does anyone have a hard time making friends?
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I have the same problem and I'm just starting out college. I've figured it's because I'm an introvert and also a commuter. But even those I would call close friends, they don't call me or hang out with me. I always have to send the first text/call or shoot them a FB message asking them to hang out. If I don't, I'd never see my friends. None of them bother to make plans with me, but the worst part is, I always see them making plans with each other on FB. I unno. Maybe I am the problem. :frown:0
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I still have my friends from high school, we rarely see each other but when we do it's like no time has passed. But as for newer friendships, I don't really have any. I'm shy, I also can't drink any alcohol due to my Crohn's Disease, so I don't do the happy hour with any co-workers either...
I know I don't put myself out there, I should, but I don't.0 -
i love this thread! i'm in the same boat. never had a ton of close friends, and the few i have considered close have sort of come and gone through the years. i think as we get older, and people do what they do, work, hook up, cohabitate, get engaged, get married, have babies, get absorbed into family life, time becomes less and less free, interests become more and more specific, and friendships become harder and harder to match and maintain. when you're young your choices are limited to the people you go to school with. but when you get older, the choices are so vast that people get comfortable in their nuclear little worlds and often don't have the energy to reach outside of that. being in a long distance relationship, i'm always wishing i had a local friend to go on bike rides with or grab a bite to eat or have an adventure with. but getting older, i'm getting more comfortable being alone, and realizing that just as everyone has settled into their own preferences, i've settled into mine. i think if you're particular about the details it's harder to find friends you'll actually enjoy the company of. maybe i'm just difficult though
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I have several really close friends. I have also had others want to hang out with me. I'm 30 and married. I like "me" time. After work and the gym, sometimes I just want to curl up and watch TV or read a book. I have friends now that complain that I don't call them enough or come see them enough. It's not that I don't want to. I just wish there were more time in the day, lol :-)
Yes. Part of my not reaching out or attempting to make new friends is that I am protective of my me time. By the time I'm done with work and my workout and shower and dinner, it's 9pm. The last thing I want to do is call someone. I'm beat. On the other days, my kids are here, and since I like to spend time with them, talking on the phone takes away from that. So, I have told people that I'm generally off limits during the week. Weekends are the time to chat, catch up, do something, etc. But, people seem to get mad about that and I don't know why. Most of them think my workout schedule is BS and they don't support it. They tell me that I'm wasting my life away eating right and exercising all the ime and not living. There could be some truth to that. It just depends on how you view it.0 -
ugh. i have this problem, too. i always say i wish there was like a match.com for friends. i've had so many come and go... sometimes it's my fault for not making the effort, but other time i do make the effort. it can be lonely, but i like myself enough to know that i'll be ok. plus i do have one really good friend from childhood... she just lives so far away
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You're so not alone. I try, but it never seems to be reciprocated and so I give up. At least when my daughter was younger, I always had her around to do things with. Now that she is off starting her own adult life, I sit home alone.:sad:0
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You are hardly alone. I don't have any real life friends. I used to but it seems like friends were only friends when it served their purpose.
I would love to have friends but I am not going to waste my time with people I don't enjoy so I just take life alone for now.0 -
Yes...if I didn't go out of my way to plan girls night out or pool parties...I'd never see anyone. That being said, I'm in Phoenix, AZ...anyone wanna hang out?
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I don't make many new friends. Most of my friends have been my friends for decades. I make acquaintances and have situational friendships. My soccer firends. My biker buddies. My cigar buddies. Work acquaintances. etc.
But, as far as" Buddies for life" kind of thing. I can count them on one hand and I've known them all for 20 years or more.
I guess the truth is, I don't really want or need any more friends.I would rather spend any free time with the life long friends that I have now and my family.
I am also a definite alpha male and tend be the center of any circle I happen to be in and that doesn't always help to make new friends.0 -
I thought this was only me, I recently told my fiancee that we need to join some sort of activiy to make some friends.0
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I'm like the opposite now... I DON'T WANT FRIENDS!!!:laugh:
I always had so much "friends" up until High School. Once I got to college & started the work life I never had time.
A lot of my close friends got soooooo needy:grumble: I lost one of my best friends bc of it.
I really can't stand needy people!!!! It drained me. Maybe that's why I don't let anyone in bc I don't want to have to deal with someone calling me constantly until I pick up the phone. :mad:
I'm a married woman with a full time job. I just like to be with my husband and family! & when you add Gym to that... I find myself never having time!0 -
This has been my whole life and I've just come to accept it.
I had two friends in college but we've since moved away from one another and they weren't the best people anyway. When I started my first "real" job a year ago, I figured I'd make friends with my coworkers. I'm an introvert so I was aware of how hard I would have to try. No one seemed very interested in me and when I join the 'lunch bunch' on Fridays, all they do is talk about TV shows. I guess that's all the 30+ year old crowd does? Go home and watch sitcoms? I'm 23 and I feel like I have so many more interesting things to do. They make fun of me when I say "no, I don't really watch TV" or "no, I haven't read the Hunger Games." They start assuming I'm a book nerd (which is totally fine and I do my share of reading) but they put such a negative spin on it and act like I'm a homebody. I'm also terrible at small talk. I figure no one is interested in what I did this weekend, and I can't toot my own horn to go on and on about other things, so I just say a few words and move on. I don't understand people who talktalktalk about nothing.
When I'm with the people I know, like my family, boyfriend and former friends, I'm VERY outgoing. I'm extremely funny (look, I just tooted my own horn!) and I'm very fun. I'm planning on marrying an extrovert and I obviously have to have some social aspect of myself to have caught his eye!
When I've tried Meet Up, people flaked out and acted really ****** to the new girl. I've also had very needy friends. I was starving without lunch at work one day and just accepted it. My friend was starving at work another day and absolutely insisted (read: *****ed me out) that I go get her lunch. I don't understand. Maybe I'm too independent and self-sufficient.
I just don't know what else to try anymore. People make fun of quiet folks and imediately think they're not interesting or worth their time. I'm willing to share anything with those close to me, but I don't understand how to just ramble on and on about my life and expect others to listen. So I don't!0 -
YES!
Sometimes I swear I'm one of those people that has something wrong with them but doesnt know it! (not true). I'm really outgoing and kind but I have zero friends. Lots of aquaintences but I have no one to actually talk to. No one that I can just call up and say hey to. It makes me feel pathetic. But I know Im a good person, wether they see it or not. Its definitely one of my top 5 reasons for wanting to lose weight. No one wants to hang out with the fat chick, right? Thankfully, I have my daughter to keep me company!
You are so beautiful. Don't put yourself down so much. ITS THEIR PROBLEM NOT YOURS!! 0 -
Try meetup.com to look for active people doing similar shtt as you in your area.
I suddenly became more popular after dropping 50 or so lbs.. I don't mind SLUT Life Wooooooo!!! (just kidding..sort of)
I reconnected with my old friend after my divorce and THANK GOD he was still single because now I have a partner in crime for bad *kitten* crazy shenanigans every weekend!!0 -
me!! *awkward turtle*0
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i do.
i am nice and fun. a lot of people i know sit around inside and play video games all day, or are content with never making plans.
i find i never get phone calls anymore, i have to call them.
does anyone else have this problem? some days they just don't seem worth the effort. i swear.
Thank you for posting this! I literally thought I was in the minority in feeling this way - alone if you will. I too feel really outgoing, willing to explore new stuff but alone a lot of the time. I've learned to enjoy my alone time & understand it's part of the age group I'm in (mid 30s) perhaps. People have a lot going on & social agendas are low priority.0 -
Same here.0
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YES! I haven't had actual friends in longer than I could say. No phone calls. No visits for coffee. No girls nights out. It's rather depressing, really.0
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Looks like you've had enough replies, but just wanted to say that I have the same problem! If anyone lives in the S. CA area, message me!!0
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I'm really grateful for this thread!
I find it so hard to make friends, and now I've moved to the middle of no where, all I have are my existing friends (all three of them!). It's weird, because on my blogger and twitter I get lots of followers and connect with people easily, but in real life I don't at all. I'm really shy, and do literally run away if I'm forced into a social situation (yes, literally - was outside with my boyfriend earlier and I heard the voice of our neighbour in the distance so I ran back inside before I was spotted!).0 -
I have had a hard time with it too. I always wanted someone else to make the effort to get to know me. I made some great friends, but then they didn't want to be around me anymore. I thought it was me, but honestly...I realized afterwards I always did things for them and they never once did anything for me. I have 3 great friends. I don't see them every day and I don't talk to them every day, but I know they're there. Most importantly to me is that I have Jesus. Not trying to make a religious thing out of this thread, but to some people...like myself...it's the most important thing.
But yes, loneliness is there, but don't overlook the people that are in your life. Honestly, you don't miss something until its gone.0 -
Yes it has always been hard for me. Since I became a mom so many of my "friends" fell off the map as well, it was ridiculous!
It's sad to say but I believe it's easier to find a good man than it is to find a female friend 0_o and that says a lot!0 -
alot of people are in the same situation and there are groups on the internet where you can hang out with people with similar interests. I think there is one site called 'meet up'.
i have seen this.....do you know of anyone who has used it. i feel so strange going out to spend time with strangers.
Yes! It's a great site. I met all my runner girl friends there, and there is always something to do. I would get nervous, too, but I'm the same way you are. Try it!
I'm a pretty private person, so people think I'm never upset or that I have it together. So, I don't have people to call sometimes when I'm wanting to talk. Or, people want to go party all the time and I'm over that (or they never want to do anything ... lol).
I have realized as I get older that I'm just very particular about who I let into my life. It can be lonely sometimes, but it's just who I am. I tell more to people on my newsfeed here than I do in my real life (except for my BFF).0 -
I'm terribly shy with no self confidence. I have a hard time even requesting friends on here, thinkning :why would they wanna be friends with me?" i'm my own worst enemy and critic most of the time 0
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No, making friends comes very easily.
Just get out and spend time with real people with common interests.
Have fun, be yourself, and the right folks will be drawn to you, and the toxic people will be repelled.0 -
Nope.0
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Apparently if you pick the right photo to be your main photo you get many friends LOL0
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Apparently if you pick the right photo to be your main photo you get many friends LOL
I gotta find a better photo!0 -
Apparently if you pick the right photo to be your main photo you get many friends LOL
I gotta find a better photo!
You got plenty of friends!0 -
Apparently if you pick the right photo to be your main photo you get many friends LOL
I gotta find a better photo!
You got plenty of friends!
But... But... You can never have too many friends0
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