Men, would you let your wife be a surrogate mother?

ubuntufav
ubuntufav Posts: 59
in Chit-Chat
Men, would you let your wife be a surrogate mother? Ladies, if you really wanted to be a surrogate mother for someone and your husband wouldn't let you, would you do it anyways? I am asking because I have a friend who is going through this and some of you usually gives great advice.
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Replies

  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
    Uh, no. That would show complete and utter disrespect for your husband. That is a decision to be made together as a couple.
  • Fatal1ty2k5
    Fatal1ty2k5 Posts: 333 Member
    Hell fcking no.
  • kateanne27
    kateanne27 Posts: 275 Member
    That sounds like a dysfunctional relationship, if my husband didn't 'let' me do something, I would be gone, marriage is a partnership, it involves compromise, not commands. Thankfully I married someone who believes that too.
    sounds like they need therapy.
  • Lone_Wolf70
    Lone_Wolf70 Posts: 2,820 Member
    Not only would I not agree to it (i dont go for "letting anyone do anything" im not her parent) but on another point I think surrogacy is bad.
  • DontStopB_Leakin
    DontStopB_Leakin Posts: 3,863 Member
    I hated being pregnant with my own kid...let alone someone elses.
  • mirandamayhem
    mirandamayhem Posts: 772
    I would happily do it, but not if my husband really didn't want me to. Which I'd understand. I
  • LeggiGetsFit
    LeggiGetsFit Posts: 64 Member
    Not only would I not agree to it (i dont go for "letting anyone do anything" im not her parent) but on another point I think surrogacy is bad.

    Why do you this it's bad??
  • littlehedgy
    littlehedgy Posts: 192 Member
    I would woalk out if I was "forbidden" from anything. but no I would not do something my SO was definitely against. Out of respect for his wishes.

    Not only would I not agree to it (i dont go for "letting anyone do anything" im not her parent) but on another point I think surrogacy is bad.

    may I ask why?
  • angryguy77
    angryguy77 Posts: 836 Member
    hell yeah, send me the check and "supplies"(she's a heavy sleeper) and I'll break the news to her 9 months later.

    If this isn't a winning plan, I don't know what is.
  • holeshottdr
    holeshottdr Posts: 364 Member
    No way in hell! I actually looked forward to going to work when my wife was pregnant with our children. If she would ever do something like that (which she wouldn't anyway) I'd be gone.
  • msmith2020
    msmith2020 Posts: 365 Member
    Umm.. on the womans POV.. F that! I am not going to carry another mans baby.. even if its for a couple.. no thanks...
  • _Tara_R
    _Tara_R Posts: 688 Member
    I've always wanted to become a surrogate mother. Giving someone a gift like that is amazing. I have talked to my husband about it and he is all for it. He will support me in every decision I make. Now if he wasn't comfortable with then I would not do it!
  • ashlinmarie
    ashlinmarie Posts: 1,263 Member
    I would do it for a close friend if she wasn't able to have her own children, but I wouldn't do it for just anyone. I believe if you can't have your own kids, you should adopt. There are too many kids that need homes.

    The money would be nice though.....
  • ATclassof2021
    ATclassof2021 Posts: 232 Member
    My gut feeling is no way in hell......but then it would truly depend on the situation. Good thing I am older and single so this would never be something I would have to go through,
  • LaurySch
    LaurySch Posts: 277 Member
    I've been open to the idea of surrogacy in the past and if I were in a serious relationship, that would be something I would have discussed with a hubby to be. I understand that it can be a hard concept for guys (and girls!) to come to grips with and would never push for it if the one I loved more than anyone else was against it.
    And I'd never do it for strangers for the money for the record!
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    I discuss having my AC fixed with him and he lives hundreds of miles away, it's just respectful to talk about big things.
    So, yes. I would discuss it. In fact, I've brought it up before and he doesn't think much of the idea.

    That's mostly as I'm 33. Not really the ideal age.

    Really two ways this could be seen.

    "It's her body, and not his business"
    Or
    "we're a team, she should have told him"

    If he's expecting a team relationship and she came to this behind his back, that may be an issue.
  • CarolinaGirlinVA
    CarolinaGirlinVA Posts: 1,508 Member
    The reproduction center here in Virginia Beach requires both the woman AND her husband to agree to the possibility of becoming a surrogate. I believe it is to prevent the number of women who go through all of the screening/testing just to come back and say "I can't do it now." A lot is involved medically just to get on a list for prospective parents to review. The reproductive center would lose quit a bit of money if women backed out.

    As for me, I personally would not be a surrogate. But if I wanted to, and my husband did not agree, I would not try to go against his wishes.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    Men, would you let your wife be a surrogate mother? Ladies, if you really wanted to be a surrogate mother for someone and your husband wouldn't let you, would you do it anyways? I am asking because I have a friend who is going through this and some of you usually gives great advice.

    Wait...I know you.....didn't you start the masculinity epidemic thread hating on assertive women?
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
    Men, would you let your wife be a surrogate mother? Ladies, if you really wanted to be a surrogate mother for someone and your husband wouldn't let you, would you do it anyways? I am asking because I have a friend who is going through this and some of you usually gives great advice.

    Wait...I know you.....didn't you start the masculinity epidemic thread hating on assertive women?

    Jesus. How do you keep recognizing these people? I really need to work on my sleuthing(sp?).
  • _Wits_
    _Wits_ Posts: 1,286 Member
    If my husband was not on board, I would never go behind his back and do it anyway.

    If he was on board, I'd absolutely help someone out if I was able to.
  • _Wits_
    _Wits_ Posts: 1,286 Member
    Men, would you let your wife be a surrogate mother? Ladies, if you really wanted to be a surrogate mother for someone and your husband wouldn't let you, would you do it anyways? I am asking because I have a friend who is going through this and some of you usually gives great advice.

    Wait...I know you.....didn't you start the masculinity epidemic thread hating on assertive women?

    Frack. You're right.
  • SofaKingRad
    SofaKingRad Posts: 1,592 Member
    I don't think I'd want my wife to be.
  • smtillman2
    smtillman2 Posts: 756 Member
    A very good friend of mine was a surregate mother for a couple who couldn't have children. both her and her husband found the experience to be very rewarding.

    Personally I can't imagine any women would go against her husbands wishes on this. It's a huge decision and effects everyone in the family.
  • justal313
    justal313 Posts: 1,375 Member
    If my wife told me she wouldn't do it without my blessing, I would withold my blessing. My daugher will be a year old in 3 weeks. The year leading up to her birth and the last year have been two of the most fulfilling years of our lives. There is no way I could watch my wife go through that process again and then not have another child at the end of it. I wouldn't be able to cope or even be gracious about it.

    If my wife didn't give me any input, or at least start a discussion about it before making a decision, we'd be in counciling.
  • dandaninc
    dandaninc Posts: 392
    I have a friend who is a surrogate.

    If it was my wife I would ask her not to but it would be her decision and I don't have the right to stop her from doing something for someone else that they couldn't do. It's only 10 months and would completely change the life of someone wanting to have a child.
  • ThePhoenixRose
    ThePhoenixRose Posts: 1,978 Member
    i have a friend who's done it 3 times. the first time, she was pregnant with twins, but only one survived. the next time it was a baby for a different family. and the last time was a sibling for the first family she helped. i cannot explain to you how amazing it is knowing someone so willing to help a family who wants to have a family. now, me? i told her if i pushed out a shoe i'm keeping it! i couldn't do it, but only because of the connection you feel to a baby you carry inside you for so long. well, that and my 2 pregnancies were hell, not to mention that i would literally die if i became pregnant again. oh, and i don't have a uterus. there's that too...

    her husband agreed to it, and it was great for them. she wouldn't have done it if he wasn't on board. i wouldn't do it if the hubs wasn't on board either, though i wouldn't do it in the first place.
  • veganbaum
    veganbaum Posts: 1,865 Member
    Husband wouldn't "LET" me? Umm . . . yeah. If I were in *any* committed relationship it is not something I would decide without consulting my partner. However, if he said he wouldn't "let" me, if according to him I wasn't "allowed," there would be more pressing matters to deal with in our relationship before making a decision about surrogacy.
  • Llyrian
    Llyrian Posts: 100 Member
    That's obviously a decision that requires both partners, as it affects both people heavily. My best friend offered to surrogate for me, which I think is the most beautiful and thoughtful thing a person could have offered me after my emotional years of struggling with infertility. However, her husband was not comfortable with the idea and so it's now off the table. While it would have been amazing to share this experience with her, and she'd always be a part of the child's life, we respect the feelings of her partner.
  • Brandicaloriecountess
    Brandicaloriecountess Posts: 2,126 Member
    I was a surrogate, but my husband at the time was supportive. It was not MY child, I had IVF I was simply an "oven"
  • veganbaum
    veganbaum Posts: 1,865 Member
    Men, would you let your wife be a surrogate mother? Ladies, if you really wanted to be a surrogate mother for someone and your husband wouldn't let you, would you do it anyways? I am asking because I have a friend who is going through this and some of you usually gives great advice.

    Wait...I know you.....didn't you start the masculinity epidemic thread hating on assertive women?

    You are correct. Hmmm . . .

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