Open Relationships?

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  • amblee125
    amblee125 Posts: 92 Member
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    Speaking from personal experience..I say NO WAY! Although my ex and I were already having problems, this was the main reason for the divorce. If anyone ever asks their opinion on this I will always say hell no..don't do it!!
  • terrappyn
    terrappyn Posts: 324 Member
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    My ex-fiancee and I dabbled. We enjoyed it. (for the record our break-up had nothing to do with this part of our life) It's definitely not for everyone and I highly suggest dicussing boundaries between you and the hubby as well as the third party, whether they are a couple or single, so they are clear from the beginning.

    Unfortunately, the new boyfriend isnt so open minded but again to each their own. :) Good luck. I hope you find what works for you!
  • CookieCatCatcher
    CookieCatCatcher Posts: 324 Member
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    I've seen open relationships in several of my married friends - and it always benefits one person, not the other. Eventually the door mat person (the one who agrees to the open relationship for the sake of keeping the other person interested and around) gets tired of the arrangement, and either files for divorce or demand that the relationship becomes monogamous again - which normally leads to the other person filing for divorce.

    Granted, all of the divorces we've seen in our circle of friends who had open relationships - all had children involved, so I'm not sure if that was a factor or not.

    Maybe it works for people who aren't really into each other in the first place?

    Def would not do it here. But, to each their own - so long as any children in the situation don't end up hurt over the results...
  • Jipples
    Jipples Posts: 663 Member
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    We are friends with a couple that swing, and they are stable and seem to have a great relationship. People put too much emphasis on sex equaling or being the sole expression of love. Its a physical act that CAN be an expression of love, but it's far from the end-all of it. The majority of the time, sex is just a physical act generally satisfying a physical need. Don't be judgmental judgy mcjudgersons.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    It will never work. It will always end badly....

    over generalized uninformed wrong answer is wrong.
  • apedeb09
    apedeb09 Posts: 805 Member
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    I could never have an open relationship... I'm WAY too jealous for that. And my husband is WAY too jealous for that. So, yeah, wouldn't work for us. I think if you are with somebody, you need to be commited to them.. If not, well, nobody's making you stay.
  • DeathIsMyGift
    DeathIsMyGift Posts: 434 Member
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    I would be totally down with it but I know my girlfriend would not. So, it's not happening...which is fine. She is definitely enough for me but she's only been with 2 other people besides me and I'd like her to experience other people. However, we are both extremely happy together and if she's not into it, neither am I.

    I see nothing wrong with it as long as you both know at the end of the day you come back to each other. There has to be a multitude of trust involved on both sides. Because as others have already stated, sex is sex.
  • spade117
    spade117 Posts: 2,466 Member
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    Speaking from personal experience..I say NO WAY! Although my ex and I were already having problems, this was the main reason for the divorce. If anyone ever asks their opinion on this I will always say hell no..don't do it!!

    It should almost never be used to *fix* a relationship.

    All parties involved should be willing, not just to be the good spouse.

    Like others have stated, honesty and communication are hugely important for it to work.
  • lauren3101
    lauren3101 Posts: 1,853 Member
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    The only way swinging works is if you BOTH have the ability to separate sex from emotion.
  • DeathIsMyGift
    DeathIsMyGift Posts: 434 Member
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    Threesomes are pretty fun too ;)
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    All the people that are screaming that it would ruin you -

    what if you were in a long distance relationship with someone that you only got to see every six months or so. and they said- yo im not gonna condemn you to getting laid only twice a year, you can totally get yours, just let me know if you get emotionally involved with someone else and we'll cut it off.
  • amblee125
    amblee125 Posts: 92 Member
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    Speaking from personal experience..I say NO WAY! Although my ex and I were already having problems, this was the main reason for the divorce. If anyone ever asks their opinion on this I will always say hell no..don't do it!!

    It should almost never be used to *fix* a relationship.

    All parties involved should be willing, not just to be the good spouse.

    Like others have stated, honesty and communication are hugely important for it to work.

    Oh I agree..I went along with it "for him" and obvoiusly it didn't work. He was already verbally abusive but this was just the last straw in my finally deciding to leave him. He is still with the girl and it has caused several bitter feelings on my part. I do have other friends that are in this type of relationship and it works great for them but I would never try it again.
  • Lone_Wolf70
    Lone_Wolf70 Posts: 2,820 Member
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    is anyone in an open/closed/double twist relationship?
  • amblee125
    amblee125 Posts: 92 Member
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    is anyone in an open/closed/double twist relationship?
    I'm in an open relationship currently with MYSELF, lol
  • Linbo93
    Linbo93 Posts: 229 Member
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    Listen to Dan Savage. He has a free podcast on Itunes, and he's wonderful! He talks about how to do it successfully and he has thousands of followers who do have success with it. And if his callers aren't having success with it, he helps them figure out why.

    Not the person to listen to if you don't have an open mind, though. :OD Enjoy, and good luck to you and your husband!
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
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    All the people that are screaming that it would ruin you -

    what if you were in a long distance relationship with someone that you only got to see every six months or so. and they said- yo im not gonna condemn you to getting laid only twice a year, you can totally get yours, just let me know if you get emotionally involved with someone else and we'll cut it off.

    If I am in a committed relationship, it doesn't matter to me if it's long distance. There are ways to keep the relationship interesting sexually via phones and webcams without needing to find another person to scratch that itch. If I want to sleep with other people (which I don't), then I would end the relationship I am in first. That's just how I am. I don't share and I would never ask my husband to share me with other men. The idea of sleeping with another man is unfathomable to me personally. He and I have been together for 22 years and he's the only man I want, physically and emotionally.
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,843 Member
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    These threads always crack me up because all the people who have no idea what a swinger relationship is about come out of the wood work and talk about how horrible it is, how evil, how bad, how disrespectful without ever being in that kind of a relationship or have friends in it for that matter.

    My husband and I are in the lifestyle and it's fun. We've met some great people and made some long lasting friendships that go across the globe. My husband and I love and respect each other. We didn't go into this blindly (although we did stumble upon it by accident) and it's the love and respect for each other that makes it work. We have rules and boundaries . Every decision made is a mutual one and if I'm ever uncomfortable with anything then the brakes get put on.

    Just because someone chooses to be in the lifestyle doesn't meant that they're not happy in their relationship. Don't judge someone because they choose to do something that you wouldn't or that you think is wrong because guess what? There might be something that YOU do in YOUR relationship that I wouldn't do and I consider wrong but I'm not about to throw judgment at you because it's your life, your relationship. Not mine. No, it's not for everyone but people need to realize and understand that the people who are in the lifestyle aren't immoral. It has nothing to do with a lack of respect on any ones part or "wanting to get as much sex with as many people as you possibly can". It has nothing to do with not loving the person you're with. It's about having fun, meeting people and making some great friends.

    Do your research and talk to people who are actually IN the lifestyle before you start vomiting judgement.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    All the people that are screaming that it would ruin you -

    what if you were in a long distance relationship with someone that you only got to see every six months or so. and they said- yo im not gonna condemn you to getting laid only twice a year, you can totally get yours, just let me know if you get emotionally involved with someone else and we'll cut it off.
    Make it every two months and it's my life!

    Honestly there are different variables in any of these situations. But being in my current relationship distance or no, it wouldn't be an option.
    And if it's a decision a woman makes a choice to be party to, based on what SHE wants then that is fantasic.
    If it's a last ditch effort to keep some absolute dog of a man... no bueno.
  • fcp1234
    fcp1234 Posts: 1,098 Member
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    I don't want to get into details on how I know a lot about the subject. First off, swinging and open relationships are 2 different things. Ithey are both fun, but I don't think they work in the long run.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    It makes me sad that so many people think that their standard issue commitment definition must be used by everyone else, even though they KNOW that everyone is different.

    Just because someone didnt sign a paper and say a bunch of words in front of a big dressed up audience who is mostly there for the food/alcohol and to socialize amongst themselves, doesnt mean that they arent in love or arent committed.

    In fact, being quietly genuinely committed, without all that circus chaos and hubbub, just a quiet knowledge between two people, without the paper to make it true, without the wedding album, without the million ways of proving it to the world... seems more intimate and beautiful to me. Especially if you aren't restrained by necessary exclusivity because its the law and your man says so, but because you just dont want anyone else.

    To me thats love. Not throwing a bouquet and laughingly bemoaning the fact that you dont have to date anymore.

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