Men, would you let your wife be a surrogate mother?

FrugalMomsRock75

Uh, no. That would show complete and utter disrespect for your husband. That is a decision to be made together as a couple.

My husband wanted me to get an abortion when we had an unplanned pregnancy. I said no way in hell. I guess I'm a disrespectful wife.

I'll take that.

WendyTerry420

I hated being pregnant with my own kid...let alone someone elses.

THIS ^^^

for realzzzzz :laugh:

Pregnancy sucked. Babies suck, unless you can hand them to someone when they cry.

WOW. . ive never seen someone say babies sucked . . . thats a new one by me. . .

I breastfed both of mine. Yes, they sucked! :laugh:

YOUR MY HERO!!! i never breastfed with my daughter. . . .

Well thank you for saying that. It was not easy. With my first especially, there were more than a few times when we both sat there crying our eyes out. I didn't have any support, and my mom just kept trying to push me into bottle-feeding. Well, hubby supported me, but he didn't know anything, so it was more like emotional support. It was a little easier with my son.

Cindy873

I'm getting ready to carry a child for another couple. I can tell you that if you're going through an agency to do it there are multiple counseling sessions with a psychologist as well as personality testing, and then you have to be approved by an ethics committee. I had to meet with the psychologist alone, my husband had to meet with her, we had to meet together, and we had to meet with the intended parents. If there is a conflict of interest between spouses, the wife would not be approved as a surrogate.

My husband not only had to be in full agreement, he also had to have a background check and bloodwork done. His name is on the contract as well, and he was required to sign it in front of a notary alongside me. I am a gestational surrogate, meaning this child will not be blood related to either of us (not our egg/sperm), but it is still very much a joint legal and moral decision.

FrugalMomsRock75

I breastfed both of mine. Yes, they sucked! :laugh:

YOUR MY HERO!!! i never breastfed with my daughter. . . .

Well thank you for saying that. It was not easy. With my first especially, there were more than a few times when we both sat there crying our eyes out. I didn't have any support, and my mom just kept trying to push me into bottle-feeding. Well, hubby supported me, but he didn't know anything, so it was more like emotional support. It was a little easier with my son.

All five of mine have been little suckers too.

I personally love being pregnant (and for the most part, labor is a breeze)... and if I get the opportunity before I'm 40, I'll be having a baby for my friend who is infertile. She has one adopted son, and she's a super mom.

fbmandy55

That being said, no man "lets me" do anything with my body - I am an adult, and I make my own decisions regarding what happens in my uterus.

Sooooo...

Been married long?

Thank you.

I am sick of this 'my body crap".

I suppose it would be ok for a man to go impregnate another woman without your blessing then right... because it's his body?

Not married, but in a committed relationship. I'd discuss a decision like that with my boyfriend/husband, but ultimately it comes down to my decision. Hopefully children and big goals (i.e. surrogacy) would be something discussed by the couple before they decide to get married.

If being a surrogate is that important to a woman and her husband doesn't want to "allow" her, then ultimately the relationship is going to fail because the priorities aren't the same. It's not quite the same as a man impregnating another woman, but ultimately if he wanted to get a vasectomy, it should be his decision and no one else's.

I agree to an extent. My only point is that in a good relationship, both should work toward an agreement. I find that often women hold a double standard to men where they use sex and there bodies against their husbands and think that's fine but when the men do it, they are the devil.

I sincerely hope I didn't come off as this, that's not really what I meant by "it's my body". I mostly mean that if being a surrogate mother is a big decision, and ultimately if it's that important to a woman, it's not really in her husband's rights to tell her she's not "allowed" to. I absolutely agree in good communication, and wouldn't want someone to make that decision without bringing it up to me, but ultimately it's the choice of that particular person. Sorry for any confusion there.

As far as those comparing it to sex, my boyfriend is absolutely "allowed" to make the choice have sex with other women if that's what he chooses, but he just wouldn't be my boyfriend for much longer. However, I don't see surrogacy in the same light that I would see either myself or my boyfriend conceiving a child through traditional intercourse with someone else. I guess I view surrogacy as too much of a medical procedure to have emotion attached to it the way I might take a physical affair - I guess the closest thing I could compare it to is that I wouldn't stop my boyfriend from participating in sperm donation.

I didn't get that impression from you and I wasn't targeting you in my original response. I just have the opinion of many women in general. Like the kind of women who hold sex over a man's head and will deny him sex to get their way with something and use "my body" as a means to justify it.

ElizabethRoad

To the gentleman who thinks IVF and invitro are unnatural, I would invite him to consider that 100 years ago condoms were thought of as unnatural and 60 years ago the pill was not regularly taken and not even legal.

All of those are unnatural. There's really no way to argue that.

Lone_Wolf70

To the gentleman who thinks IVF and invitro are unnatural, I would invite him to consider that 100 years ago condoms were thought of as unnatural and 60 years ago the pill was not regularly taken and not even legal.

All of those are unnatural. There's really no way to argue that.

And this is true. Is a condom "natural"?

daffodilsoup

That being said, no man "lets me" do anything with my body - I am an adult, and I make my own decisions regarding what happens in my uterus.

Sooooo...

Been married long?

Thank you.

I am sick of this 'my body crap".

I suppose it would be ok for a man to go impregnate another woman without your blessing then right... because it's his body?

Not married, but in a committed relationship. I'd discuss a decision like that with my boyfriend/husband, but ultimately it comes down to my decision. Hopefully children and big goals (i.e. surrogacy) would be something discussed by the couple before they decide to get married.

If being a surrogate is that important to a woman and her husband doesn't want to "allow" her, then ultimately the relationship is going to fail because the priorities aren't the same. It's not quite the same as a man impregnating another woman, but ultimately if he wanted to get a vasectomy, it should be his decision and no one else's.

I agree to an extent. My only point is that in a good relationship, both should work toward an agreement. I find that often women hold a double standard to men where they use sex and there bodies against their husbands and think that's fine but when the men do it, they are the devil.

I sincerely hope I didn't come off as this, that's not really what I meant by "it's my body". I mostly mean that if being a surrogate mother is a big decision, and ultimately if it's that important to a woman, it's not really in her husband's rights to tell her she's not "allowed" to. I absolutely agree in good communication, and wouldn't want someone to make that decision without bringing it up to me, but ultimately it's the choice of that particular person. Sorry for any confusion there.

As far as those comparing it to sex, my boyfriend is absolutely "allowed" to make the choice have sex with other women if that's what he chooses, but he just wouldn't be my boyfriend for much longer. However, I don't see surrogacy in the same light that I would see either myself or my boyfriend conceiving a child through traditional intercourse with someone else. I guess I view surrogacy as too much of a medical procedure to have emotion attached to it the way I might take a physical affair - I guess the closest thing I could compare it to is that I wouldn't stop my boyfriend from participating in sperm donation.

I didn't get that impression from you and I wasn't targeting you in my original response. I just have the opinion of many women in general. Like the kind of women who hold sex over a man's head and will deny him sex to get their way with something and use "my body" as a means to justify it.

I completely agree - I find women (people, actually) who use sex as a weapon to be tactless. When it comes to other people actively making decisions about other people's bodies, I tend to get up in arms.

Lone_Wolf70

I think there is a big difference in the sense that medicine sustains life and in this case we are talking about creating life. There is certainly a slipperly slope and unavoidable ethical boundries that science can cross.

Again, sorry if anyone takes it the wrong way. Just my opinion.

To create life is to sustain life...that being said its not "creating" life its helping to make a woman capability of sustaining a life easier the sperm and egg are not "created" they are taken from the parents and introduced in a way that almost prevents failure technically invitro is sustaining a womans ability to create life with which she was created to do.

Birth defects are against nature and birth defects sometimes prevent conception...so i guess what im trying to say is invitro is the correction of a defect...surrogacy would be against nature in this line of thinking i guess....-goes back to eating scones and sipping tea- ;p

The defect thing is for sure the slippery slope. It could easily de-evolve (pun intended) into a Gattaca situation. WHat is a defect today might be vastly different tomorrow. Just MO, but these are ethical questions that should make us uncomfortable.

WendyTerry420

I breastfed both of mine. Yes, they sucked! :laugh:

YOUR MY HERO!!! i never breastfed with my daughter. . . .

Well thank you for saying that. It was not easy. With my first especially, there were more than a few times when we both sat there crying our eyes out. I didn't have any support, and my mom just kept trying to push me into bottle-feeding. Well, hubby supported me, but he didn't know anything, so it was more like emotional support. It was a little easier with my son.

All five of mine have been little suckers too.

I personally love being pregnant (and for the most part, labor is a breeze)... and if I get the opportunity before I'm 40, I'll be having a baby for my friend who is infertile. She has one adopted son, and she's a super mom.

I wouldn't know the first thing about labor. I never had it. My daughter was 2 1/2 weeks late and was lying breach with low water, so they did a surgical birth. Then with my son, I chose to do the c-section again with a tubal. I hated being pregnant. I love my kiddos though. They are both teenagers now. And they are a lot more fun, now that I can have real conversations with them. :happy:

FrugalMomsRock75

To the gentleman who thinks IVF and invitro are unnatural, I would invite him to consider that 100 years ago condoms were thought of as unnatural and 60 years ago the pill was not regularly taken and not even legal.

All of those are unnatural. There's really no way to argue that.

unnatural doesn't necessarily mean wrong.

I wonder if the man who thinks its wrong because it's unnatural has ever taken medications. Ibuprofen? Acetaminophen? Statin drugs?

It's unnatural for people to have medical procedures done, also... but open heart surgery, a cadaver valve, and the doctor using my daughter's own collateral vessels to create a pulmonary artery saved her life. As unnatural as it may be... sometimes unnatural things are GOOD things.

Lone_Wolf70

To the gentleman who thinks IVF and invitro are unnatural, I would invite him to consider that 100 years ago condoms were thought of as unnatural and 60 years ago the pill was not regularly taken and not even legal.

All of those are unnatural. There's really no way to argue that.

unnatural doesn't necessarily mean wrong.

I wonder if the man who thinks its wrong because it's unnatural has ever taken medications. Ibuprofen? Acetaminophen? Statin drugs?

It's unnatural for people to have medical procedures done, also... but open heart surgery, a cadaver valve, and the doctor using my daughter's own collateral vessels to create a pulmonary artery saved her life. As unnatural as it may be... sometimes unnatural things are GOOD things.

I think you need to look up the definition of Natural Law...it doesnt mean all things created by scientists are bad, but when we delve into creating life or life engineering....its dangerous.

apedeb09

No I wouldn't be a surrogate mother if my husband didn't agree with it... There was a time, however, that I WAS planning on being a surrogate for my husband's aunt since she can't have kids. My husband was all for it... but, in the end I decided that I couldn't do it.. I can't carry a child in my belly for 9 months and then just give it away to someone. I would be too attached.

FrugalMomsRock75

To the gentleman who thinks IVF and invitro are unnatural, I would invite him to consider that 100 years ago condoms were thought of as unnatural and 60 years ago the pill was not regularly taken and not even legal.

All of those are unnatural. There's really no way to argue that.

unnatural doesn't necessarily mean wrong.

I wonder if the man who thinks its wrong because it's unnatural has ever taken medications. Ibuprofen? Acetaminophen? Statin drugs?

It's unnatural for people to have medical procedures done, also... but open heart surgery, a cadaver valve, and the doctor using my daughter's own collateral vessels to create a pulmonary artery saved her life. As unnatural as it may be... sometimes unnatural things are GOOD things.

I think you need to look up the definition of Natural Law...it doesnt mean all things created by scientists are bad, but when we delve into creating life or life engineering....its dangerous.

The scientists aren't creating the life. Nature still provides for that part of it. It's a real human egg and sperm. They are just given a cushy environment to begin development in that isn't a womb. Then transplanted to the womb, where once again-nature acts. The body either keeps them or rejects them. Just like a regular egg and sperm in a womb.

FrugalMomsRock75

Furthermore, they're kept alive outside the body in much the same way that a heart, liver, kidney, lungs, etc. before transplantation to another human body.

If one has a true issue with IVF, they should search within and see a problem with transplants-both blood and organs.

Akimajuktuq

If someone becomes a surrogate, I think they do need approval from their partner. Also, I think the choice to be a surrogate should be a noble one, not selfish. For instance, I have a close relative who has chosen to be a surrogate. After the decision was made she posted publicly, with details, on Facebook. And then the applause and praise rolled in. IMO, it should have remained somewhat private, and at least not posted on Facebook. It seems the way she went about it that praise and applause was part of the motivation. Aside from that, it's a huge blessing for the couple who will be getting the baby.

Kryontz

Lone_Wolf70: I think you need to look up IVF.....they are not creating a baby from thin air you moron! Its the same exact thing as conceiving "naturally" except for where it happens.

InnerFatGirl

I would hope my future husband would be open minded and kind enough to understand.

Lone_Wolf70

Lone_Wolf70: I think you need to look up IVF.....they are not creating a baby from thin air you moron! Its the same exact thing as conceiving "naturally" except for where it happens.

Reported

Akimajuktuq

Lone_Wolf70: I think you need to look up IVF.....they are not creating a baby from thin air you moron! Its the same exact thing as conceiving "naturally" except for where it happens.

Reported

I'm glad you reported that; it gets me very annoyed when people stoop to that level just because they disagree with a view-point.

After reading these posts and thinking about it, I have to agree that surrogacy isn't natural or ideal. I can respect that other people's decision to do it though. I also have to agree that adopting is a better option, and far more noble. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to adopt a new-born baby; lots of hoops and sometimes expensive and heart-breaking (the mother can change her mind).

However, there are lots of older children in the foster system that are relatively easy to adopt, but perhaps it can be loosely compared to adopting a puppy; older children aren't as "cute" and may have behavioural problems (not that it's their fault!). I wish more people would consider giving those children a chance. Speaking from experience, my step-father was the greatest blessing in my life. I didn't start living with him until I was 14 and I was a complete nightmare from the experience of living with my father and his second wife, but he took me under his wing, treated me with love and respect and we had a wonderful relationship. Not totally the same, but a person CAN love a child that isn't biologically their own, and thank god that a few of us messed up kids get blessed with someone like that.

RealWomenLovePitbulls

it's definately a big decision and one that needs to be discussed and decided on as a couple. It will really effect her husband too, as he will be dealing with her during the pregnancy and she will probably be very emotional afterward and he will have to be there for her. it's a great thing to do, but a major life choice

FrugalMomsRock75

Lone_Wolf70: I think you need to look up IVF.....they are not creating a baby from thin air you moron! Its the same exact thing as conceiving "naturally" except for where it happens.

Reported

I'm glad you reported that; it gets me very annoyed when people stoop to that level just because they disagree with a view-point.

After reading these posts and thinking about it, I have to agree that surrogacy isn't natural or ideal. I can respect that other people's decision to do it though. I also have to agree that adopting is a better option, and far more noble. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to adopt a new-born baby; lots of hoops and sometimes expensive and heart-breaking (the mother can change her mind).

However, there are lots of older children in the foster system that are relatively easy to adopt, but perhaps it can be loosely compared to adopting a puppy; older children aren't as "cute" and may have behavioural problems (not that it's their fault!). I wish more people would consider giving those children a chance. Speaking from experience, my step-father was the greatest blessing in my life. I didn't start living with him until I was 14 and I was a complete nightmare from the experience of living with my father and his second wife, but he took me under his wing, treated me with love and respect and we had a wonderful relationship. Not totally the same, but a person CAN love a child that isn't biologically their own, and thank god that a few of us messed up kids get blessed with someone like that.

It's great that you had a good step father, and I agree that you don't have to be blood to be loved... but taking an older child out of the foster system is only for very special people that are willing to deal with a LOT of garbage in most cases. There's only a handful that aren't totally messed up because of what they've been through. It's sad. It isn't because they aren't "cute;" it's because they are much more work and have so many issues-some aren't even the kind that can be overcome. A child with detachment issues or with disorganized attachment problems generally can't be "fixed." It's sad. But it's true. And those kids need so much, and by the time one realizes it, it's too late to "give them back."

As for adoption of a newborn-it's incredibly hard to adopt a newborn. My friend just turned 40, and she and her husband were taken off the list because they're now "too old" to adopt a baby. They waited years and never got once crack at it!

I don't think there's a thing in the world wrong with people who have the means to provide to have egg and sperm harvested and put together in a lab and then transferred to a womb that can maintain a pregnancy. These people have a solid marriage, a nice home, and they love their son (who, btw, wasn't adopted through an agency-it was a private family issue that led to the adoption of the little guy). They're wonderful parents, and they deserve a baby even if they're a little "old" according to adoption agencies!

Mr_Bad_Example

Men, would you let your wife be a surrogate mother? Ladies, if you really wanted to be a surrogate mother for someone and your husband wouldn't let you, would you do it anyways? I am asking because I have a friend who is going through this and some of you usually gives great advice.

Um... my wife is her own person. She does what she wants, and so do I. That's how our relationship works, anyway. My understanding of any relationship is that it is not a contract or a condition of one possessing the other - and frankly, I'd be skeeved if my significant other were always asking me permission for things.

But then again, maybe the way I see things is contributing to that 'masculinity crisis' I've heard so much about...

Huskeryogi

Lone_Wolf70: I think you need to look up IVF.....they are not creating a baby from thin air you moron! Its the same exact thing as conceiving "naturally" except for where it happens.

Reported

I'm glad you reported that; it gets me very annoyed when people stoop to that level just because they disagree with a view-point.

After reading these posts and thinking about it, I have to agree that surrogacy isn't natural or ideal. I can respect that other people's decision to do it though. I also have to agree that adopting is a better option, and far more noble. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to adopt a new-born baby; lots of hoops and sometimes expensive and heart-breaking (the mother can change her mind).

However, there are lots of older children in the foster system that are relatively easy to adopt, but perhaps it can be loosely compared to adopting a puppy; older children aren't as "cute" and may have behavioural problems (not that it's their fault!). I wish more people would consider giving those children a chance. Speaking from experience, my step-father was the greatest blessing in my life. I didn't start living with him until I was 14 and I was a complete nightmare from the experience of living with my father and his second wife, but he took me under his wing, treated me with love and respect and we had a wonderful relationship. Not totally the same, but a person CAN love a child that isn't biologically their own, and thank god that a few of us messed up kids get blessed with someone like that.

Do you know what the failure rate is on adoptions of older children? It's 23%. I'm totally impressed by people who do and would never want to discourage someone from doing it, but to act like it's the same as the difference between adopting a puppy and an older dog is ludicris.

Akimajuktuq

Lone_Wolf70: I think you need to look up IVF.....they are not creating a baby from thin air you moron! Its the same exact thing as conceiving "naturally" except for where it happens.

Reported

I'm glad you reported that; it gets me very annoyed when people stoop to that level just because they disagree with a view-point.

After reading these posts and thinking about it, I have to agree that surrogacy isn't natural or ideal. I can respect that other people's decision to do it though. I also have to agree that adopting is a better option, and far more noble. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to adopt a new-born baby; lots of hoops and sometimes expensive and heart-breaking (the mother can change her mind).

However, there are lots of older children in the foster system that are relatively easy to adopt, but perhaps it can be loosely compared to adopting a puppy; older children aren't as "cute" and may have behavioural problems (not that it's their fault!). I wish more people would consider giving those children a chance. Speaking from experience, my step-father was the greatest blessing in my life. I didn't start living with him until I was 14 and I was a complete nightmare from the experience of living with my father and his second wife, but he took me under his wing, treated me with love and respect and we had a wonderful relationship. Not totally the same, but a person CAN love a child that isn't biologically their own, and thank god that a few of us messed up kids get blessed with someone like that.

It's great that you had a good step father, and I agree that you don't have to be blood to be loved... but taking an older child out of the foster system is only for very special people that are willing to deal with a LOT of garbage in most cases. There's only a handful that aren't totally messed up because of what they've been through. It's sad. It isn't because they aren't "cute;" it's because they are much more work and have so many issues-some aren't even the kind that can be overcome. A child with detachment issues or with disorganized attachment problems generally can't be "fixed." It's sad. But it's true. And those kids need so much, and by the time one realizes it, it's too late to "give them back."

As for adoption of a newborn-it's incredibly hard to adopt a newborn. My friend just turned 40, and she and her husband were taken off the list because they're now "too old" to adopt a baby. They waited years and never got once crack at it!

I don't think there's a thing in the world wrong with people who have the means to provide to have egg and sperm harvested and put together in a lab and then transferred to a womb that can maintain a pregnancy. These people have a solid marriage, a nice home, and they love their son (who, btw, wasn't adopted through an agency-it was a private family issue that led to the adoption of the little guy). They're wonderful parents, and they deserve a baby even if they're a little "old" according to adoption agencies!

I do know what you are saying and I agree that those older children often have big problems. I myself have been labeled with attachment issues, complex PTSD, bipolar disorder (rapid cycling!), borderline personality disorder... have I missed any??? Oh, yeah, I had life threatening migraines in my teens (which cleared up in a safe, stable environment).

You are right that most people would not want to take it on. But, a messed up child (like me) can sometimes come around and thrive in a healthy environment. Sometimes so much so, that all the professional diagnoses look false (although for me, the attachment issues and PTSD is here to stay but I manage fairly well regardless).

While it was wrong to use a puppy for comparison, I really do think the "cute" factor does come into play. Or the "mine" factor.

However, no matter my opinion, and wishing for things that aren't so, I will respect the choice of others.

Akimajuktuq

Lone_Wolf70: I think you need to look up IVF.....they are not creating a baby from thin air you moron! Its the same exact thing as conceiving "naturally" except for where it happens.

Reported

I'm glad you reported that; it gets me very annoyed when people stoop to that level just because they disagree with a view-point.

After reading these posts and thinking about it, I have to agree that surrogacy isn't natural or ideal. I can respect that other people's decision to do it though. I also have to agree that adopting is a better option, and far more noble. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to adopt a new-born baby; lots of hoops and sometimes expensive and heart-breaking (the mother can change her mind).

However, there are lots of older children in the foster system that are relatively easy to adopt, but perhaps it can be loosely compared to adopting a puppy; older children aren't as "cute" and may have behavioural problems (not that it's their fault!). I wish more people would consider giving those children a chance. Speaking from experience, my step-father was the greatest blessing in my life. I didn't start living with him until I was 14 and I was a complete nightmare from the experience of living with my father and his second wife, but he took me under his wing, treated me with love and respect and we had a wonderful relationship. Not totally the same, but a person CAN love a child that isn't biologically their own, and thank god that a few of us messed up kids get blessed with someone like that.

Do you know what the failure rate is on adoptions of older children? It's 23%. I'm totally impressed by people who do and would never want to discourage someone from doing it, but to act like it's the same as the difference between adopting a puppy and an older dog is ludicris.

I'm not trying to be ludicrous at all. There shouldn't be a "failure" rate on adoption; it's called a lifelong COMMITMENT, imo. No, it's not the same as a puppy and I knew someone would be all freaked out over that, so I should have put it differently. So, does everyone think they are going to be able to avoid all these difficult things when they raise their own children from the start??? I can tell you, with experience, that it just ain't so.

veganbaum

Well, first of all no one "lets" or "doesn't let" me do ANYTHING. This is a situation that necessitates discussion, and would be a mutual decision based on that discusion, respect for one another, and any other criteria that we establish between ourselves.

I keep seeing this, I bet my left nut that you dont let your man do alot of things. Women take so offense to a man not so called letting her do things. No one should ever be controlling but in some things, its normal for a guy not let his women do things without permission such as sleeping with another man, buying a car, going on dates with another guy, take a job that relocates her, get an abortion, quit a job, put the house on the market, move, change your child's school, put down a family pet, and spend money on a high purchase item. Its a marriage and that requires communication and both parties making decisions as a team. A man is not controlling just because he doesn't want or tries to stop his woman from doing this. Im sorry women, if you want to do whatever you want then stay single.

In a marriage, you can not just do whatever you want and neither can the man. This affects him as well, yes it is your body but in a marriage, you share everything. I bet you wouldn't let him cut off his penis or sleep with another woman. Hey, he can play that card too, its his body. I know most dont like it but in a marriage, both do have to answer to the other. Personally for me, I think it is amazing that she wants to do this for someone who can not have kids but I do agree, her husband has to be on board as well. It does affect him in so many ways as well and also there can be complications with the pregnancy. Its always a risk.

You come across as a very chauvinistic individual. All those things you list as being "normal" for a man to control - to not LET his WOMAN do things without PERMISSION - does that go the other way? Because your post sure makes it seem like the man must always have control. Does the man have to get permission to buy a car, or sell the house, or change the child's school, or can he make those decisions without getting his wife's "permission" because he's the "man"?

You say if a woman wants to do whatever she wants then she should stay single, but apparently a man can still do whatever he wants when he's married because it's "normal" for the "man" to not let his "woman" do things. I. just. don't. even . . .

And tacking on at the end that in a marriage decisions affect each other doesn't negate what you say previously. It comes across as saying that decisions affect the couple, but really the man can control a lot of decisions and make them on his own and the woman has to ask permission.

oregonzoo

Men, would you let your wife be a surrogate mother? Ladies, if you really wanted to be a surrogate mother for someone and your husband wouldn't let you, would you do it anyways? I am asking because I have a friend who is going through this and some of you usually gives great advice.

Um... my wife is her own person. She does what she wants, and so do I. That's how our relationship works, anyway. My understanding of any relationship is that it is not a contract or a condition of one possessing the other - and frankly, I'd be skeeved if my significant other were always asking me permission for things.

But then again, maybe the way I see things is contributing to that 'masculinity crisis' I've heard so much about...

I hope your wife knows, she is married to a fantastic man. Kudos!

JustJennie1

Lone_Wolf70: I think you need to look up IVF.....they are not creating a baby from thin air you moron! Its the same exact thing as conceiving "naturally" except for where it happens.

Reported

I'm glad you reported that; it gets me very annoyed when people stoop to that level just because they disagree with a view-point.

After reading these posts and thinking about it, I have to agree that surrogacy isn't natural or ideal. I can respect that other people's decision to do it though. I also have to agree that adopting is a better option, and far more noble. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to adopt a new-born baby; lots of hoops and sometimes expensive and heart-breaking (the mother can change her mind).

However, there are lots of older children in the foster system that are relatively easy to adopt, but perhaps it can be loosely compared to adopting a puppy; older children aren't as "cute" and may have behavioural problems (not that it's their fault!). I wish more people would consider giving those children a chance. Speaking from experience, my step-father was the greatest blessing in my life. I didn't start living with him until I was 14 and I was a complete nightmare from the experience of living with my father and his second wife, but he took me under his wing, treated me with love and respect and we had a wonderful relationship. Not totally the same, but a person CAN love a child that isn't biologically their own, and thank god that a few of us messed up kids get blessed with someone like that.

Why on earth did you report that? It's the truth! You're just implanting an egg into a uterus. It's completely natural except for the "host" of the fetus isn't the "real" mother.

And Adoption isn't always the greatest thing. I know of TWO people who have adopted kids who were not baies when they were taken in and they are so screwed up it was ridiculous! you don't know what you are getting with older kids. One of the people I know is at wits end with his eldest adopted kid. Military school and a school where the child would get constant counseling is too expensive (military school is twenty grand a year. The other is seventy five!) he is close to just giving the kid back because he can't handle it.

Are you ready to handle a child whose mom was a crack *kitten* and wHo was left alone since they were two and the only thing they understand is know to fend for themselves? Are you prepared to put up with the lying and stealing of said child because they were self sufficient for so long, because their brains missed the important cognizant development that a child that age goes through that they now have of concept of right or wrong? If you think I am spewing a load of **** then go talk to my neighbor who had to give up his niece because of that. Or the other two people I know wo are in similar situations.

There is a reason people want babies when they adopt. It's not the age that makes older kids undesireable it's the baggage and the uncertainty of what you are going to get.

shellebelle87

I would do it, but only for one of my sisters of a close friend. We dont get paid for it in Australia (that I know of) but if my sister was struggling to conceive then why wouldnt I help out if I could? But in saying that, I would be more inclined to help out if I had one of my own children. And if my partner agreed.