does anyone have a hard time making friends?

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  • Elzecat
    Elzecat Posts: 2,916 Member
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    I don't anymore, but I was so shy as a younger person that I would literally cross the street so I did not have to make eye contact with a stranger and I hid in the back of the classroom so I didn't get called on lol...started growing out of it in the last part of high school and now I get comments about how friendly I am...I think you just have to find the right situation/people and put yourself out there. I joined a couple running groups through my local running store last summer and it was a great way to meet new people...I also have started talking to people at concerts (I photograph a lot of bands and am trying to get out from behind the lens and actually talk to people)...I met a really nice woman at a concert last year and after communicating via facebook for a while, we've started walking weekly at a local park, have been to the movies, and have gotten together for a few other events...it's definitely not as easy to make those deep friendships that we all had when we were kids, but I think it's doable...it takes alot of effort, and if you keep reaching out to people and they don't respond, I know it's frustrating but don't worry about it, just get to know someone else. I have a coworker who has used Meetup.com to get together with groups for dances, bible studies, etc and she really enjoys it.

    Sorry I rambled alot. I wish you the best--as much as I enjoy my online friendships (especially here at MFP) I agree that it is not the same as "real life" friendships!
  • HartJames
    HartJames Posts: 789 Member
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    Me! I know I'm partially to blame at this point. I don't put the effort in (been burned too many times!) I think a lot of people hang onto unhealthy or one sided relationships where as I kick them to the curb. I try to surround myself with positive/like-minded people, they just seem to be in short supply or not enough in common. I miss Califorina, I felt like I really "fit" there. Been in NY for yearrrssss and I still feel out of place. Have signed up for some Meet-Ups but yet to go....
  • ProjectTae
    ProjectTae Posts: 461 Member
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    I do sort of... I hand out with 5 other girls on the regular but I'm not particularly close to anyone in our circle it more of a (You like having a good time and so do I lets hang out) It's been ages since I've had a true best friend...
  • imissbagels
    imissbagels Posts: 166 Member
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    maybe we need to put ourselves out there more. at least this is what i tell myself.

    i have so many acquantances also.

    whenever i have a party, people say "oh, i will see what i'm doing..if i don't have plans"...um, you're doing my party, your plans are my party!

    maybe people are scared of my ambition....earlier this year i thought people might just be jealous of me, but i know that is so self-absorbed. i can't explain it otherwise.

    ^^this! If I ask early they say "well idk whats going on yet..." So I ask later and everyone has plans! Also I am so sick of people making plans right in front of me! how rude!!! Especially at work. Its like hello, im a human here. I have feelings. And I DO put myself out there. But no one wants me. Seriously. Its so pathetic. And when they have anything going on from huge blowouts to small get togethers, I NEVER cross their mind to invite. I know im a good fun person. I say to myself on a daily basis that "I just dont get it!!"
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,064 Member
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    whenever i have a party, people say "oh, i will see what i'm doing..if i don't have plans"...um, you're doing my party, your plans are my party!

    Not sure if this event is all you are inviting people too, but a lot of people dislike parties and will try to get out of them. More intimate, one on ones with friends are likely to go over better.
  • Dhellia
    Dhellia Posts: 84 Member
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    I've been struggling with this problem lately. I moved to a new city... and new country right after I graduated university. I couldn't have had worse timing. So my friends are spread out all over North America. But after moving here I have a hard time meeting people about my age with similar interests. So if anyone in Manitoba wants to hang out let me know :P
  • Elzecat
    Elzecat Posts: 2,916 Member
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    whenever i have a party, people say "oh, i will see what i'm doing..if i don't have plans"...um, you're doing my party, your plans are my party!

    Not sure if this event is all you are inviting people too, but a lot of people dislike parties and will try to get out of them. More intimate, one on ones with friends are likely to go over better.

    you bring up a good point--I know that I personally am not good at parties, I tend to hang out in the corner with the small children and/or animals lol instead of mingle well, I do better with a smaller group...
  • subcult
    subcult Posts: 262 Member
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    I weigh 300+ pounds and (according to my mother) look like a convicted felon. Yes, I have trouble making friends despite my dynamic and captivating personality. No, seriously.
    I work with a man who is over 300 hundred pounds I told him last Friday I'm buying a mountain bike and apparently he bikes some crazy trails and is taking me out early this Saturday day morning. I have a feeling hes going to be a lot better than me but honestly the reason I jumped at the chance do go is because of his weight it just made me more comfortable to go.
  • usernamejoe
    usernamejoe Posts: 219 Member
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    social media is killing personal interaction slowly
  • bananapopsicle1
    bananapopsicle1 Posts: 21 Member
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    There is a website, called "fitness singles", where people who want to combine their fitness/ workout activities with meeting up with new people can go; check it out :-)
  • bananapopsicle1
    bananapopsicle1 Posts: 21 Member
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    There is a website, called "fitness singles", where people who want to combine their fitness/ workout activities with meeting up with new people can go; check it out :-)
  • kmm7309
    kmm7309 Posts: 802 Member
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    I only have one friend and my husband, and I couldn't be happier!

    Seriously. At first I used to worry about how people felt about me, but then I would have these half-hearted friendships that were dissatisfying. When I cut my losses and focused on my favorite friendship, I realize how much more rewarding this friendship is. We know each other so well, and can tell each other anything. We are each other's safety net. I can't even get this kind of relationship out of family members (even my sister!), and I'm glad I just have one friend.

    I guess if we ever grew apart, it could get lonely, but I feel satisfied with all of it for right now.
  • Syderelli
    Syderelli Posts: 439 Member
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    hahah I seem to do okay on the internet but toss me in real life and I'm toast :sad:

    This! Me!
  • Deltafliers
    Deltafliers Posts: 201 Member
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    I guess it's a bit like dating - you gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find a friend.

    Well Said! :drinker:

    I feel the same way about friends, and have had this issue ever since I can remember. It is only until the last few years, I am realizing a big part of the issue. I am very, very assertive, and since learning this, I have learned to tone down depending on the circumstances which can be very difficult for me. Apparently, this either intimidates people or people take you as a know-it-all or both. I know this is so not the case with me; however, even tho I can tone down when the need arises, I cannot change who I am.

    I meet a lot of people constantly, and I have learned to thinnk of it as weeding. Usually the people I try to keep toned down for are the ones I put all my time and effort into with no recipricosity. I may not have many friends, and of those true friends none of them even live in the same state as me. But...I have learned to be ok with that, because when the going gets tough those gems are the ones who are there for me.

    Anyway, think about this friendship endeavor as a mining experience: how much work do you have to go thru to find at least one gem? :flowerforyou:
  • jkleon86
    jkleon86 Posts: 245 Member
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    I have a hard time too. im kinda shy.. plus i h ate bothering people. I always think that if so and so wanted to hang out they would call me. i call them thou.. usually just play phone tag or something.

    it can be rough :(

    I always feel like I am bothering people and it always seems when I call someone it is when they are busy and I KNOW people are busy and so am I but I can't help feeling I was being a bother. On the other hand though I do enjoy just staying home on my days off.Whats the song, "Make the world go away" I don't even call my sister I interrupt her tv when I do :(
  • LilacDreamer
    LilacDreamer Posts: 1,365 Member
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    YES.

    I was never good at making friends when I was in school. I was chubby and extremely hyper (undiagnosed adhd). that made me stand out and the kids bullied me every day for 12 years. They picked on me for everything, right down to the fact that I couldn't eat the foods that they ate. I was born with a medical condition, and I had to eat a lot of special foods because my body couldn't metabolize the proteins in regular foods (I can eat a lot more now than I used to). That made me "weird" and the subject of ridicule.

    As I grew up, most of the hyperactivity went away and I became quite shy and introverted. When you're an adult, it's even more difficult to "make friends" because I don't like to do the things other people my age do. I don't drink, I don't go to bars, clubs and lounges, I don't partake in recreational drug usage, I don't consider going to get a "mani pedi" a good time, and my husband and I don't have kids. I don't really "fit" anywhere. the FEW friends I had in school have either moved away, moved on and had kids, or they are dead (that's just 1 friend)

    it's tough, so the only friend I have is my husband....i guess that's pretty pathetic.
  • sleonardbranson
    sleonardbranson Posts: 161
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    I think there are many people, including myself who have limited or no friends. Life is busy, and as we age as some of you have mentioned, makes it that much harder to start over and make friends. I'm so busy at home with five daughters, a home ran business, husband , that I have lost touch of even wanting friends. I have no time to even commit to giving myself let alone friends. I do sit back sometimes and feel jealous when I see women hanging out together, having fun...

    I'm very outgoing and not shy at all, but still can't seem to have any friends.... Maybe I just don't give it enough effort... So I guess we are all not alone....
  • spicypepper
    spicypepper Posts: 1,016 Member
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    My job depends on me being social. I've always been a social butterfly, so this hasn't ever been an issue for me.

    Now weeding out the weirdos is a completely different topic for me ;)
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    I find that I have much better success making individual friends. Most of my friends have met at some point, but aren't super close with each other. They all seems to get along ok, but no real spark. I don't really click with a lot of my friends' friends.

    I have 8 people I would consider close friends (I'm including my husband) and no real acquaintances. Fewer people, but better quality in terms of relationships.
  • bigaussiebloke
    bigaussiebloke Posts: 257 Member
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    Yup.... I know exactly how you feel! If I don't call or make contact, I don't hear a thing. I even see "friends" on my facebook account talk about having parties, get togethers with mutual friends etc... and when I casually bring up or ask about how it all went, I get the "It was great" or "we all had such a great time" not even a comment in regards to the fact that I might have been overlooked or "sorry we should have called you"

    I think I am a pretty nice guy, I get along with pretty much anyone. I am successful in my work place etc.... but, and this is not to get any sympathy at all, but if someone were to ask me who my best friends were or who was my best mate..I would have to say - no one....

    Oh well enough about the lonely loser....Got work to do ;)

    Greg

    PS - I should add that I don't just sit at home waiting for friends to contact me....I make a concerted effort to try and keep connections with friends but always seem to be met with "We should get together soon" or "I would love to catch up but I am just soooo busy" so after a while you just kinda say "Fk it why bother!"

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