Men, would you let your wife be a surrogate mother?

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  • meerkat70
    meerkat70 Posts: 4,616 Member
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    "let"?????
  • Amcolecchi
    Amcolecchi Posts: 260 Member
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    I think it's awful people are saying they wouldn't do or let their wife do it! My cousin is 26 and has breast cancer and cannot have kids. Her sister is going to be her surrogate mother for her. How great is that, my cousin deserves to have kids too and because this awful disease has hit her, she can't have kids. I would so do it for anyone! And my husband would support me no matter what!
  • spacecase76
    spacecase76 Posts: 673 Member
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    I would respect my SO's wishes. I am a bear when I am pregnant, he would have to deal with me. I would never intentionally do something that I knew he was against. Either he agrees, we compromise, or it won't happen. Surrogacy definitely affects the hubby as well, not just the pregnant one...
  • bcampbell54
    bcampbell54 Posts: 932 Member
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    That being said, no man "lets me" do anything with my body - I am an adult, and I make my own decisions regarding what happens in my uterus.

    Sooooo...

    Been married long?
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,377 Member
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    Not only would I not agree to it (i dont go for "letting anyone do anything" im not her parent) but on another point I think surrogacy is bad.

    Why do you this it's bad??

    Again making no judgments on what anyone does...im a libertarian....

    but..to me Surrogacy and In Vitiro seem to go against natural law and are selfish. I knwo this is easy for me to say, as someone who had three kids no problem (strong like bull lol)...but if we couldnt have kids...id look at the fact that there are thousands and millions of kids without parents and that our lot in life was to provide a home for them

    Just my opinion...ill let the flaming begin.

    I agree with this, too. When I see those shows with the couple treating the wife like her vagina's a clown car it pisses me off. When it gets to a ridiculous number of kids, that's when I'm thinking they should start adopting. I'll wait for it.
  • Brandicaloriecountess
    Brandicaloriecountess Posts: 2,126 Member
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    Not only would I not agree to it (i dont go for "letting anyone do anything" im not her parent) but on another point I think surrogacy is bad.

    Why do you this it's bad??

    Again making no judgments on what anyone does...im a libertarian....

    but..to me Surrogacy and In Vitiro seem to go against natural law and are selfish. I knwo this is easy for me to say, as someone who had three kids no problem (strong like bull lol)...but if we couldnt have kids...id look at the fact that there are thousands and millions of kids without parents and that our lot in life was to provide a home for them

    Just my opinion...ill let the flaming begin.

    While I don't agree with your opinion, I have been in the surrogacy world long enough to know the "dark side" and there are no damn cookies. I have dealt with the emotions, the hormones, and the effects of the drug protocol on my body.
  • myfitnessnmhoy
    myfitnessnmhoy Posts: 2,105 Member
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    Men, would you let your wife be a surrogate mother? Ladies, if you really wanted to be a surrogate mother for someone and your husband wouldn't let you, would you do it anyways? I am asking because I have a friend who is going through this and some of you usually gives great advice.

    If my wife wanted to, I'd support her decision. I don't think it'd be something she'd honestly be interested in.

    I also know that, if I had severe reservations about it, she and I would discuss it and I trust that she'd only do it if we both agreed to do it.
  • DarthCeltic
    DarthCeltic Posts: 1,274 Member
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    umm.. do i get to enjoy the spoils of a pregnant wife? if then hellz yes.. haha
  • HauteP1nk
    HauteP1nk Posts: 2,139 Member
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    Firstly, it isn't a matter of my husband 'letting' me do anything. I think you used the words incorrectly...because he couldn't really stop me from doing it if I wanted to. Even in marriage a woman is her own person, and it is her body. That being said, out of respect for him and our relationship though I do believe that the matter of surrogacy should be discussed until an agreement is reached.

    Secondly, I myself can barely handle the idea of carrying my own children let alone children for others. However, kudos to women who do it for others out of the goodness of their hearts (and not just for the money).
  • Lone_Wolf70
    Lone_Wolf70 Posts: 2,820 Member
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    Not only would I not agree to it (i dont go for "letting anyone do anything" im not her parent) but on another point I think surrogacy is bad.

    Why do you this it's bad??

    Again making no judgments on what anyone does...im a libertarian....

    but..to me Surrogacy and In Vitiro seem to go against natural law and are selfish. I knwo this is easy for me to say, as someone who had three kids no problem (strong like bull lol)...but if we couldnt have kids...id look at the fact that there are thousands and millions of kids without parents and that our lot in life was to provide a home for them

    Just my opinion...ill let the flaming begin.

    I don't see what this has to do with being Libertarian. I see you using that often and as a Libertarian, I'm offended that you throw the term around like you do. Being a surrogate is selfish and against Libertarian thinking? Huh?

    When I say im a Libertarian I mean if pppl wana do it and it doesnt harm others so be it. Im sorry you're offended, but its pretty obvious.

    I do think it is selfish in the sense I empathize that not having you're "own" child is tough, but maybe that was the natural law plan for you (you can call it God or not, makes no diff to me)

    I just think its selfish that ppl go thru all sorts of measures to have their own kids when there are plenty out there crying for a parent.
  • Lone_Wolf70
    Lone_Wolf70 Posts: 2,820 Member
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    Not only would I not agree to it (i dont go for "letting anyone do anything" im not her parent) but on another point I think surrogacy is bad.

    Why is surrogacy bad? I want to keep an open mind on this. I'm a woman who can't carry kids and having a surrogate mom is one of the options that was considered. It was only overturned for now because of the expense and fear that someone would take off with my kid. :) I have had a friend offer that when/if we decide we're ready, she would carry. Adoption is another thought, too. I have a daughter, almost 18-years-old now, but men often want the chance to have their own child and I can understand that entirely.

    Answered already.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
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    "Would you let your wife..." is not how any question ought to begin. That kind of question would start a fight, real quick in a hurry!
  • Beautiful_Ideal
    Beautiful_Ideal Posts: 69 Member
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    OP: This all depends on the wife's, and the husband's, perception of motherhood. Most people believe that motherhood is sacred, and thus shouldn't be commodified, so they have a problem with surrogate motherhood in and of itself. Additionally, mothers are part of a family unit, of which husbands and wives are also a part. I can see why a husband would be duly upset by his wife's acceptance of a surrogacy role - she might be seen as violating not only their relationship, but also their family bond.

    As a feminist, I believe that a woman has a right to make her own decisions about her body. To play devil's advocate, by getting married, your friend made a commitment to her husband, and probably to their family.

    Still, why does her husband feel like carrying another person's child is such a violation of their family? Hypothetically, his responsibility for her pregnancy could be extremely minimal - father's don't _have_ to go to doctor's appointments, they don't have to make midnight food runs, or any number of things good expectant fathers do. If you don't believe me, just reference the many women who carry their babies without a partner's help.

    IMO, through surrogacy, she's giving someone else a precious gift, a gift they probably couldn't have without her. To me, that's a beautiful thing. If my SO couldn't appreciate that, we'd have some serious issues.
  • debussyschild
    debussyschild Posts: 804 Member
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    Me and my husband have talked about it. This fool wanted me to sell my "eggs" and I said pfft I rather be a sarrogate. His responce to that was as a previous one here "Hell no I can barely put up with you when you carried ours!" LOL!!

    But to make it clear although I would love to make a couple very happy if he didnt like the idea I wouldnt do it. However if my brother came to me no question about it im there.

    ^^ Ditto. My big bro has yet to settle down and have kids, but if he needed me for that, my husband would just have to deal. And selling my eggs? OH HELL NO. No way there's going to be a mini-me out there that I don't know about. How weird!!!
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
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    I hated being pregnant with my own kid...let alone someone elses.

    THIS ^^^

    for realzzzzz :laugh:

    Pregnancy sucked. Babies suck, unless you can hand them to someone when they cry.
  • Psychoanalytic
    Psychoanalytic Posts: 261
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    As a woman who can not carry children to term, surrogacy and adoption are my only options. I'd be happy with surrogacy, however, back to the OP's point, I would want the husband/SO to be on board because a woman's health can be effected by her "better half." He could be an @ss about it, stress her out, which would put stress on the baby, throw her down the stairs, etc. While yes, it's her body, she's united in marriage and he has the right to an opinion.
  • kamakazeekim
    kamakazeekim Posts: 1,183 Member
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    my pregnancies are way too difficult for anyone to ever consider using me as their surrogate! And if I spend 9 months (well...in my case 8 with both babies) then I had best have something to show for it at the end! My husband wants to shoot me right now because I don't want him getting a vasectomy yet...I just think we should keep our options open for a little while longer.
  • _Elemenopee_
    _Elemenopee_ Posts: 2,665 Member
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    If my husband ever uttered the words "I won't LET you do X, Y or Z" I would quickly become a widow.
  • rocksyraeis
    rocksyraeis Posts: 194
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    What a loaded board....people saying concieveing your own children is selfish...people saying invitro is against nature...how interesting...-watches-
  • Laces_0ut
    Laces_0ut Posts: 3,750 Member
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    only for a ridiculous amount of money.

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