Sleeping in seperate beds, what do you think?

Beleg

I am 37 and my wife and I have shared a bed for the last 15 yrs. Only time we have slept apart is if I have been off for training for work or deployed over seas. My wife and I fall asleep holding each others hand every night. Even when we are mad and not talking to each other. Its a promise we made to each other before we got married that regardless of anger we would still show love to each other when going to bed. I have been in dog house many a times in 15 yrs and never once was I required to sleep on the couch. Relationships are about compromise. You have to be able to compromise with each other for it to work if you don't then you both are wasting each others time.

JustJennie1

There is more to it than him not wanting anything to happen or being inconsiderate or not caring she's naked. The OP is not addressing the whole issue.

Probably not. I'm sure she has other reasons for wanting to leave that aren't mentioned here. She's seeking justification to leave. I don't hear pleas of "How do I fix this?"

No kidding. Why don't you go back and reread my posts hmm? In each and every one I said that there is another issue and that we are not getting the whole story. I never said she was asking to fix anything. Not addressing the whole issue -ie it is something other than the not sleeping together - is not saying she's asking to fix something.

Jebbster007

Ugh, you also said you are in your early twenties and he has been living alone for a long time. Is he much older than you? I don't care who disagrees with me, but as a FABULOUS 42 year old woman - I am TELLING you, no good guy would want to be with a younger girl. People who are older have more life experience come from a position of power and an imbalance of power in a relationship is never good. PLUS are moving into his place? WHY? Do you plan on building a life together or just fitting into his? You should RUN!!!

I know you said you dont care who disagrees with you, but I dont care either! Your statement about "no good guy would want to be with a younger girl" is extremely stupid!! There is a 16 year difference b/w my husband and I and we have been together over 6 years. Just b/c someone is older than you that does not mean they "come from a position of power" as you stated. Also they may have lived longer than their partner but "life experience" comes from the exeriences you have not from the number of years you have lived!! I really do not understand how this comment would help the OP question about separate beds anyway. Oh well my comment to you really doesnt help the OP either, but when I recognize stupid, something must be said!

You're my newest hero

Krissy366

A recent study revealed that 1 in 4 couples don't share a bed, and that it has no impact on their level of intimacy. I love snuggling up with my husband, but I also love to sleep on the diagonal. We also like two completely different types of mattress. There are nights we sleep together (most nights), but when one of us is feeling the need for a particularly good night sleep for whatever reason (or when one of us is sick) we split up, with no issue.

leannems

All you need to do is ask him why he wants to sleep in a separate bed. Then ask yourself why it bothers you.

If his reasons are valid, but it still bothers you, and there's no compromise, then maybe move on. Not all people are meant to be together, and something like sleeping in the same bed may be a dealbreaker for you, where as its not for many other folks here. And vice versa (sleeping in the same bed may be a dealbreaker for your boyfriend).

Ultimately, you both should discuss the reasons behind, and then see what you want to live with. It's only a big deal if it's a big deal to you or to him.

And to this person:

Ugh, you also said you are in your early twenties and he has been living alone for a long time. Is he much older than you? I don't care who disagrees with me, but as a FABULOUS 42 year old woman - I am TELLING you, no good guy would want to be with a younger girl. People who are older have more life experience come from a position of power and an imbalance of power in a relationship is never good. PLUS are moving into his place? WHY? Do you plan on building a life together or just fitting into his? You should RUN!!!

Your generalization is unintelligent, uninformed, and offensive. I'm sure you've only dated people who were exactly your own age, all the time. Go stereotype elsewhere. Or at least start your own, bitter, age-difference hating thread.

xtanea

His reason for sleeping in seperate beds is so that he can get a good sleep which I find weird considering I'm the most quiet sleeper in the world and he actually snores!

I'm thinking of breaking up with him over it, it's so hard not to take it personally and wonder if this is really about him or me. He has lived on his own for quite a long time though and I guess you become accustomed to that single lifestyle?

I kindof agree. Dump him. You can find someone who will sleep in the same bed with you.

tashjs21

Maybe you sleep like this

_the_feniks_

If he has ever dressed, for Halloween, as one of the following characters in his adult life: police officer, American Indian chief, cowboy, biker, construction worker, or a military man... he's gay.

crooks_RN

Ugh, you also said you are in your early twenties and he has been living alone for a long time. Is he much older than you? I don't care who disagrees with me, but as a FABULOUS 42 year old woman - I am TELLING you, no good guy would want to be with a younger girl. People who are older have more life experience come from a position of power and an imbalance of power in a relationship is never good. PLUS are moving into his place? WHY? Do you plan on building a life together or just fitting into his? You should RUN!!!

I know you said you dont care who disagrees with you, but I dont care either! Your statement about "no good guy would want to be with a younger girl" is extremely stupid!! There is a 16 year difference b/w my husband and I and we have been together over 6 years. Just b/c someone is older than you that does not mean they "come from a position of power" as you stated. Also they may have lived longer than their partner but "life experience" comes from the exeriences you have not from the number of years you have lived!! I really do not understand how this comment would help the OP question about separate beds anyway. Oh well my comment to you really doesnt help the OP either, but when I recognize stupid, something must be said!

You're my newest hero

Awwww....thanks!! :blushing:

Pspetal

Maybe you sleep like this

Hahahhahahhaah this is so me! My poor husband simply wakes up, walks over to the other side of the bed, holds me tightly and goes back to sleep.

chunkyjeff

. All you need to do is ask him why he wants to sleep in a separate bed. Then ask yourself why it bothers you.

If his reasons are valid, but it still bothers you, and there's no compromise, then maybe move on. Not all people are meant to be together, and something like sleeping in the same bed may be a dealbreaker for you, where as its not for many other folks here. And vice versa (sleeping in the same bed may be a dealbreaker for your boyfriend).

Ultimately, you both should discuss the reasons behind, and then see what you want to live with. It's only a big deal if it's a big deal to you or to him.

And to this person:
QUOTE:

Ugh, you also said you are in your early twenties and he has been living alone for a long time. Is he much older than you? I don't care who disagrees with me, but as a FABULOUS 42 year old woman - I am TELLING you, no good guy would want to be with a younger girl. People who are older have more life experience come from a position of power and an imbalance of power in a relationship is never good. PLUS are moving into his place? WHY? Do you plan on building a life together or just fitting into his? You should RUN!!!



Your generalization is unintelligent, uninformed, and offensive. I'm sure you've only dated people who were exactly your own age, all the time. Go stereotype elsewhere. Or at least start your own, bitter, age-difference hating thread .



Now that is one great response :drinker:

lizziebeth1028

If he has ever dressed, for Halloween, as one of the following characters in his adult life: police officer, American Indian chief, cowboy, biker, construction worker, or a military man... he's gay.

:laugh: :laugh:

IronmanPanda

After reading all the replies, my money is still on "She farts when she sleeps"

chunkyjeff

. All you need to do is ask him why he wants to sleep in a separate bed. Then ask yourself why it bothers you.

If his reasons are valid, but it still bothers you, and there's no compromise, then maybe move on. Not all people are meant to be together, and something like sleeping in the same bed may be a dealbreaker for you, where as its not for many other folks here. And vice versa (sleeping in the same bed may be a dealbreaker for your boyfriend).

Ultimately, you both should discuss the reasons behind, and then see what you want to live with. It's only a big deal if it's a big deal to you or to him.

And to this person:
QUOTE:

Ugh, you also said you are in your early twenties and he has been living alone for a long time. Is he much older than you? I don't care who disagrees with me, but as a FABULOUS 42 year old woman - I am TELLING you, no good guy would want to be with a younger girl. People who are older have more life experience come from a position of power and an imbalance of power in a relationship is never good. PLUS are moving into his place? WHY? Do you plan on building a life together or just fitting into his? You should RUN!!!



Your generalization is unintelligent, uninformed, and offensive. I'm sure you've only dated people who were exactly your own age, all the time. Go stereotype elsewhere. Or at least start your own, bitter, age-difference hating thread .



Now thats one great response

dandaninc

Right now I am sleep deprived because my dear boyfriend snore!!!

So I vote for sleeping in 2 different rooms

I sleep in a seperate room for this very reason.

I hate it but my wife is the same way as you.

I didn't always snore when I met my beautiful amazing wife.

I gained 60 lbs which is when the snoring started.

Now I'm doing everything I can to get back into that bed. (going from 275-199)

wolfi622

Apparently, it's not so unusual:

http://home.lifegoesstrong.com/will-sleeping-separate-bedrooms-save-or-destroy-your-marriage-weigh

nikkiprickett

oh hell no!
that's just ridiculous.
I can't even say anything else.

gypsybree

I couldn't imagine not sleeping with someone you want to be with... My ex-husband used to sleep on the couch and then finally I moved all his **** into another room so he'd not ruin my couch.
And like I said, that's my ex-husband.


That said, Would you like these bunk beds as a wedding gift?

gypsybree

Right now I am sleep deprived because my dear boyfriend snore!!!

So I vote for sleeping in 2 different rooms

I sleep in a seperate room for this very reason.

I hate it but my wife is the same way as you.

I didn't always snore when I met my beautiful amazing wife.

I gained 60 lbs which is when the snoring started.

Now I'm doing everything I can to get back into that bed. (going from 275-199)

dude, you're effin awesome to want to get back into that bed and working to do it!

thcri

Right now I am sleep deprived because my dear boyfriend snore!!!

So I vote for sleeping in 2 different rooms

This, in fact she snores so loud I have gone to a different level of the house