relationships and F***ing up
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I'm about to get corny BUT, if you're already in a relationship you are agreeing to be with that person and only that person (unless you have negotiated other terms, like open relationships) Come on, we all know how relationships work...especially marriage!
it's in you're vows to be faithful, honest etc....so if you know you'll give into the temptations, or don't believe in monogamy, simply don't get into a relationship. There actually are a lot of people who feel the same now days, find them! Not someone who will be devastated when they find out. and believe me it's pretty obvious which is which.
edited for this:
Also if you're in a relationship and not having sex THAT'S A BIG PROBLEM! TMI- but if I don't get it enough, i just get *****y plain and simple. I know the whole "sex isn't the only thing that matters" quote is thrown around a lot, and no it's not the only thing that matters but it does come in a close SECOND to whatever is put first
You NEED this in a relationship and anyone who says otherwise is just ignorant. Those women who cut off sex is like the men cutting off saying I love you or whatever it is that most females need to stay in a relationship.
That being said, how are your opinions on threesomes? just curious :drinker:0 -
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Your lack of intelligence and humor makes me sick, so we are even.
Oh I have a great sense of humor...just not when it comes to things like abortion. That subject is never funny! Maybe if your mother had had one...now that would make me laugh!
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Rude, now you are getting personal.
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Oh and you weren't getting personal?? Just saying it isn't that funny in a personal context is it? it shouldn't be funny period!!
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You are just Bitter Betsy today.0 -
Very interesting conversation. I'll be reading this later.0
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Part of the problem, I think, is that our culture lies to us and tells us that we should be with someone "perfect" and that anything less than perfect is "settling". We sometimes build up an ideal, fantasy, romance in our minds, but no partner in reality can live up to that ideal. So, people bounce around from partner to partner looking for that perfect, fantasy romance. It's hard to set aside those fantasies and get used to the idea that everyone is flawed. IMO, if you find someone who fits 80% of your ideal, fantasy partner you're doing really damn good.
I was just reading an article about this:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sheryl-paul/letters-to-a-runaway-brid_b_1656764.html
^^ very smart man!
i fully agree here! my marriage is not "perfect". being totally and brutally honest? my husband gets on my damn nerves half the time. LOL i still love him just the same.0 -
I wonder how long until this thread gets locked by a mod.0
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I don't know about cheating...but I am _______ disappointed I am so late coming into this thread. I keep missing the fun today.0
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Part of the problem, I think, is that our culture lies to us and tells us that we should be with someone "perfect" and that anything less than perfect is "settling". We sometimes build up an ideal, fantasy, romance in our minds, but no partner in reality can live up to that ideal. So, people bounce around from partner to partner looking for that perfect, fantasy romance. It's hard to set aside those fantasies and get used to the idea that everyone is flawed. IMO, if you find someone who fits 80% of your ideal, fantasy partner you're doing really damn good.
I was just reading an article about this:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sheryl-paul/letters-to-a-runaway-brid_b_1656764.html
^^ very smart man!
i fully agree here! my marriage is not "perfect". being totally and brutally honest? my husband gets on my damn nerves half the time. LOL i still love him just the same.
Marriage is the hardest damn thing you can engage in. My wife and I want to kill each other sometimes, but it also the most rewarding thing. She and I are truly one being and I cannot imagine life without her.0 -
I don't know about cheating...but I am _______ disappointed I am so late coming into this thread. I keep missing the fun today.
More fun in my bedroom later... room 215. Be there or be square!0 -
I don't know about cheating...but I am _______ disappointed I am so late coming into this thread. I keep missing the fun today.
More fun in my bedroom later... room 215. Be there or be square!
DONE!!!!0 -
Agree..the key word being AFTER!You can't a fault a person for cheating if they're upgrading. lol
Yes I can. Upgrade all you want - after you break up with your current partner.0 -
That being said, how are your opinions on threesomes? just curious :drinker:
THAT thread got deleted super fast.0 -
@JC
With respect, that is a terribly shallow definition of happiness and selfish as well. Happiness is about being in a loving and lasting relationship with another and ceasing to be just one's self. A marriage is a bond between two people and sex is part of it but not the most important part. If sex is all that makes you happy than by all means do not marry and have all the sex you want. I am strictly talking about marriage. If you are not married and unhappy than move on to happiness.
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Respect? This is chit-chat, fun and games and you Mr. just called me shallow and selfish.
I respect that you are happy being one with your wife for the rest of e-t-e-r-n-i-t-y.0 -
You can't a fault a person for cheating if they're upgrading. lol
Yes I can. Upgrade all you want - after you break up with your current partner.
^^^^^^^^^^^^ THIS!0 -
That being said, how are your opinions on threesomes? just curious :drinker:
THAT thread got deleted super fast.
Did someone suggest it burnt double calories :laugh:0 -
why do people in relationships constantly **** up by cheating, lying, ect? if we know that these behaviors are wrong and will only lead to problems why do we still do them?
obliviously not everyone does this kind of thing, but in general what are your thoughts?
My theory-and it sounds horrible
Most relationships are doomed because one of couple will feel they can do better. Sometimes true. Sometimes not. The relationships that do last is the odd circumstance when BOTH feel like they CAN'T do better.0 -
My theory-and it sounds horrible
Most relationships are doomed because one of couple will feel they can do better. Sometimes true. Sometimes not. The relationships that do last is the odd circumstance when BOTH feel like they CAN'T do better.
A life with CAN'T do better would suck. The trick is that _WE_ can do better together is more important than I can do better.0 -
My theory-and it sounds horrible
Most relationships are doomed because one of couple will feel they can do better. Sometimes true. Sometimes not. The relationships that do last is the odd circumstance when BOTH feel like they CAN'T do better.
A life with CAN'T do better would suck. The trick is that _WE_ can do better together is more important than I can do better.
Can't do better 'should'=they are so great i could never do better if I tried...0 -
You can't a fault a person for cheating if they're upgrading. lol
If your partner is not giving you what you need then it only makes you crave it more....and it can be anything from interesting conversation to hot sex.....but if your not getting what you require at home it is human nature to find it somewhere else
Ok fine! They are not giving you what you need...so why not break up with that person instead of cheating on them?
mybe because you have had a long life together with kids and it is not that you hate or dislike the other person, but they just don't do something for you...doesn't have to mean sex....could be anything....0 -
If your spouse is refusing to have sex for reasons other than chronic pain/disability than what is the purpose of staying together?
Exactly. Celibacy doesn't count as monogamy. That's called "having a roommate".
Yes, and nobody wants that I know but why not talk about the problem? It is probably a communication issue. People drift in and out of love during a marriage and if communication fails then that is when this kind of stuff happens. Just wish the cheated on partner would have a chance to change whatever behavior is driving the spouse to cheat before it happens.
My spouse and I went through something like this and went for a period of time without sex. It all came back to lack of communication. Once we figured it out, we started making up for lost time and we haven't stopped since. BUT, neither of us cheated on the other. I am sure we both thought about it, but we both believe that as long as you are in a marriage, sex is only between the husband and wife (I don't count porn as cheating). That's why we were able to bring our marriage back around and why we are still together after 22 years.0 -
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Your lack of intelligence and humor makes me sick, so we are even.
Oh I have a great sense of humor...just not when it comes to things like abortion. That subject is never funny! Maybe if your mother had had one...now that would make me laugh!
Rude, now you are getting personal.
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Oh and you weren't getting personal?? Just saying it isn't that funny in a personal context is it? it shouldn't be funny period!!
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You are just Bitter Betsy today.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8jJ5Fag6uU
This is going to be in my head for the rest of the day.0 -
HEY! ANYONE MARRIED OR IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP WANNA EFF ME RIGHT NOW? I KNOW I'M A HOBO, SO IT WOULD HAVE TO BE AT YOUR PLACE! HA HA HA I HOPE YOU LIKE HAIRY GUYS WHO SMELL BAD AND SMOKE AND DRINK AND DO BATH SALTS!!! COME ON!! I WON'T TELL YOUR MAN, JUST DONT TELL MY WIFE! ZOMG LOLOLOLOL0
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My personal thought is that if someone is cheating on someone they are in a relationship with, they aren't really committed to being in that relationship.
^^^This!0 -
I think one reason people cheat is because they do not accept that temptation is a normal part of being human. I have been very tempted sexually at various times and even more so now that I have lost weight. However, I admit and accept temptation is just a momentary desire for physical gratification which is far less valuable to me than the eternal love I have with my wife. I think if we are honest about temptation and even allow ourselves to flirt safely then we are far more productive in our actual relationships. Attraction to someone is normal, cheating is not.
Great answer! Shows true maturity. 0 -
You can't a fault a person for cheating if they're upgrading. lol
What Ever...I'm not going thru training again. NOPE, NOT ME!0 -
Wow....this thread really took off since I logged in earlier.
Personally, I think its all down to communication and respect for each other.
I've was with my ex for 15 years, he cheated twice, I never cheated but I forgave him, however I will never forget. Now, our biggest problem is communication and respect. When I got back with him back end of last year, it was great - we spoke more openly, felt more relaxed and tried to really make it work. The minute we took on a really stressful venture - the relationship has gone downhill ever since....He won't listen and won't accept anything other than what he wants to hear, I don't like confrontation therefore will just let the situation go however, I have not stood up or defended myself as I should have.
We have a little one and live together still but its just like existing together for the sake of our little one. So....I naturally have found myself looking towards other people for the "communication / respect" that I don't get at home.
It's wierd - I know I need and should be completely on my own (should happen in a couple of months when able to), yet I still care for him and wish we could make things work. But deep down, i know it just isn't going to. It was discussed that our relationship was over, yet he speaks like we're still together. I don't get it. So what happens if I meet someone new and start seeing them.....is that classed as cheating? Do I stay and make things work with the ex? Is there any point when the same issues keep cropping up?
I don't go out looking for anyone new. Yep, I will not deny that I have I suppose expected more from certain people than I should, but at the end of the day, when you're emotionally torn up and craving something that's missing in your relationship, you naturally look for people who you connect with in a bid to fill that void. That doesn't necessarily mean sleeping with someone either....for me, it's just someone who I can actually connect with and who understands and respects me for who I am - even my flaws and insecurities. Someone who can just converse with me without snapping or being irrational.
In fact.... I just need a new male best friend. lol.0 -
I know its generally accepted that its the guy that cheats, but in my case I was the faithful one. I think in these days its just seems easier to let go and move on rather than work things through unfortunately. I actually find whats between the ears more stimulating than other body parts most of the time. I saw a great saying a few weeks ago, wish I could take credit for it though, it goes....a girl can f**k with your mind, but a woman explores it..
Where are the women in my life!..haha:huh:0 -
I feel like lying feeds cheating feeds lying. Failure to communicate what you need from your partner (lying by omission) turns into a desire for something more, which becomes cheating if acted on. Then the feelings of guilt and fear of getting caught motivate further lying, which leads the relationship to feeling shallow, which leads to wanting more, which again turns to cheating, which fosters more lying, which fosters more cheating, and so on, and so forth.
I feel like though the person who chooses to act on their desires is definitely more at fault, it is both lovers' responsibility to ensure the other is getting what they need. Frequent open, honest discussions about every aspect of the relationship are important, and both partners need to feel comfortable expressing what they want and need. If partner A needs something partner B isn't giving them, and partner B gets angry or hostile when partner A brings this up, of course partner A isn't going to bring it up. If partner A decides to cheat to get what they don't feel comfortable asking for from partner B, is it partner B's fault? No - it was partner A's choice. However, if partner B had been more open to communication about this need, partner A might not have made that choice.
Does that make sense? It's just my observation, anyway.0 -
If you have to resort to cheating and lying, then it just shows that you're not committed to your partner.
I don't understand why people would forgive someone who CHEATS on them??? 0 -
I know its generally accepted that its the guy that cheats, but in my case I was the faithful one. I think in these days its just seems easier to let go and move on rather than work things through unfortunately. I actually find whats between the ears more stimulating than other body parts most of the time. I saw a great saying a few weeks ago, wish I could take credit for it though, it goes....a girl can f**k with your mind, but a woman explores it..
Where are the women in my life!..haha:huh:
I'll class myself as a women then! LOL!0 -
it sucks....my bf has been being a total lying scumbag recently. I went through his phone and found sign ups for fling ads, craigslist posts, etc. it hurts so much
i think it's because he's a sex addict and i don't put out enough >.<0
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