Men, would you let your wife be a surrogate mother?

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  • FrugalMomsRock75
    FrugalMomsRock75 Posts: 698 Member
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    Uh, no. That would show complete and utter disrespect for your husband. That is a decision to be made together as a couple.

    My husband wanted me to get an abortion when we had an unplanned pregnancy. I said no way in hell. I guess I'm a disrespectful wife.

    I'll take that.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
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    I hated being pregnant with my own kid...let alone someone elses.

    THIS ^^^

    for realzzzzz :laugh:

    Pregnancy sucked. Babies suck, unless you can hand them to someone when they cry.

    WOW. . ive never seen someone say babies sucked . . . thats a new one by me. . .


    I breastfed both of mine. Yes, they sucked! :laugh: :tongue:

    YOUR MY HERO!!! i never breastfed with my daughter. . . .


    Well thank you for saying that. It was not easy. With my first especially, there were more than a few times when we both sat there crying our eyes out. I didn't have any support, and my mom just kept trying to push me into bottle-feeding. Well, hubby supported me, but he didn't know anything, so it was more like emotional support. It was a little easier with my son.
  • Cindy873
    Cindy873 Posts: 1,165
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    I'm getting ready to carry a child for another couple. I can tell you that if you're going through an agency to do it there are multiple counseling sessions with a psychologist as well as personality testing, and then you have to be approved by an ethics committee. I had to meet with the psychologist alone, my husband had to meet with her, we had to meet together, and we had to meet with the intended parents. If there is a conflict of interest between spouses, the wife would not be approved as a surrogate.

    My husband not only had to be in full agreement, he also had to have a background check and bloodwork done. His name is on the contract as well, and he was required to sign it in front of a notary alongside me. I am a gestational surrogate, meaning this child will not be blood related to either of us (not our egg/sperm), but it is still very much a joint legal and moral decision.
  • FrugalMomsRock75
    FrugalMomsRock75 Posts: 698 Member
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    I breastfed both of mine. Yes, they sucked! :laugh: :tongue:

    YOUR MY HERO!!! i never breastfed with my daughter. . . .


    Well thank you for saying that. It was not easy. With my first especially, there were more than a few times when we both sat there crying our eyes out. I didn't have any support, and my mom just kept trying to push me into bottle-feeding. Well, hubby supported me, but he didn't know anything, so it was more like emotional support. It was a little easier with my son.

    All five of mine have been little suckers too. :p

    I personally love being pregnant (and for the most part, labor is a breeze)... and if I get the opportunity before I'm 40, I'll be having a baby for my friend who is infertile. :) She has one adopted son, and she's a super mom.
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
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    That being said, no man "lets me" do anything with my body - I am an adult, and I make my own decisions regarding what happens in my uterus.

    Sooooo...

    Been married long?

    Thank you.

    I am sick of this 'my body crap".

    I suppose it would be ok for a man to go impregnate another woman without your blessing then right... because it's his body? :wink:

    Not married, but in a committed relationship. I'd discuss a decision like that with my boyfriend/husband, but ultimately it comes down to my decision. Hopefully children and big goals (i.e. surrogacy) would be something discussed by the couple before they decide to get married.

    If being a surrogate is that important to a woman and her husband doesn't want to "allow" her, then ultimately the relationship is going to fail because the priorities aren't the same. It's not quite the same as a man impregnating another woman, but ultimately if he wanted to get a vasectomy, it should be his decision and no one else's.

    I agree to an extent. My only point is that in a good relationship, both should work toward an agreement. I find that often women hold a double standard to men where they use sex and there bodies against their husbands and think that's fine but when the men do it, they are the devil.

    I sincerely hope I didn't come off as this, that's not really what I meant by "it's my body". I mostly mean that if being a surrogate mother is a big decision, and ultimately if it's that important to a woman, it's not really in her husband's rights to tell her she's not "allowed" to. I absolutely agree in good communication, and wouldn't want someone to make that decision without bringing it up to me, but ultimately it's the choice of that particular person. Sorry for any confusion there.

    As far as those comparing it to sex, my boyfriend is absolutely "allowed" to make the choice have sex with other women if that's what he chooses, but he just wouldn't be my boyfriend for much longer. However, I don't see surrogacy in the same light that I would see either myself or my boyfriend conceiving a child through traditional intercourse with someone else. I guess I view surrogacy as too much of a medical procedure to have emotion attached to it the way I might take a physical affair - I guess the closest thing I could compare it to is that I wouldn't stop my boyfriend from participating in sperm donation.

    I didn't get that impression from you and I wasn't targeting you in my original response. :tongue: I just have the opinion of many women in general. Like the kind of women who hold sex over a man's head and will deny him sex to get their way with something and use "my body" as a means to justify it.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    To the gentleman who thinks IVF and invitro are unnatural, I would invite him to consider that 100 years ago condoms were thought of as unnatural and 60 years ago the pill was not regularly taken and not even legal.
    All of those are unnatural. There's really no way to argue that.
  • Lone_Wolf70
    Lone_Wolf70 Posts: 2,820 Member
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    To the gentleman who thinks IVF and invitro are unnatural, I would invite him to consider that 100 years ago condoms were thought of as unnatural and 60 years ago the pill was not regularly taken and not even legal.
    All of those are unnatural. There's really no way to argue that.

    And this is true. Is a condom "natural"?
  • daffodilsoup
    daffodilsoup Posts: 1,972 Member
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    That being said, no man "lets me" do anything with my body - I am an adult, and I make my own decisions regarding what happens in my uterus.

    Sooooo...

    Been married long?

    Thank you.

    I am sick of this 'my body crap".

    I suppose it would be ok for a man to go impregnate another woman without your blessing then right... because it's his body? :wink:

    Not married, but in a committed relationship. I'd discuss a decision like that with my boyfriend/husband, but ultimately it comes down to my decision. Hopefully children and big goals (i.e. surrogacy) would be something discussed by the couple before they decide to get married.

    If being a surrogate is that important to a woman and her husband doesn't want to "allow" her, then ultimately the relationship is going to fail because the priorities aren't the same. It's not quite the same as a man impregnating another woman, but ultimately if he wanted to get a vasectomy, it should be his decision and no one else's.

    I agree to an extent. My only point is that in a good relationship, both should work toward an agreement. I find that often women hold a double standard to men where they use sex and there bodies against their husbands and think that's fine but when the men do it, they are the devil.

    I sincerely hope I didn't come off as this, that's not really what I meant by "it's my body". I mostly mean that if being a surrogate mother is a big decision, and ultimately if it's that important to a woman, it's not really in her husband's rights to tell her she's not "allowed" to. I absolutely agree in good communication, and wouldn't want someone to make that decision without bringing it up to me, but ultimately it's the choice of that particular person. Sorry for any confusion there.

    As far as those comparing it to sex, my boyfriend is absolutely "allowed" to make the choice have sex with other women if that's what he chooses, but he just wouldn't be my boyfriend for much longer. However, I don't see surrogacy in the same light that I would see either myself or my boyfriend conceiving a child through traditional intercourse with someone else. I guess I view surrogacy as too much of a medical procedure to have emotion attached to it the way I might take a physical affair - I guess the closest thing I could compare it to is that I wouldn't stop my boyfriend from participating in sperm donation.

    I didn't get that impression from you and I wasn't targeting you in my original response. :tongue: I just have the opinion of many women in general. Like the kind of women who hold sex over a man's head and will deny him sex to get their way with something and use "my body" as a means to justify it.

    I completely agree - I find women (people, actually) who use sex as a weapon to be tactless. When it comes to other people actively making decisions about other people's bodies, I tend to get up in arms.
  • Lone_Wolf70
    Lone_Wolf70 Posts: 2,820 Member
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    I think there is a big difference in the sense that medicine sustains life and in this case we are talking about creating life. There is certainly a slipperly slope and unavoidable ethical boundries that science can cross.

    Again, sorry if anyone takes it the wrong way. Just my opinion.

    To create life is to sustain life...that being said its not "creating" life its helping to make a woman capability of sustaining a life easier the sperm and egg are not "created" they are taken from the parents and introduced in a way that almost prevents failure technically invitro is sustaining a womans ability to create life with which she was created to do.

    Birth defects are against nature and birth defects sometimes prevent conception...so i guess what im trying to say is invitro is the correction of a defect...surrogacy would be against nature in this line of thinking i guess....-goes back to eating scones and sipping tea- ;p

    The defect thing is for sure the slippery slope. It could easily de-evolve (pun intended) into a Gattaca situation. WHat is a defect today might be vastly different tomorrow. Just MO, but these are ethical questions that should make us uncomfortable.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
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    I breastfed both of mine. Yes, they sucked! :laugh: :tongue:

    YOUR MY HERO!!! i never breastfed with my daughter. . . .


    Well thank you for saying that. It was not easy. With my first especially, there were more than a few times when we both sat there crying our eyes out. I didn't have any support, and my mom just kept trying to push me into bottle-feeding. Well, hubby supported me, but he didn't know anything, so it was more like emotional support. It was a little easier with my son.

    All five of mine have been little suckers too. :p

    I personally love being pregnant (and for the most part, labor is a breeze)... and if I get the opportunity before I'm 40, I'll be having a baby for my friend who is infertile. :) She has one adopted son, and she's a super mom.

    I wouldn't know the first thing about labor. I never had it. My daughter was 2 1/2 weeks late and was lying breach with low water, so they did a surgical birth. Then with my son, I chose to do the c-section again with a tubal. I hated being pregnant. I love my kiddos though. They are both teenagers now. And they are a lot more fun, now that I can have real conversations with them. :happy:
  • FrugalMomsRock75
    FrugalMomsRock75 Posts: 698 Member
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    To the gentleman who thinks IVF and invitro are unnatural, I would invite him to consider that 100 years ago condoms were thought of as unnatural and 60 years ago the pill was not regularly taken and not even legal.
    All of those are unnatural. There's really no way to argue that.

    unnatural doesn't necessarily mean wrong.

    I wonder if the man who thinks its wrong because it's unnatural has ever taken medications. Ibuprofen? Acetaminophen? Statin drugs?

    It's unnatural for people to have medical procedures done, also... but open heart surgery, a cadaver valve, and the doctor using my daughter's own collateral vessels to create a pulmonary artery saved her life. As unnatural as it may be... sometimes unnatural things are GOOD things. :)
  • Lone_Wolf70
    Lone_Wolf70 Posts: 2,820 Member
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    To the gentleman who thinks IVF and invitro are unnatural, I would invite him to consider that 100 years ago condoms were thought of as unnatural and 60 years ago the pill was not regularly taken and not even legal.
    All of those are unnatural. There's really no way to argue that.

    unnatural doesn't necessarily mean wrong.

    I wonder if the man who thinks its wrong because it's unnatural has ever taken medications. Ibuprofen? Acetaminophen? Statin drugs?

    It's unnatural for people to have medical procedures done, also... but open heart surgery, a cadaver valve, and the doctor using my daughter's own collateral vessels to create a pulmonary artery saved her life. As unnatural as it may be... sometimes unnatural things are GOOD things. :)

    I think you need to look up the definition of Natural Law...it doesnt mean all things created by scientists are bad, but when we delve into creating life or life engineering....its dangerous.
  • apedeb09
    apedeb09 Posts: 805 Member
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    No I wouldn't be a surrogate mother if my husband didn't agree with it... There was a time, however, that I WAS planning on being a surrogate for my husband's aunt since she can't have kids. My husband was all for it... but, in the end I decided that I couldn't do it.. I can't carry a child in my belly for 9 months and then just give it away to someone. I would be too attached.
  • FrugalMomsRock75
    FrugalMomsRock75 Posts: 698 Member
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    To the gentleman who thinks IVF and invitro are unnatural, I would invite him to consider that 100 years ago condoms were thought of as unnatural and 60 years ago the pill was not regularly taken and not even legal.
    All of those are unnatural. There's really no way to argue that.

    unnatural doesn't necessarily mean wrong.

    I wonder if the man who thinks its wrong because it's unnatural has ever taken medications. Ibuprofen? Acetaminophen? Statin drugs?

    It's unnatural for people to have medical procedures done, also... but open heart surgery, a cadaver valve, and the doctor using my daughter's own collateral vessels to create a pulmonary artery saved her life. As unnatural as it may be... sometimes unnatural things are GOOD things. :)

    I think you need to look up the definition of Natural Law...it doesnt mean all things created by scientists are bad, but when we delve into creating life or life engineering....its dangerous.

    The scientists aren't creating the life. Nature still provides for that part of it. It's a real human egg and sperm. They are just given a cushy environment to begin development in that isn't a womb. Then transplanted to the womb, where once again-nature acts. The body either keeps them or rejects them. Just like a regular egg and sperm in a womb.
  • FrugalMomsRock75
    FrugalMomsRock75 Posts: 698 Member
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    Furthermore, they're kept alive outside the body in much the same way that a heart, liver, kidney, lungs, etc. before transplantation to another human body.

    If one has a true issue with IVF, they should search within and see a problem with transplants-both blood and organs.
  • Akimajuktuq
    Akimajuktuq Posts: 3,037 Member
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    If someone becomes a surrogate, I think they do need approval from their partner. Also, I think the choice to be a surrogate should be a noble one, not selfish. For instance, I have a close relative who has chosen to be a surrogate. After the decision was made she posted publicly, with details, on Facebook. And then the applause and praise rolled in. IMO, it should have remained somewhat private, and at least not posted on Facebook. It seems the way she went about it that praise and applause was part of the motivation. Aside from that, it's a huge blessing for the couple who will be getting the baby.
  • Kryontz
    Kryontz Posts: 72 Member
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    Lone_Wolf70: I think you need to look up IVF.....they are not creating a baby from thin air you moron! Its the same exact thing as conceiving "naturally" except for where it happens.
  • InnerFatGirl
    InnerFatGirl Posts: 2,687 Member
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    I would hope my future husband would be open minded and kind enough to understand.
  • Lone_Wolf70
    Lone_Wolf70 Posts: 2,820 Member
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    Lone_Wolf70: I think you need to look up IVF.....they are not creating a baby from thin air you moron! Its the same exact thing as conceiving "naturally" except for where it happens.

    Reported
  • Akimajuktuq
    Akimajuktuq Posts: 3,037 Member
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    Lone_Wolf70: I think you need to look up IVF.....they are not creating a baby from thin air you moron! Its the same exact thing as conceiving "naturally" except for where it happens.

    Reported

    I'm glad you reported that; it gets me very annoyed when people stoop to that level just because they disagree with a view-point.

    After reading these posts and thinking about it, I have to agree that surrogacy isn't natural or ideal. I can respect that other people's decision to do it though. I also have to agree that adopting is a better option, and far more noble. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to adopt a new-born baby; lots of hoops and sometimes expensive and heart-breaking (the mother can change her mind).

    However, there are lots of older children in the foster system that are relatively easy to adopt, but perhaps it can be loosely compared to adopting a puppy; older children aren't as "cute" and may have behavioural problems (not that it's their fault!). I wish more people would consider giving those children a chance. Speaking from experience, my step-father was the greatest blessing in my life. I didn't start living with him until I was 14 and I was a complete nightmare from the experience of living with my father and his second wife, but he took me under his wing, treated me with love and respect and we had a wonderful relationship. Not totally the same, but a person CAN love a child that isn't biologically their own, and thank god that a few of us messed up kids get blessed with someone like that.

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