Men, would you let your wife be a surrogate mother?
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"let"?????0
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I think it's awful people are saying they wouldn't do or let their wife do it! My cousin is 26 and has breast cancer and cannot have kids. Her sister is going to be her surrogate mother for her. How great is that, my cousin deserves to have kids too and because this awful disease has hit her, she can't have kids. I would so do it for anyone! And my husband would support me no matter what!0
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I would respect my SO's wishes. I am a bear when I am pregnant, he would have to deal with me. I would never intentionally do something that I knew he was against. Either he agrees, we compromise, or it won't happen. Surrogacy definitely affects the hubby as well, not just the pregnant one...0
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That being said, no man "lets me" do anything with my body - I am an adult, and I make my own decisions regarding what happens in my uterus.
Sooooo...
Been married long?0 -
Not only would I not agree to it (i dont go for "letting anyone do anything" im not her parent) but on another point I think surrogacy is bad.
Why do you this it's bad??
Again making no judgments on what anyone does...im a libertarian....
but..to me Surrogacy and In Vitiro seem to go against natural law and are selfish. I knwo this is easy for me to say, as someone who had three kids no problem (strong like bull lol)...but if we couldnt have kids...id look at the fact that there are thousands and millions of kids without parents and that our lot in life was to provide a home for them
Just my opinion...ill let the flaming begin.
I agree with this, too. When I see those shows with the couple treating the wife like her vagina's a clown car it pisses me off. When it gets to a ridiculous number of kids, that's when I'm thinking they should start adopting. I'll wait for it.0 -
Not only would I not agree to it (i dont go for "letting anyone do anything" im not her parent) but on another point I think surrogacy is bad.
Why do you this it's bad??
Again making no judgments on what anyone does...im a libertarian....
but..to me Surrogacy and In Vitiro seem to go against natural law and are selfish. I knwo this is easy for me to say, as someone who had three kids no problem (strong like bull lol)...but if we couldnt have kids...id look at the fact that there are thousands and millions of kids without parents and that our lot in life was to provide a home for them
Just my opinion...ill let the flaming begin.
While I don't agree with your opinion, I have been in the surrogacy world long enough to know the "dark side" and there are no damn cookies. I have dealt with the emotions, the hormones, and the effects of the drug protocol on my body.0 -
Men, would you let your wife be a surrogate mother? Ladies, if you really wanted to be a surrogate mother for someone and your husband wouldn't let you, would you do it anyways? I am asking because I have a friend who is going through this and some of you usually gives great advice.
If my wife wanted to, I'd support her decision. I don't think it'd be something she'd honestly be interested in.
I also know that, if I had severe reservations about it, she and I would discuss it and I trust that she'd only do it if we both agreed to do it.0 -
umm.. do i get to enjoy the spoils of a pregnant wife? if then hellz yes.. haha0
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Firstly, it isn't a matter of my husband 'letting' me do anything. I think you used the words incorrectly...because he couldn't really stop me from doing it if I wanted to. Even in marriage a woman is her own person, and it is her body. That being said, out of respect for him and our relationship though I do believe that the matter of surrogacy should be discussed until an agreement is reached.
Secondly, I myself can barely handle the idea of carrying my own children let alone children for others. However, kudos to women who do it for others out of the goodness of their hearts (and not just for the money).0 -
Not only would I not agree to it (i dont go for "letting anyone do anything" im not her parent) but on another point I think surrogacy is bad.
Why do you this it's bad??
Again making no judgments on what anyone does...im a libertarian....
but..to me Surrogacy and In Vitiro seem to go against natural law and are selfish. I knwo this is easy for me to say, as someone who had three kids no problem (strong like bull lol)...but if we couldnt have kids...id look at the fact that there are thousands and millions of kids without parents and that our lot in life was to provide a home for them
Just my opinion...ill let the flaming begin.
I don't see what this has to do with being Libertarian. I see you using that often and as a Libertarian, I'm offended that you throw the term around like you do. Being a surrogate is selfish and against Libertarian thinking? Huh?
When I say im a Libertarian I mean if pppl wana do it and it doesnt harm others so be it. Im sorry you're offended, but its pretty obvious.
I do think it is selfish in the sense I empathize that not having you're "own" child is tough, but maybe that was the natural law plan for you (you can call it God or not, makes no diff to me)
I just think its selfish that ppl go thru all sorts of measures to have their own kids when there are plenty out there crying for a parent.0 -
Not only would I not agree to it (i dont go for "letting anyone do anything" im not her parent) but on another point I think surrogacy is bad.
Why is surrogacy bad? I want to keep an open mind on this. I'm a woman who can't carry kids and having a surrogate mom is one of the options that was considered. It was only overturned for now because of the expense and fear that someone would take off with my kid.
I have had a friend offer that when/if we decide we're ready, she would carry. Adoption is another thought, too. I have a daughter, almost 18-years-old now, but men often want the chance to have their own child and I can understand that entirely.
Answered already.0 -
"Would you let your wife..." is not how any question ought to begin. That kind of question would start a fight, real quick in a hurry!0
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OP: This all depends on the wife's, and the husband's, perception of motherhood. Most people believe that motherhood is sacred, and thus shouldn't be commodified, so they have a problem with surrogate motherhood in and of itself. Additionally, mothers are part of a family unit, of which husbands and wives are also a part. I can see why a husband would be duly upset by his wife's acceptance of a surrogacy role - she might be seen as violating not only their relationship, but also their family bond.
As a feminist, I believe that a woman has a right to make her own decisions about her body. To play devil's advocate, by getting married, your friend made a commitment to her husband, and probably to their family.
Still, why does her husband feel like carrying another person's child is such a violation of their family? Hypothetically, his responsibility for her pregnancy could be extremely minimal - father's don't _have_ to go to doctor's appointments, they don't have to make midnight food runs, or any number of things good expectant fathers do. If you don't believe me, just reference the many women who carry their babies without a partner's help.
IMO, through surrogacy, she's giving someone else a precious gift, a gift they probably couldn't have without her. To me, that's a beautiful thing. If my SO couldn't appreciate that, we'd have some serious issues.0 -
Me and my husband have talked about it. This fool wanted me to sell my "eggs" and I said pfft I rather be a sarrogate. His responce to that was as a previous one here "Hell no I can barely put up with you when you carried ours!" LOL!!
But to make it clear although I would love to make a couple very happy if he didnt like the idea I wouldnt do it. However if my brother came to me no question about it im there.
^^ Ditto. My big bro has yet to settle down and have kids, but if he needed me for that, my husband would just have to deal. And selling my eggs? OH HELL NO. No way there's going to be a mini-me out there that I don't know about. How weird!!!0 -
I hated being pregnant with my own kid...let alone someone elses.
THIS ^^^
for realzzzzz :laugh:
Pregnancy sucked. Babies suck, unless you can hand them to someone when they cry.0 -
As a woman who can not carry children to term, surrogacy and adoption are my only options. I'd be happy with surrogacy, however, back to the OP's point, I would want the husband/SO to be on board because a woman's health can be effected by her "better half." He could be an @ss about it, stress her out, which would put stress on the baby, throw her down the stairs, etc. While yes, it's her body, she's united in marriage and he has the right to an opinion.0
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my pregnancies are way too difficult for anyone to ever consider using me as their surrogate! And if I spend 9 months (well...in my case 8 with both babies) then I had best have something to show for it at the end! My husband wants to shoot me right now because I don't want him getting a vasectomy yet...I just think we should keep our options open for a little while longer.0
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If my husband ever uttered the words "I won't LET you do X, Y or Z" I would quickly become a widow.0
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What a loaded board....people saying concieveing your own children is selfish...people saying invitro is against nature...how interesting...-watches-0
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only for a ridiculous amount of money.0
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The word "let" is very degrading here, and I take issue with it. As a woman, I don't need permission from my husband to do anything involving my body. In fact, if he ever said "I won't let you" (in this context) I would leave on the spot.
That being said, this is an issue that affects both parties, and should be discussed. Ultimately though it's 100% her choice.0 -
That being said, no man "lets me" do anything with my body - I am an adult, and I make my own decisions regarding what happens in my uterus.
Sooooo...
Been married long?
Thank you.
I am sick of this 'my body crap".
I suppose it would be ok for a man to go impregnate another woman without your blessing then right... because it's his body?
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My husband would not be okay with it. He's way to paranoid about me dying while pregnant or giving birth due to some stupid movie where J-Lo had a stroke giving birth. I have had high blood pressure in the past....
No, I wouldn't do it against his wishes. IF my sister or whatever really needed one we'd discuss it and I'd see if I could change his mind but ultimately it isn't something I'd do unless we could agree upon it.0 -
First off. . if a man says his wife cant do something. . hes controlling. . BAD
Second. . . if the wife is going to do it without consulting with her husband. . . BAD
This is a serious topic. . . pregnancy changes a persons body, there can be complications, financials, etc. . . granted most surrograte "parents" pay a person (doctors bills, help with food, etc) to have their child . . . they need to sit down as a couple and understand it affects them as a couple and individually. . .
Being a surrogate mother ISNT a bad thing ( it helps people who cannot have children, have them!). . .i think its beautiful and would do it myself. . . but if my husband (who doesnt exist) was against it, i would sit him down and tell him (and or educate him) on how beneficial it is and how it can be a blessing.0 -
I've been open to the idea of surrogacy in the past and if I were in a serious relationship, that would be something I would have discussed with a hubby to be. I understand that it can be a hard concept for guys (and girls!) to come to grips with and would never push for it if the one I loved more than anyone else was against it.
And I'd never do it for strangers for the money for the record!
totally agree here. If there was even a hint that my hubby couldn't deal with it or would be uncomfortable with the thought then no way! But we'd def discuss it if it was that important for someone we love and are very close to for them to come to us for that. I would think of it as an honor to be approached.......but NEVER EVER for a stranger! Kids are a precious gift. But I do see the very good point of a poster ahead of me on adoption too. It's hard and I know there are TONS of kids out there in need but there's just something about the flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone. It would def be a decision that would not come quickly regardless.0 -
That being said, no man "lets me" do anything with my body - I am an adult, and I make my own decisions regarding what happens in my uterus.
Sooooo...
Been married long?
Yeah, no kidding, I'm afraid. To believe that your partner shouldn't have a say or doesn't deserve a say in you being a surrogate is very selfish. It affects them greatly and no good partner is going to deliberately slack off during a surrogate pregnancy just because it's not theirs. They are caring for YOU, not just for what is in your womb. That's a lot of extra stress and relationship strain that if they didn't agree to, could make them resent the lack of consideration of their feelings that was given when the decision to be a surrogate was made. Just sayin'...0 -
Well, first of all no one "lets" or "doesn't let" me do ANYTHING. This is a situation that necessitates discussion, and would be a mutual decision based on that discusion, respect for one another, and any other criteria that we establish between ourselves.0
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I would do it for a really close friend or family member, but only if I was not biologically the mother. Eg: It was the couples egg + sperm, they just had problems carrying the child.
I couldn't imagine my partner having a problem with it, I'd assume he'd understand if it meant that much to me. If he didn't like the idea we'd have to have a proper talk about it and ultimately I'd respect his wishes on it. I wouldn't go behind his back and do it anyway, that's just immature IMO.0 -
I hated being pregnant with my own kid...let alone someone elses.
THIS ^^^
for realzzzzz :laugh:
Pregnancy sucked. Babies suck, unless you can hand them to someone when they cry.
WOW. . ive never seen someone say babies sucked . . . thats a new one by me. . .0 -
As a woman who can not carry children to term, surrogacy and adoption are my only options. I'd be happy with surrogacy, however, back to the OP's point, I would want the husband/SO to be on board because a woman's health can be effected by her "better half." He could be an @ss about it, stress her out, which would put stress on the baby, throw her down the stairs, etc. While yes, it's her body, she's united in marriage and he has the right to an opinion.
It is incredibly difficult for me to carry to full term myself on account of my uterus being a heart shape. My fiancee however was diagnosed with a rare form of CF which allows him to be able to have children at the chance of lightening striking so about 5-10%. invito greatly increases our chances it isnt against nature to use invitro in my opinion...if we all thought that way then operations to save people are against nature as well along with c-secs of babys in danger in utero as well as blood transfusions, kemotherapy, insulin for diabetics, appendectomys, ect.0
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