Why are people on these forums so mean?

marisablakley

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Did you actually do a thread search on the topic of people being mean?? lol. This thread was started back in July!
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Yes ma'am i did . Because it really bugs me. And according to the unwritten rules you should look for old threads instead of writing new ones about the same old shiz.

marisablakley

I am not being mean..honest. But at least once...sometimes more...times a day, someone starts a thread with the same complaint. Its part of the wonderful world of the internet. All you can do is ignore the negative and spread the positive.

I think this is a good way to spread the positive, by reminding people. Just because this is the internet doesn't mean we can't be respectful. If nothing else, it might show more character, because it might reflex who you really are, outside the internet. I think people act a little bigger, meaner, and more bad *kitten* when there sitting in front of there computers than they are on there literal walk through life. I think that people who think or see a forum posting like this, and see it daily, should ignore the posting, rather than comment on how they see them so often. I'm very new to MFP, so I'm not sure if there is a lot of mean stuff going on here. Either way, I appreciated the posting.

i totally agree with you! and while i am still new i keep describing this site as a Facebook for weight loss. I leave these forums feeling as crappy as i do when i leave fb too ;-)

jesz124

Did you actually do a thread search on the topic of people being mean?? lol. This thread was started back in July!
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Yes ma'am i did . Because it really bugs me. And according to the unwritten rules you should look for old threads instead of writing new ones about the same old shiz.
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hahaha I see what you did there, though I shall not be tempted onto the subject. It is forbidden territory for me from now on :happy:

Though back to the being mean topic, I used to frequent a few bodybuilding forums when I first started lifting. Now they are harsh there, they make most MPF members look like children's TV presenters.

jesz124

I am not being mean..honest. But at least once...sometimes more...times a day, someone starts a thread with the same complaint. Its part of the wonderful world of the internet. All you can do is ignore the negative and spread the positive.

I think this is a good way to spread the positive, by reminding people. Just because this is the internet doesn't mean we can't be respectful. If nothing else, it might show more character, because it might reflex who you really are, outside the internet. I think people act a little bigger, meaner, and more bad *kitten* when there sitting in front of there computers than they are on there literal walk through life. I think that people who think or see a forum posting like this, and see it daily, should ignore the posting, rather than comment on how they see them so often. I'm very new to MFP, so I'm not sure if there is a lot of mean stuff going on here. Either way, I appreciated the posting.

i totally agree with you! and while i am still new i keep describing this site as a Facebook for weight loss. I leave these forums feeling as crappy as i do when i leave fb too ;-)

I really think you need to take the boards with a massive pinch of salt as well. Opinions are like arseh*les. Everyone has one. Just filter out the crap and keep the good stuff. Add the people you like as friends, don't take anything too seriously and just laugh a lot of it off. I think a lot of it is just banter anyway? There are some seriously helpful people on here and some really inspirational ones as well. Stick at it x

neverstray

Everyone has a different tolerance to what is mean. For some, a simple disagreement is being mean. I have a very high tolerance, even in person. A great example is one time, I was debating with a friend. We were talking about business. It got a little loud, but it was interesting and passionate. I thought it was awesome and I thought a lot about and felt like we had such a great conversation. I heard through the grapevine that he thought I was an @$$hole for that debate. I was completely shocked.

He didn't like being challenged and didn't like the topic and it made him feel uncomfortable and he felt attacked. I almost laughed. Are you kidding me? I learned so much and thought it was a fantastic conversation.

See how that works? One person thought it was great, the other thought it was mean. At no time was there an indication to me that he was feeling that way.

Anyways, what I am saying is that often I like to debate or battle. If everyone agrees all the time, there's nothing to say or talk about. It becomes boring and stupid and there's no point to this site at all. But just because I question you doesnt mean I'm being a meanie. I don't support netting 500 calories a day. I don't really care about hurting your feelings. I think it's stupid. So, I'm just going to say it. I would tell you in person too. I'm not afraid.

ZugTheMegasaurus

Everyone has a different tolerance to what is mean. For some, a simple disagreement is being mean. I have a very high tolerance, even in person. A great example is one time, I was debating with a friend. We were talking about business. It got a little loud, but it was interesting and passionate. I thought it was awesome and I thought a lot about and felt like we had such a great conversation. I heard through the grapevine that he thought I was an @$$hole for that debate. I was completely shocked.

He didn't like being challenged and didn't like the topic and it made him feel uncomfortable and he felt attacked. I almost laughed. Are you kidding me? I learned so much and thought it was a fantastic conversation.

See how that works? One person thought it was great, the other thought it was mean. At no time was there an indication to me that he was feeling that way.

Anyways, what I am saying is that often I like to debate or battle. If everyone agrees all the time, there's nothing to say or talk about. It becomes boring and stupid and there's no point to this site at all. But just because I question you doesnt mean I'm being a meanie. I don't support netting 500 calories a day. I don't really care about hurting your feelings. I think it's stupid. So, I'm just going to say it. I would tell you in person too. I'm not afraid.

This actually sounds kind of familiar to me. I'm someone with absolutely no fear of debating. I've been top of my class in every debate and speech class I've ever been in (and I've chosen to take those often) and I've actually chosen to pursue a career that is all about debating and arguing. But I got in horrible fights with my boyfriend during what he viewed as simply spirited debates, just like what it sounds like happened with you and your friend.

The problem for me wasn't being challenged in the first place, but that due to his "style" of debate, it felt like I wasn't being listened to at all. When I debate someone, I will concede a point if necessary or acknowledge when we agree on a premise; I build anything I happen to agree with into my own argument, which makes it stronger and easier for the other side to understand. But he doesn't do that. If he agrees with something, he just moves on to the next point of disagreement. From my end though, it just appears that everything I say, no matter where the conversation goes, is dead wrong. No matter where the conversation goes, every sentence out of his mouth starts with a "no" or a "but." I got frustrated because I just thought, "Why the hell are you wasting your time talking to me when I'm obviously a complete moron without a clue about anything?" It felt like a total waste of time that just left me feeling like crap at the end. I was really shocked when I found out later (a lot later, after I'd decided to stop having those conversations with him) that he considered them great conversations in which he learned a lot.

For me, it wasn't being challenged that bothered me, but rather that I never got any indication that my ideas or arguments were anything other than completely stupid or ridiculous. Why would I waste my time talking to someone when neither of us is getting anything out of it? I felt stupid and figured that since I was stupid and wrong about everything, it was just as much a waste of his time as it was mine (like debating a pigeon or something).

I'm not saying he (or you) did anything wrong, it's down to stylistic difference. But it does matter that during the conversation, one party believes they're getting something out of it and the other is wondering why the hell it's still going on. Just a thought, since this just happened recently and your post seemed very familiar.

neverstray

Everyone has a different tolerance to what is mean. For some, a simple disagreement is being mean. I have a very high tolerance, even in person. A great example is one time, I was debating with a friend. We were talking about business. It got a little loud, but it was interesting and passionate. I thought it was awesome and I thought a lot about and felt like we had such a great conversation. I heard through the grapevine that he thought I was an @$$hole for that debate. I was completely shocked.

He didn't like being challenged and didn't like the topic and it made him feel uncomfortable and he felt attacked. I almost laughed. Are you kidding me? I learned so much and thought it was a fantastic conversation.

See how that works? One person thought it was great, the other thought it was mean. At no time was there an indication to me that he was feeling that way.

Anyways, what I am saying is that often I like to debate or battle. If everyone agrees all the time, there's nothing to say or talk about. It becomes boring and stupid and there's no point to this site at all. But just because I question you doesnt mean I'm being a meanie. I don't support netting 500 calories a day. I don't really care about hurting your feelings. I think it's stupid. So, I'm just going to say it. I would tell you in person too. I'm not afraid.

This actually sounds kind of familiar to me. I'm someone with absolutely no fear of debating. I've been top of my class in every debate and speech class I've ever been in (and I've chosen to take those often) and I've actually chosen to pursue a career that is all about debating and arguing. But I got in horrible fights with my boyfriend during what he viewed as simply spirited debates, just like what it sounds like happened with you and your friend.

The problem for me wasn't being challenged in the first place, but that due to his "style" of debate, it felt like I wasn't being listened to at all. When I debate someone, I will concede a point if necessary or acknowledge when we agree on a premise; I build anything I happen to agree with into my own argument, which makes it stronger and easier for the other side to understand. But he doesn't do that. If he agrees with something, he just moves on to the next point of disagreement. From my end though, it just appears that everything I say, no matter where the conversation goes, is dead wrong. No matter where the conversation goes, every sentence out of his mouth starts with a "no" or a "but." I got frustrated because I just thought, "Why the hell are you wasting your time talking to me when I'm obviously a complete moron without a clue about anything?" It felt like a total waste of time that just left me feeling like crap at the end. I was really shocked when I found out later (a lot later, after I'd decided to stop having those conversations with him) that he considered them great conversations in which he learned a lot.

For me, it wasn't being challenged that bothered me, but rather that I never got any indication that my ideas or arguments were anything other than completely stupid or ridiculous. Why would I waste my time talking to someone when neither of us is getting anything out of it? I felt stupid and figured that since I was stupid and wrong about everything, it was just as much a waste of his time as it was mine (like debating a pigeon or something).

I'm not saying he (or you) did anything wrong, it's down to stylistic difference. But it does matter that during the conversation, one party believes they're getting something out of it and the other is wondering why the hell it's still going on. Just a thought, since this just happened recently and your post seemed very familiar.

That doesn't sound like healthy debate. Sometimes, if it's good, I'll change my mind about something. I always figure, if someone is super passionate about a topic, it must really be awesome, and so I'm always willing to check it out. I've changed my views on things because of these kinds of conversations I've had with friends and family members. So I do listen. It just may not seem like it. But, of it's a great conversation to me, I'll think about it for weeks or months and if it sticks, I'll have to check it out. I'm pretty flexible, but I don't just give in at the moment. I have to internalize things first. It has to feel right.

lauras777

Because "lose" and "loose" can drive you crazy...:laugh:

Yeah!! That totally gets on my nerves!!! :drinker:

ZugTheMegasaurus

That doesn't sound like healthy debate. Sometimes, if it's good, I'll change my mind about something. I always figure, if someone is super passionate about a topic, it must really be awesome, and so I'm always willing to check it out. I've changed my views on things because of these kinds of conversations I've had with friends and family members. So I do listen. It just may not seem like it. But, of it's a great conversation to me, I'll think about it for weeks or months and if it sticks, I'll have to check it out. I'm pretty flexible, but I don't just give in at the moment. I have to internalize things first. It has to feel right.

I think what's key is where you say, "So I do listen. It just may not seem like it," and that you "don't just give in." That's where the breakdown happens. In your head, you are picking it up and mulling it over and finding it valuable brain fodder, but the other person has absolutely no clue about that. To them, it looks like whatever they say is just bouncing off. And they aren't a part of the later thought process where you are still considering it; as far as they know, you both walked away from the conversation exactly the same as when you went into it.

Also, agreeing or saying that the other person might have a valid point is not the same as "giving in." You don't even have to agree, it could just be as simple as, "I hadn't thought about that, I'll have to look into it." Just some indication that you are, in fact, getting something out of the exchange. For me, anyway, that really affects my willingness to put my time and energy into the conversation; even if it's not particularly interesting or enlightening for me, I'll talk all day if I think the other person is benefiting.

WendyTerry420

I am not being mean..honest. But at least once...sometimes more...times a day, someone starts a thread with the same complaint. Its part of the wonderful world of the internet. All you can do is ignore the negative and spread the positive.

^^ This


I can understand that some people have low self-esteem and wear their feelings on their sleeves, so to speak. They are best served by ignoring comments, or simply using the ignore feature so that they don't hear from "that person" again. I have lots of people on ignore, mostly people who are very immature and/or authoritarian types who think their journey to fitness is the *only* one.

For the rest of us, ignore the negative and spread the positive is spot-on advice. :flowerforyou:

AmberJo1984

This is a fitness site. Aimed at losing weight and becoming healthier. Everyone is different. Why judge people so harshly? It seems that most people are in their own bubbles. If something is said that is outside someone's bubble. BAM! Hate comments. I don't understand. We are here to support each other! Has anyone noticed this? Am I the only one that feels really sad when someone is completely disrespected in the forums, even if I don't agree with what they are saying? Please try to be more understanding.
All this talk about eating under BMR, eating back exercise calories, eating less than 1200. It's fine to argue over it, but most people jump to drastic conclusions and peoples' feelings are really hurt. Everyone is different, so everyone has their own weight loss journey. It doesn't make them a stupid or bad person. And, stop hating on people with EDs. They don't have one on purpose! Whether that have Anorexia, Binge Eating Disorder, or ED-NOS, it's not your place to tell them things that they already tell themselves everyday and that they already hear from other people!
Sorry for the rant. I'm not sure if many people will read this. Please tell me I'm not alone in thinking that some people should have more respect towards others. Thanks!

I completely agree with you. 100%. People are too critical on here at times. But... there's a lot of good too. I try to look at that and ignore the rest. But, the negative does get to me sometimes.

yoovie

People who have success, which are usually the ones who are nasty on here, like to prove how special they are for getting where they are. They forget how hard it is. Also, i notice it is the people who didn't come here to lose weight at all, and the pretend they are here to support. No, they are here to post photos of themselves and rag on the people who are trying to change. I have only been here a couple weeks and I notice it. I try to ignore it. Do my thing. Stick with the nice people. I am not here to play games. I suggest you do the same. They aren't worth it.

Um... we ARE special for getting to where we are. We are homemade. Lots of people are mean because they are tired of wading through the piles of excuses on here from the people that arent actually trying to make it, or the ones who just pretend they are because support is attention and that's all they really want - not success.

Cause if you succeed, then no one will support you anymore and you'll have to turn around help out all the ungrateful people now.

Which is not actually how it is.

When you're succeeding (because there is no ONE DAY WHEN IVE REACHED SUCCESS - its ongoing) you find yourself surrounded by all the rest of the people who are special because they have made their lives happen, or because they are doing things that are really hard that they dont really always feel sure about doing because they want to grow- and you'll find amazing friends among them- friends that dont long on to the internet for two hours to procrastinate any kind of way to avoid exercising by calling it "looking for motivation first". Maybe we take a few minutes to be stubborn when we are facing something ugly, but we wont and dont breed excuses or whine or refuse to understand or to try new things, friends who dont fixate on something ridiculous, like the personalities of demographics on a website meant to be used by you to change your life.

PittShkr

ArroganceInStep

...why is everyone such a big meanie why can't we be friends I need support help me be good at what I'm trying to do it's so hard and I really need help please stop saying such mean things to me it hurts my feelings...

Said by no successful person. Ever.

Manda86

That... is horrifying.

mymonty

Wow. I guess I live in a sheltered world. Actually I don't go on the boards that much. I am on today and I like what I see, but I haven't touched upon a touchy subject. I'm just happy to meet people with similar interests and who are looking for some support, inspiration and motivation along our joint weight loss journey.

yoovie

Did you actually do a thread search on the topic of people being mean?? lol. This thread was started back in July!

Yes ma'am i did . Because it really bugs me. And according to the unwritten rules you should look for old threads instead of writing new ones about the same old shiz.

OH!!!! Well played!

yoovie

...why is everyone such a big meanie why can't we be friends I need support help me be good at what I'm trying to do it's so hard and I really need help please stop saying such mean things to me it hurts my feelings...

Said by no successful person. Ever.

HAHAHA

pwittek10

I am never mean to anyone, but this sight is meant to help people say on track
and for information.
The part I do no like is when people lie!
Burning 400 to 500 calories a day and then going 3 weeks only losing 1 pound!
They say they are only eating 1300 calories, NO WAY!
The math does not add up!
Be HONEST with yourself

marisablakley

I know there is a lot of good on here.....and a lot of the stuff you guys are talking about isnt what i mean when i say MEAN. I think it is ridiculous for a bunch of adults to gang up on someone who asked a question and call them stupid or insert any other derogatory word here....and to let them have it for 7 or so pages. Its also jerky to pick apart peoples grammar or misspellings. Sometimes that stuff really bugs me too, but you don't know their educational situation and they shouldn't be ripped apart for asking a genuine question. I understand that we are supposed to overlook that stuff, but part of my personality is wanting tto discuss things that upset me......and i see im not alone in that.

And zug....I love your profile pic. I have 5 dogs and love to dress them in all whatever ridiculous thing i have laying around.