her a hard time about not bringing in enough money to help the household. *double standard* Now, she's married with two kids and miserable in her situation.

hbrittingham

I'm curious as to how everyone dates. Is there any reason that so many people think you must live with a person to learn anything about them? Spending time with their family and with someone at their own house or apt often enough will give you a better idea of how that person lives.

Also how much trust is everyone lacking? You can ask questions, discuss future goals, etc. you don't need to be up someones butt to figure these things out. A marriage should be about building a new life together, new home and a new future. It must suck to have a nice wedding then continue dating exactly like it was before back in the same house with the same furniture and same everything. Why bother getting married then?

My (now) husband and I are both very affectionate people who like to be together all the time. We've been like that since we first started dating 22 years ago. He came home with me one night and never left. We wanted to spend all of our time together. We weren't up each other's butts. When we knew 8 months in that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, we got engaged and then married 10 months after that.

It didn't suck to have a nice wedding and then continue dating exactly like it was before. We actually had a fabulous honeymoon. We didn't have any anxieties about being able to perform, or what we might think about each other when we got undressed. We were totally comfortable with each other and loved each other deeply.

We still do, 22 years later. If I were to do it again, I would do it exactly the same way.

sdoldsMD2013

I think people should love their lives accordingly do their own beliefs and values and not be concerned about what the next person thinks. If you live together, don't live together, have sex, don't have sex, clean up after him, don't clean up after him, that's your business and no one else's. People's opinions can only bother you if your let them! As for me, I live my life according to my own rules, beliefs, and values and could care less what anyone thinks about it. :-D

patchesgizmo

I don't have a problem with my daughter living with her boyfriend/fiancee. It gives them a taste of what a person is like before marriage.

sdoldsMD2013

Love this! :-)

SoDamnHungry

Even if you did do it, it isn't anyone's job to tell you if you're right or wrong about it.