Why be a side-chick???

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  • sewerchick93
    sewerchick93 Posts: 1,440 Member
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    contrary to popular belief, not all women what the 2.5 kids, white picket fence and a "father knows best" husband. But all people have needs. If a person wants to be committed to someone they will. If your husband strays, take it up with him, not the side-chick, she isn't the one who vowed committment to you.
  • lauralizzy829
    lauralizzy829 Posts: 215 Member
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    guys can be a side chic too

    ^^^THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • saxmaniac
    saxmaniac Posts: 1,133 Member
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    I don't think that I need to have sex every day 5 times a day for him to stay committed. 2 times a week ( especially with a child and working 80+ hrs a week) is enough. Even when I don't get anything out of it. I gave into his needs atleast 2 times a week. Even when I didn't want to. I should not have to, or feel obligated to have sex with him if I do not want to. Therefore he should not stray. Im not saying your relationship can survive without sex. I'm saying if you NEED to have sex 5 times a day everyday for them not to stray that isn't good. I can go a week or 2 without sex. Sex is not important to me. If he decided to tell me ok, for the next year we are not having sex, I would have said ok, and I can tell you I WOULD NOT have strayed. Maybe that's just me. And I do not need sex to keep me from cheating.

    Men are built a bit differently. Our bodies produce semen all the time, and it's gotta come out every 2 days or so, whether we like it or not, and we'd much rather it be with our partner. On top of that, we have 10x the testosterone as women, which puts sex on the brain. So, make it a minimum of every other day, preferably daily. (Save the 5x a day for weekends or vacations.)

    Also, sounds like your man is a bit tame in bed. You should *always* "get something out of it", if he has any clue what he's doing.
  • sarahharmintx
    sarahharmintx Posts: 868 Member
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    I knew I was the other woman. I didnt want a relationship and he already had one. We went to college together so it just worked. Until it exploded in our faces. Worst time of my life.

    Now that Im married, I fear karma.
  • LaSweetMini
    LaSweetMini Posts: 157 Member
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    The majority of the time the "side chick" doesn't know shes the "side chick".

    THIS IS SO TRUE. SO MANY OF THOSE MEN LIE AND CHEAT AND THE SIDE CHICK DOES NOT KNOW SHE IS A SIDE CHICK BUT FOR THE ONES WHO KNOW THEIR MAN HAS A WOMAN AT HOME, THAT'S JUST PURE PATHETIC, SOME PPL ENJOY IT.

    You sound a little bittter. Like this happened to you.

    Side chicks get spoiled, trips, shopping all the fun while the main chick sits at home depressed, chasing the kids, worried where her man is posting on mfp.

    So that's why.
    #provocativedave


    And you sound like you do this to your main chick while you wine, dine and spoil your side chick! :laugh:
  • CherokeeBabe
    CherokeeBabe Posts: 1,704 Member
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    Is this kind of like those "Christian Side-Hugs" that I've heard about in church?
  • PBsMommy
    PBsMommy Posts: 1,166 Member
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    It doesn't bother me. I personally never understood the concept of jealousy very well. I mean, anyone I date will have been with other women before me and will be with other women after me. They're attracted to the gender as a whole, and I honestly consider it a little ridiculous to hold them up to an expectation to act on their attraction to me, and only me, for the duration of the relationship.

    Personally I think monogamy is strange and maybe even a bit cruel. You wouldn't watch the same TV show every day and not eventually want to flip through the channels. You wouldn't eat the same dinner every single day and not get bored of it. No matter how much you love something or someone, variety is the spice of life. To withhold someone from experien:laugh: cing everything they want to experience is, in my opinion, unrealistic and unsustainable.

    That said, I don't know if I've ever been an official "side chick" more than I've been a friend with benefits to guys who had unrequited feelings for another girl. Personally I feel more comfortable when I'm fooling around with a close friend that I know has feelings for someone else; I don't care much for romance, so I don't have to worry about unintentionally leading him on.

    Of course, this is just my preference and experience talking, and I don't have anything against how anyone else chooses to live their lives. To each their own :flowerforyou:

    :laugh: Nope! I love hot dogs soooo much. I would never stray from eating my hot dogs!

    How can you even compare the feelings, emotions and everything else amazing about humans to piss poor acting and food? It is NO WHERE near the same thing and a horrible comparison.
  • mikeyboy
    mikeyboy Posts: 1,057 Member
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    "Why must I be like that? Why must I chase the cat? Nuthin' but the dog in me!"
  • Nerdy_Rose
    Nerdy_Rose Posts: 1,277 Member
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    I've been the "side piece."

    In short: I wanted that *kitten*, and I get what I want.
  • Foxypoo61287
    Foxypoo61287 Posts: 638 Member
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    I don't think that I need to have sex every day 5 times a day for him to stay committed. 2 times a week ( especially with a child and working 80+ hrs a week) is enough. Even when I don't get anything out of it. I gave into his needs atleast 2 times a week. Even when I didn't want to. I should not have to, or feel obligated to have sex with him if I do not want to. Therefore he should not stray. Im not saying your relationship can survive without sex. I'm saying if you NEED to have sex 5 times a day everyday for them not to stray that isn't good. I can go a week or 2 without sex. Sex is not important to me. If he decided to tell me ok, for the next year we are not having sex, I would have said ok, and I can tell you I WOULD NOT have strayed. Maybe that's just me. And I do not need sex to keep me from cheating.

    Men are built a bit differently. Our bodies produce semen all the time, and it's gotta come out every 2 days or so, whether we like it or not, and we'd much rather it be with our partner. On top of that, we have 10x the testosterone as women, which puts sex on the brain. So, make it a minimum of every other day, preferably daily. (Save the 5x a day for weekends or vacations.)

    Also, sounds like your man is a bit tame in bed. You should *always* "get something out of it", if he has any clue what he's doing.

    You do not HAVE to release every 2 days... i call bs
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    It's less hassle. Yes, I said it. If you don't want a full-time relationship, someone who already has a full time relationship can be an good solution. Usually in this case though, it's above-board, by which I mean everyone involved consents. Also, sometimes the chemistry is just there and you do it. I'm not a "home wrecker," but I've met people who were clearly looking for some side action, who I was attracted to, so I went with it. My personal opinion is that I'm not the one who made promises of fidelity, so I'm not the one breaking them.


    You down with OPP
    Yeah you know me!

    (Sorry, I just had to.)
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    Double post, my bad.
  • JediMaster_intraining
    JediMaster_intraining Posts: 903 Member
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    Been a side chick willingly and unwillingly in the past. It could be due to my horrible self-esteem issues that I've suffered my whole entire life. It just felt good to be wanted sexually. Now that I'm in a great prospering relationship and gaining some confidence back I see how possibly pathetic I was and the guy was for taking advantage of my issues.

    That's just how I analyze my personal past experiences. It could be different for others and others may see it as good or bad. Whatever floats your boat. I just wouldn't want to do that again personally.
  • pwittek10
    pwittek10 Posts: 723 Member
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    1 ego boost!
    2 just for fun,
    3 not wanting to be a couple
    4 career doesn't get in the way of being the other woman
    I'd have to say number 4 was my best reason
    but that was 30 years ago!
  • mtaylor33557
    mtaylor33557 Posts: 542 Member
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    You down with OPP
    Yeah you know me!

    (Sorry, I just had to.)

    :laugh:
  • kayemme
    kayemme Posts: 1,782 Member
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    I think there's a lot of possible freedom in being a side-person, you know? You get all the fun of someone without all the responsibility.

    For some couples, a side person can lighten the load of an already heavy relationship. They may find hidden qualities in their committed partner that only a sidekick could help them see. A "side" might be more interested in trying new things which might brighten a stale relationship. This could also translate to someone being a better parent or not participate in other, more harmful activities like drinking or taking drugs.

    I can see how it might be a good thing for certain couples.

    For me at this moment, I am content focusing on the ever-changing relationship I have; therefore, it is not necessary to pick up a "side" project. Every moment in flux; every moment in change; every moment new. If I continue to realize the newness of every moment, I can continue to fall deeper and deeper in love with the one I am with (because he is my "side" every day, if that makes sense).

    It's easy for things to get stale when you don't realize everything is constantly new. Sometimes it might take the excitement of a "side" to truly see it.
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
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    I don't think that I need to have sex every day 5 times a day for him to stay committed. 2 times a week ( especially with a child and working 80+ hrs a week) is enough. Even when I don't get anything out of it. I gave into his needs atleast 2 times a week. Even when I didn't want to. I should not have to, or feel obligated to have sex with him if I do not want to. Therefore he should not stray. Im not saying your relationship can survive without sex. I'm saying if you NEED to have sex 5 times a day everyday for them not to stray that isn't good. I can go a week or 2 without sex. Sex is not important to me. If he decided to tell me ok, for the next year we are not having sex, I would have said ok, and I can tell you I WOULD NOT have strayed. Maybe that's just me. And I do not need sex to keep me from cheating.

    Men are built a bit differently. Our bodies produce semen all the time, and it's gotta come out every 2 days or so, whether we like it or not, and we'd much rather it be with our partner. On top of that, we have 10x the testosterone as women, which puts sex on the brain. So, make it a minimum of every other day, preferably daily. (Save the 5x a day for weekends or vacations.)

    Also, sounds like your man is a bit tame in bed. You should *always* "get something out of it", if he has any clue what he's doing.

    You do not HAVE to release every 2 days... i call bs
    Yes we do. It creates pressure in the testes which further increases our desire. If we don't ejaculate the excess is urinated out.
  • DieVixen
    DieVixen Posts: 790 Member
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    I was a side chick once for 3 years and I knew. I just didnt care. it was a very long time ago. would i do it again...no to much drama
  • jcpmoore
    jcpmoore Posts: 796 Member
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    I was at one time. I'm not proud of it. His wife knew about it and was okay with it. She told me this herself 'cause I wouldn't have believed him telling me that. He and I were really good friends and became more than that with her permission. It was great for awhile and I didn't want it to be more. Why would I? I knew his wife, his family and her family. If he ever had decided to leave her family, his family would have hated me. She was a great woman. In fact, at one point he said he thought he wanted to leave her. I ended our relationship at that point. I refused to be involved with him if he left her. They are still happily married and he and I are friends.

    I wouldn't do it again. Even though she knew and said she was okay with it, I'm older and I know better. She might think she's okay with it, but it still hurts the relationship. Besides, I have my own husband now and neither of us would ever be okay with it.
  • dare2love81
    dare2love81 Posts: 928 Member
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    I heard this a while back (not sure where) but it seems to hold water on why people do this


    Women need to be given a reason to cheat.... men need to be given a reason not too.


    seems relevant

    ^^THIS! And I can't believe this hasn't been said yet, but unless the guy or girl is a sex addict, they typically don't cheat if they are getting everything they need/want at home. I know I'm going to get ripped apart for saying that, but it's the truth. And in reading most of the posts here, that's when the guys started cheating - when they were unhappy at home for one reason or another - right, wrong, or otherwise. And I'm not saying that all guys who aren't getting what they need at home WILL cheat. But the ones that DO cheat, that's usually the reason. (Unless, like I said earlier, they are just sex addicts).

    I've been the side chick. Not to say that I'm proud of it, but it was with an ex of mine that I still cared for. He was dating someone new and still getting it on with me on the side. So in a sense, I felt like I had dibs because "I had him first". Childish, I know. I finally realized it wasn't good for me and ended it. But, in his case, she wasn't into sleeping with him so he looked elsewhere, which reaffirms my above point.

    Is it right? Probably not. But I agree with a lot of the above posters - if he's not willing to respect his relationship, why should the side chick be expected to?

    And further more, this makes me crazy when women who are the side chick in the beginning end up actually with the guy and then are *SO SHOCKED* and heartbroken when he cheats on them. Um, duh... Sorry if that's harsh, but in my experience, people don't change.

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