ugh!! people judge quickly

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  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
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    I'm curious as to how everyone dates. Is there any reason that so many people think you must live with a person to learn anything about them? Spending time with their family and with someone at their own house or apt often enough will give you a better idea of how that person lives.

    Also how much trust is everyone lacking? You can ask questions, discuss future goals, etc. you don't need to be up someones butt to figure these things out. A marriage should be about building a new life together, new home and a new future. It must suck to have a nice wedding then continue dating exactly like it was before back in the same house with the same furniture and same everything. Why bother getting married then?

    My (now) husband and I are both very affectionate people who like to be together all the time. We've been like that since we first started dating 22 years ago. He came home with me one night and never left. We wanted to spend all of our time together. We weren't up each other's butts. When we knew 8 months in that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, we got engaged and then married 10 months after that.

    It didn't suck to have a nice wedding and then continue dating exactly like it was before. We actually had a fabulous honeymoon. We didn't have any anxieties about being able to perform, or what we might think about each other when we got undressed. We were totally comfortable with each other and loved each other deeply.

    We still do, 22 years later. If I were to do it again, I would do it exactly the same way.

    Love this.
  • doonesbury
    doonesbury Posts: 281 Member
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    . if i was you... i'd delete that person.
  • Roadie2000
    Roadie2000 Posts: 1,801 Member
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    I would have probably gone off on her. I really can't stand people that try to pass off their opinions as fact or worry about what other people are doing in the privacy of their own home when it's not harming anyone or anything else.
  • hollyk57
    hollyk57 Posts: 520 Member
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    Brush it off...they are the ones with issues. You do what feels right - follow your heart - and if they want to get down on you like that, then they aren't a real friend.
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
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    I'm curious as to how everyone dates. Is there any reason that so many people think you must live with a person to learn anything about them? Spending time with their family and with someone at their own house or apt often enough will give you a better idea of how that person lives.

    Also how much trust is everyone lacking? You can ask questions, discuss future goals, etc. you don't need to be up someones butt to figure these things out. A marriage should be about building a new life together, new home and a new future. It must suck to have a nice wedding then continue dating exactly like it was before back in the same house with the same furniture and same everything. Why bother getting married then?

    As some one who both dated and lived with someone, there is a huge difference between being with someone a lot and with their family and spending every waking minute with someone. You get to see all the little things they do that you don't realize go on ALL THE TIME.
    Examples:

    Realizing you have to clean the sink and mirror after them every time they brush their teeth because they dont. They leave every light in the house on and you have to go behind them and turn them off. In the summer (especially relevent here in the south) they leave the back door open 'just to run outside for a second' and end up being out there 10 minutes. Leaving dirty dishes all over the house. Putting things in the fridge with a paper towel over it instead of taking the time to put it in a tupperware or ziplock. Not putting the tv tray back. Leaving the towel on the bathroom floor. Ect...

    These are things that a lot of people will never stop doing no matter how much you tell them it bugs you. You can even admit these things to your SO but you don't realize how it'll drive you nuts until you live together.

    ETA: even though you both have the same future financial goals (house, kids, retirement) what about those days when you're tight to pay the electric and your SO goes out and buys that video game, grill, weekend project stuff then just shrugs you off when you get mad about it because you can 'just pay it late'?

    All the problems you mentioned dont even seem like that big of a deal. Everyones has a few problems and you'd notice half the things you listed while dating. If someones over at my house often enough or I'm at theirs I notice that they leave the toilet seat up, get crap on their mirror when they brush their teeth, leave lights on, clothes on the floor. All this stuff I've seen a few months intorelationships so I still dont see a reason to live with someone first. In regards to money problems I'll hope to only marry someone as successful as me or more. I have no interest in a grownup child for a man. Nor would I ever date a mooch. Lol thats why I never pay for dates either. I wouldnt want a man who cant afford the basics
  • AgapeLove7
    AgapeLove7 Posts: 29 Member
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    everyone judges whether we like it or not... what makes the difference is ---> we need to look for the "GOOD" in people and not the bad..

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