Open Relationships?
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These threads always crack me up because all the people who have no idea what a swinger relationship is about come out of the wood work and talk about how horrible it is, how evil, how bad, how disrespectful without ever being in that kind of a relationship or have friends in it for that matter.
My husband and I are in the lifestyle and it's fun. We've met some great people and made some long lasting friendships that go across the globe. My husband and I love and respect each other. We didn't go into this blindly (although we did stumble upon it by accident) and it's the love and respect for each other that makes it work. We have rules and boundaries . Every decision made is a mutual one and if I'm ever uncomfortable with anything then the brakes get put on.
Just because someone chooses to be in the lifestyle doesn't meant that they're not happy in their relationship. Don't judge someone because they choose to do something that you wouldn't or that you think is wrong because guess what? There might be something that YOU do in YOUR relationship that I wouldn't do and I consider wrong but I'm not about to throw judgment at you because it's your life, your relationship. Not mine. No, it's not for everyone but people need to realize and understand that the people who are in the lifestyle aren't immoral. It has nothing to do with a lack of respect on any ones part or "wanting to get as much sex with as many people as you possibly can". It has nothing to do with not loving the person you're with. It's about having fun, meeting people and making some great friends.
Do your research and talk to people who are actually IN the lifestyle before you start vomiting judgement.
I thought we agreed not to discuss this in the forums?0 -
All the people that are screaming that it would ruin you -
what if you were in a long distance relationship with someone that you only got to see every six months or so. and they said- yo im not gonna condemn you to getting laid only twice a year, you can totally get yours, just let me know if you get emotionally involved with someone else and we'll cut it off.
i give you utmost credit for being able to make a relationship work only seeing your SO a few times a year... Kudos to you!0 -
My husband and I are trying the open relationship thing and it seems to be working for us. We love each other and are best friends but sometimes we just don't fill the others needs when it comes to sex and we've both agreed that sex is sex and that it doesn't have anything to do with emotions.0
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I think that people should do whatever makes them happy.........0
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My husband and I have a semi-open relationship. We love it. We don't just go out and sleep with whomever we want. And I don't "sleep around" but we have been with 1 other couple and 1 other girl. We are both extremely sexual people and I think it is perfect for our personalities. It's definitely not for everyone.
If you want to talk about it in more detail, PM me. I don't want to get into details here.
Sounds like my husband and my experience. We totally got into the lifestyle by accident but it works for us
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Who has them, what is your view on how it is wokring?
Just curious, my husband and I have been talking . . .
Open relationship= you can sleep with anybody you want. Swinging lifestyle has some rules. Its not the same thing. Are you asking about open relationships or swinging?0 -
It will never work. It will always end badly.... Don't do it. There is literally thousands of other ways to spice up a marraige!
I know someone who's been in an open marriage for many years and is very happy. A friend of a friend is also in one -- they go to swingers clubs and everything -- and is very happy.
I could never do it personally, but it's none of my business if others are comfortable and happy with it.0 -
just curious, swinging isn't for everyone I hate the term but I do love my husband, but sex is just sex, just curious if anyone has been doing it and had it work for a while?
I have some friends who tried "swinging" back in the 90s. Suffice it to say that it didn't end well--on many levels. Sex is just sex until emotions creep in, or until someone gets a disease. ...0 -
Im in an open relationship. Its necessary for my sanity. I dont act on that, though.
Meaning, one man has my heart, but he doesnt have his thumb on me, especially cause its the kind of situation where you dont get to see each other very often. So I completely have the option to involve myself intimately elsewhere, I just dont want to. I can, but I dont.
This does not make sense at all !! You need the open relationship for your sanity but you are very happy in your relationship???0 -
My husband and I have an open relationship. It's certainly not for everyone, and it is NOT something you want to do if you are hoping to "fix" a rocky relationship.
To me, I had sex with people I didn't love before I got married, what's the difference with doing it after, in my opinion, sex is just sex, and I have always felt that way.
What I recommend if you decide to give it a try is: TALKING! If you start to feel jealous (or if he does), talk about it. The main reason for jealousy is insecurity. If you can talk through it, you can often make it go away
If you want to ask any questions, or add me, feel free
Edited to Add: I would also like to say that for myself and my husband, going "open" has actually brought us a lot closer together. We are far more intimate (not just sexually, but in casual touches, and small gestures) than we were when our relationship was closed. Our relationship was solid when we opened it, and it's much more solid now.0 -
It makes me sad that so many people think that their standard issue commitment definition must be used by everyone else, even though they KNOW that everyone is different.
Just because someone didnt sign a paper and say a bunch of words in front of a big dressed up audience who is mostly there for the food/alcohol and to socialize amongst themselves, doesnt mean that they arent in love or arent committed.
In fact, being quietly genuinely committed, without all that circus chaos and hubbub, just a quiet knowledge between two people, without the paper to make it true, without the wedding album, without the million ways of proving it to the world... seems more intimate and beautiful to me. Especially if you aren't restrained by necessary exclusivity because its the law and your man says so, but because you just dont want anyone else.
To me thats love. Not throwing a bouquet and laughingly bemoaning the fact that you dont have to date anymore.
Don't you know that mfp generally consists of the most absolute moralistic folks in the world? That said, the sheep need to get over themselves.0 -
No. Just, not for me. I could add another woman to our time together, but I wouldn't be able to have an open relationship. I'd need to be there. I'd need to come first. But, I can be kind of a jealous person at times.
ETA: I would however change this idea were I to be married and raising a family. Everyone has different limits, different opinions. Here may not be the best place to ask for them. Just talk to the SO about what the TWO of you want 0 -
I agree with Nicki. It's not immature people who are in committed monogamous relationships. If anyone is immature it's the ones who get married then cheat even if it is cheating with permission. Also like Nicki, I was 19 when I started dating my husband so we had been together for 5 years when I was her age too. That was 18 years ago.It works if folks are mature enough to handle it.
We aren't swingers, per se, but we are rather open. We've been happily married for 12 years. Things like that tend to spice up a couple's sex life if it gets in a rut.
To me, sex is just sex and adding a third or fourth to the mix just makes more sex.
its not that we werent mature enough to handle it, if something is hurting us we need to fix because over all this strange coming our way WE ALWAYS COME FIRST
I understand. You are SO YOUNG though. You need to be in a real strong relationship first. You are lucky that you are able to stick together and work on yours. So many others are not that strong.
our relationship is strong weve been together 5 years now and when this was going on it was our 4th year I dont understand why people assume our relationship isnt strong because hes 25 and im 24
As for all the anecdotes, they're just that. For every marriage that makes it work far more don't. I can tell you stories about women who married their boyfriend after he knocked her up when she was 15 and they made it work. I can tell stories of couples with 40 year age differences who made it work. Hell, there are even some Hollywood couples who have been together over 30 years. But a story doesn't mean it's the norm. It could be 1 in a million.
Really though, why even bother getting married at all if you want to f* around?
Monogamy is a CHOICE. It is not our nature to be monogamous.
I choose to be monogamous with my husband and he with I. But it definitely is not the nature of humans as the animal beings we are.0 -
It will never work. It will always end badly.... Don't do it. There is literally thousands of other ways to spice up a marraige!
^^^this0 -
I don't see the point of being in a relationship if you're gonna swing. It's like you want something else but are afraid to leave the security of that relationship. My aunt and her husband started an open relationship b/c the husband was creeping and my aunt was desperate to hold on to him and get revenge. It didn't go well at all and it was for all the wrong reasons.
To each his/her own but I personally am too selfish and too jealous and I've always been a loyal GF/wife so it wouldn't work for me and I've been completely unable to wrap my head around the purpose of it...0 -
I think if both people are on board then go for it, I see nothing wrong with it.....not that I ever thought about or anything....0
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I'd need to come first.
Heh.0 -
I've known many couples that tried, and none who succeeded. I do know OF one couple who do it successfully. I'm not sure it's a "maturity" thing. Lots of trusting, self-actualized folks just don't like to share their mate. If you are both able to separate sex from emotion and aren't prone to jealousy, and if you already enjoy an exceptionally stable, honest relationship, it could work. Best of luck.0
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I'd need to come first.
Heh.
Haha, I didn't even catch that!0 -
I don't see the point of being in a relationship if you're gonna swing.
Swinging is a hobbie, just like camping, boating or any other activity that couples like to do together.0
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