Why be a side-chick???
Replies
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I think most women DO know when they are the "other woman." They either think they can change the guy's mind or they have so little self-respect that they're willing to play second fiddle just to have something. Or they're evil and they just don't care.
Just out of curiousity.
Who is more evil, the side chick (that knows she is) OR the person in the committed relationship doing the cheating?
I'm not sure why someone should be expected to respect a relationship IF one of the people in the relationship obviously have no respect for it themselves.
So now two wrongs make a right?
It doesn't matter who is more evil. If you're sleeping with a guy who you know is involved with someone else, you are wrong. The fact that he is also wrong doesn't absolve you of any responsibility for the situation.0 -
It just happened. We both caught feelings and selfishly let it go beyond where it should have. It was a long drawn out process and everyone got hurt. His girlfriend never found out but all the lying, sneaking around etc... Wasn't worth the heartache. However the sex was nothing short of phenomenal.
In the end he did leave her but by then things had emotionally gone so downhill that we couldn't start something up like a normal relationship.
Its one of my only regrets in life.0 -
It seems to me that they get some kind of perverse sense of self worth if they can actually get the dude to cheat on the girlfriend/wife. Not necessarily true all the time, some are just evil and don't care if they break up a perfectly good relationship, but then again how can it be all that "good" to begin with if he ends up cheating? :ohwell: No one truly knows the motivations behind the actions but the person doing them..IMHO
Neither of those reasons were mine. It had nothing to do with self worth at all. It was strictly a good piece of *kitten*. I am not evil. He was doing what he was doing with me and one other girl. Sometimes together. His wife knew. She didn't know our names, he didn't actually tell her he was doing it at all. She just knew. When I got into my own relationship that I chose to make a monogamous one, I broke it off with him. He kept seeing the other girl. His wife found pictures. She just handed them to him, and said, you may want to keep these somewhere safe. He was not blatant about it, he took very good care of her as well. They went on little vacations together all the time. She and I have spoken several times since then. She says she is not upset by it. She is a little happy..... because she doesn't have the pressure to do the parts she didn't want to do, but she still gets the love and admiration.
WOW!!! to this response as welll. You're on a roll today Lady0 -
I think most women DO know when they are the "other woman." They either think they can change the guy's mind or they have so little self-respect that they're willing to play second fiddle just to have something. Or they're evil and they just don't care.
Just out of curiousity.
Who is more evil, the side chick (that knows she is) OR the person in the committed relationship doing the cheating?
I'm not sure why someone should be expected to respect a relationship IF one of the people in the relationship obviously have no respect for it themselves.
I think if both know, then they're both equally guilty. It's not an issue of who is more evil- although it seems to me that a lot of people blame the "side chick" over their significant other which is weird to me? You make a good point though- I think the other person probably justifies it by saying well he (or she) is the one in the relationship and they dont care so why should I? Bottom line to me is just don't cheat. If you truly don't care about that person enough to respect their trust then why even be with them?0 -
I think most women DO know when they are the "other woman." They either think they can change the guy's mind or they have so little self-respect that they're willing to play second fiddle just to have something. Or they're evil and they just don't care.
Just out of curiousity.
Who is more evil, the side chick (that knows she is) OR the person in the committed relationship doing the cheating?
I'm not sure why someone should be expected to respect a relationship IF one of the people in the relationship obviously have no respect for it themselves.
So now two wrongs make a right?
It doesn't matter who is more evil. If you're sleeping with a guy who you know is involved with someone else, you are wrong. The fact that he is also wrong doesn't absolve you of any responsibility for the situation.
^^^Agreed0 -
This...I never knew...just assumed we were a casual thing that hooked up every now and then. This was of course before the time of facebook and texting, so I couldn't keep tabs on everything he was doing.The majority of the time the "side chick" doesn't know shes the "side chick".
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Wow!! Brutally honest. Was not expecting that at all.....Curious...How did you love him, without wanting to be with him?? How did you separate the feelings and the mutual understanding that you had set in place?
For me, it was not very difficult. The fact that he was in a home that he had no intention of leaving, was just that. A fact. If he was happy with that, cool. I was not in a place where I wanted the relationship aspect of it, so, I was able to keep it seperate. He was mine while I had him, and someone elses the rest of the time. I got him when I could, enjoyed what I could, and then enjoyed life outside of him. I still love him. I want him to always be happy. I am no longer in the relationship with him. Have not been in years. Don't intend on being in one like that again, because I am in a different place in my life. I am older and want different things than I did then. I have actually refused to meet in person a man I care about, just because I know that it is far more a possibility than most people will admit to.0 -
"He wine and dine, but me and you we wine and grind, and when I'm on the field keep it on the sidelines!" - Ghandi
That Gandhi guy, he knew what was up. Very ahead of his time.0 -
The "side chick" that broke up my relationship was fully aware that she was the side chick (she had met me previously when she was dating a mutual friend) and told other mutual friends that she would just take any attention she could get from him, even if it was only a little bit of the time.
Strange thing is, I left and she's still a "side chick" to all the other girls he has dated since, which I don't understand at all.0 -
I've done it before, a long time ago. My main reasons were that she was hot and I was horny. Attractive women are like kryptonite for men, they make us weak and powerless.0
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"He wine and dine, but me and you we wine and grind, and when I'm on the field keep it on the sidelines!" - Ghandi
WOW Ghandi was a boss playa, freaky mother shut yo mouth. Amerikaz Most Wanted hell yaa0 -
No need to cheat, just let girl one pick the second one out.0
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This takes me back to my first relationship. He was my best friend and I fell madly in love with him, catch? He had a girlfriend. During their on and off again relationship he and I started having sex, casual for him (sex but no kissing) and me but I wanted more, just never told him. After about a year of this, I finally said screw it and started going on dates with other guys. He got so pissed and confessed his love for me. My heart exploded with happiness, little did I know he still hadn't broken up with his girlfriend. After a few more months they broke up and shortly thereafter he and I started dating. He joined the military and we got engaged.
My parents had gone through a divorce during this whole thing, my dad cheated on my mom, I thought it was....acceptable in a way. My mom told me that what I had done, and what I was doing was wrong. I immediately sent his ex-girlfriend a message and told her everything, apologized and I hope one day she forgave me. Funny enough now she and I are best friends and he and I are getting divorced because he cheated on me (shocker) with a tranny hooker while we were stationed in Okinawa. I hold some resentment towards him but more towards myself for being so naive, especially because he became abusive physically and mentally.
In the end I'm glad I made a good friend out of it and I learned a valuable lesson early on. I now know I never want to be in that kind of situation again and I will always be on the look out for someone better - because now I know the warning signs.0 -
It seems to me that they get some kind of perverse sense of self worth if they can actually get the dude to cheat on the girlfriend/wife. Not necessarily true all the time, some are just evil and don't care if they break up a perfectly good relationship, but then again how can it be all that "good" to begin with if he ends up cheating? :ohwell: No one truly knows the motivations behind the actions but the person doing them..IMHO
Neither of those reasons were mine. It had nothing to do with self worth at all. It was strictly a good piece of *kitten*. I am not evil. He was doing what he was doing with me and one other girl. Sometimes together. His wife knew. She didn't know our names, he didn't actually tell her he was doing it at all. She just knew. When I got into my own relationship that I chose to make a monogamous one, I broke it off with him. He kept seeing the other girl. His wife found pictures. She just handed them to him, and said, you may want to keep these somewhere safe. He was not blatant about it, he took very good care of her as well. They went on little vacations together all the time. She and I have spoken several times since then. She says she is not upset by it. She is a little happy..... because she doesn't have the pressure to do the parts she didn't want to do, but she still gets the love and admiration.
Thanks Gale.
It was awesome while it lasted, and you were the best I ever had. Now, do you mind bringing me a sammich for lunch...I forgot my wallet today. Love ya babe! 0 -
I'll put it like this: What one woman won't do, another woman will. The problem is that things get complicated. You get kids, you get a mortgage, you get things in your life that bind you together. The compliments began to wane, things you used to do aren't done anymore. The relationship grows stagnant and stale. It becomes unexciting. In the end, neither party wants to hurt the other. I've been there. So suddenly, someone comes along that makes you feel like a man. They make you feel needed and wanted. It starts innocently enough at first; You're a committed man sworn to forsake all others for this relationship. However, you begin to rationalize things a little differently. You begin to feel that you deserve to be treated better. This other person begins to provide you with everything that your main girl doesn't. She becomes a supplement to what you already have like a protein shake is a supplement to your diet.
It's not right and I don't condone it, but I COMPLETELY understand where those who have been side chics are coming from. I don't find it reprehensible, disgusting, bitter, or even cheating. I know that's how society views it, but then again I don't understand the correlation between love and sex. I understand it on a fundamental level, but I don't understand it on a primal level as it relates to us as humans in regards to evolution, but I digress.
So yeah, it's messed up and people get hurt sometimes. On the other hand people deserve to find their happiness in whatever way they see fit so until you get caught I say Have fun, keep it pimpin', and let it do what it do. I agree with others though: The minute that emotions get involved, cut it loose. Also, the one woman that mentioned the wife knew, I understand that as well. That is a very real situation and happens more often than many here would care to admit. It just depends on so many factors.0 -
It seems to me that they get some kind of perverse sense of self worth if they can actually get the dude to cheat on the girlfriend/wife. Not necessarily true all the time, some are just evil and don't care if they break up a perfectly good relationship, but then again how can it be all that "good" to begin with if he ends up cheating? :ohwell: No one truly knows the motivations behind the actions but the person doing them..IMHO
Neither of those reasons were mine. It had nothing to do with self worth at all. It was strictly a good piece of *kitten*. I am not evil. He was doing what he was doing with me and one other girl. Sometimes together. His wife knew. She didn't know our names, he didn't actually tell her he was doing it at all. She just knew. When I got into my own relationship that I chose to make a monogamous one, I broke it off with him. He kept seeing the other girl. His wife found pictures. She just handed them to him, and said, you may want to keep these somewhere safe. He was not blatant about it, he took very good care of her as well. They went on little vacations together all the time. She and I have spoken several times since then. She says she is not upset by it. She is a little happy..... because she doesn't have the pressure to do the parts she didn't want to do, but she still gets the love and admiration.
No, I would never presume to say that they were. And I don't think YOU are evil, it's the ones I know in RL that I can put those applications too. Sorry for the generalizations...what I have seen only applies to those that I know.0 -
I think side-chicks will stick around because they do form an emotional attachement to the guy ... alot of times, even if they know they are the sidechick, they look at it like they are just having fun. There are alot of reasons why a man or woman would stay and be content with being "on the side" .. whether thats how they want things to be, their insecure, they are passing some time until someone better comes along .. etc ...
But in my opinion, I think the worst offender is the person in the relationship who is cheating. My motto has always been: If your in a relationship and what to cheat for WHATEVER REASON .. then dump the person your with and go do your business ... if you dump your guy/girl and an hour later your hooking up w/someone new, its still a scummy move, but its a HELL of alot less damaging then cheating and risking that the other person will find out. And I dont buy this crap that "Oh I dont want to break up w/my bf/gf because I love them ... but i really wanna hook up with ____" ... NO. Thats ****ed up. And believe that karma WILL come back to bite you0 -
I was a side chick for 2 years. When I met him, he had been living with a woman for nearly 10 years but was afraid of a serious commitment. He cheated on her several times and she always found out. When we met at work, it was casual flirting. We saw each other outside of work occasionally, but nothing serious. My emotions were getting the best of me, but it didn't seem to be reciprocated. Then after a party one night, she caught us, as he was dropping me off to my car. Seven months later, I found out she was pregnant, with twin girls, and the baby shower was approaching (she was due in 2 months). Our "relationship" faded for a few months after the babies were born, but he couldn't stay away from me. He had already told me he didn't love her, was only with her for stability of his older daughter, whom he had custody of at that time (she was 16). Six months after the babies were born, we went on our first real date. I know, I may seem stupid and naive. I believed him when he said he didn't love her. He was only there because he didn't want to lose his children. They had been sleeping in separate beds and rooms for nearly a year. After about a year and a half, I decided I couldn't take it anymore and tried to break things off with him, and it was the hardest thing I thought I was ever going to have to do. He wouldn't let me go. He told me he was going to end things with her. A few months later, he still hadn't done it. So when the girls were 2, she decided she wasn't going to take it anymore. She said she could have lived with him doing what he was doing, as long as he didn't take it too far, but she knew he was in love with me. So she left, and moved to another town and took the girls with her. Six months later, she gave the girls back to us, a week before we got married and the girls have been with us ever since. They are now about to be 7 in September, and I am their mother. Yes, they know her as their mother and we have legal custody of them, they do regular visitation with her. She is bitter and vindictive... She had been trying to get him to marry her for 10 years and he wouldn't. So when he married me and we had the girls, she made him a proposition: "Divorce her, and I'll come back to you. We don't have to get married, but we can raise the girls together like it's supposed to be". She has been trying for 5 years to break the bond we have, but she'll never be able to do it. She HATES me, and I could honestly care less. (After they split, and we were packing all of her belongings in the house, we came across a few pieces of evidence to HER cheating on HIM as well.)0
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The majority of the time the "side chick" doesn't know shes the "side chick".
THIS IS SO TRUE. SO MANY OF THOSE MEN LIE AND CHEAT AND THE SIDE CHICK DOES NOT KNOW SHE IS A SIDE CHICK BUT FOR THE ONES WHO KNOW THEIR MAN HAS A WOMAN AT HOME, THAT'S JUST PURE PATHETIC, SOME PPL ENJOY IT.
You sound a little bittter. Like this happened to you.
Side chicks get spoiled, trips, shopping all the fun while the main chick sits at home depressed, chasing the kids, worried where her man is posting on mfp.
So that's why.
#provocativedave
wow, I wanna be a side chick now!0 -
Simply put - the side chick will get all the fun while not having to put up with all the ****... (just my opinion)0
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Thanks Gale. It was awesome while it lasted, and you were the best I ever had. Now, do you mind bringing me a sammich for lunch...I forgot my wallet today. Love ya babe!
Pssssh!!!!! I have not broken anything off with you!
You want a sammich with turkey, swiss cheese, lettuce, tomato, bacon and mustard, right? How bout if I MAKE it and you check the lock on your door! 0 -
I'll put it like this: What one woman won't do, another woman will. The problem is that things get complicated. You get kids, you get a mortgage, you get things in your life that bind you together. The compliments began to wane, things you used to do aren't done anymore. The relationship grows stagnant and stale. It becomes unexciting. In the end, neither party wants to hurt the other. I've been there. So suddenly, someone comes along that makes you feel like a man. They make you feel needed and wanted. It starts innocently enough at first; You're a committed man sworn to forsake all others for this relationship. However, you begin to rationalize things a little differently. You begin to feel that you deserve to be treated better. This other person begins to provide you with everything that your main girl doesn't. She becomes a supplement to what you already have like a protein shake is a supplement to your diet.
It's not right and I don't condone it, but I COMPLETELY understand where those who have been side chics are coming from. I don't find it reprehensible, disgusting, bitter, or even cheating. I know that's how society views it, but then again I don't understand the correlation between love and sex. I understand it on a fundamental level, but I don't understand it on a primal level as it relates to us as humans in regards to evolution, but I digress.
So yeah, it's messed up and people get hurt sometimes. On the other hand people deserve to find their happiness in whatever way they see fit so until you get caught I say Have fun, keep it pimpin', and let it do what it do. I agree with others though: The minute that emotions get involved, cut it loose. Also, the one woman that mentioned the wife knew, I understand that as well. That is a very real situation and happens more often than many here would care to admit. It just depends on so many factors.
Very well said.0 -
Hah, I was thinking that.No need to cheat, just let girl one pick the second one out.0 -
The world is filled with pathetic, lonely people who hunger for intimacy.
And instead of setting relationship goals and taking the right action to achieve those goals, they just blow around like a reed in the wind.
Losers....0 -
No commitment, get all the perks. Is this really a serious question? :huh:0
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I'll put it like this: What one woman won't do, another woman will. The problem is that things get complicated. You get kids, you get a mortgage, you get things in your life that bind you together. The compliments began to wane, things you used to do aren't done anymore. The relationship grows stagnant and stale. It becomes unexciting. In the end, neither party wants to hurt the other. I've been there. So suddenly, someone comes along that makes you feel like a man. They make you feel needed and wanted. It starts innocently enough at first; You're a committed man sworn to forsake all others for this relationship. However, you begin to rationalize things a little differently. You begin to feel that you deserve to be treated better. This other person begins to provide you with everything that your main girl doesn't. She becomes a supplement to what you already have like a protein shake is a supplement to your diet.
It's not right and I don't condone it, but I COMPLETELY understand where those who have been side chics are coming from. I don't find it reprehensible, disgusting, bitter, or even cheating. I know that's how society views it, but then again I don't understand the correlation between love and sex. I understand it on a fundamental level, but I don't understand it on a primal level as it relates to us as humans in regards to evolution, but I digress.
So yeah, it's messed up and people get hurt sometimes. On the other hand people deserve to find their happiness in whatever way they see fit so until you get caught I say Have fun, keep it pimpin', and let it do what it do. I agree with others though: The minute that emotions get involved, cut it loose. Also, the one woman that mentioned the wife knew, I understand that as well. That is a very real situation and happens more often than many here would care to admit. It just depends on so many factors.
good. answer.0 -
I'd like to add that I have been cheated on as well, yet I still understand that you can't always blame the other woman. Once by a high-school aged girl who probably didn't know any better (we were 20) I never blamed her. I never met her. I blamed my ex. The second time was with a friend. In that case I DID put some blme on her as she had a relationship with ME that she betrayed as well.0
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it happens, you start out as friends, then soon fall for the compliments and enjoy all of the attention you are getting. hopefully sooner, than later you realize its BS and you learn your lesson.0
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OK, first of all I want to address the term "evil" to describe both the "side chicks" and the men involved. Evil? Really? Like, Bin Laden Evil? Or maybe mosquito evil? Seems a bit harsh to me...but I get the point.
Cheating, in and of itself is wrong. If you are in a COMMITTED MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP you should honor the relationship you're in. If you and your significant other are OK with having outside partners/relationships, then it's not "cheating".
I've been both the "side chick" AND the one being cheated on (2 months after my marriage, in fact).
Human relationships are complicated. I honestly do not believe there is any one person that is going to fulfill ALL of your needs/desires until the end of time (or death, or divorce, whatever). I also understand that there is an ego boost to someone "new" showing you attention. It's easy to get caught up in that - as my husband did. I have forgiven him, but that doesn't mean I'll ever forget it. If he desires the ego boost more than the love and comradierie that our relationship provides him - he can have it. I won't forgive again and he knows that.
As the "side chick" - see the above mention of the "ego". It's flattering. It makes you feel good. You can actually get "addicted" to the chemicals your brain releases when you're infatuated with someone. Eventually that feeling goes away and what are you left with? I was addicted to those feelings I got and knew that. Once those feelings went away, so did I. It was fun at the time. It wasn't a self-esteem issue for me at all!
Am I evil? Apparently by some definitions, I guess I am.0 -
SIMPLE ANSWERS: Some are side chicks cause they dont give a damn about someone else relationship, and only care that their needs are met.
Side chicks get to be the guys stress reliever therefore gets the romantic, sweet guy....while the man chick gets the headache and tries to figure why the relationship isnt what it use to be and why the guy has changed......0
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