Men, would you let your wife be a surrogate mother?

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  • _Wits_
    _Wits_ Posts: 1,286 Member
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    Men, would you let your wife be a surrogate mother? Ladies, if you really wanted to be a surrogate mother for someone and your husband wouldn't let you, would you do it anyways? I am asking because I have a friend who is going through this and some of you usually gives great advice.

    Wait...I know you.....didn't you start the masculinity epidemic thread hating on assertive women?

    Frack. You're right.
  • SofaKingRad
    SofaKingRad Posts: 1,592 Member
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    I don't think I'd want my wife to be.
  • smtillman2
    smtillman2 Posts: 756 Member
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    A very good friend of mine was a surregate mother for a couple who couldn't have children. both her and her husband found the experience to be very rewarding.

    Personally I can't imagine any women would go against her husbands wishes on this. It's a huge decision and effects everyone in the family.
  • justal313
    justal313 Posts: 1,375 Member
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    If my wife told me she wouldn't do it without my blessing, I would withold my blessing. My daugher will be a year old in 3 weeks. The year leading up to her birth and the last year have been two of the most fulfilling years of our lives. There is no way I could watch my wife go through that process again and then not have another child at the end of it. I wouldn't be able to cope or even be gracious about it.

    If my wife didn't give me any input, or at least start a discussion about it before making a decision, we'd be in counciling.
  • dandaninc
    dandaninc Posts: 392
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    I have a friend who is a surrogate.

    If it was my wife I would ask her not to but it would be her decision and I don't have the right to stop her from doing something for someone else that they couldn't do. It's only 10 months and would completely change the life of someone wanting to have a child.
  • ThePhoenixRose
    ThePhoenixRose Posts: 1,985 Member
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    i have a friend who's done it 3 times. the first time, she was pregnant with twins, but only one survived. the next time it was a baby for a different family. and the last time was a sibling for the first family she helped. i cannot explain to you how amazing it is knowing someone so willing to help a family who wants to have a family. now, me? i told her if i pushed out a shoe i'm keeping it! i couldn't do it, but only because of the connection you feel to a baby you carry inside you for so long. well, that and my 2 pregnancies were hell, not to mention that i would literally die if i became pregnant again. oh, and i don't have a uterus. there's that too...

    her husband agreed to it, and it was great for them. she wouldn't have done it if he wasn't on board. i wouldn't do it if the hubs wasn't on board either, though i wouldn't do it in the first place.
  • veganbaum
    veganbaum Posts: 1,865 Member
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    Husband wouldn't "LET" me? Umm . . . yeah. If I were in *any* committed relationship it is not something I would decide without consulting my partner. However, if he said he wouldn't "let" me, if according to him I wasn't "allowed," there would be more pressing matters to deal with in our relationship before making a decision about surrogacy.
  • Llyrian
    Llyrian Posts: 99 Member
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    That's obviously a decision that requires both partners, as it affects both people heavily. My best friend offered to surrogate for me, which I think is the most beautiful and thoughtful thing a person could have offered me after my emotional years of struggling with infertility. However, her husband was not comfortable with the idea and so it's now off the table. While it would have been amazing to share this experience with her, and she'd always be a part of the child's life, we respect the feelings of her partner.
  • Brandicaloriecountess
    Brandicaloriecountess Posts: 2,126 Member
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    I was a surrogate, but my husband at the time was supportive. It was not MY child, I had IVF I was simply an "oven"
  • veganbaum
    veganbaum Posts: 1,865 Member
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    Men, would you let your wife be a surrogate mother? Ladies, if you really wanted to be a surrogate mother for someone and your husband wouldn't let you, would you do it anyways? I am asking because I have a friend who is going through this and some of you usually gives great advice.

    Wait...I know you.....didn't you start the masculinity epidemic thread hating on assertive women?

    You are correct. Hmmm . . .
  • ilovemybuggy
    ilovemybuggy Posts: 1,584 Member
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    I saw the title in the forums and KNEW it was you.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    Men, would you let your wife be a surrogate mother? Ladies, if you really wanted to be a surrogate mother for someone and your husband wouldn't let you, would you do it anyways? I am asking because I have a friend who is going through this and some of you usually gives great advice.

    Wait...I know you.....didn't you start the masculinity epidemic thread hating on assertive women?

    You are correct. Hmmm . . .
    Tricked us by changing the photo!
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,377 Member
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    One of my best friends couldn't conceive again because of scarring, and I offered to carry her baby, but my husband (at the time) said he didn't want me to. I actually enjoyed being pregnant, but I wouldn't go behind his back and do it anyway.
  • dinosnopro
    dinosnopro Posts: 2,179 Member
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    hellz yeah, have you seen the money that can be made.



    plus you get to make a couple happy.
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
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    The question is flawed. No one has that much control over anyone else. I would not approve of it, if I were married, but I really have no say at the end of the day. If she decided to do that, it would probably be without me. Having said that, I realize that there are circumstances where we might both together decide to do it,. like for a dear friend, or in a situation that was very warm and special. But, it would have to be really frikin' special.
  • caitlinen
    caitlinen Posts: 36 Member
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    I would LOVE to do this in the future... I mentioned it to my boyfriend once, he didn't seem comfortable with the idea so we will have to just wait and see. If he really didn't want me to do it then no I wouldn't. Having someone else's child is a big deal so I would never do it without his permission.
  • hippietofugirl
    hippietofugirl Posts: 430
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    I don't understand why the couple wanting a child couldn't adopt. There are plenty of children and babies already born that need homes.
  • Angie__1MR
    Angie__1MR Posts: 388 Member
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    I would certainly be willing to be a surrogate mother. I struggled with fertility myself and understand the pain that is involved.
  • UncleMac
    UncleMac Posts: 13,069 Member
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    Totally situational and, yes, I would expect my wife to discuss it with me, not for consent but definitely for input.
  • AmyFett
    AmyFett Posts: 1,607 Member
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    Um, let? It's my body, I'd do it if I wanted to. I wouldn't do it behind his back. I would tell him I'm doing it and that's that. I have thought about it for a friend of mine, she and her husband were trying to have a baby for a few years and had no luck, just when I said I would do it for her, they found out they were pregnant. It should be talked over between the wife and husband, I don't think it's his decision at all.

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