Sleeping in seperate beds, what do you think?

Starla_86
Starla_86 Posts: 88
in Chit-Chat
I'm in my early 20s and I'm probably being over the top about it but my boyfriend is happy for us to be sleeping in the same room but separate beds. It makes me upset because I would like to wake up next to him and cuddle blah blah...
Right now we're having an argument about it and he's not talking to me...we're both not talking to each other really.

Am I making a big deal out of this? and it's not like the beds are right next to each other, they're basically on different sides of the room.
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Replies

  • Jbjessi
    Jbjessi Posts: 288
    Maybe try King Size bed if he needs space to sleep comfortably??
    Try to understand his feelings too..
  • Lone_Wolf70
    Lone_Wolf70 Posts: 2,820 Member
    Hey, at least you wont get pregnant.
  • smiley245
    smiley245 Posts: 420 Member
    I don't get it? he is a man and doesn't want to sleep in the same bed?:noway:
    ok...uhhh trying to come up with good reasons for this. (kind of hard)
    Is it that he only has 2 single beds in the room and would really prefer to have space when he sleeps?(2 ppl in a single, fun...but not for sleeping)
    Is he still living with mom and dad? Could this be parental rules?
    Is it a religious belief kind of thing?
    can the beds be moved closer?
    I find this odd, but that could just be me.
  • juliecat1
    juliecat1 Posts: 3,450 Member
    How did that even happen? Serious question
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    Personally, I'd find it off putting.
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,749 Member
    You've really only given a small piece of the whole story. WHY does he want to sleep in separate beds is the question. If he's the kind of person who just doesn't like sleeping with someone then fine. That's just how he is and you can't change that.

    I think it's rather silly that you are having an argument over it and you're not speaking to each other right now.
  • _skittybang
    _skittybang Posts: 970 Member
    Maybe you should stop dutch ovening him. It's funny the 1st .... ok, it's always funny.



    But seriously, I'd be pretty offended. It's fair to say your being upset it warranted.
  • YouAreTheShit
    YouAreTheShit Posts: 510 Member
    Unless there's a VERY good known reason for this behavior, like a child who needs a parent's attention during the night, or a partner that has a medical issue and needs physical space, then this action is a bad sign.

    With the occasional rare situation taken into consideration, if a man doesn't want to be all near his girl's business before, during, and after sleep, then there's a problem between he and the girl in his head. I'm sure of it...

    Good luck working through it...
  • AmyFett
    AmyFett Posts: 1,607 Member
    I never sleep with my husband, he's worked nights for a year now, I'm so used to sleeping alone that when he has nights off, we don't sleep together still.
  • Starla_86
    Starla_86 Posts: 88
    His reason for sleeping in seperate beds is so that he can get a good sleep which I find weird considering I'm the most quiet sleeper in the world and he actually snores!

    I'm thinking of breaking up with him over it, it's so hard not to take it personally and wonder if this is really about him or me. He has lived on his own for quite a long time though and I guess you become accustomed to that single lifestyle?
  • kateanne27
    kateanne27 Posts: 275 Member
    your not speaking to eachother because your having a disagreement? reevaluate your reasons for living together, I wouldn't want to live in a home where this is an okay way to behave toward someone you care about. Just me tho.
  • Yanicka1
    Yanicka1 Posts: 4,564 Member
    Right now I am sleep deprived because my dear boyfriend snore!!!

    So I vote for sleeping in 2 different rooms
  • SVCat
    SVCat Posts: 1,483 Member
    Dude is an idiot...sorry, he just is. If you want to force his hand, wear the tiniest shorts or thong and nothing else. Don't cover up and make sure he has a nice view of the goodies.

    I would tie a rope to the cieling and swing over there head first.
  • cmeade20
    cmeade20 Posts: 1,238 Member
    Some people lik their space when they sleep. I for one can't stand it when someone tries to cuddle with me when Im sleeping.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    Maybe you fart in your sleep?
  • Starla_86
    Starla_86 Posts: 88
    lol sometimes its been so hot at night that i wear nothing! he knows it but doesn't seem to care :I
  • hesn92
    hesn92 Posts: 5,966 Member
    My boyfriend sometimes just can't sleep with someone else there. Most of the time he sleeps better with me there, but sometimes he just needs to be by himself. We do not live together now but when we do, he said every once in a while he will need to sleep in a separate bed from me, or on the couch. If he wanted separate beds for all the time like yours does and it was really that hard for him to sleep in the same bed with someone else, I would probably just deal with it if I loved him. I don't really think it's that big of a deal. It's not as if you wont ever have sex or cuddle. Just not in the night when you're sleeping. For me, personally... when it's time for sleep, it's time for sleep. leave me alone.
  • Momjogger
    Momjogger Posts: 750 Member
    Is he open to putting the beds together so you can slide over for a little cuddle time and then roll over to sleep? I have been with my hubby for 20 years and I'd say the most important thing is that you are both able to compromise. Also some things ARE deal breakers. You need to really think hard about whether he has other intimacy issues that you are having a hard time with. He may not be a bad guy, but may just not be for you. There's a key for every lock, but maybe his just can't open YOUR heart. or maybe you can live with it, but you better make sure cuz this is a BIGGIE. Good luck!
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,749 Member
    His reason for sleeping in seperate beds is so that he can get a good sleep which I find weird considering I'm the most quiet sleeper in the world and he actually snores!

    I'm thinking of breaking up with him over it, it's so hard not to take it personally and wonder if this is really about him or me. He has lived on his own for quite a long time though and I guess you become accustomed to that single lifestyle?

    You're going to break up with him over this? How long have you been dating?

    He could just be used to sleeping alone and is afraid that you sleeping with him will indeed rob him of a good nights sleep. It's a bit of an adjustment when you sleep with someone because you have to fight for covers, put up with them whacking you in the head when they roll over (or stretching out onto your side of the bed when you get up to pee), moving around at night, a motion that could wake him/you up. I don't really see the big deal in it to be honest. There are plenty of times I sleep in a different room than my husband. If I can't sleep, if he's snoring or tossing and turning I'll get up and go into another room. Hell I slept in the spare room for about a month over the winter because I had a cold and a cough that would have kept him up. Didn't bother me in the least.
  • IronmanPanda
    IronmanPanda Posts: 2,083 Member
    His reason for sleeping in seperate beds is so that he can get a good sleep which I find weird considering I'm the most quiet sleeper in the world and he actually snores!

    I'm thinking of breaking up with him over it, it's so hard not to take it personally and wonder if this is really about him or me. He has lived on his own for quite a long time though and I guess you become accustomed to that single lifestyle?

    Maybe he just doesn't sleep well with someone right next to him? Maybe you fart in your sleep and wake him up?
    Some people have a hard time sleeping... to fight over something so silly is... silly.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    Read what the men are saying.

    Personally I am not a cuddler, neither is fiance. But we BOTH love and crave sharing bedspace. It's just intimate. I'd worry about somebody who couldn't handle that.
  • sobriquet84
    sobriquet84 Posts: 607 Member
    uhm, it sounds like there's a much deeper issue here. what exactly the issue is, that needs to be figured out. but this is about more than just beds.
  • _Stampede55_
    _Stampede55_ Posts: 69 Member
    My sister-in-law and her boyfriend sleep in separate beds. She weighs 300+ pounds and he is pushing 400...I think that explains it.
  • _Timmeh_
    _Timmeh_ Posts: 2,096 Member
    Does he try to make sexy time from separate beds also? Or that part is ok in one bed?
  • seamonkey789
    seamonkey789 Posts: 233
    I sleep in my room and my boyfriend sleeps in his man cave. He has his video games and netflix in there. He's needs a video to fall asleep to and we are both up and down all night, so this prevents me from waking him up when I wake up at 2 am and vice versa.

    Also, I am awful to sleep with. I have restless legs syndrome and talk in my sleep. I woke him up at 1am to argue with him about guacamole while fast asleep
  • McBully4
    McBully4 Posts: 1,270 Member
    Right now I am sleep deprived because my dear boyfriend snore!!!

    So I vote for sleeping in 2 different rooms

    I slept in the living room for months because I snore recently i've been allowed back in the bedroom, Its miserable not sleeping next to your wife.

    Even though my wife break dances in her sleep i't rather be in bed with her than anywhere else.
  • TISH27kidneytransplant
    TISH27kidneytransplant Posts: 69
    do you snore? are you a violent sleeper? Hubby and I sleep in different rooms! I sleep in our room and he sleeps on the couch in the living room. This is for two good reasons. He snores like a chainsaw and I NEVER sleep when he is next to me because of this. The other is cause I'm a violent sleeper. I toss and turn and have in the past accidently broke hubbys nose in my sleep! Now we both would love to be able to cuddle next to each other everynight in the same bed, it's just not pratical and in our case safe!
  • BobinNC66
    BobinNC66 Posts: 192 Member
    I don't get it, we must not be getting part of the story here. I have joked about this with my wife in a hotel room with two beds and she has gotten seriously upset at even the thought of it. I would never not want to sleep with her. We did switch to a King Bed from a Queen bed about a year ago and almost feel like she is in a different neighborhood now. but sometimes it is nice to sprawl out, but not so nice that I would want a separate bed, to me very strange or wrong.
  • _Elemenopee_
    _Elemenopee_ Posts: 2,665 Member
    :drinker:
  • Momjogger
    Momjogger Posts: 750 Member
    Ugh, you also said you are in your early twenties and he has been living alone for a long time. Is he much older than you? I don't care who disagrees with me, but as a FABULOUS 42 year old woman - I am TELLING you, no good guy would want to be with a younger girl. People who are older have more life experience come from a position of power and an imbalance of power in a relationship is never good. PLUS are moving into his place? WHY? Do you plan on building a life together or just fitting into his? You should RUN!!!

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