Open Relationships?

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  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,843 Member
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    I met a swinging couple while out with friends one night. They tried to get me to join them. I told them I was not interested in that sort of thing, but I was curious how they made it work for them.

    Here are some of their rules....

    1. No kissing.

    2. They could lick, suck, touch, and have the same done to them.

    3. He could not put his penis into anyone but his wife, and she could not have anyone else's in her.

    4. They had to agree on the girl they brought home.

    5. It could not be a friend, or anyone they know. It always had to be someone random.

    6. There would be no sleep overs.

    There were more, but I don't remember them all. Those were the biggest ones.

    That's what I don't think people understand. Every couple has their own set of rules and whoever you meet abides by them. If they don't then it's a no go, end of story. If you think there's a connection you always ask "what are you into". You also ask them if they mind if they flirt, kiss touch their SO. It's common courtesy. You will find that people in the Lifestyle are some of the nicest most respectful people out there.
  • obrendao
    obrendao Posts: 318
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    This is all SAFE sex right? I hope so because the different people you hook up with won't tell you everything about their history. Sorry just coming in from a "community health" perspective.
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,843 Member
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    This is all SAFE sex right? I hope so because the different people you hook up with won't tell you everything about their history. Sorry just coming in from a "community health" perspective.

    Of course it's all safe sex! You'd be a complete and total moron in this day and age to not have safe sex regardless if it's in swinging situation or not.
  • SafioraLinnea
    SafioraLinnea Posts: 628 Member
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    I was the third in an open relationship. It worked for a couple of years, and when it stopped working the relationship ended. Truth be told, I think we all would have fought harder to keep the relationship going, but there was the significant issue of my needing a passport and spending 4 hours in a plane to spend physical time with them so it ended on friendly terms. If distance wasn't a problem, we very likely would still be together.

    Oh and for what its worth, their 3 children knew that I was the girlfriend, and not only did the world not end, but they were really accepting of my presence in their lives.
  • StormyGal8
    StormyGal8 Posts: 184 Member
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    My children are growing up seeing what LOVE looks like, and my children are growing up knowing that no matter how they choose to live, no matter their sexual orientations, their politics, their religions, if they find happiness in their hearts, we will love and support them.

    This is beautiful. I teared up when I read that. Your children are lucky. End of story.

    Thank you so much! We tend to think it's the other way around, that WE are the lucky ones.
  • StormyGal8
    StormyGal8 Posts: 184 Member
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    This is all SAFE sex right? I hope so because the different people you hook up with won't tell you everything about their history. Sorry just coming in from a "community health" perspective.

    Of course it's all safe sex! You'd be a complete and total moron in this day and age to not have safe sex regardless if it's in swinging situation or not.


    100% agreed!
  • irishrose22
    irishrose22 Posts: 161 Member
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    Swinging or open relationships are a personal choice for every couple. The stronger you are as a couple, the easier it can be to handle the ups and downs. It takes a lot of communication, love and support. My husband and I have been together for 20 years, married for 12 and I never thought I could love him more than I did before we started, but I do. If you are not completely honest with eachother I can see the damage it can bring to a relationship. I have seen many end, but it was mostly the underlying problems they had previous to swinging. Sex between us has never been more amazing and it just keeps getting better everyday. We choose to partake in that lifestyle because it works for us. BTW, we have four amazing children and they have no clue what we do. But I tell you what they do see and know: That we love eachother, we hug and kiss and celebrate each day in front of them. They know their parents love and value eachother. To each their own. Good luck in your decision process.
  • sizzle92
    sizzle92 Posts: 1,015 Member
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    It is a VERY delicate dance, but when done correctly can be lots of fun or so I have heard. lol
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
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    This is all SAFE sex right? I hope so because the different people you hook up with won't tell you everything about their history. Sorry just coming in from a "community health" perspective.

    Of course it's all safe sex! You'd be a complete and total moron in this day and age to not have safe sex regardless if it's in swinging situation or not.


    100% agreed!

    Pretty much! I know one of the standard topics when discussing rules is having bi-guys in the relationship. Growing up in cali in the 80's, and well into adulthood, I'd never even contemplate a relationship with a bi-guy. It was that whole scare of high-risk sex. That said, HIV is, in general, not in the swinging culture. very few times has it been a big deal. Most use condoms. Most people won't play with other couples at all if they don't use condoms, or they're in a group that exclusively plays with each other.
    If a swinger doesn't use protection while playing, chances are, they wouldn't in the typical dating scene, either.
  • Phaedra2014
    Phaedra2014 Posts: 1,254 Member
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    just curious, swinging isn't for everyone I hate the term but I do love my husband, but sex is just sex, just curious if anyone has been doing it and had it work for a while?

    Sex is never just sex. Someone ends up getting hurt or hurting another person in the end.
  • shelbyfrootcake
    shelbyfrootcake Posts: 965 Member
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    just curious, swinging isn't for everyone I hate the term but I do love my husband, but sex is just sex, just curious if anyone has been doing it and had it work for a while?

    Sex is never just sex. Someone ends up getting hurt or hurting another person in the end.

    Nonsense. As long people are honest with each other noone need get hurt. I've had just sex relationships, both when I was single and since being in an open relationship, and I'm still friends with most of those people long after we've stop shagging each other's brains out.
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
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    just curious, swinging isn't for everyone I hate the term but I do love my husband, but sex is just sex, just curious if anyone has been doing it and had it work for a while?

    Sex is never just sex. Someone ends up getting hurt or hurting another person in the end.

    Not necessarily true. If two people separate love and sex, and it's a mutual agreement, all should be good.
    I know a guy, he was #3 in an open relationship and played with the wife (not the husband) He got in too deep and would totally take it to the next level if he had the chance. That's not what swinging is about. It's... just sex. It's having bedroom fun with another person. You can get hurt if you allow your feelings to go the wrong way. It happens, but not as often as you'd think.
  • ilikepandasyay
    ilikepandasyay Posts: 96 Member
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    just curious, swinging isn't for everyone I hate the term but I do love my husband, but sex is just sex, just curious if anyone has been doing it and had it work for a while?

    Sex is never just sex. Someone ends up getting hurt or hurting another person in the end.

    Not necessarily true. If two people separate love and sex, and it's a mutual agreement, all should be good.
    I know a guy, he was #3 in an open relationship and played with the wife (not the husband) He got in too deep and would totally take it to the next level if he had the chance. That's not what swinging is about. It's... just sex. It's having bedroom fun with another person. You can get hurt if you allow your feelings to go the wrong way. It happens, but not as often as you'd think.

    And some people practice polyamory and don't always separate love and sex. It's like any other relationship, you're opening yourself up to all sorts of things, great feelings and not so great. Many relationships end, it happens in monogomy and it happens in swinging and it happens in polyamory.
  • havingitall
    havingitall Posts: 3,728 Member
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    My wedding vows said "Faithful unto you alone"...and I am
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,843 Member
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    just curious, swinging isn't for everyone I hate the term but I do love my husband, but sex is just sex, just curious if anyone has been doing it and had it work for a while?

    Sex is never just sex. Someone ends up getting hurt or hurting another person in the end.

    Not necessarily true. If two people separate love and sex, and it's a mutual agreement, all should be good.
    I know a guy, he was #3 in an open relationship and played with the wife (not the husband) He got in too deep and would totally take it to the next level if he had the chance. That's not what swinging is about. It's... just sex. It's having bedroom fun with another person. You can get hurt if you allow your feelings to go the wrong way. It happens, but not as often as you'd think.

    And some people practice polyamory and don't always separate love and sex. It's like any other relationship, you're opening yourself up to all sorts of things, great feelings and not so great. Many relationships end, it happens in monogomy and it happens in swinging and it happens in polyamory.

    Yes but people like to try and demonize these types of relationships because they are different and they don't agree to it. Yea things can happen and marriages can end in a swinging, polygamous or open relationship but they also end monogamous ones too. It's the fact that people are choosing to consent and go outside the marriage and have sex that people have a problem with and are quick to say its wrong and nothing good can come out of it.
  • mfp_junkie
    mfp_junkie Posts: 359
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    My wedding vows said "Faithful unto you alone"...and I am

    Mine too..and 21 years later, still sticking to it.
  • jen88ve
    jen88ve Posts: 153
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    "quite easy, but I don't defend myself because you aren't worth it, if you read my post I was curious about people who have the lifestyle or relationship! Anyone is welcome of coourse but please don't think I asked for YOUR opinions, being on a public board yes there will be everyone, but I am really only reding the people who have the lifestyle or friends that do"
    [/quote]


    This ^ is what I was thinking when I was reading this all these negative post, but you're always going to have the haters I guess...

    Personally I couldn't do it because I'm so the jealous type, I could try and say I'm not, but I would be! But that's just me and it's actually something I really don't like about myself!!!! I hope everything works out for you!
  • ilikepandasyay
    ilikepandasyay Posts: 96 Member
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    My wedding vows said "Faithful unto you alone"...and I am

    Mine too..and 21 years later, still sticking to it.

    That's cool. That's what your vows said and that's what you want your relationship to be. More power to you. If you want to be mono, be mono. I'm nto telling you you shouldn't be.

    But my vows simply said something along the lines of "I promise to love you always." and I'll stick to those vows myself. I'm poly and I want to be poly and people shouldn't be telling me I shouldn't be.
  • StormyGal8
    StormyGal8 Posts: 184 Member
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    My wedding vows said "Faithful unto you alone"...and I am

    Mine too..and 21 years later, still sticking to it.

    I am glad that monogamy is working for you both! It's nice to see :). It's not for everyone though.
  • obrendao
    obrendao Posts: 318
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    My wedding vows said "Faithful unto you alone"...and I am

    Mine too..and 21 years later, still sticking to it.

    I agree it should be one girl/one guy - I'd never do this lifestyle. But these folks just are into it, so if it works for them ok...live and let live.

    It could be a generational thing to. I'm pretty old school/romantic. These days its all about instant gratification and living for pleasure and these things are way more open than they used to be.

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