ugh!! people judge quickly

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  • Anomalia
    Anomalia Posts: 506 Member
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    Other people have different opinions, no one is going to agree with every single thing that you do.
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
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    I didn't read this. but ok.
    Cut your hair and get a husband.
  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
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    I have the other side of it. We did live together before we got married and would recommend a couple NOT to because...

    We had issues from the transition of going from roommates who are dating to husband & wife.

    Even though we got married, we kept the "single" habits we had formed while we lived together dating. It made it hard to develop "married" habits as a couple.
    What exactly do you differently living together unmarried and married? o.O I don't see why two rings can affect your behaviour so much.
    The biggest example I can think of would be finances.

    I can understand things like life insurance and wills, but if you're living together you're already working on things like rent, utlilities and groceries.

    This is unless you lived in seperate rooms, split the bills and bought only groceries for yourself. And that just blows my mind.
  • swhite1209
    swhite1209 Posts: 26 Member
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    Judge not lest ye be judged... right?


    exactly....
  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
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    I don't understand people who think in broad generalizations like that. What's right for one couple may not be right for another. I lived with my fiance for a year & a half before he proposed...we both thought it was important to live together first. I'm pretty sure there are bigger problems in society than two unmarried people who love each other and live together and even have sex (gasp!). That being said, if both partners would rather wait until they're married, so be it. Whatever floats your boat :)

    Point. I like this.
  • AmberLee2012
    AmberLee2012 Posts: 540
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    I remember when my husband proposed to me, his buddies told him that he better live with me for a year first. I agreed with them! You really don’t know a person until you live with them.

    I use my Facebook daily and there are always people on their complaining about others and I think some people just use Facebook to put others down to make themselves feel better. Anytime anyone posts a status like that, there will be people who will chime in and agree with it, which just reinforces the behavior.

    You can’t please everyone all of the time, and it’s really not worth it to even try. As long as you are happy, that is all that matters.
  • Ilovejacks
    Ilovejacks Posts: 153 Member
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    So someone on my FB just made a status saying "If you are not married yet, you shouldn't be living together" and this was meant towards me because before my husband and I got married, we lived together for a few months....

    I see nothing wrong with this! It does not mean we hare having sex just because we live together so stop judging and live your life and leave mine alone
    Oh Crap!My husband and i lived together for 13 years before we got married,and it was my 1 and only marriage!!!!
    Un friend that MEAN GIRL:)
  • EpiGaiaRepens
    EpiGaiaRepens Posts: 824 Member
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    my world is totally different than yours. I have friends who oppose marriage on principle. Not monogamy, mind you. But marriage.

    And....um....i thought your comment that just because you're living together doesn't mean you're having sex is funny...not your comment so much as the sentiment behind it that your friend thinks premarital sex is wrong. My guess is you're a religious bunch and that's cool. But for me, the idea that marriage is much of anything is silly- just considering the rates of divorce I see. I think my commitment to my partner is just as valid without the state interveneing (God is a different story, I agree. But I'm not getting into my personal beliefs about God anymore than to say I don't particularly think God is angry with me for having premarital sex).
  • chugglebunny
    chugglebunny Posts: 63
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    To be honest it would never cross my mind to do it any other way. In my head, you meet, you fall in love, you move in together, get married and have kids. In that order. But that is just MY opinion for some reason, but then, I have not been raised remotely religiously and nor have any of my family and friends, so no one would bat an eyelid at the thought of living together first.

    But it is no ones right to judge at all in any way or make you feel bad for your choices. It's your life. Live it how you want!

    Besides, What someone said above is spot on, it's ridiculous in the first place to assume living together = having sex. Because it is impossible to have sex anywhere else but a shared bed in a house you both live in!? HAHA!
  • Maude_Lewbowski
    Maude_Lewbowski Posts: 395 Member
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    Judge not lest ye be judged... right?


    One of the best quotes ever and words I live by!
  • EpiGaiaRepens
    EpiGaiaRepens Posts: 824 Member
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    Ok, so even if the statistics show living together first ends in more divorce...

    Maaaayyyyybeee the people who are so against living together before marriage are also those so against getting a divorce no matter how unhappy they are.

    A part of me wishes I would have waited until marriage just for the romantic honeymoon... but then another part of me realizes I would be a 31 year old virgin without the most amazing 4 year old ever in my life.

    awww... that's sweet.

    And I agree with your point about the people who wait until they are married are the same people who stay married no matter what. I've seen some ladies from some older generations stay in really abusive relationships because they believe they should not get divorced. I just have a hard time thinking God would rather a good woman stay with a man who beats her (and the kids) than to let her get divorced and find a decent man who treats her (and the kids) well.

    Mind you, older couples, I'm not saying this is true for all. My grandparents were the most amazing couple ever. Married at 28 until they died they were inseperable. THe funny thing is, only one was christian. The other was pagan. Their marriage wasn't based on religion, it was based on their commitment to eachother.... I dunno. That kinda love is rare and beautiful and amazing and I miss my grandparents so much <3
  • jillica
    jillica Posts: 554 Member
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    I have the other side of it. We did live together before we got married and would recommend a couple NOT to because...

    We had issues from the transition of going from roommates who are dating to husband & wife.

    Even though we got married, we kept the "single" habits we had formed while we lived together dating. It made it hard to develop "married" habits as a couple.
    What kind of habits? (I'm genuinely asking by the way, not trying to argue or make a point or anything like that). I've lived with my fiance for a year now and in that year alone we've made a lot of changes (esp. financially with groceries, bills, and all that) but we still have a lot of separate things that I'm happy with for now but don't want to bring into marriage.

    Yes, finances were one of them. You can't really tell someone you are just dating that they shouldn't spend their money that way. It was also our separate activities with our friends. And even household chores. Maybe we were just a bunch of whimps that didn't want to start a fight so we didn't say anything. I REALLY believed that once we were married, he would act more like my idea of a "husband". I was VERY naive. I really think my huband thought I was going to turn into a housekeeping machine when we got married, too - HA!

    Be smart and know that the issues you have now while dating will still be there when you get married (& maybe even bigger) AND talk about eachother's expectations of married life. We never did that. We both ASSumed because we loved eachother that we'd each would be the perfect spouse.
  • honeysprinkles
    honeysprinkles Posts: 1,757 Member
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    I have the other side of it. We did live together before we got married and would recommend a couple NOT to because...

    We had issues from the transition of going from roommates who are dating to husband & wife.

    Even though we got married, we kept the "single" habits we had formed while we lived together dating. It made it hard to develop "married" habits as a couple.
    What exactly do you differently living together unmarried and married? o.O I don't see why two rings can affect your behaviour so much.
    The biggest example I can think of would be finances.

    I can understand things like life insurance and wills, but if you're living together you're already working on things like rent, utlilities and groceries.

    This is unless you lived in seperate rooms, split the bills and bought only groceries for yourself. And that just blows my mind.
    In my situation, we're both college students so neither of us are making any real money. We split the bills and the groceries but the rest of our money is totally separate (not that either of us have a lot of it). When we get married after college and hopefully have real jobs, actually having money and learning how to combine it will be a pretty big transition for us!
  • raindance_maggie
    raindance_maggie Posts: 150
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    um, at the very end of the day it's this:

    who the *kitten* cares what someone else's life is like. its not yours.
  • sammyjowedeking
    sammyjowedeking Posts: 116
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    I didnt really come on here to whine about the fact that she said that. Im a big girl I can handle it. I just wanted to bring up the issue all together about people judging others to quickly..

    My relationship is mine and his and no one gets to decide what we do with it.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    lol humans
  • engodwin
    engodwin Posts: 516 Member
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    So someone on my FB just made a status saying "If you are not married yet, you shouldn't be living together" and this was meant towards me because before my husband and I got married, we lived together for a few months....

    I see nothing wrong with this! It does not mean we hare having sex just because we live together so stop judging and live your life and leave mine alone

    First let me just say, I don't see a problem with it at all. People who do can shut it. It's your life - live it the way you see fit. Don't let other people get to you. :)

    Now, if this bothers you b/c you are a Christian and you feel conflicted about it then... PRAY. If you're an active member in your church and this is from other church members I can see how they would "jump to conclusions" but again don't let it get to you. As a Christian we are suppose to live "right" according to the Lord. Nothing in the Bible says "don't live with someone until you get married" but it also says don't put yourself in tempting situations. Sooooo catch 22 really. Christians believe the whole don't live together before your married b/c of the latter. And believe that you should lead by example. If you people look at your life they shouldn't question if you are living "right" or "wrong" so I get where people come from. But YOU know the truth and I think the rest is between you and God.

    :)
  • honeysprinkles
    honeysprinkles Posts: 1,757 Member
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    I have the other side of it. We did live together before we got married and would recommend a couple NOT to because...

    We had issues from the transition of going from roommates who are dating to husband & wife.

    Even though we got married, we kept the "single" habits we had formed while we lived together dating. It made it hard to develop "married" habits as a couple.
    What kind of habits? (I'm genuinely asking by the way, not trying to argue or make a point or anything like that). I've lived with my fiance for a year now and in that year alone we've made a lot of changes (esp. financially with groceries, bills, and all that) but we still have a lot of separate things that I'm happy with for now but don't want to bring into marriage.

    Yes, finances were one of them. You can't really tell someone you are just dating that they shouldn't spend their money that way. It was also our separate activities with our friends. And even household chores. Maybe we were just a bunch of whimps that didn't want to start a fight so we didn't say anything. I REALLY believed that once we were married, he would act more like my idea of a "husband". I was VERY naive. I really think my huband thought I was going to turn into a housekeeping machine when we got married, too - HA!

    Be smart and know that the issues you have now while dating will still be there when you get married (& maybe even bigger) AND talk about eachother's expectations of married life. We never did that. We both ASSumed because we loved eachother that we'd each would be the perfect spouse.
    Oh, okay. We've been together for 5 years now so the whole not wanting to say something to bother the other person/start an argument has been gone for a long time! And our deal is that he does all the dishes and changes the litter box and does most of the laundry and I do the rest, and it's been working well for a year now! The only thing that I don't know what to expect is what it will be like when we both have real jobs and actual money, as our relationship started in high school and we're in college now so it's not something that either of us have dealt with before!
  • Drawberry
    Drawberry Posts: 104 Member
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    So someone on my FB just made a status saying "If you are not married yet, you shouldn't be living together" and this was meant towards me because before my husband and I got married, we lived together for a few months....

    I see nothing wrong with this! It does not mean we hare having sex just because we live together so stop judging and live your life and leave mine alone

    The point isn't if you and your husband where having sex or not, the point is that it isn't someone else's business what you're doing with your life. Statements like that come from people who just feel an arrogant right to dictate other's lives by their own set of beliefs,standards, and morals.
  • CrystalDreams
    CrystalDreams Posts: 418 Member
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    the way i look at it, you need to know if you can live with someone before you marry them. I mean I've date people who seeing them all the time was great, until we had to share a living space. Never would have know that if i didnt let them live with me. People are judgy and nosy, live youre fabulous, happy life and let them sit there all miserable and sad. Dont let miserable people bring you down =)

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