Need to Lose 100 LBS -Robins Thread !

pneschich

@Dalceridae I weighed myself daily religiously. It was part of my morning ritual. Then I stalled. Then it lingered. Then it lingered some more. Then the doctor at the obesity clinic told me Congratulations you know what calorie level you need to maintain at your current activity level to stay at this weight. It was crushing to my soul. 1400-1600 calories to maintain. I am 6 foot 290 pound man. I'm maintaining and I weigh Monday morning and every other Thursday. Daily really worked for me for a long time. Now it hurts. 1200 calories isn't enough and I don't want drugs.

320sycamore

Hi to all, old (in posting, not years) and new! I've been so buried with work and day-to-day responsibilities recently that I haven't been either lurking or posting (and for a few days, not even logging). But I'm back with my head above water again, and although I gained a couple of pounds, I have since relost them - - - hopefully forever.

I came across this in another thread, and thought it was quite insightful (especially since written by a 20-something). It is a follow up to an earlier post, which many others thanked her for sharing:

My psychiatrist has been saying this [that her actions were of her own doing] to me for years, and it always troubled me. Did I really make the decision to get too anxious to do my homework? Did I choose to frantically shovel food into my mouth? Yeah. Yeah I did. This is her professional opinion, as a doctor. I did it. I did it, because I don't value myself. I've literally thought "I'm trash I'm trash I'm trash" as I ate junk so so so many times. Thus, the doubt in myself/self loathing drove me to choose self-destructive actions.

I reread this forum when I saw the notification that you tagged me, and I saw some arguments about the mental health vs "just do it" advocates. I don't really think they have to be separate. Often things have to get done anyway. We don't let people off the hook for violence towards others because of mental health issues. Violence towards the self needs to be treated similarly.

Part of "Making The Decision" to me anyway is to treat yourself with compassion. Not indulgence, but kindness. If you think of parenting, a good parent doesn't let their kid do/have whatever they want - a good parent is kind but firm. I think of myself as having an overgrown inner child - she has tantrums and is deeply emotional, constantly. I'm very sensitive and have probably the thinnest skin ever (someone spoke with me in a slightly harsh manner over the phone and I cried hysterically for 10 minutes afterwards yesterday, tbh). This inner child needs some good parenting. I wonder if becoming an "adult" really means you have to parent yourself. I don't naturally have good discipline. It's something I'm working on. I'm getting better at finding out what preparations to make so that I have something to hold onto when my inner child has a meltdown.

As far as food goes - carrying pre-made meals help me avoid fast food, having a limited cash-only budget for the month keeps me aware of my spending (and less likely to think nothing of buying an $8 tub of ice cream), I keep a reminder in my back pocket that being hungry isn't going to kill me and I can spend the time to get home or get something small and sensible until then. I could still make the choice to go out and get some, or I can make the choice to stay on the damn bus until I get home like a rational (responsible) adult human being.

For some, I think Making the Decision is going to be a simple switch, a eureka or "aha" moment. For some of us, like one commentor mentioned about their mom "trying" to quit smoking vs deciding, it's going to take a while for us to decide that we're worthy of that decision. To take emotional responsibility I think requires believing you are responsible, in both senses of the word - the culprit of the action AND the competent, capable, diligent, and disciplined person who can take it, clean it up, fix the problem, and keep going.

Best wishes to all,
Kathleen

FeraFilia

@320sycamore Thank you for sharing that. I needed to see the part about treating yourself with compassion.

Today, I got on the scale, saw a new low... and instead of being happy about it, I was beating myself up about how high that number still is. The little fat voice in my head was telling me over and over today "It's pointless. You've been doing this for how long and gotten where? You're still fat. Let's go eat cake for breakfast!"

And as I ate my healthy breakfast of overnight oats with chia seeds and Greek yogurt (instead of cake!) I was trying to get that little voice to shut up. It didn't seem to help much at the time (but now that I've got a clearer head, it does!), but I have lost 27 pounds since July, and that's only with focusing on food intake over the last 2 weeks. That's 27 pounds in 5 months, a little over 5 pounds per month. It's not breaking any records, but it's DOWN. It's not UP. And it's not "just a little"... It was something that clearly took some work to do. But sometimes I can't get that fat voice to shut up... And she's really mean!

The way I talk to myself is the reason I need to eat my feelings more than the way someone else talks to me. Honestly, I haven't been harassed about my weight - from anyone, stranger or well meaning relative or friend - in ages. I'm the only one that gives me grief about my weight, and the slowness of my progress, and my failure in the past... to the point I make myself cry and have break downs that my husband doesn't even know what to do with. It's crazy.

I'm doing much better though, lately, trying to stay focused on the positive and not letting the negative things get to me nearly as much. 2016 was rough in so many ways, I'm going to do my best to find the silver linings in 2017!

Dalceridae

@FeraFilia Well done on fighting that voice and treating yourself like you are worth the care and attention of a healthy lifestyle. Sometimes it helps me to imagine how I would react if someone said the things I say to myself to someone I love - I would be outraged! It's downright abusive to talk to someone like that. Yet I hold myself to a completely different standard where it's ok to treat myself badly because I deserve it. I don't think anyone deserves abuse, yet I freely abuse myself. It's shocking some of the things I will tell myself when I am full of self-loathing, things I could never imagine saying to someone else - so why does it make it ok to say to me?

You have made great progress and are an inspiration to me. Keep refusing to listen to that voice and she will start to lose her power to affect you.

RachaelPooh

I am not your average 35yo woman so why should I do average types of exercise, especially when there are SO many options! There is more than one way to get healthy.

Has any one even heard of Taoist Tia Chi? There is a place less than a mile from my home that specializes in it. From what I have read, Taoist's do not believe we have to breakdown as we age. They believe the mind and body are intertwined and cannot be separated. And Tia Chi is a very slow martial art. I am also considering Yin Yoga.

FYI, I am not Asian. I am an American German-Italian.

birgitkwood

@MermaidPrincessRach, no I haven't heard of that particular martial art. However, the Asian martial arts and yoga place a very strong priority on the whole mind-body connection thing which, for many of us habitual overeaters went screwy somewhere along the line. So, whatever it takes to get that mind-body thing back in alignment! If the Taoists are close and convenient for you, go for it and have fun!

@FeraFilia, yeah... that nasty little voice. I believe I know her well! You know that saying, "those who are the least loveable need love the most?" Well, that nasty little voice needs your love! When she starts jabbering at you, acknowledged her, and then take her for a nice walk. Or give her a bath with delicious smelling soap. Just do NOT give her chocolate! ;-)

@320sycamore, thank you - that's an important reminder. We all are responsible for our actions, no matter what our individual challenges.

FeraFilia

@birgitkwood - But, I made nutella overnight oats with a little cocoa powder... Is that acceptable chocolate?

pneschich

Friday fitness. Haven't been able to walk. Haven't joined a gym. Have logged and done more good than bad on diet. I feel awful without exercising. Crazy that I miss the expenditure of energy and how much better I feel when I do it.
I went to the UTMB obesity support group last night. There were mostly people succeeding and a couple struggling. The difference it seems long term is accepting a new reality, following the guidelines, and working on the same demons, emotional eating, binge eating, thoughtless eating. Everyone succeeding found a way to deal with their demons. Most were unique, one novel way from a guy who once topped out at 690, 690 not a typo, was to go to the gym and pick up 2 fifty pound plates and walk around with them until it hurt to remind himself to never go back. He is 5 years post surgery. I'm vascillating between comfortable with my decision to scared witless (with a sh on the beginning)!
I feel like I'm failing now but I won't give up. I can't. Neither can any of you.

RachaelPooh

2017 will be MY year! My husband, who has been on on BP meds for two years now and turned 40 last year after burying his obese mother, and I will be following the DASH diet. And I am going to look into Toaist Tia Chi and Yin Yoga for activity plus continue to develop my walking habit. 2017 can be a great year for us!

Dalceridae

Today's one of those really difficult days. All I want to do is eat and eat and eat. It has nothing to do with hunger, so it feels like I can't do anything to stop it. I keep trying to convince myself that I can just take a "break" for today, even though I know how that ends up. I've been doing so well and then suddenly it's like I haven't made any progress or changes at all.

I wish this would get easier.

RachaelPooh

@Dalceridae we all love to eat but if its not satisfying you tgen maybe its not food you are hungry for. What else do you love? Is there a craft you can do? Is there someone special you can plan to spend some time with? Is there really a chore that needs done that is causing you to procrastinate by eating? Maybe a short walk can help clear your mind. Or maybe what your body really wants is water. I hope you find a solution to your eating.

pneschich

@Dalceridae you may be thirsty or your mind is looking for something. I remove myself from the problem. Go for a walk or a drive, move, get the mail, write your novel. I am having one of those weeks too. Fighting with myself.

birgitkwood

@FeraFilia - Nutella never counts because it's clearly nectar of the Gods and therefore has no calories

jules81

Hi guys, mind if i join you? I have so so much to loose.... Its going to be a LONG Long long journey and I am only on day 1. xxxxx

RachaelPooh

@jules81 sure! Jump right in! BTW the cat profile pic! Kitty!

FeraFilia

@jules81 I have a pair of Torties. They are the best cats.

Dalceridae

@MermaidPrincessRach @pneschich Thank you both so much for the support and good ideas. It is so helpful and motivating to be able to discuss my struggles with people who understand and don't judge me for having a hard time.

Those were great ideas that you provided, and I managed to avoid having a crazy binge and ended the day just under my calorie goal. I'm so proud of myself because this is the first time I can remember that I have gotten to that point and then managed to stop and make better choices. Now, rather than feeling regret all day, I have felt good about myself.

I am still struggling with my critical inner voice though. My weight loss is starting to slow down now, and even though I expected this and knew that it would happen after the initial couple of weeks, I am feeling discouraged. I know it isn't healthy or sustainable to lose 6-7lbs a week and that that rate of loss couldn't continue (and was largely water weight), but it felt good to see the scale shoot down.

birgitkwood

@Dalceridae - first, congrats on stopping the downward spiral. That is really, really huge! Second, yes - that initial rapid weightloss is heady and makes us feel great. You're right, it's not sustainable (and would be grossly unhealthy if it were). When that rapid downward slide stops, that's when the real work begins. Congrats again, you're now at that point. Every day, every moment of every day, you will make the RIGHT decisions to support your return to good health. Some days it's easier than others. Hard work, not fun - and always worth doing. We're all here, in your corner.

RachaelPooh

I spent most of yesterday sewing ... With my DH! He said he wanted to learn how to sew so he could help me! He is so sweet to me! but he can't make a straight line to save his life, lol. Luckily, for what we were sewing, straight lines dont matter too much.

I guess I should give up on my New Year goal but I still think I can make it since we are starting the DASH Plan on the 28th (with the new moon) instead of waiting for the first of the year. And those first few days just might release enough water to get me to goal in time. :fingers-crossed:

pneschich

Sunday share. It's Christmas break at my house. Everyone but me. My wife, beloved Coach Kelley, at a small catholic school brought home the usual ton of baked goods, chocolate confections as plates of Christmas cookies. Seriously enough to cover a kitchen table for 6. This is absolutely the worst time of year. So busy, such irregular everything! Why eat veggies when I can have a cookie (or 4)? Going to the house where we are pet sitting isn't any better, they left treats for wife and the boys. Almost a laundry basket full of sodas and candy. It's everywhere! I can't wait for January and a normal schedule. Tomorrow podiatrist hopefully I will walk Again!