Sleeping in seperate beds, what do you think?

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Replies

  • Shelbert79
    Shelbert79 Posts: 510 Member
    Hmmm, maybe you need a bigger bed. When my hubby and I first got together we were sharing a full size bed (he's 6'4" 250lbs and I'm not tiny). When I got pregnant with our first child I ended up sleeping in a different bed because there just wasn't enough room for the 2 1/2 of us and my body pillow. That only lasted for a month or two until we could afford to upgrade to the king size bed. Also, as much as I love to cuddle when we're awake, neither one of us like to touch when we're sleeping so having a big bed is nice.
  • bcampbell54
    bcampbell54 Posts: 932 Member
    Ugh, you also said you are in your early twenties and he has been living alone for a long time. Is he much older than you? I don't care who disagrees with me, but as a FABULOUS 42 year old woman - I am TELLING you, no good guy would want to be with a younger girl. People who are older have more life experience come from a position of power and an imbalance of power in a relationship is never good. PLUS are moving into his place? WHY? Do you plan on building a life together or just fitting into his? You should RUN!!!

    You sound very athletic, the way you jump to conclusions and all..
  • Mhaney
    Mhaney Posts: 467 Member
    sorry I'm with the boyfriend on this one. I love to sleep alone and hate cuddling.
  • Rukadare
    Rukadare Posts: 101 Member
    My boyfriend's grandparents sleep in two different rooms and they have for many years now. His grandma snores very loud, and his grandpa is a ridiculously light sleeper, so the two of them sleeping together is not an option if they want to have "a good night's sleep". However, according to his grandma, it makes the time that they DO decide to visit each others beds all the more special and fun. ;) Haha! They've got such a sweet and caring relationship going, that I seriously do not think that your boyfriend is not trying to be rude or hurtful; he is just being truthful. And for that you should be happy. If he has a hard time sleeping when there's someone in the bed next to him...then he has a hard time sleeping! Some people are just like that, and for you to want to break up with him just because of that...is...:(

    Tell him how you feel, and and try to compromise if you truly care about him. If sleeping in separate beds for the rest of your life is something you absolutely cannot do, break up, I guess..
  • Brengild
    Brengild Posts: 127
    My husband and I sleep in seperate beds, in seperate bedrooms, that happen to be on seperate floors of the house! We have plenty of "intimacy". We just have different sleep needs. Different mattresses, room temp, he snores, I like to watch tv etc. I think there is more to the story, if everything were ok otherwise, this should not be a dealbreaker. And, no problem ever got solved by not speaking to each other!
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
    My boyfriend's grandparents sleep in two different rooms and they have for many years now. His grandma snores very loud, and his grandpa is a ridiculously light sleeper, so the two of them sleeping together is not an option if they want to have "a good night's sleep". However, according to his grandma, it makes the time that they DO decide to visit each others beds all the more special and fun. ;) Haha! They've got such a sweet and caring relationship going, that I seriously do not think that your boyfriend is not trying to be rude or hurtful; he is just being truthful. And for that you should be happy. If he has a hard time sleeping when there's someone in the bed next to him...then he has a hard time sleeping! Some people are just like that, and for you to want to break up with him just because of that...is...:(

    Tell him how you feel, and and try to compromise if you truly care about him. If sleeping in separate beds for the rest of your life is something you absolutely cannot do, break up, I guess..

    girl Debbie Gibson is your Doppleganger, you look just like her.........................I mean this as a compliment she is beautiful
  • VanessaGS
    VanessaGS Posts: 514 Member
    It depends is he trying to be respectful cuz if he is then kudos to him, or is there a different issue at hand?
  • SyntonicGarden
    SyntonicGarden Posts: 944 Member
    His reason for sleeping in seperate beds is so that he can get a good sleep which I find weird considering I'm the most quiet sleeper in the world and he actually snores!

    I'm thinking of breaking up with him over it, it's so hard not to take it personally and wonder if this is really about him or me. He has lived on his own for quite a long time though and I guess you become accustomed to that single lifestyle?

    Living on your own can certainly do that. It takes some people a little longer to adjust than others. I grew up with siblings, so we always fell asleep squished next to each other on long car rides. My other half was an only child for a long time. Maybe that has something to do with it too. Maybe not.

    Maybe you can compromise? During the week, he's in his bed. On the weekends, you sleep together, if the bed is big enough.
  • cargotrailer
    cargotrailer Posts: 62 Member
    Maybe you're "throwing off his whole sleep,, you've got the jimmy legs".......
  • missfelicia6
    missfelicia6 Posts: 174 Member
    Hey, at least you wont get pregnant. Also, he's gay.

    lol....ouch
  • bellesouth18
    bellesouth18 Posts: 1,071 Member
    Is he physically affectionate at other times? Have you already been intimate with each other? Are you just a free housekeeper? If you answered no to the first 2 and yes to the third, move on. Are there religious or medical issues keeping him away? If this, talk it out with him. You should be discussing this with him and not us. :smile:

    Edited to add the third option.
  • Jebbster007
    Jebbster007 Posts: 265 Member
    Don't even know what to say. I have an amazing wife and a wonderful marriage for the last 11 years. We are both so hot-blooded that unless its 20 degrees outside (which it never is since we live in So. Cal.) 2 minutes of cuddling and we are both sweating like we've been running a marathon. So even though we like to cuddle, we usually don't just to avoid the sweat factor...lol. We do sleep in the same bed though. There is something else lurking here though. Seems to me anyway. Maybe something he isn't even sharing with you yet because of your reaction over this? Just a thought.
  • ElizaRoche
    ElizaRoche Posts: 2,005 Member
    Personal experience; I LOVE to have the whole bed for myself!, its not that i dont love him or that i dont wanna be with him, I just like to have my own space and enjoy it.
    Guess im not really touchy or cuddle lover, I dont like to feel skin-to-skin nor nobody´s breath on my neck the whole time.
    I dont think its that bad, if its once in a while!, if its everyday, well then, id say there is something else!
  • JuneBPrice
    JuneBPrice Posts: 294 Member
    I'm thinking of breaking up with him over it
    Is it really that big of a deal? =/
  • sexyrosey
    sexyrosey Posts: 137
    Hey, at least you wont get pregnant. Also, he's gay.


    Wow. He might not be able t sleep well if he's right next to someone. If he's light sleeper that may really mess with his sleep if you move. I love to cuddle while falling asleep but to sleep i need space. I would see about a larger bed or just talk to him about the reasons.
  • Sidesteal
    Sidesteal Posts: 5,510 Member
    I'm being blunt here. No offense intended:

    I sleep in a separate area 2 to 3 nights per week on average, but it's because I work late some nights and I also have pretty bad insomnia so it helps both of us if I GTFO.

    That being said, I think both of you are being douchey and the bigger concern is how you're both handling this. Get the communication part figured out (both of you) or you're fooked anyways, regardless of sleeping arrangement.
  • jennsie
    jennsie Posts: 38
    I prefer my own bed to sharing! The bloke snores, and it keeps me up. I find I have better quality of sleep if I sleep alone... plus, I have more energy during the day and have more energy for the gym.

    Couples used to have different beds -- kings/queens/upper classes. It's only that we share beds because of the over-crowded conditions of the working classes, and people do this out of habit these days.
  • KellyKAG
    KellyKAG Posts: 418
    I would be in heaven if my husband slept in a separate bed. I'm very greedy about my blankets and space on our tiny queen sized bed.
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
    I was going to comment but LoneWolf beat me to it.
  • Ash_ah_lee
    Ash_ah_lee Posts: 116 Member
    Lol...:laugh:
    Hey, at least you wont get pregnant. Also, he's gay.
  • jadedzen
    jadedzen Posts: 221 Member
    for the record my fiance will swear in court he's the most quiet, peaceful sleeper out there. He says he never moves, talks or snores. He knows 3 languages, and usually talks french while he's sleeping. He will 'low crawl' for like an hour (former marine) by bringing one knee up and then releasing his hip into the bed. it causes the bed to shake cause he's 270 lbs. as i mentioned he has untreated sleep apnea but will argue to any length that he doesn't snore. i had to actually record on my cell phone one night. He said it must've been me, and i asked him how i managed to turn on and off the voice recorder so deeply asleep. So, yeah. Everyone thinks they're silent sleepers.
  • jerber160
    jerber160 Posts: 2,607 Member
    rob and laura petry did it for years...
  • themommie
    themommie Posts: 5,033 Member
    Personally I love the very intimate time of cuddling, talking, kissing in the evenings right before we drift off to sleep and again of reconnecting in the morning. I would feel rejected and think there was a deeper issue if my husband didnt want to sleep with me. Once in awhile if he or I cant sleep or are sick to sleep apart is fine but NOT on a daily basis. I would talk to him and find out why and if there is a deeper reason, and if he has intimacy issues
  • Snow__White
    Snow__White Posts: 1,650 Member
    I prefer my own bed to sharing! The bloke snores, and it keeps me up. I find I have better quality of sleep if I sleep alone... plus, I have more energy during the day and have more energy for the gym.

    Couples used to have different beds -- kings/queens/upper classes. It's only that we share beds because of the over-crowded conditions of the working classes, and people do this out of habit these days.
    This^^
  • ElleBee615
    ElleBee615 Posts: 177
    lol sometimes its been so hot at night that i wear nothing! he knows it but doesn't seem to care :I

    :noway: you are naked and he still doesn't want to sleep in the same bed??!!! Honey...that's what we call a red flag.
  • tiamaria3
    tiamaria3 Posts: 92 Member
    His reason for sleeping in seperate beds is so that he can get a good sleep which I find weird considering I'm the most quiet sleeper in the world and he actually snores!

    I'm thinking of breaking up with him over it, it's so hard not to take it personally and wonder if this is really about him or me. He has lived on his own for quite a long time though and I guess you become accustomed to that single lifestyle?

    :noway:
  • LoraF83
    LoraF83 Posts: 15,694 Member
    I never sleep with my husband, he's worked nights for a year now, I'm so used to sleeping alone that when he has nights off, we don't sleep together still.

    My husband works nights too - going on 5 years now. He tries to keep a mostly-night shift schedule on his nights off, so we don't sleep together too often either. And I've really gotten used to having a queen size bed to myself. It's kind of nice actually.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    I would have issue with seperate beds unless they were pushed up to each other. The greatest piece of information that I see lacking in this OP is why he wants to sleep in seperate bed. I do think that it's odd to that he's even just "okay" with sharing a room.
  • steph124ny
    steph124ny Posts: 238 Member
    My husband and I have slept in different rooms for the last 7 years. I am a raging insomniac and he snores like a chainsaw. Now I get to sleep without interruption. We have 4 kids, so obviously sex isn't an issue.

    We just both do better on sleep when we aren't together. There is nothing wrong with our relationship, but the difference is that we are both OK with it. Just try to understand his reasons...if he is like me and you wake him up all night long, he is probably miserable. And just because you think you are a quiet sleeper doesn't mean you are! LOL!!!
  • LordBezoar
    LordBezoar Posts: 625 Member
    Unless there's a VERY good known reason for this behavior, like a child who needs a parent's attention during the night, or a partner that has a medical issue and needs physical space, then this action is a bad sign.

    With the occasional rare situation taken into consideration, if a man doesn't want to be all near his girl's business before, during, and after sleep, then there's a problem between he and the girl in his head. I'm sure of it...

    Good luck working through it...

    I don't know that I would go straight to the "This is a bad sign" stage. This was a lot more common back in the day and there wasn't anything wrong with it, it was just how some people did it. My grandparents and great grandparents slept in different beds for a long time. I am definitely not one to do it, but I dislike the assumption that this is a "bad sign" or something. Just different people doing different things.

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