Can husband motivate wife to lose lbs w/o being a jerk?

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  • Shannon2714
    Shannon2714 Posts: 843 Member
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    Honestly all these people saying "there's absolutely no way" must not have a great, open sense of communication. Either that, or they are already so self conscious that they couldn't handle anyone else pointing out the obvious.

    I agree completely. I know that if it were me....while it may sting a bit...I would want to know what he was thinking.
  • GlutesthatSalute
    GlutesthatSalute Posts: 460 Member
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    Yes! You can say things that should not only help her but make her WANT to workout! Praise her when she does workout but not in an overly annoying way! Like tell her how sexy she looks sweaty! Tell her how much you appreciate the non workout things she does and offer to do a few loads of laundry or watch the kids if she wants to get a workout in. Or get both of you a heart rate monitor that shows your calories burned and make it a little game to keep up with eachother on the calories burned each week. Also have her start training more with you.. we all should know by now that to lose and keep weight off it helps to weight train so the more you teach her in the weight room the less she will just do endless hours of cardio.
  • NextChapter60
    NextChapter60 Posts: 78 Member
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    Yes. Ask her to go dancing with you. Can't dance? Take dance lessons together.
  • sarahlynn78
    sarahlynn78 Posts: 132 Member
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    It sounds like she is already motivated. She's asking you to train for a triathlon with her, so support her by saying yes! Do some research together to make sure you are both properly fueling your bodies. Think about what a great example you will be setting for your kids and what a great opportunity it will be to become even more connected to your wife. Good luck!
  • ktmmom189
    ktmmom189 Posts: 132 Member
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    As a woman who is 45 and just gained weight in her lower half for the 1st time in all my years my husband tried to bring this up and it hurts. We have a very open relationship but still I am too self concious about it myself. I need to know he loves and accepts me the way I am always regardless if I am heavier, healthier. Unfortunately he cannot exercise anymore due to RA but barely eats so weight is not an issue for him. He does encourage but learned very fast DON"T
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
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    Make a point of gripping the ol' love handles a little bit more firmly than usual.
  • gogojodee
    gogojodee Posts: 1,261 Member
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    Nope. Only she can motivate herself.

    I know from past experiences and that was only as the girlfriend, haha.
  • taydensmom5
    taydensmom5 Posts: 4
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    Better yet, why don't you start making some healthy dinners!! The internet is full of healthy delicious meals, just follow the directions if you can't cook. ;) And if she's active and willing to train for a triathalon with you, definitely take her up on that!! There's nothing you could say even if you didn't care about hurting her feelings. Someone will lose the weight when they are truly ready.
  • McMehu
    McMehu Posts: 103 Member
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    I know you have 8 pages of response but i just wanted to say that you should look at her mom and her sisters if she has any. What do their shapes look like? Some people have genetics that just when they reach a certain age they get a tummy or butt.. Women have different hormones than guys and although YES diet and exercise can flatten things for some women it will always be a constant struggle. I would not compare her to other women she is not related to as that is comparing apples and oranges. Everyone has a unique shape and they become more exaggerated as we get older.

    If she is out of shape I could see encouraging her to work out with you or eat healthy with you but please dont directly say I dont like your stomach or butt because that crap hurts. If she is for the most part in shape than I would guess you may have to just get used to the fact that is her shape..

    I am sure most of this has been said and you have gotten a lot of responses this just felt like something worth saying.
  • LiftYoung99
    LiftYoung99 Posts: 8
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    i reccomend you watch this.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35yNekqZfyE&feature=plcp
  • Linda_Darlene
    Linda_Darlene Posts: 453 Member
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    This seems to be YOUR problem, not your wife's. I'm going to go kiss my husband now. :grumble:

    Me Too
  • skinny_cigarettes
    skinny_cigarettes Posts: 49
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    do it subtly by saying you want to be more healthy maybe? and she may be inclined to join in :)
  • Car0lynnM
    Car0lynnM Posts: 332 Member
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    Seriously.
    Whatever you say, you'll be wanting to unsay, and you'll never be able to.

    ^^^^^^ True story. My husband made a very calm, and even scientifically backed up observation about my weight in a very circumspect way nearly five years ago and I have never forgotten it. It made me self conscious in some weird ways afterwards and I am just now moving past it.

    Do not do it.

    She knows her butt is big. I promise you. You don't have to say anything. :)
    Definitely don't say anything. I would be DEVASTATED if my husband said something about my weight. Conversely, I don't tell him he needs to drop 50. He will, in his own time.
  • basillowe66
    basillowe66 Posts: 432 Member
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    Maybe you could lead the way! You start working out and start eating healthy and she will follow!!

    Basil
  • shammxo
    shammxo Posts: 1,432 Member
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    First of all, stop comparing your wife to other women. Just don't go there.


    This.

    And you said "The truth is that she is pretty fit. She runs, cycles, lifts weights and generally probably works out 4-5 times a week."

    What the hell else do you want from her? You should know that this **** doesn't happen overnight... You WORK for it. And that's exactly what she is doing.

    So stop expecting perfection and just love your wife. She loves you even if you have 47 lbs to lose.
  • MD1Girl
    MD1Girl Posts: 46 Member
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    No, quite honestly, she has to want it for herself. Love her and support her no matter what. Dropping hints about her weight, etc are just going to make her feel worse about herself.
  • elle18287
    elle18287 Posts: 267 Member
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    I would express to her that YOU want to start living more healthily and you would love it if she could be a support for you. Tell her you want to work out together, cook together, take up new hobbies together. Express to her that you think it is important for both of you to make some changes so you can live a long and healthy life together. Don't make it all about her though!
  • Sasssy69
    Sasssy69 Posts: 547 Member
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    I have a big butt. I cannot lie. About a year ago or so, my husband called my butt a "wrecking ball." It devastated me. DEVASTATED me.

    I KNOW what my butt looks like. I know it's round and out there.

    Six months ago, I started exercising - 6 days a week, 60-90 minutes a DAY. Guess what? My *kitten* is still big.

    So you know what he got for all his "wrecking ball" comments? A wife who now, when he looks at another woman, KNOWS that he is comparing me to her.

    Don't say anything. Because she knows. If it bothers you that much, then that's your problem. And you said your wife IS active. Maybe, like me, with age, the weight comes off slower, and in the wrong places first.

    And because of his comment about my "wrecking ball" *kitten*, every single time he touches my butt (and he touches it a lot -very affectionately), I tense up. Because I'm thinking, "He thinks my *kitten* is huge. I'm disgusting."

    One comment. You are one comment from this.
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,676 Member
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    Hello,
    I thought to ask my husband to help me answer this.
    Hubby says, just absolutely love your wife.
    Regarding the other attractive women with great figures...hubby says, you just don't do that...wayyyy tooooo silly to compare your wife's hips to another woman's hips....there will ALWAYS be a more '"attractive" woman....
    Regarding her motivation to change, hubby says, your love for her, just the way she is...makes her feel secure...more likely to change out of her own desire for herself and to please you.

    By the way
    As a woman, I want my husband's "attraction" and don't want him to "give" it to another woman.
    If he did, it would crush my desire, sense of attractiveness, etc.

    You're a great, loving husband and in a terrific relationship with a fantastic woman!
  • CarleyLovesPets
    CarleyLovesPets Posts: 410 Member
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    If she's fit and working out and not eating like 3000 cals...
    I'd be worried about a health problem.

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