ugh!! people judge quickly

245678

Replies

  • StrawberrySt
    StrawberrySt Posts: 235
    statistics show that people who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced than those who did not live together before marriage.

    Proof? Link to the statistics? Bulls**t?
  • caraiselite
    caraiselite Posts: 2,631 Member
    these are the type of people i ignore on facebook, or just block their posts. seems like they are everywhere.

    i don't see how you could get married without living together first.

    imagine if you really cannot get along with the person.. and you realize they're not the person you fell in love with. horrifying!
  • gingerveg
    gingerveg Posts: 748 Member
    Well who cares if you are having sex that is none of their business. Most mature relationships are sexual.
  • lmelangley
    lmelangley Posts: 1,039 Member
    As the saying goes, haters gonna hate. I lived with my husband for a couple years before we got married, and we just celebrated our 20th anniversary. People should do what feels best for themselves.
  • Pamela3
    Pamela3 Posts: 96 Member
    Uhm... It's 2012. Forgetaboutem!

    I moved in with my husband within the first 7 days of meeting him - no lie. We were engaged 2 months later and 2.5 years later we married.. We've been through hell and back, but I wouldnt have married him if I didn't think we could make it through anything.

    Follow your heart. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. If you did, you wouldn't be where you are now. No point in letting someone rustle your feathers when the point is moot considering you're already married.
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
    I usually find the BLOCK button and use it.
    I would not want any of my unrighteousness to stain their white angel robes or taint their halo.
  • Dawnd92
    Dawnd92 Posts: 88
    I think that it should be required as part of pre marital counseling that you need to live together for 3 months before getting married. I would be willing to be there would be less divorces. That towel that's left on the bathroom floor may be endearing the first few times but after picking it up for the zillionth time and telling your SO again not to do it grates on your nerves.

    I love this comic:
    http://theoatmeal.com/comics/living_significant_other

    Absolutely!!! It is a new age of thinking now-a-days!!! We are not as old fashioned as our ancestors.

    I have seen many divorces because people get married and don't really know each other. How do you get to know someone... live with them!!! :)

    I think someone also posted that they would delete that person... so would I!!!! :)
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
    So someone on my FB just made a status saying "If you are not married yet, you shouldn't be living together" and this was meant towards me because before my husband and I got married, we lived together for a few months....

    I see nothing wrong with this! It does not mean we hare having sex just because we live together so stop judging and live your life and leave mine alone

    It depends on the culture where you came from. I think there in US it is allowed that a bf-gf to live together but in some countries, it is still a taboo. Also it could be that this person is a conservative which in this case, I feel for you because my father's side of family are extremely religious & conservative to the point that they make me uncomfortable. They would even question petty things like whenever I upload a pic of mine in midriff blouses showing abs & think I'm being immoral. That gets on my nerves. I also would rather test the waters before I give in but well they don't approve of live-ins.

    Frankly I can't even relate to most of you that mentions or say hints that you live in with your boyfriends/girlfriends but I'm not really against it.

    Sorry my english is really bad.
  • Pomoch325
    Pomoch325 Posts: 63 Member
    Different strokes for different folks, but I prefer to test drive the car before I make a purchase.

    It's really none of her business. Defriend her if it really bothers you.
  • gingerveg
    gingerveg Posts: 748 Member
    statistics show that people who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced than those who did not live together before marriage.

    So what? This really doesn't mean a thing. I don't see what is so bad about divorce anyway. Some people aren't meant to stay together forever and it sounds to me like the smart ones opt for divorce instead of putting themselves (and their families) through hell. My mature advice (currently in a 15 year relationship that started by living together for the first 3 years) is definitely "try it before you buy it "if you are thinking about marriage or a LTR. Someone could have an absolutely annoying habit that you just cannot live with or perhaps you just don't fit in other ways. Some of these things can only be determined by living together. What is this 1812?
  • schume89
    schume89 Posts: 118 Member
    I moved in with my ex after a year and a half of dating (about two weeks after graduating high school), and in some ways it was one of the best things I have ever done. Before, I thought he was the one, but I learned real quick that was not the case and I found out he wasn't who I thought he was. Now I will never even consider marrying a guy without living with him first.

    Just don't get someone's name tattoed on your body! A woman I work with learned that the hard way haha
  • gauchogirl
    gauchogirl Posts: 467 Member
    On the opposite side of the spectrum, my 21 year old daughter got married yesterday and last week my husband commented that he sure wishes they'd "at least lived together before they got married." LOL

    I'd just answer their comment with "Well, maybe YOU shouldn't, but for us it was the right decision." Don't even worry about it, when you let others upset you, you're essentially giving your power away to them, the power to be happy. Only you control your happiness, so stop giving your powers away!
  • SavageRabidBeast
    SavageRabidBeast Posts: 481 Member
    living together first is a must so you can get to know the other persons daily habits and quirks that you may just not be able to deal with. Best that you know before getting married
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    He who is without sin cast the first stone
  • cranford_s
    cranford_s Posts: 55 Member
    Judge not lest ye be judged... right?

    Yep.

    Not really my place to decide how someone else should live their life. I know I'd raise hell if someone tried to run mine for me :)
  • Expialidojess
    Expialidojess Posts: 441 Member
    I'd never marry someone without living with them first. You really learn a lot about a person when you live with them!!
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    I'd never marry someone without living with them first. You really learn a lot about a person when you live with them!!

    A fairly bad comparison but I wouldn't buy a shoe without trying it on. I am a firm believer that in order to truly KNOW a person, you need to either do long traveling, live with or do business with them. Thats when the true characteristics come out
  • sammyjowedeking
    sammyjowedeking Posts: 116
    Yes I am the "chick" who posted about me and my husband having problems before. That is all worked out and has nothing to do with this..

    And to clarify, I know this was directed to me because we had private messages back and forth on FB before this status where she was saying I am not a "christian" for living with my husband before marriage and that we possibly couldn't have not had sex. Her and her husband got married a month before my husband and I did and she lived with his parents for a few years before they got married.

    AND the only way she knew about this was because she goes to church with my father in law and he told EVERYONE in the church we were living together and needed to be prayed over... seriously? NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!

    Normally things don't bother me and everyone is entitled to their own opinion I just hate when I say yes I did live with my husband before marriage that everyone automatically assumes I cannot be a christian and that we had a butt load of sex.

    I just dispise pple who judge without asking first.
  • sammyjowedeking
    sammyjowedeking Posts: 116
    And honestly, I may or may not have lived with him before marriage but i was forced to because I was kicked out when i turned 18.. but I am so glad I did! I learned a lot more about him by living with him before marriage..

    I think everyone should do it personally
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
    And honestly, I may or may not have lived with him before marriage but i was forced to because I was kicked out when i turned 18.. but I am so glad I did! I learned a lot more about him by living with him before marriage..

    I think everyone should do it personally

    So if you're forced then its probably not a good situation. I think its fine is people want to live together first but it should be a responsible planned out decision. Everyone should be able to fend for themselves first before living with anyone anyway. Its important to be able to have that independence and know you can survive on your own before living with another person. If this guy were to walk away from you, what would be your options then?

    I don't really care what other people do but for myself, I wouldn't live with someone first. I already take care of myself, have my own apt and manage all my expenses. I would never want to marry a person who lacks any trust in the future of our relationship that they feel the need to "test drive" a marriage. I have no interest in playing housewife without a solid commitment. Living with a person first means I'd be getting rid of my apartment and taking a giant risk and leap of faith for someone who wouldn't take that risk for me and marry me. And if playing house doesn't work out, then I'm left starting over.

    I think when both people live on their own and you spend enough time at each others places you get to know the persons quirks and habits very well that way. You should also spend time with their family and see if their family dynamic matches up with yours. If their upbringing and the way they take care of themselves is something you can live with, then I'm not exactly sure what kind of problems you're looking for in a pretend marriage. When you test out living together first you're set up to find faults in the relationship and to find reasons it won't work. If you're looking for a problem you'll always find it. Not everyone's perfect.

    Some people never want to get married though, which is fine too. Also some people can't get married so they don't really have any other option. I think in cases like these you should weigh out all the decisions and plan ahead of time. It should never be a "hey its more convenient and we'll save money by being roommates!" kind of living together situation. I see that way more often than not with couples who move in together.

    I'm also swayed by this way culturally as well. I'm sure its fine in other peoples family's but it would cause a lot of friction in mine if I were to be shacked up with a guy. I wouldn't marry a guy that my family doesn't accept either. I have pretty nice and rational parents and siblings. Usually if they strongly don't like a person its probably in my best interest. That hasn't happened yet, but if it did I would really take their opinions very seriously. Its not an automatic deal breaker, but it really carries a lot of weight.
  • sculptandtone
    sculptandtone Posts: 300 Member
    I think it is a legitimate opinion and so do a lot of other people. If you don't like their point of view, it is a free country and you can unfriend them. Or if they really are a friend, you can ask them why they hold that opinion and maybe try to understand it.

    If you don't believe in living together, then by all means you shouldn't. Just like people who don't believe in marriage shouldn't get married. Or people who don't believe in pre-marital sex shouldn't have it. Or people who don't believe in monogamy, shouldn't be monogamous. So, yes, it's a legitimate opinion and you should feel free to employ it in your own life. But, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't appreciate people with the opinion opposite to your own telling YOU that you should live with someone before marriage. It's personal and that's exactly where it should remain.
  • sktllmdrhmz
    sktllmdrhmz Posts: 1,799 Member
    statistics show that people who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced than those who did not live together before marriage.

    What statistics?
  • sktllmdrhmz
    sktllmdrhmz Posts: 1,799 Member
    Teenage drama

    LMAO, Cliff.
  • sktllmdrhmz
    sktllmdrhmz Posts: 1,799 Member
    I am a quick unfriender on FB, if I dont like it, I dont look at it.

    I'm pretty quick IRL, too.

    *claps*
  • Bahet
    Bahet Posts: 1,254 Member
    statistics show that people who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced than those who did not live together before marriage.

    What statistics?
    Divorce statistics. Choose whichever source you want. They all say the same thing.

    I didn't live with my husband before we got married. I wanted marriage to be special not just another day of waking up the same way in the same place as the week before but with an extra bit of gold and some new photos on the wall. that was just my opinion about my own situation though. I really don't care what anyone else does (athough I'd discourage it with my kids in the future.)

    Personally, I think it's far more important for someone to live on their own before they get married than to live with their boyfriend/girlfriend. Preferably alone but living on your own with a roommate works too. I just think it's important to learn to manage your own finances, do your own laundry, do your own shopping, cooking, cleaning, bill paying, etc before you get it all tied up with someone else.
  • jnettiedotson
    jnettiedotson Posts: 163
    It's 2012. I really just wish people would learn to mind their own business!
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
    And honestly, I may or may not have lived with him before marriage but i was forced to because I was kicked out when i turned 18.. but I am so glad I did! I learned a lot more about him by living with him before marriage..

    I think everyone should do it personally

    Uh well not if you're in the Philippines where the culture is ultra-religious & conservative & living in with someone who is just your boyfriend is generally considered a taboo & most locals here will take it negatively. But I would love to do that if only I was fortunate enough to be born & raised there in the US or other more open-minded countries. Unfortunately I wasn't :(
  • elenathegreat
    elenathegreat Posts: 3,988 Member
    statistics show that people who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced than those who did not live together before marriage.

    Oh crap, I'm screwed then! Does this mean we'll get divorced after only 24 years of marriage? Bummer...
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
    statistics show that people who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced than those who did not live together before marriage.

    Oh crap, I'm screwed then! Does this mean we'll get divorced after only 24 years of marriage? Bummer...
    I wouldnt jinx it. Anythings possible
  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,832 Member
    Are you not just assuming this is about you? I mean, you weren't tagged in it or anything, right?

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