Open Relationships?

prettybub

I (and my husband) was involved in a Polygamous relationship for some time. It was an amazing experience. Was it easy..No..was it something I sort out.No...would I do it again..Nope. Would I go back and change it. Never. Your relationship with your primary partner has to be solid as. And there is a lot of things that can shake it. it is a LOT of hard work. But can be an amazing thing.

i_am_losing_it

My Ex husband and I did that, he pushed and pushed the issue, I did it to be a good wife and please my husband, I had never ever ventured outside of the relationship and did not want to. I did not even look at other guys, and don't now in my current marriage, but once I opened my eyes up to other guys I fell for one and have been with him for over 20 years now, married for 15. I am 46 and every person I know who was into that are no longer together. I believe in a one on one committed relationship, but if I would have stuck to my guns back then, I would have missed out on the awesome marriage relationship I have now, neither of us ever venture out of the relationship as we both feel the same about being committed to each other and love it!
Who knows, you may find someone better

pain_is_weakness

#1: Be very clear about your ground rules from Day 1. If either party breaks the ground rules, the agreement is void.

#2: It is possible to genuinely love and sleep with multiple people. It's called polyamory -- and I know some people it works VERY well for.

#3: It's all about honesty. This includes being honest with yourself about how you feel about the situation.

It can work.

It can also go horribly awry.

It varies wildly per person/couple in question. And there's the "just sex" version and the polyamory version. If you PM me, I can get you some info on a good book one of my poly friends recommends.

you're awesome!

graveflower316

I'm too jealous for an open relationship. The only way I could do that is if I seriously did not care about the other person, otherwise I'd feel guilty and DEFINITELY upset if/when I found out they were sleeping around with someone. I say if you're going to try it out, do it on a lower scale first to test the waters. Go out and flirt around with your partner watching from afar.

jasondcooper

I could never go there but to each his/her own. I could never be into somethin like that because I can't be sexual outside of a love relationship.

What she said. I don't understand it at all, but to each his own.

pinkraynedropjacki

We swing. I didn't till a few years ago, it took us about 13 years to feel good enough to do it. We are both bi-sexual though so it makes it even easier cause we don't have to be with the opposite sex. I think that makes it easy for us anyway.

redhousecat

It works if folks are mature enough to handle it.
We aren't swingers, per se, but we are rather open. We've been happily married for 12 years. Things like that tend to spice up a couple's sex life if it gets in a rut.

To me, sex is just sex and adding a third or fourth to the mix just makes more sex.

exactly, we hate the term, but I agree fully!

yeah, the term sounds so, illogical....lolol

CassiusKnox

My opinion?.... 'Open' a marriage ONLY if you are fully prepared to LOSE the marriage.

It's not that you definitely will lose it... but you most likely will. Loss of trust in a marriage is usually fatal.

Like I said.... just my opinion.

KayceRN

They've been married for 25 years.... They just enjoy their lifestyle and seem quite happy... twice a year they travel to Mexico to a swingers resort and I love hearing about their adventures when they come back...I've been single for most of my adult life so honestly I admit even though I say it's not for me...it's always intrigued me ...I've been friends with them for almost 20 years

pain_is_weakness

They've been married for 25 years.... They just enjoy their lifestyle and seem quite happy... twice a year they travel to Mexico to a swingers resort and I love hearing about their adventures when they come back...I've been single for most of my adult life so honestly I admit even though I say it's not for me...it's always intrigued me ...I've been friends with them for almost 20 years

awesome, great for them!

Soon2stardom

I am in an open relationship and it's challenging. The challenge is really more from other people and their opinions. If you and your husband set some strong ground rules, and can REALLY be honest with each other about EVERYTHING.... then it could work. But the minute someone feels like the other is looking for a replacement or not telling the whole story about feelings or situations, it's a wrap. It actually can ironically really help you trust your partner more and develop the friendship side of the relationship in the strongest, craziest way. It opens some fun and hard conversations that allow you to understand your partner in a way that they may have never shared with you. And if your guy is anything like mine, it will help your sex life together because he will always strive to make sure that no one is handling business better than he is. EVER.
But with all that said, it may be best to keep your openness a secret from everyone. Family and friends especially. And even the new lovers. If you keep everything between the two of you and you both REALLY feel like sex is just sex, it's your secret and the joke is on everyone else. There isn't even really a need to tell the outsiders that you are married(unless it's a threesome ;-) ). It's just makes for stupid competition and it gets annoying. Bottom line, if you are curious and you two think you really can handle it, try it. But if you aren't feeling it, neither one of you can hold that against one another. If you like it, go for it. If *kitten* starts getting out of control, focus on your relationship only again. But always Always ALWAYS tell the truth and communicate about EVERYTHING. All feelings good and bad should be disclosed. and SERIOUS RULES MUST BE PUT IN PLACE. Good luck.

Sumo813

#1: Be very clear about your ground rules from Day 1. If either party breaks the ground rules, the agreement is void.

#2: It is possible to genuinely love and sleep with multiple people. It's called polyamory -- and I know some people it works VERY well for.

#3: It's all about honesty. This includes being honest with yourself about how you feel about the situation.

It can work.

It can also go horribly awry.

It varies wildly per person/couple in question. And there's the "just sex" version and the polyamory version. If you PM me, I can get you some info on a good book one of my poly friends recommends.

^^ THIS... I have some friends who are in "open" relationships/marriages, and they have rules. The biggest thing is knowing what you're getting into and understanding each other's feelings. You have to truly be OPEN and HONEST about everything... feelings/emotions, sensations, everything. Otherwise someone WILL end up hurt. I've seen the bad side of this as well. Any hint of jealousy in the relationship... then definitely avoid doing the "open" thing...

redhousecat

But with all that said, it may be best to keep your openness a secret from everyone. Family and friends especially. And even the new lovers. If you keep everything between the two of you and you both REALLY feel like sex is just sex, it's your secret and the joke is on everyone else. There isn't even really a need to tell the outsiders that you are married(unless it's a threesome ;-) ). It's just makes for stupid competition and it gets annoying. Bottom line, if you are curious and you two think you really can handle it, try it. But if you aren't feeling it, neither one of you can hold that against one another. If you like it, go for it. If *kitten* starts getting out of control, focus on your relationship only again. But always Always ALWAYS tell the truth and communicate about EVERYTHING. All feelings good and bad should be disclosed. and SERIOUS RULES MUST BE PUT IN PLACE. Good luck.

I agree. I especially agree with the secret part.

awdamm

i think you're on the wrong website.

you're questions might be better answered on fetlife.com

Muldactus

It will never work. It will always end badly.... Don't do it. There is literally thousands of other ways to spice up a marraige!

I'm sorry to call a spade a spade, but that statement is presumtuous. There are numerous examples of people who live in various alternative relational settings. Poly, Swinging, Open, Triads, sharing, you name it. While you personally have a strong fundamental belief that it can't work and will always end badly for you, it's rather closed minded to assume that such a statement is absolutely and unequivocably true.

Examples: I personally know 2 out of 3 members of a triad. One is female, bisexual. Another is a transgenered female - also bisexual. And the third is a straight male. And they're all happy and have been together for.... 9 years I think?

I know a couple who has been swinging off and on for 15 years. They're happy and they enjoy it. They swing when they feel the need to, and otherwise they don't. And it works for them.

As someone who was once a member of a local alternative lifestyle group (read into that however you wish), I knew a fairly large number of people who were part of polyamorous relationships, many of which had been together for years. Again, it works for them.

Does society like it? Apparently not. I won't get into the political discussions that could lead to. Suffice to say that I take issue with the notion that because YOU don't believe it can work, it must therefore automatically be the unadulterated truth.

For the OP: Yes, open relationships CAN work. If your committment to each other is strong enough, if neither of you have ANY jealousy issues, and if both of you are committed to communicating with each other. ALWAYS communicate. ALWAYS tell the other how you're feeling so that things don't fester or get worse.

Soon2stardom

But with all that said, it may be best to keep your openness a secret from everyone. Family and friends especially. And even the new lovers. If you keep everything between the two of you and you both REALLY feel like sex is just sex, it's your secret and the joke is on everyone else. There isn't even really a need to tell the outsiders that you are married(unless it's a threesome ;-) ). It's just makes for stupid competition and it gets annoying. Bottom line, if you are curious and you two think you really can handle it, try it. But if you aren't feeling it, neither one of you can hold that against one another. If you like it, go for it. If *kitten* starts getting out of control, focus on your relationship only again. But always Always ALWAYS tell the truth and communicate about EVERYTHING. All feelings good and bad should be disclosed. and SERIOUS RULES MUST BE PUT IN PLACE. Good luck.

I agree. I especially agree with the secret part.

That's the biggest mistake we made from the beginning and somehow "open" translates to people as *kitten* buddies or Not official. lol

pain_is_weakness

It will never work. It will always end badly.... Don't do it. There is literally thousands of other ways to spice up a marraige!

I'm sorry to call a spade a spade, but that statement is presumtuous. There are numerous examples of people who live in various alternative relational settings. Poly, Swinging, Open, Triads, sharing, you name it. While you personally have a strong fundamental belief that it can't work and will always end badly for you, it's rather closed minded to assume that such a statement is absolutely and unequivocably true.

Examples: I personally know 2 out of 3 members of a triad. One is female, bisexual. Another is a transgenered female - also bisexual. And the third is a straight male. And they're all happy and have been together for.... 9 years I think?

I know a couple who has been swinging off and on for 15 years. They're happy and they enjoy it. They swing when they feel the need to, and otherwise they don't. And it works for them.

As someone who was once a member of a local alternative lifestyle group (read into that however you wish), I knew a fairly large number of people who were part of polyamorous relationships, many of which had been together for years. Again, it works for them.

Does society like it? Apparently not. I won't get into the political discussions that could lead to. Suffice to say that I take issue with the notion that because YOU don't believe it can work, it must therefore automatically be the unadulterated truth.

For the OP: Yes, open relationships CAN work. If your committment to each other is strong enough, if neither of you have ANY jealousy issues, and if both of you are committed to communicating with each other. ALWAYS communicate. ALWAYS tell the other how you're feeling so that things don't fester or get worse.

I tihnk i love you!

ThaRealNicki

It works if folks are mature enough to handle it.
We aren't swingers, per se, but we are rather open. We've been happily married for 12 years. Things like that tend to spice up a couple's sex life if it gets in a rut.

To me, sex is just sex and adding a third or fourth to the mix just makes more sex.

its not that we werent mature enough to handle it, if something is hurting us we need to fix because over all this strange coming our way WE ALWAYS COME FIRST

I understand. You are SO YOUNG though. You need to be in a real strong relationship first. You are lucky that you are able to stick together and work on yours. So many others are not that strong.

our relationship is strong weve been together 5 years now and when this was going on it was our 4th year I dont understand why people assume our relationship isnt strong because hes 25 and im 24

koenwhitfield

I have good friends that have been swinging for 15 years, it works. just curious how many of us swing out of the closet?

"Out of the closet"? I think there is more going on here than others have realized. Perhaps, and I'm only guessing, there are interests other than heterosexual? I have seen that work, but it takes a great deal of understanding.

pain_is_weakness

I have good friends that have been swinging for 15 years, it works. just curious how many of us swing out of the closet?

"Out of the closet"? I think there is more going on here than others have realized. Perhaps, and I'm only guessing, there are interests other than heterosexual? I have seen that work, but it takes a great deal of understanding.

nope, we are both straight, but good guess