Why be a side-chick???
Replies
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It's less hassle. Yes, I said it. If you don't want a full-time relationship, someone who already has a full time relationship can be an good solution. Usually in this case though, it's above-board, by which I mean everyone involved consents. Also, sometimes the chemistry is just there and you do it. I'm not a "home wrecker," but I've met people who were clearly looking for some side action, who I was attracted to, so I went with it. My personal opinion is that I'm not the one who made promises of fidelity, so I'm not the one breaking them.
You down with OPP
Yeah you know me!
(Sorry, I just had to.)0 -
Double post, my bad.0
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Been a side chick willingly and unwillingly in the past. It could be due to my horrible self-esteem issues that I've suffered my whole entire life. It just felt good to be wanted sexually. Now that I'm in a great prospering relationship and gaining some confidence back I see how possibly pathetic I was and the guy was for taking advantage of my issues.
That's just how I analyze my personal past experiences. It could be different for others and others may see it as good or bad. Whatever floats your boat. I just wouldn't want to do that again personally.0 -
1 ego boost!
2 just for fun,
3 not wanting to be a couple
4 career doesn't get in the way of being the other woman
I'd have to say number 4 was my best reason
but that was 30 years ago!0 -
You down with OPP
Yeah you know me!
(Sorry, I just had to.)
:laugh:0 -
I think there's a lot of possible freedom in being a side-person, you know? You get all the fun of someone without all the responsibility.
For some couples, a side person can lighten the load of an already heavy relationship. They may find hidden qualities in their committed partner that only a sidekick could help them see. A "side" might be more interested in trying new things which might brighten a stale relationship. This could also translate to someone being a better parent or not participate in other, more harmful activities like drinking or taking drugs.
I can see how it might be a good thing for certain couples.
For me at this moment, I am content focusing on the ever-changing relationship I have; therefore, it is not necessary to pick up a "side" project. Every moment in flux; every moment in change; every moment new. If I continue to realize the newness of every moment, I can continue to fall deeper and deeper in love with the one I am with (because he is my "side" every day, if that makes sense).
It's easy for things to get stale when you don't realize everything is constantly new. Sometimes it might take the excitement of a "side" to truly see it.0 -
Yes we do. It creates pressure in the testes which further increases our desire. If we don't ejaculate the excess is urinated out.I don't think that I need to have sex every day 5 times a day for him to stay committed. 2 times a week ( especially with a child and working 80+ hrs a week) is enough. Even when I don't get anything out of it. I gave into his needs atleast 2 times a week. Even when I didn't want to. I should not have to, or feel obligated to have sex with him if I do not want to. Therefore he should not stray. Im not saying your relationship can survive without sex. I'm saying if you NEED to have sex 5 times a day everyday for them not to stray that isn't good. I can go a week or 2 without sex. Sex is not important to me. If he decided to tell me ok, for the next year we are not having sex, I would have said ok, and I can tell you I WOULD NOT have strayed. Maybe that's just me. And I do not need sex to keep me from cheating.
Men are built a bit differently. Our bodies produce semen all the time, and it's gotta come out every 2 days or so, whether we like it or not, and we'd much rather it be with our partner. On top of that, we have 10x the testosterone as women, which puts sex on the brain. So, make it a minimum of every other day, preferably daily. (Save the 5x a day for weekends or vacations.)
Also, sounds like your man is a bit tame in bed. You should *always* "get something out of it", if he has any clue what he's doing.
You do not HAVE to release every 2 days... i call bs0 -
I was a side chick once for 3 years and I knew. I just didnt care. it was a very long time ago. would i do it again...no to much drama0
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I was at one time. I'm not proud of it. His wife knew about it and was okay with it. She told me this herself 'cause I wouldn't have believed him telling me that. He and I were really good friends and became more than that with her permission. It was great for awhile and I didn't want it to be more. Why would I? I knew his wife, his family and her family. If he ever had decided to leave her family, his family would have hated me. She was a great woman. In fact, at one point he said he thought he wanted to leave her. I ended our relationship at that point. I refused to be involved with him if he left her. They are still happily married and he and I are friends.
I wouldn't do it again. Even though she knew and said she was okay with it, I'm older and I know better. She might think she's okay with it, but it still hurts the relationship. Besides, I have my own husband now and neither of us would ever be okay with it.0 -
I heard this a while back (not sure where) but it seems to hold water on why people do this
Women need to be given a reason to cheat.... men need to be given a reason not too.
seems relevant
^^THIS! And I can't believe this hasn't been said yet, but unless the guy or girl is a sex addict, they typically don't cheat if they are getting everything they need/want at home. I know I'm going to get ripped apart for saying that, but it's the truth. And in reading most of the posts here, that's when the guys started cheating - when they were unhappy at home for one reason or another - right, wrong, or otherwise. And I'm not saying that all guys who aren't getting what they need at home WILL cheat. But the ones that DO cheat, that's usually the reason. (Unless, like I said earlier, they are just sex addicts).
I've been the side chick. Not to say that I'm proud of it, but it was with an ex of mine that I still cared for. He was dating someone new and still getting it on with me on the side. So in a sense, I felt like I had dibs because "I had him first". Childish, I know. I finally realized it wasn't good for me and ended it. But, in his case, she wasn't into sleeping with him so he looked elsewhere, which reaffirms my above point.
Is it right? Probably not. But I agree with a lot of the above posters - if he's not willing to respect his relationship, why should the side chick be expected to?
And further more, this makes me crazy when women who are the side chick in the beginning end up actually with the guy and then are *SO SHOCKED* and heartbroken when he cheats on them. Um, duh... Sorry if that's harsh, but in my experience, people don't change.0 -
I'll put it like this: What one woman won't do, another woman will. The problem is that things get complicated. You get kids, you get a mortgage, you get things in your life that bind you together. The compliments began to wane, things you used to do aren't done anymore. The relationship grows stagnant and stale. It becomes unexciting. In the end, neither party wants to hurt the other. I've been there. So suddenly, someone comes along that makes you feel like a man. They make you feel needed and wanted. It starts innocently enough at first; You're a committed man sworn to forsake all others for this relationship. However, you begin to rationalize things a little differently. You begin to feel that you deserve to be treated better. This other person begins to provide you with everything that your main girl doesn't. She becomes a supplement to what you already have like a protein shake is a supplement to your diet.
It's not right and I don't condone it, but I COMPLETELY understand where those who have been side chics are coming from. I don't find it reprehensible, disgusting, bitter, or even cheating. I know that's how society views it, but then again I don't understand the correlation between love and sex. I understand it on a fundamental level, but I don't understand it on a primal level as it relates to us as humans in regards to evolution, but I digress.
So yeah, it's messed up and people get hurt sometimes. On the other hand people deserve to find their happiness in whatever way they see fit so until you get caught I say Have fun, keep it pimpin', and let it do what it do. I agree with others though: The minute that emotions get involved, cut it loose. Also, the one woman that mentioned the wife knew, I understand that as well. That is a very real situation and happens more often than many here would care to admit. It just depends on so many factors.
This is spot on!! This is well said
You know I just have this primal need to murder someone, so I guess I should just have fun and keep it pimpin until I get caught right? You can rationalize that cheating is okay all you want, you can rationalize murder and stealing are okay too! Thats the beauty of rationalizing, you can make something irrational and wrong into something rational. If were operating under primal rules here, men or women who cheat on or steal other tribal members spouses in tribal cultures normally are allowed to be killed on the spot if caught under tribal law. I suppose if we were in a more primitive society you might think twice about banging someone else outside of your marriage? The primal argument is a crock of crap. If youre not happy in a relationship, get out of it or work on it before cheating. That is legitimate rational thinking....0 -
As "a side piece/other woman" I would have to say the attraction is the fact that I only have the fun stuff (mainly the sex). I don't have to deal with the whiny day to day crap. I don't have to deal with the guy when he is in a bad mood, when he just wants to sit in front of the boob tube. I don't have to make him dinner or do any "wifely/girlfriend" type chores.
Then there is the question of "How can you do that to the girlfriend/wife?" Well if I didn't that doesn't mean the guy isn't going to just go out and find another chick to do it with. I figure if the wife/girlfriend was keeping up their end of the relationship deal, the guy wouldn't be coming over to visit me.0 -
You do not HAVE to release every 2 days... i call bs
Sure. With effort, it's possible to avoid it for 2 days, just as possible to not eat for 2 days but you'll still FEEL very hungry. But you'll get more and more uncomfortable and feel more compelled to do it.
Wait a few more days, and a man will have a wet dream against his wishes.0 -
Idk about others, but been there done that won't do it again.
I'll try to make my story as short as possible here.
Married young 21 (only person Ive been with since 15).
Husband & I had a mutual best friend during this whole time.
Fast Fwd to a year later. Husband cheats, gets caught, apologizes.
We stay together, I forgave but didnt forget.
Best Friend (whom has a live in gf) confesses a crush... I had one too.
Gave it a whirl (didnt have sex) just hung out shared a few kisses.
Dinner date and movie dates. It was nice, he was nice.
Husband finds out gets mad, but figured it was his fault.
KARMA.
We dropped what we had going on and we all went back to normal.
Best friend left the old girlfriend, got a new one, and disappeared for a while.
I was sad about it, but I realized that I do infact love my husband, and only my husband.
Since then, things have been great.
Husband hasnt done anything wrong.
I havent done anything either.
Best friend is still around and has been a best mutual friend to both of us.
Things are better than they were before.0 -
I just think that people have issues in general. Woman have insecurites, men also have them and we both feel the need for some magical person to come and magically boost our self image and make us feel wanted and loved and blah blah blah! There is not a man or woman in this world who will make you feel the things that you need to work on within yourself. I also think that people are just to lazy and selfish to fix what they already have and invested time and emotions with at home. Obviously you love main chic. Work on the issues within yourself and your relationship before you complicate things by adding more people into your already miserable life, creating more drama and more issues! I think people just need to be alone if they cant handle even themselves! If you was confident in who you are and if you know you are highly favored and loved then there is no need for this bufoonery of hurting people and breaking hurts from ALL ends! Side chics, main chics, men/ woman / cats / dogs...etc! What crack me up though is seeing these men cry and beg and act all stupid when Main chic finds out! LMAO :laugh: :laugh: He magically all of a sudden figures out that she is the love of his life and side chic was nothing? Really? :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Oh...and now he wants to go to counseling? :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: I would send him to counseling all by himself cause obviously dude has ISSUES!0
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You sound very successful and classy.
Best of luck to you; keep up the good work...:flowerforyou:
I'm sorry, did I at any point suggest that "class" was what I was going for? nope. Just having fun and being me. I only get one life, I am going to live it for me. I am going to do what makes me happy. And as far as public perception, if you were to meet me, you would not know what I do in my spare time. I am a lady in the courtyard, but a freak in the sheets. What I do behind closed doors has no bearing on my level of class as far as the people who need to see me as such know. So, you can keep your patronization, along with your flower.0 -
I'll put it like this: What one woman won't do, another woman will. The problem is that things get complicated. You get kids, you get a mortgage, you get things in your life that bind you together. The compliments began to wane, things you used to do aren't done anymore. The relationship grows stagnant and stale. It becomes unexciting. In the end, neither party wants to hurt the other. I've been there. So suddenly, someone comes along that makes you feel like a man. They make you feel needed and wanted. It starts innocently enough at first; You're a committed man sworn to forsake all others for this relationship. However, you begin to rationalize things a little differently. You begin to feel that you deserve to be treated better. This other person begins to provide you with everything that your main girl doesn't. She becomes a supplement to what you already have like a protein shake is a supplement to your diet.
It's not right and I don't condone it, but I COMPLETELY understand where those who have been side chics are coming from. I don't find it reprehensible, disgusting, bitter, or even cheating. I know that's how society views it, but then again I don't understand the correlation between love and sex. I understand it on a fundamental level, but I don't understand it on a primal level as it relates to us as humans in regards to evolution, but I digress.
So yeah, it's messed up and people get hurt sometimes. On the other hand people deserve to find their happiness in whatever way they see fit so until you get caught I say Have fun, keep it pimpin', and let it do what it do. I agree with others though: The minute that emotions get involved, cut it loose. Also, the one woman that mentioned the wife knew, I understand that as well. That is a very real situation and happens more often than many here would care to admit. It just depends on so many factors.
^^Having four brothers and growing up around lots of guy, this may be the quintessential reason men stray. Well said.0 -
a little more back story to my post,the guy i was with was married to the girl he dated in highschool,she told his parents she was pregnant and they pressured him to marry her (strict catholic family)she then had a misscarige (turns out she was never pregnant) by the time that came out they already had 2 kids. She was very crazy about stuff,she would have dreams he cheated on her and kick him out of the house for it,she had dreams he was cheating on her with guys, she sent him to counsiling when she found a playboy in the garage I knew him for a few years before we hooked up they hadnt had sex in over a year. i fully believe that sometimes you can drive a man to cheat,because he really wasnt the type,and then he just lost it.0
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You sound very successful and classy.
Best of luck to you; keep up the good work...:flowerforyou:
I'm sorry, did I at any point suggest that "class" was what I was going for? nope. Just having fun and being me. I only get one life, I am going to live it for me. I am going to do what makes me happy. And as far as public perception, if you were to meet me, you would not know what I do in my spare time. I am a lady in the courtyard, but a freak in the sheets. What I do behind closed doors has no bearing on my level of class as far as the people who need to see me as such know. So, you can keep your patronization, along with your flower.
You are awesome.0 -
You know I just have this primal need to murder someone, so I guess I should just have fun and keep it pimpin until I get caught right? You can rationalize that cheating is okay all you want, you can rationalize murder and stealing are okay too! Thats the beauty of rationalizing, you can make something irrational and wrong into something rational. If were operating under primal rules here, men or women who cheat on or steal other tribal members spouses in tribal cultures normally are allowed to be killed on the spot if caught under tribal law. I suppose if we were in a more primitive society you might think twice about banging someone else outside of your marriage? The primal argument is a crock of crap. If youre not happy in a relationship, get out of it or work on it before cheating. That is legitimate rational thinking....
This right here! If there was an absolutely love button, I would hit it!
Keep it pimpin!:laugh:0 -
The only big difference I see is that people are capable of feeling jealousy and insecurity whereas inanimate objects are not. So if a person isn't bothered by it, why is it a horrible comparison?:laugh: Nope! I love hot dogs soooo much. I would never stray from eating my hot dogs!
How can you even compare the feelings, emotions and everything else amazing about humans to piss poor acting and food? It is NO WHERE near the same thing and a horrible comparison.
Maybe it's just my disinterest in romance talking if it doesn't seem like the same thing to you. I never understood why spending time with a person you love was any more significant than spending time doing an activity you love. It's all joy, in the end. I'd rather someone I cared about was happy with their life than loyal to me.0 -
As "a side piece/other woman" I would have to say the attraction is the fact that I only have the fun stuff (mainly the sex). I don't have to deal with the whiny day to day crap. I don't have to deal with the guy when he is in a bad mood, when he just wants to sit in front of the boob tube. I don't have to make him dinner or do any "wifely/girlfriend" type chores.
Then there is the question of "How can you do that to the girlfriend/wife?" Well if I didn't that doesn't mean the guy isn't going to just go out and find another chick to do it with. I figure if the wife/girlfriend was keeping up their end of the relationship deal, the guy wouldn't be coming over to visit me.
So, why not you? Rather you than somebody else, right?0 -
You sound very successful and classy.
Best of luck to you; keep up the good work...:flowerforyou:
I'm sorry, did I at any point suggest that "class" was what I was going for? nope. Just having fun and being me. I only get one life, I am going to live it for me. I am going to do what makes me happy. And as far as public perception, if you were to meet me, you would not know what I do in my spare time. I am a lady in the courtyard, but a freak in the sheets. What I do behind closed doors has no bearing on my level of class as far as the people who need to see me as such know. So, you can keep your patronization, along with your flower.
You rock. Seriously, you're my new hero.0 -
The only big difference I see is that people are capable of feeling jealousy and insecurity whereas inanimate objects are not. So if a person isn't bothered by it, why is it a horrible comparison?:laugh: Nope! I love hot dogs soooo much. I would never stray from eating my hot dogs!
How can you even compare the feelings, emotions and everything else amazing about humans to piss poor acting and food? It is NO WHERE near the same thing and a horrible comparison.
Maybe it's just my disinterest in romance talking if it doesn't seem like the same thing to you. I never understood why spending time with a person you love was any more significant than spending time doing an activity you love. It's all joy, in the end. I'd rather someone I cared about was happy with their life than loyal to me.
I guess if that works for you, keep on trucking. I just couldn't see myself telling my husband, that I love, that I wanted a different "dessert" one night.
Different strokes for different folks.0 -
I probably wouldn't do that either. I feel like it's the sort of thing that should be on the table at the start of a relationship, rather than introduced sometime into it. Bringing it up later sends out a "you're not fulfilling my needs" vibe, whereas having it out there from the start gives more of a "this is just how I like to live and it's not personal" message.
The only big difference I see is that people are capable of feeling jealousy and insecurity whereas inanimate objects are not. So if a person isn't bothered by it, why is it a horrible comparison?:laugh: Nope! I love hot dogs soooo much. I would never stray from eating my hot dogs!
How can you even compare the feelings, emotions and everything else amazing about humans to piss poor acting and food? It is NO WHERE near the same thing and a horrible comparison.
Maybe it's just my disinterest in romance talking if it doesn't seem like the same thing to you. I never understood why spending time with a person you love was any more significant than spending time doing an activity you love. It's all joy, in the end. I'd rather someone I cared about was happy with their life than loyal to me.
I guess if that works for you, keep on trucking. I just couldn't see myself telling my husband, that I love, that I wanted a different "dessert" one night.
Different strokes for different folks.0 -
In my opinion, I don't always put blame on a side-chick. I have on two occasions in my life been with someone who was involved in a relationship. Not saying that would ever happen again as my bf and I have a strong, honest and wonderful relationship. We both know that the other won't cheat and have no reason to.
The reason I did it: if it's just sex to me, a man's business is not mine. I don't know what his relationship is like, I don't know how he is treated at home, I don't care what his reasons are for finding sex elsewhere. I have met some down-right nasty, evil women who are abusive to their husbands and withhold intimacy like it's a toy. I honestly DON'T feel sorry for those women when their husbands stray or find someone to fill their needs when the wife won't out of spite.
Bottom line, in my opinion, is that an affair is an issue between a man and his wife. Not the other woman.
*so you as a human being have no accountability whatsoever..?*
whats your sweet boyfriends name .. I wonder if I can lure him away. ..... . .? shouldn't be a problem for you I could care less about your intention , how much time you have put into the relationship and JUST an FYI women dont turn into nasty B@$#hs overnight ... There is always a reason.. maybe signals that the cheating was around the corner.. you are one of those sad gullible girls who believes what these poor men tell you.. first work on your values, secondly learn how to tell a rat @$$ from a "man" ... and thirdly .. just wait Karma's a hell of a teacher.
I would give you my boyfriend's name and number in a heartbeat and feel completely comfortable with you trying to lure him in. Because we have an honest, open relationship built on trust and we just work perfectly together!
Call me a sad, guillible girl if you'd like but I have to go home and have amazing sex with my wonderful bf on my lunchbreak.0 -
In my opinion, I don't always put blame on a side-chick. I have on two occasions in my life been with someone who was involved in a relationship. Not saying that would ever happen again as my bf and I have a strong, honest and wonderful relationship. We both know that the other won't cheat and have no reason to.
The reason I did it: if it's just sex to me, a man's business is not mine. I don't know what his relationship is like, I don't know how he is treated at home, I don't care what his reasons are for finding sex elsewhere. I have met some down-right nasty, evil women who are abusive to their husbands and withhold intimacy like it's a toy. I honestly DON'T feel sorry for those women when their husbands stray or find someone to fill their needs when the wife won't out of spite.
Bottom line, in my opinion, is that an affair is an issue between a man and his wife. Not the other woman.
*so you as a human being have no accountability whatsoever..?*
whats your sweet boyfriends name .. I wonder if I can lure him away. ..... . .? shouldn't be a problem for you I could care less about your intention , how much time you have put into the relationship and JUST an FYI women dont turn into nasty B@$#hs overnight ... There is always a reason.. maybe signals that the cheating was around the corner.. you are one of those sad gullible girls who believes what these poor men tell you.. first work on your values, secondly learn how to tell a rat @$$ from a "man" ... and thirdly .. just wait Karma's a hell of a teacher.
I would give you my boyfriend's name and number in a heartbeat and feel completely comfortable with you trying to lure him in. Because we have an honest, open relationship built on trust and we just work perfectly together!
Call me a sad, guillible girl if you'd like but I have to go home and have amazing sex with my wonderful bf on my lunchbreak.
better get there quick.. seems like a lot of work for some *kitten*..
unfortunately the need ....or want for your mans number was a petty threat ..( also was trying to arouse some sort of intelligence from you .. ) I wouldn't dream of dipping where you have.. and I am not one to destroy the relationships of others.0 -
You sound very successful and classy.
Best of luck to you; keep up the good work...:flowerforyou:
I'm sorry, did I at any point suggest that "class" was what I was going for? nope. Just having fun and being me. I only get one life, I am going to live it for me. I am going to do what makes me happy. And as far as public perception, if you were to meet me, you would not know what I do in my spare time. I am a lady in the courtyard, but a freak in the sheets. What I do behind closed doors has no bearing on my level of class as far as the people who need to see me as such know. So, you can keep your patronization, along with your flower.
you are awesome!0 -
As "a side piece/other woman" I would have to say the attraction is the fact that I only have the fun stuff (mainly the sex). I don't have to deal with the whiny day to day crap. I don't have to deal with the guy when he is in a bad mood, when he just wants to sit in front of the boob tube. I don't have to make him dinner or do any "wifely/girlfriend" type chores.
Then there is the question of "How can you do that to the girlfriend/wife?" Well if I didn't that doesn't mean the guy isn't going to just go out and find another chick to do it with. I figure if the wife/girlfriend was keeping up their end of the relationship deal, the guy wouldn't be coming over to visit me.
So, why not you? Rather you than somebody else, right?
I enjoy the sex with him, but I wouldn't want him full time. we get along great but he just doesn't stand up for himself and lets himself get walked all over. He has talked to his wife about needing sex (her idea of sex is once every couple of months, asked for more from her, but she is unwilling). We have been seeing eachother for a little over 3 years now.
He is my friend, I get he loves his wife, but wants sex too. I don't want any emotional love from him. I am happy being his friend and enjoying the mind blowing O's.0 -
I probably wouldn't do that either. I feel like it's the sort of thing that should be on the table at the start of a relationship, rather than introduced sometime into it. Bringing it up later sends out a "you're not fulfilling my needs" vibe, whereas having it out there from the start gives more of a "this is just how I like to live and it's not personal" message.
The only big difference I see is that people are capable of feeling jealousy and insecurity whereas inanimate objects are not. So if a person isn't bothered by it, why is it a horrible comparison?:laugh: Nope! I love hot dogs soooo much. I would never stray from eating my hot dogs!
How can you even compare the feelings, emotions and everything else amazing about humans to piss poor acting and food? It is NO WHERE near the same thing and a horrible comparison.
Maybe it's just my disinterest in romance talking if it doesn't seem like the same thing to you. I never understood why spending time with a person you love was any more significant than spending time doing an activity you love. It's all joy, in the end. I'd rather someone I cared about was happy with their life than loyal to me.
I guess if that works for you, keep on trucking. I just couldn't see myself telling my husband, that I love, that I wanted a different "dessert" one night.
Different strokes for different folks.
I just couldn't.
If you were starting a seroius realthionship, I couldn't fathom why you would want to "share" from the get go. Even then, you don't know the "quality" of the girl he is chosing. He could bring something back home to you.0
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