Parents of teenage girls

BigDaddyRonnie

Do not do it. I have two daughters that have never been mall rats and lived.

I have 4 boys, and NONE of them like mall rats.

They like those who have strong parents, very in tune with their lives. Those are the girls that grow up to be great women (and wives).

StrengthIDidntKnow

I have 4 boys, and NONE of them like mall rats.

They like those who have strong parents, very in tune with their lives. Those are the girls that grow up to be great women (and wives).

My friends and I were mall rats and grew up just fine, one thing has nothing to do with the other.

impyimpyaj

I love how parents who don't let their children go to the mall alone are suddenly labeled as the parents who keep their kids locked in the basement playing Xbox and eating Doritos.

You CAN be an involved parent without creating lazy children who don't know how to navigate the world. Involved is not the same thing as controlling. You can also send your kids out into the world before they're ready, and end up with a dependent child who can't function appropriately without guidance. It's not about this one decision. It's about all the child's experiences taken together as a whole.

Children can learn from experience, yes. But most often, they learn by example. It's a common fact in the education world that they will learn more from the people around them and from watching other people's behavior than they will learn from all your lectures and hopes for them. So if your child has awesome friends who always do the right thing, they're more likely to learn that behavior. But if they're hanging out with kids who don't do the right thing, or if they're at the mall watching older kids behave inappropriately, they're more likely to learn those behaviors instead. Is it foolproof? No, sometimes kids behave the "right" way just because it's part of who they are, and sometimes kids with all the best influences grow up to be criminals. But the simple act of letting them go to the mall without adults doesn't mean they'll be better equipped to handle the world than a child who is chaperoned. It doesn't make them more independent. It just gives them a different experience. Not better.

dayone987

I love how parents who don't let their children go to the mall alone are suddenly labeled as the parents who keep their kids locked in the basement playing Xbox and eating Doritos.

You CAN be an involved parent without creating lazy children who don't know how to navigate the world. Involved is not the same thing as controlling. You can also send your kids out into the world before they're ready, and end up with a dependent child who can't function appropriately without guidance. It's not about this one decision. It's about all the child's experiences taken together as a whole.

Children can learn from experience, yes. But most often, they learn by example. It's a common fact in the education world that they will learn more from the people around them and from watching other people's behavior than they will learn from all your lectures and hopes for them. So if your child has awesome friends who always do the right thing, they're more likely to learn that behavior. But if they're hanging out with kids who don't do the right thing, or if they're at the mall watching older kids behave inappropriately, they're more likely to learn those behaviors instead. Is it foolproof? No, sometimes kids behave the "right" way just because it's part of who they are, and sometimes kids with all the best influences grow up to be criminals. But the simple act of letting them go to the mall without adults doesn't mean they'll be better equipped to handle the world than a child who is chaperoned. It doesn't make them more independent. It just gives them a different experience. Not better.

As an educator I would say that actually people learn most from doing rather than watching or listening. I understand about being protective but I wonder about parents who won't let their kids go anywhere without direct supervison. What happens when these kids turn 18 and go to college in another city? What happens if you're out somewhere and unexpected things happen like getting lost or car trouble etc. Kids need to learn how to mange situations, like who can I trust and approach if things happen? Activities like going to the mall at an earlier age can be used as a stepping stone to being an adult.

IsleEsme

My oldest daughter is 14 (15 in Oct) and she only just went to the mall for the first time with friends/without me a couple of months ago. She asked when she was 13 and I wouldn't let her. I agree it depends on the kid and the friends she is meeting.

when I did let her go I took her there, walked her inside the mall, made sure she met up with her friends and gave her a definite time I'd pick her up INSIDE the mall at the same spot we met her friends. She had her cell phone so we could contact her or she could call us if need be. My big thing was that she was NOT allowed OUTSIDE the mall for any reason even for a second. My daughter at 14 is very responsible (been getting up with me to work out at 5 am this summer, no complaints) so I let her go and I know her friends really well but it was still very hard to let her go. I've been working this year on letting her have more freedom and if you knew me you'd understand what a nearly unsurmountable feat it's been to loosen the reins even a little. I have 2 other younger daughters as well that are also very responsible but I still would not let them go at their ages (11&12)

impyimpyaj

I love how parents who don't let their children go to the mall alone are suddenly labeled as the parents who keep their kids locked in the basement playing Xbox and eating Doritos.

You CAN be an involved parent without creating lazy children who don't know how to navigate the world. Involved is not the same thing as controlling. You can also send your kids out into the world before they're ready, and end up with a dependent child who can't function appropriately without guidance. It's not about this one decision. It's about all the child's experiences taken together as a whole.

Children can learn from experience, yes. But most often, they learn by example. It's a common fact in the education world that they will learn more from the people around them and from watching other people's behavior than they will learn from all your lectures and hopes for them. So if your child has awesome friends who always do the right thing, they're more likely to learn that behavior. But if they're hanging out with kids who don't do the right thing, or if they're at the mall watching older kids behave inappropriately, they're more likely to learn those behaviors instead. Is it foolproof? No, sometimes kids behave the "right" way just because it's part of who they are, and sometimes kids with all the best influences grow up to be criminals. But the simple act of letting them go to the mall without adults doesn't mean they'll be better equipped to handle the world than a child who is chaperoned. It doesn't make them more independent. It just gives them a different experience. Not better.

As an educator I would say that actually people learn most from doing rather than watching or listening. I understand about being protective but I wonder about parents who won't let their kids go anywhere without direct supervison. What happens when these kids turn 18 and go to college in another city? What happens if you're out somewhere and unexpected things happen like getting lost or car trouble etc. Kids need to learn how to mange situations, like who can I trust and approach if things happen? Activities like going to the mall at an earlier age can be used as a stepping stone to being an adult.

I wasn't allowed to go anywhere except school events without my parents until I was 17 and had my driver's license. I learned to navigate the world just fine. Because they still gave me the experience of going out with my friends, so I got the experience of "doing" with them there to guide me into making good choices. And I went to college far from home, and I didn't go home every weekend, and I did just fine on my own. I got a job, I knew what to do when I had a car accident, I knew who I could talk to when I had difficulties in my major program, and I even knew how to find a counselor when the depression that had plagued me for my whole life finally caught up with me. I knew how to find a doctor that was local to me, I knew how to find affordable birth control, I knew how to get my car repaired when it needed it, and I did all these things without having to ask my mommy, even though I hadn't had to do them when I lived at home. You don't have to toss the baby bird out of the nest before she's able to fly -- she'll still learn to fly if you teach her yourself, and let her try it with you there by her side.

IsleEsme

It depends on who else is hanging out at your local mall! Thirty years ago when i was 13 it was mostly junior high school kids. But now adays our mall is literally packed with teens ages 13-19...some even older. I dont know if its the change in driver liscense requirements or the high unemployment rate but most dont have cars or money so they loiter for hours at the mall on friday and saturday nights. Our mall is the only one in the three surrounding counties and theres been alot of trouble there. Kids are kicked out on nightly basis and they've had to hire additional security..not to mention that the police are there frequently. Your daughter may be mature enough to handle herself but you never know about who she may be with. And cell phones dont always get good signals inside large shopping malls so if you do let her go you might want to do some test calls to make sure there wont be an issue.

I have a teenage daughter (19) plus three sons (24,15 and 3) so i know what it is like. When it comes to new experiences always base your decision on the responsibilty level your child displays at school and at home. Does she do her chores and take care of other duties when asked? Does she have good self esteem and the ability to make smart decisions regardless of friends pressures? Does she show repect for adults and authority figures who she may have to deal with in public? All of these things dictate whether a teen has earned the right to that additional independence.

Good luck and i hope things go well....

I love this!!

cabaray

I have a 13 year old daughter who is very mature for her age. That being said, going to the mall alone is not allowed. I don't even let her go off without me. And as a side note, as a mall shopper, nothing pi$$es me off more than a group of unsupervised twits running around. I'm sure their parents think they are well-behaved as well.

ironicusername

I spent 5 years in NYC and I've seen many an adolescent out and about in the subways and so on alone and with their friends. If a 13 year old can survive a NYC subway without being kidnapped, I think your kid would be safe at a mall with her friends if she's a reasonably smart kid, at least. I even remember a journalist who did a story about letting her 12 or 13 year old son use the subway on his own, and how giving kids their independence was an important part of growing up. She got a lot of slack and hate mail for it.

Anyway, I can totally understand a parents apprehension, however, raising your kid to be afraid of the world isn't healthy. My mom did that and I ended up being agoraphobic for several years. Just make sure your kid is educated on what to do if danger strikes and if you're dropping off and picking up, there should be no problem.

hanneberries

I started walking to the local grocery store that was in the local mall when I was about 8. Hah. My parents were fine with that.

Huskeryogi

When I was 13 I spent the summer babysitting my 6 year old brother. We biked to the bowling alley daily, the ice cream parlor frequently, the grocery store occasionally. I went to a movie by myself at 13 (not with friends, by myself). It was Gone With the Wind (I had just read the book) and I brought the average age in the theatre down by at least 10 years. Things aren't that much more dangerous now then they were in the '90s. We just feel like they are because of 24 hour news sensationalism.

That said I think parents should do what they are comfortable with. Trust your instincts.