(some of the) American guys...

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  • AnninStPaul
    AnninStPaul Posts: 1,372 Member
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    where are you meeting these losers? whoever does the asking out pays. if I picked a place that was spendy (outside the guys budget), I paid.

    I would think about where and how you are meeting these guys.

    And if any of them are expecting you to sleep with them simply because they paid for dinner...well that's a whole different profession than you want to be in.
  • marnet12
    marnet12 Posts: 73 Member
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    Unless you agree on Dutch up front, whoever does the invite, does the paying . . . IMHO. BTW, lots of good things to do on a date are free----keep it outta the gutter :noway:
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
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    Unfortunately, I know more females that take advantage of men (and their wallets) then the other way around. Most women that I know can go out for a night on the town without paying for much (maybe the first cover charge, and 1 drink).

    Most first dates fail, particularly if the two people met on an online dating site. I would bet online dating site first dates fail at a higher percentage than when the two people have their first interactions in person.

    Anyway, this relates to money because if a guy pays for a first date and it fails, he's lost money and time, whereas the woman has lost time. It is a worse loss for the man. So if you're a guy and you go out on 5 first dates in a month and all 5 fail to yield a 2nd date, you've lost at least $100, even if you keep costs down pretty well.

    Nevertheless, the important thing regarding costs is to do more upfront screening to try to select good people to date that will yield more 2nd dates and beyond.
  • CalJur
    CalJur Posts: 627 Member
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    Too broad of a generalization to cast upon "American" guys. You met a cheap guy. Period. Either you are comfortable with it or not. If not move on. Simple.
  • MarcoRod
    MarcoRod Posts: 150 Member
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    There is a huge difference between being cheap and having no class. A guy who complains about prices and how women don't have to pay simply has no class.

    Someone on a budget can be discrete about his finances and choose less expensive places to hang out. If you're a down-to-earth girl you might enjoy activities that don't require a lot of money. If you need to be treated lavishly then maybe the guy wasn't right for you. Many guys worry they are only being "used".

    Question to OP: how would you feel about a guy that was upfront and said he liked you but really couldn't afford to go to high-end restaurants/bars or buy you stuff?
  • qtiekiki
    qtiekiki Posts: 1,490 Member
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    he doesn't make his own money. we both study abroad so his parents are paying for everything. he is my age.

    so you are then really complaining that his parents don't pay for him to take girls out...how rude of them. This has nothing to do with his nationality. It is bc he is a poor college student...not because he is an American tightwad.

    Don't all college students complain about not having enough money??? That's the reason that they complain about money, not because they are Americans.
  • SVCat
    SVCat Posts: 1,483 Member
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    It all depends on what the guy wants, if he wants to just hook up...then he isn't going to invest. If he's trying to go somewhere with you...relationship wise, then he will invest some cash into you.

    So it isn't about being cheap, it's about being motivated for whatever motive.
  • qtiekiki
    qtiekiki Posts: 1,490 Member
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    Also maybe he isn't really thinking about a long term relationship with you, since you are both abroad and will probably not be in the same area after you go home??? Just doesn't seem like he cares.
  • aliann30
    aliann30 Posts: 291 Member
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    Let me help you OP.

    Being a Serbian guy in America I can attest to people here being alot bigger cheapstakes than in Serbia where money is much more scarce. But I don't think you can call this a problem or slap an American label on it. People in Serbia are more different in their ways or culture than most people and always looking to please guests/friends. Going out with Serbian friends can be more of a drag as we always argue over who has the privilege of paying the bill. I'm not going to say either way is right or wrong, nor pass judgement on people.

    THIS! i don't like serbian guys in particular but i am used to guy paying a bill. but i don't expect that!

    Yes, this is the same reason I don't like Serbian girls. They are usually spoiled little snobs expecting to be catered to for every little thing for doing absolutely nothing.

    nice...so you both start out bashing Americans...and then turn on each other. No one ever wins.
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
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    If you are 21 or 22, then this isn't a big deal.
    Other than that, start setting your goals higher(ie find guys with money). Contrary to what television shows tell you, many men that make a good income ARE ALSO very nice people. They are nice to themselves AND to others.
  • marieautumn
    marieautumn Posts: 932 Member
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    i'm american so i obviously date american men, and i can honestly say i've never really had this problem. my rule is if he expects you to pay on the first date or to pick him up, run. a man is supposed to be a man! I was dating a guy once who invited me and one of my friends to meet him and his friends at a pool hall. We had been seeing each other for a few months. I hardly drink but he pressured me to order a drink from the waitress when she came by so my friend and i ordered 1 drink each. when the bill came he had the nerve to say "what are we going to do about these 2 cherry vodka sours?" like really? you had how many buckets of beer on your tab and you are going to cry about 2 drinks you pressured us to get? so i paid the whole bill (including his drinks) and never called him again. i dont wanna date some one who is stingy and selfish. and yes i know everyone is going to disagree but oh well. :flowerforyou:
  • kimbly71
    kimbly71 Posts: 188
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    american guys suck.
    Wow! You sound like a delight to be around!
  • angelalawsons
    angelalawsons Posts: 30 Member
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    If you like a guy and he likes you then nobody is talking about money at all or who will pay for what. It just happens. Whether you pay sometimes or not they may be paranoid that you are materialistic or money hungry. There are so many cute girls that think just because theyre cute men should cater to their every need. But you have to bring something to the table too because being cute isnt enough. Plus if you go out to a club with a date and youre getting alot of attention from other men, even if you ignore the other men your date will feel insecure. They would never admit that. But its true trust me.Try not to always date at night at a busy spot. Try to plan something different with him instead like a picnic, a beach day, or a nature walk by waterfalls. :-) Theres a famous saying in America that " A fool and his money are soon parted." Alot of people who i know that are well off didnt get there by throwing money away night after night on food and drinks. Maybe youre getting lucky enough to find the men who are more careful with their money and make wiser decisions. Anyhow I dont know you so its difficult to make an accurate assumtion. But these are my thoughts.
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,291 Member
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    In-Before-the-Lock.gif
    \m/
  • chivalryder
    chivalryder Posts: 4,391 Member
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    I hear about that far too often. Where abouts do you live? We should go out some time. You should be treated like a lady.
  • angelalawsons
    angelalawsons Posts: 30 Member
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    I agree with " svcat" I think alot of it has to do with the guys motives.
  • f1ctional
    f1ctional Posts: 235
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    You met a cheap guy. Not all guys are like that. Not all Americans are like that.

    yep.
  • rocketpopsicles
    rocketpopsicles Posts: 170
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    EXACTLY.

    Not all girls are skinny.
    Not all guys are handsome
    Not all guys want to spend money on girls.

    Not all humans eat healthy.
    Not all animals are wild.


    Basically, You met one person. maybe some others, but you can not define an entire country on that..
  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
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    There is a huge difference between being cheap and having no class. A guy who complains about prices and how women don't have to pay simply has no class.

    Someone on a budget can be discrete about his finances and choose less expensive places to hang out. If you're a down-to-earth girl you might enjoy activities that don't require a lot of money. If you need to be treated lavishly then maybe the guy wasn't right for you. Many guys worry they are only being "used".

    Question to OP: how would you feel about a guy that was upfront and said he liked you but really couldn't afford to go to high-end restaurants/bars or buy you stuff?

    I totally agree with this.

    As well, the whole finance thing on a date and who pays thing is still a sensitive subject. Feminism really has made a funky impact on the dating world, at least in the US.
  • _Bob_
    _Bob_ Posts: 1,487 Member
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    I'll add an observation. when I was a kid i delivered pizza and had friends that were waitresses. something we noticed is that the people that seem to have money are the ones that are super cheep with tips.

    I hated delivering to the upper-class areas because they never tipped or gave small tips. now the poor neighborhoods usually tipped better and were much friendlier.

    allowing the cost of things to spoil a good night out is ridiculous. if you're worried about money don't go out as often but don't allow it to spoil the times you do go out.

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