The man and his horrid comment
Replies
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So...you want us to lie to you?
I'm probably going to get chewed out for this but seriously, sometimes we have to tell you that you need to start watching what you eat and hit the gym. Would you rather we start cheating on you (not that I would, just saying) or just plain dump you with the lame "oh its not you, its me" ?
Please, don't make my post a gender issue and I perfectly understand getting hurt over comments like these however, the significant others can be in a hard place and a rock with these situations
Yes to I'd rather you dump me. I don't need someone in my life whose love is that conditional.
Don't cheat, though. If it's that bad, end the relationship and move on.
Sorry but I'd rather try and work it out with my SO rather than treat her like a damn object and replace her over a small thing. Point of the post was that sometimes down the line, these kinds of issues comes up where the man or the woman let go. In my case, it was me however if my SO would have done that to me, like poked my belly and made an oink oink noise, while it would have hurt, I woulda buckled up
You are the one who said the alternative was to cheat or leave. And I'm just saying that if those are my choices, that is not a man I want to share my life with and it's better he leaves. "Working it out" with someone who is not a person I want to be with based on such an important part of his personality is not an option.
People age and their bodies change. The woman who has a killer body at 25 might not have a killer body after having children and a full time job and a million other things grabbing her attention by the time she's 40. Not to mention diseases and hormone issues and all sorts of other things that come into play. If you love me for my "perfect" body at 25 but aren't going to love me at 45 with my not-so-perfect body, please tell me at 25 and not at 45 so I can choose a better partner.0 -
So you want us to comment only when you're making bad choices sitting on the couch eating bonbons and putting the jelly back in the roll? This makes no sense. Change your mentality for how you interpret people to a more positive outlook and you become able to accept people for who they are, rather than setting expectations of how you want them to be.
Accepting people for who they are would be accepting their decision to sit on the couch & eat bonbons.
But why should we accept that for the people we care about? I personally want more out of life for my husband, family, friends than a life of sitting indoors eating unhealthy food, probably destined for a myriad of health problems. And I would hope those people would want more for me. Just because you accept someone for who they are, doesn't mean you have to accept their poor decisions/lifestyle choices.
That was directed to the complete contradiction in his post and nothing about when you should or should not discuss a potential health problem with loved ones.0 -
men are from mars, that's a fact LOL......0
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So...you want us to lie to you?
I'm probably going to get chewed out for this but seriously, sometimes we have to tell you that you need to start watching what you eat and hit the gym. Would you rather we start cheating on you (not that I would, just saying) or just plain dump you with the lame "oh its not you, its me" ?
Please, don't make my post a gender issue and I perfectly understand getting hurt over comments like these however, the significant others can be in a hard place and a rock with these situations
Didn't you ever see Bambi?
If you can't say something nice then don't say nothin at all!:laugh:
I actually have never seen Bambi
And while typically I try not to say anything if I can't say anything nice, I'd rather say something that would make me uncomfortable and you a bit hurt for a couple of days than us resenting each other for the rest of the life over something that could be fixed and infact could be a wonderful journey to take together
It's good you sould see it! Lol!
Anyway, my husband has been honest in the way that he feels about my weight gain and while it didn't make me feel good I forgot that there are two people involved in this relationship and I should be taking care of myself. My husband still thinks I'm beautiful but he wants me to be healthy!0 -
Guys need to understand it's all about the words. I mean if I poked my boyfriend in the stomach and said something about toning up and there being too much to hold on to, let's face it, he would be hurt. However, if he ever said something like that to me, guys tell me to "lighten up" and not be hurt by his obvious jokes. Maybe I just suck and use blatant sarcasm too often, but I feel like men AND women BOTH need to work on this two way street. I think SOME women need to lighten up a little, and SOME men need to think about what they say more often. It isn't that men just suck at saying the right thing, because I have plenty of guy friends that can somehow see when I've gotten a haircut or my hair isn't in a ponytail, and they tell me I look beautiful.
Some women you can't win with. "Oh honey you look really great in that dress!" "WHAT, are you saying I don't look great in ALL dresses?! You're a JERK."
Some men, on the other hand, "I think I want to become a vegetarian/become healthier." "Okay... mumble mumble... Can we go to Abe's Hot Dogs for dinner?"0 -
He grabbed my behind and said "Hey we need to tone this up so I have something to grab onto."
......So did he want your *kitten* to be bigger or smaller? If he wants something to grab onto then it sounds like bigger, but perhaps "tone" means rounder. It's sounds like he was trying to flirtatiously tease you and it didn't sound as good out loud as it did in his head. :laugh:
I constantly hear that I'm allowed to lose weight but not in my *kitten*. When I point out that this approach is not only unrealistic but would leave me hideously out of proportion, I get some reply about "badonkadonk". Some guys are just *kitten* men. :blushing:0 -
Wow....I know how that goes. This weekend I was trying on jeans and my guy goes.."I like how they look from the front but they make your butt look funny when you walk" WTF??!! I swear they have no filters!!!
If he was thinking it, other people might have too. I'd rather have my husband tell me if something doesn't look good than to walk around like a doofus all day. Maybe it's just me, but I don't see the problem with this comment.....especially since he did say they looked nice from the front. Sounds like he was offering a valid opinion.
Second this, I'd rather know as well.0 -
I love your comeback...seriously...that was great.
Love that you kept your composure.0 -
So...you want us to lie to you?
I'm probably going to get chewed out for this but seriously, sometimes we have to tell you that you need to start watching what you eat and hit the gym. Would you rather we start cheating on you (not that I would, just saying) or just plain dump you with the lame "oh its not you, its me" ?
Please, don't make my post a gender issue and I perfectly understand getting hurt over comments like these however, the significant others can be in a hard place and a rock with these situations
^^ I agree. If you can't count on your SO to tell you when you need to lay off the cupcakes, who else is gonna tell you?
Why is it up to someone else to tell us when we're gaining weight or making bad choices? If you really want to encourage change, be the change. A couple of weeks after I started working out, my partner started working out. I didn't have to say a word other than how good exercising was making me feel. I didn't have to hurt his feelings or make him feel inadequate. He saw what was lacking in his daily life and stepped up to the plate.0 -
All I have to say about women is.........its a love/hate relationship. You love what they have but hate what they do sometimes
Enjoy your day0 -
Hmm.. actually yes, I would like you to be kind to me, even if that means you need to lie or just not say something.
Then again, I am not someone who would EVER ask "do I look fat in this?" etc. I already know the answer and don't need anyone else's opinions on what to wear or the negative aspects of my form.
I am incredibly happy my finance doesn't notice or care about clothing and has never said anything negative about my body. True, he doesn't hand out enough compliments at times either (I'm an attention *kitten*!), but when he does they are sincere. While I'd prefer more attention perhaps sometimes, I really appreciate the completely unconditional love I get - no matter what size or shape I'm in.0 -
The offer for ice cream later still has me laughing.... too funny
We all say stupid things at times. My husband knows I'm ultra sensitive about my weight and has never ever said anything. Well, he put on some weight when I got pregnant and popped a button off his pj pants. When he asked me to fix it I said, "why dont we just go have them put some elastic on them instead, it would last longer" And then I saw the look on his face and that was the last time I made a smart *kitten* comment about his weight...poor thing, it was rude of me and I felt awful. He has always been so supportive of me and I said that. Never happened again.....0 -
So...you want us to lie to you?
I'm probably going to get chewed out for this but seriously, sometimes we have to tell you that you need to start watching what you eat and hit the gym. Would you rather we start cheating on you (not that I would, just saying) or just plain dump you with the lame "oh its not you, its me" ?
Please, don't make my post a gender issue and I perfectly understand getting hurt over comments like these however, the significant others can be in a hard place and a rock with these situations
I'm not going to chew you out... but there is a difference between a woman asking a question about her appearance and a man feeling the need to give an unsolicited opinion. If i ask i expect an honest but adult response. In other words if i say "Does my butt look fat in this?" spare me the *beep..beep* "Wide loud coming through!!" response. A simple "Yes honey." is sufficient.
Now about the unsolicited opinion thing: appearance alone should never be what dictates your relationship. If your partners 30 lb weight gain is what stands between you and thoughts of cheating or dumping them then maybe you don't need to be married in the first place. Even if you follow a good health regimen at some point in life you will not look as good as you did when you were young and tight!! We all age...our body's change. And it's not always your weight. Example.. If your wife said.. "Wow your getting really thin on top. You need to hit the Hair Club For Men" are you going to run out the door and do it??"
Personally it's not my husbands responsibility to let me know what i need to do about my body. Cause i've got news for him, his isn't what it was either. Now if i ask him and he gives me an answer i don't like, i can't complain!! :happy:0 -
First off I will say that I work out and eat right for myself and only MYSELF first.
That said, I want my man to be truthful with me at all times, from telling me I have something in my teeth, to telling me a certain pair of pants don't really flatter my shape, or even if he doesn't think the way I deal with certain situations is good for our relationship. On the flip side, he expects the same from me. I think it's definitely all in the way things are worded and discussed.0 -
Glad that you had a comeback and called him on his horrifically rude comment!
He was SOOOOOOO sorry... he was begging forgiveness all day. I might see how long I can stretch this out.
Good for you. Milk it as much as possible.0 -
He grabbed my behind and said "Hey we need to tone this up so I have something to grab onto."
......So did he want your *kitten* to be bigger or smaller? If he wants something to grab onto then it sounds like bigger, but perhaps "tone" means rounder. It's sounds like he was trying to flirtatiously tease you and it didn't sound as good out loud as it did in his head. :laugh:
I constantly hear that I'm allowed to lose weight but not in my *kitten*. When I point out that this approach is not only unrealistic but would leave me hideously out of proportion, I get some reply about "badonkadonk". Some guys are just *kitten* men. :blushing:
This....if it was I who had uttered those words to my wife the hidden meaning would be that saying them would give me a reason to grab her behind and subsequently offer to either help her flex her buttocks, massage them after a work-out or plain holding her feminine chest-parts while she works her buns.....
....and yes I would have chrashed and burned on it because it sounded better in my head than coming out of my mouth - but I would have enjoyed the come-back and we would have laughed at it for the next few years0 -
You are the one who said the alternative was to cheat or leave. And I'm just saying that if those are my choices, that is not a man I want to share my life with and it's better he leaves. "Working it out" with someone who is not a person I want to be with based on such an important part of his personality is not an option.
People age and their bodies change. The woman who has a killer body at 25 might not have a killer body after having children and a full time job and a million other things grabbing her attention by the time she's 40. Not to mention diseases and hormone issues and all sorts of other things that come into play. If you love me for my "perfect" body at 25 but aren't going to love me at 45 with my not-so-perfect body, please tell me at 25 and not at 45 so I can choose a better partner.
Your choices were either we lie to you or leave you (either mentally via cheating or leaving completely). You said you want to be dumped so I assume you want us to lie to you.
BTW, I know that our bodies won't stay the same and by god I hope that after 20 years of partnership we've learned to love each other for more than just the tight tushies we got but if you'd rather just sit on your butt and each potato chips all day and want me to just ignore it, then tell me right away that you're going to be selfish for the rest of the life. This is a partnership. even though its our own bodies, your SO also has something to do with your body. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to see your SO becoming this unhealthy obese giant. You should say something before the health problems get out of hand. Not saying something just because "you wanna be nice" is a polite way to be a coward.0 -
*sighs* Men.... they just don't think sometimes. Don't be so harsh on him if its not a regular thing, otherwise when you want an honest opinion from him he prolly won't give it!0
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Heh, that reminds me of all the times my dad tells me I eat too many carbs and then asks "Do you want pasta for dinner?" or goes and buys bagels. *facepalm*0
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You are the one who said the alternative was to cheat or leave. And I'm just saying that if those are my choices, that is not a man I want to share my life with and it's better he leaves. "Working it out" with someone who is not a person I want to be with based on such an important part of his personality is not an option.
People age and their bodies change. The woman who has a killer body at 25 might not have a killer body after having children and a full time job and a million other things grabbing her attention by the time she's 40. Not to mention diseases and hormone issues and all sorts of other things that come into play. If you love me for my "perfect" body at 25 but aren't going to love me at 45 with my not-so-perfect body, please tell me at 25 and not at 45 so I can choose a better partner.
Your choices were either we lie to you or leave you (either mentally via cheating or leaving completely). You said you want to be dumped so I assume you want us to lie to you.
BTW, I know that our bodies won't stay the same and by god I hope that after 20 years of partnership we've learned to love each other for more than just the tight tushies we got but if you'd rather just sit on your butt and each potato chips all day and want me to just ignore it, then tell me right away that you're going to be selfish for the rest of the life. This is a partnership. even though its our own bodies, your SO also has something to do with your body. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to see your SO becoming this unhealthy obese giant. You should say something before the health problems get out of hand. Not saying something just because "you wanna be nice" is a polite way to be a coward.
If I've gained weight, I know I've gained weight. If you are going to cheat or dump me because of it, then dump me. See ya.0 -
I wouldn't say that's a horrid comment. It was poorly worded for sure, but he's still expressing that he's very attracted to you.0
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"Booty poppin" came into my head for this discussion.......hmmmmm idk why but should fit in somewhere0
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Girllll all you need to do to tone that up is do squats. I felt a different when I was doing JM 30 Day Shred cuz she does alot of squatting but in a good way so it doesn't make you feel like your doing that many squats.0
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I'm not going to chew you out... but there is a difference between a woman asking a question about her appearance and a man feeling the need to give an unsolicited opinion. If i ask i expect an honest but adult response. In other words if i say "Does my butt look fat in this?" spare me the *beep..beep* "Wide loud coming through!!" response. A simple "Yes honey." is sufficient.
I would like to meet the 1 man out of a 100 who will answer that question. We may be a lot of negatives things but most of us are NOT going to fall in that trap. Give us a little credit. Just sayin' . . .0 -
funny thing is he probably just came up with a stupid reason to grab your butt to begin with..... can we say Backfired!0
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So...you want us to lie to you?
I'm probably going to get chewed out for this but seriously, sometimes we have to tell you that you need to start watching what you eat and hit the gym. Would you rather we start cheating on you (not that I would, just saying) or just plain dump you with the lame "oh its not you, its me" ?
Please, don't make my post a gender issue and I perfectly understand getting hurt over comments like these however, the significant others can be in a hard place and a rock with these situations
No not lie, just be a little more sensitive....a litttle more aware of what's being said and how it's being said.
My ex, as he was walking out the door for the last time, said "If you hadn't lost all the weight, we wouldn't be breaking up"
This from the man who told me that if I wanted to save our relationship had to get healthy, did he not realise that healthy and weight loss go hand in hand?
It hurt a LOT to hear that, and he could have either kept it to himself or voiced it better.
Although I have to honest and admit that that comment from him while hurtful, I'm very very grateful for it now, mostly because he's not in my life anymore.
Lauren0 -
Wow....I know how that goes. This weekend I was trying on jeans and my guy goes.."I like how they look from the front but they make your butt look funny when you walk" WTF??!! I swear they have no filters!!!
I WANT my husband to tell me stuff like this. I want to know when clothes make me look funny. Haha... it's not the greatest thing to hear, but I don't want to walk around wearing clothes that make me look bad.0 -
I'm not going to chew you out... but there is a difference between a woman asking a question about her appearance and a man feeling the need to give an unsolicited opinion. If i ask i expect an honest but adult response. In other words if i say "Does my butt look fat in this?" spare me the *beep..beep* "Wide loud coming through!!" response. A simple "Yes honey." is sufficient.
I would like to meet the 1 man out of a 100 who will answer that question. We may be a lot of negatives things but most of us are NOT going to fall in that trap. Give us a little credit. Just sayin' . . .
My ex-husband would ALWAYS tell me the truth. "It's honestly not that flattering." or "I like the other one better." or "Those make your *kitten* look great." Totally appreciated the way he was honest and not mean.0 -
I'm not going to chew you out... but there is a difference between a woman asking a question about her appearance and a man feeling the need to give an unsolicited opinion. If i ask i expect an honest but adult response. In other words if i say "Does my butt look fat in this?" spare me the *beep..beep* "Wide loud coming through!!" response. A simple "Yes honey." is sufficient.
I would like to meet the 1 man out of a 100 who will answer that question. We may be a lot of negatives things but most of us are NOT going to fall in that trap. Give us a little credit. Just sayin' . . .
My ex-husband would ALWAYS tell me the truth. "It's honestly not that flattering." or "I like the other one better." or "Those make your *kitten* look great." Totally appreciated the way he was honest and not mean.
There's a difference between being told a particular piece of clothing (or outfit) isn't flattering and being told your body sucks.0 -
Here's this nice guy's thought...
He see the changes in you...and likes it. Makes him frisky. It's his playful way of encouraging you.
Dont always read into the words without understanding his mindset. Ask him. And you will see the above comment is right.
After the shock wore off... we talked. and it was. he was obsessed with the changes in my body and when they slowed it was a downer for him. I get it. and I even told him maybe it was the slap in the face i needed. But it was the way he says things lol. My best friend even told him to talk to someone before he has those conversations. because he is known to have the wrong wording.... like most guys. Innocent in their eyes.... but not so in ours. 
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