does anyone have a hard time making friends?

MooMooooo

I 'lost' my best friend in Feb last year and have had a hell of a time trying to find someone to replace her.

I work hard to meet new people, but I'm really, really picky.

I have found that most lonely people with no friends are socially LAZY.

I meet tons of new people (I have met at least 30 since December) but they are usually too lazy to stick to plans - even ones they have organized and invited me to.

I guess it's a bit like dating - you gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find a friend.

Just put yourself out there! (and don't be lazy)

JonathonMars

I think this is a common problem people don't think about as they age--in school, we were around the same people for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week--for most people, the same kind of bonding won't happen when they get older and have other responsibilities. I think it's one of those things you just have to come to terms with, honestly.

KaidaKantri

i do.

i am nice and fun. a lot of people i know sit around inside and play video games all day, or are content with never making plans.

i find i never get phone calls anymore, i have to call them.

does anyone else have this problem? some days they just don't seem worth the effort. i swear.

I have the same problem. I don't mind having to contact people, but I do mind when they don't contact me at all unless I contact them first. If that makes sense... Basically, I'm perfectly fine with contacting them, but I also want them to put in the effort to contact me too. I've recently let someone I used to be really close to go because she never contacted me unless she needed help, or to talk about her problems, and mainly even then it ended up in me contacting her trying to stay friends. I reqire effort put into any relationship, be it friend, bf husband fiance, family, etc. Or I let them go out of my life, because I feel like Im just not that important to them.

ReinasWrath

hahah I seem to do okay on the internet but toss me in real life and I'm toast :sad:

chatnel

alot of people are in the same situation and there are groups on the internet where you can hang out with people with similar interests. I think there is one site called 'meet up'.

i have seen this.....do you know of anyone who has used it. i feel so strange going out to spend time with strangers.

not yet but I am keen to try it out. There is one group that meet every week for trivia night at the local pub which I think would suit me as your not just trying to make conversation but working on the answers.

KaidaKantri

I 'lost' my best friend in Feb last year and have had a hell of a time trying to find someone to replace her.

I work hard to meet new people, but I'm really, really picky.

I have found that most lonely people with no friends are socially LAZY.

I meet tons of new people (I have met at least 30 since December) but they are usually too lazy to stick to plans - even ones they have organized and invited me to.

I guess it's a bit like dating - you gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find a friend.

Just put yourself out there! (and don't be lazy)

I'm in the same boat. I'm very picky as well! It's true. I've been trying to find friends to actually hang out with, and in the end they give up even texting or I keep trying to actually hang out and they always say they are busy, and can't do it. It's really lame. I know people have responsibilities, but if they care, they should put in effort. I have 1 friend who works crazy hours but she always finds time to hang out and do stuff which is really surprising. And honestly, I'm waiting for that to stop actually happening

foxyforce

alot of people are in the same situation and there are groups on the internet where you can hang out with people with similar interests. I think there is one site called 'meet up'.

i have seen this.....do you know of anyone who has used it. i feel so strange going out to spend time with strangers.

not yet but I am keen to try it out. There is one group that meet every week for trivia night at the local pub which I think would suit me as your not just trying to make conversation but working on the answers.

i wish you the best :flowerforyou: ... i am heading over to that site right now

Cliffslosinit

alot of people are in the same situation and there are groups on the internet where you can hang out with people with similar interests. I think there is one site called 'meet up'.

i have seen this.....do you know of anyone who has used it. i feel so strange going out to spend time with strangers.

They are only a stranger until you meet.
As for me hell no. I have no problem meeting people.
As for your friends they just may be caught in their own lives.
Put yourself out there girl....

jessicayoung82

Glad to see it's not just me!! I would have to say that my list (or lack there of) of friends pretty much stinks. Love everything else about my life and where I am, but really wish I still had that go to friend other than the hubby.

subcult

I had the same problem moved 30 mine out of town family obligations etc. Some of the lost friends was my fault from me doing what your friends did. I just wanted to be a home body ive recently started to change that and I'm starting to gain more friendships from my aquinteces by being more out going and jumping on chances to hang out after work etc.

andeey

i would rather sit inside and play video games.
all my friends are online.
i'm happy. people suck.

:laugh:

Dayna5K

YES!!!!!

I've felt this way since I was a little girl! I've always been the "quiet one" and I have a twin sister whose always been popular, so growing up it was easy to tag-along and adopt "friends" via my sis. None of these friendships were positive and I always ended up feeling like I give more than I get back. Now that I'm an adult ( plus divorced single mommy) and my sister and I don't really have a relationship, maintaining and finding friends has been VERY difficult. I try to stay optimistic about it, but its hard. Some days I feel like I'm an alien from another planet. Most days I just keep it moving and stay as active as I can, but like I said, its hard.

Thanks for posting this topic. It's nice to know that there are other people out there who feel this way!

LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo

Oh YESSS!!! All the time & I'm talking about in real life, not here in MFP.

Its so sad that all that I consider my true friends are those that I never met in person. A lot of people that I met in person are jerks.

MooMooooo

I 'lost' my best friend in Feb last year and have had a hell of a time trying to find someone to replace her.

I work hard to meet new people, but I'm really, really picky.

I have found that most lonely people with no friends are socially LAZY.

I meet tons of new people (I have met at least 30 since December) but they are usually too lazy to stick to plans - even ones they have organized and invited me to.

I guess it's a bit like dating - you gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find a friend.

Just put yourself out there! (and don't be lazy)

I'm in the same boat. I'm very picky as well! It's true. I've been trying to find friends to actually hang out with, and in the end they give up even texting or I keep trying to actually hang out and they always say they are busy, and can't do it. It's really lame. I know people have responsibilities, but if they care, they should put in effort. I have 1 friend who works crazy hours but she always finds time to hang out and do stuff which is really surprising. And honestly, I'm waiting for that to stop actually happening

Let her know she's amazing!

Anyway, finding new friends is fun - I always enjoyed dating and was sorry when that ended. (being married is fun too though)

But I have waited a long time for a new bestie though - where is she? lol.

cloud2011

Friendships change, which can be difficult. I found that some of my best friends (after high school and college) were made at work. I was a stay-at-home mom for 10 years (not voluntarily at first, since I was laid off), and many of my mom friends were really acquaintances, but they seemed like friends at the time. That said, I have a group of women I met when I was a Girl Scout leader, and I feel even if I don't see them for a while, I can share things with some of them. It's a kind of bond we'll always have, even though most of our daughters have developed other friendships and don't really hang out anymore (they're in high school now, not little girls anymore).

Today, I told my daughter she needs to get out of the house (she's 14) and start making plans with other people. At her age, I was always out and about, maybe too much. She feels I'm nagging her, I'm sure, but I've told her she needs to do something at least once a week with a friend, during school vacation. I'm thankful she enjoys being at home, but I don't want home to be an escape. There has to be a balance of some kind, I guess. But I want to be mindful of the fact that a lot of kids are into things I want her to avoid, so I don't want to push her too much.

Anyway, this summer, I'm going to see a friend I met when we were both 15, (now 49). We live 3000 miles apart, but I still feel that closeness that I can't really re-create with anyone else, except maybe my college roommate from freshman year.

akfundahn

Girl I don't know what Melanie_RS is talking about. I feel like you shouldn't listen to that, that's just one way of being. Personally, I am 29 and have had a bit of an issue with making friends for a while. I blamed it on a lot of different things/issues but then I went on a year long volunteer position with WorldTeach in Samoa and suddenly I was surrounded by people who I needed to rely on and people who needed to rely on me (the other volunteers) it was like a crash course in making friends and making time for people in your life other than family and partners. I realized that most people would not be annoyed by having MORE friends because most of us feel like we don't have as many friends/close friends as we wish we did. We feel too insecure to talk to random strangers because we feel like they'll think we're weird or pathetic and lonely, but in actuality I feel like a lot of people are lacking friends and would be over the moon if we just reached out to each other instead of being afraid. I took the attitude I learned in Samoa with me and went out to a bar when I moved here to Dallas and went okay, I'm gonna go make friends with that group of people by the pool table, cause they looked like a fun group. And lo and behold, all it took was walking up and saying hi and everyone was happy to talk and make plans to hang out again. People who only have time for their pets, spouses and children wouldn't be hanging out anyway. So just assume, when you're out and about, that others hanging out are FUN people who would be happy to have more friends!

amsohs85

There is some truth to the whole getting older thing. Yes our lives change and we dont have time for social stuff like we did back in the day. But i'd say that society in general has forgotten what friendship requires and its benefits. So many people would rather text then call you...kind of hard to maintain a personal connection via electronic devices. Social network sites have become a numbers game..its not about who cares but about how many "care". The net gives us an artificial sense of openess too...a big example is the need to reveal every little intimate detail of our lives to anyone out there. The downside being that too much info can put people off...theres just somethings that only best friends need to know. It makes me sad to think my children may not have the same close bonds that i did with friends at their age.

Once you leave the school setting your friendships are usually created at work, where you live or from hobbies and recreational activities. Work and your neighborhood can be a breeding ground for "convenience friendships". They come and go and are usually affected by office politics and general drama. Not saying you wont find a few good ones but they seem to be rare. Finding friends from activities you enjoy seems to be a better choice...after all you have something in common right off the bat!!

The most important thing is to always be yourself but be open to people whos personality and beliefs may not coincide exactly with yours. Friendship isnt about changing to be liked or expecting the same in reverse....its about a connection with another person that will last through good and bad. Best of luck!!:flowerforyou:

Elzecat

alot of people are in the same situation and there are groups on the internet where you can hang out with people with similar interests. I think there is one site called 'meet up'.

i have seen this.....do you know of anyone who has used it. i feel so strange going out to spend time with strangers.

They are only a stranger until you meet.
As for me hell no. I have no problem meeting people.
As for your friends they just may be caught in their own lives.
Put yourself out there girl....

This is why Cliff is on my friends list...great guy!

TexasRattlesnake

I weigh 300+ pounds and (according to my mother) look like a convicted felon. Yes, I have trouble making friends despite my dynamic and captivating personality. No, seriously.

amsohs85

I weigh 300+ pounds and (according to my mother) look like a convicted felon. Yes, I have trouble making friends despite my dynamic and captivating personality. No, seriously.

Lmao.... with your sense of humor i dont see why you would have a problem!!! And i guess your mom hasnt seen alot of convicted felons lately!!! :laugh: