Can husband motivate wife to lose lbs w/o being a jerk?

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  • MariaTweety
    MariaTweety Posts: 1
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    Wow. You guys make me so happy I'm divorced. Even my jerk of a husband didn't make me deal with this self-absorbed, whining, superficial garbage. If the way your wife looks is so important to you, tell her you aren't attracted to her moderately chubby body anymore and go call an divorce attorney because YOU DON'T DESERVE HER. Keep the attorney on speed dial so you can 'trade-up' every 15 years when you get bored with the new model.
  • dukesduchess350
    dukesduchess350 Posts: 77 Member
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    My boyfriend brought it up in a way of saying that he was concerned for my health. After we talked about it I had decided that he's right and I need to do it for myself if not the want to be there for my family.
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
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    I'm going to say that you need to have an honest loving conversation about this with her. My husband is a marriage counselor, and this is a common problem between couples. Sometimes it's the woman, but just as often it is the man who is not taking care of himself.
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,439 Member
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    Wow. You guys make me so happy I'm divorced. Even my jerk of a husband didn't make me deal with this self-absorbed, whining, superficial garbage. If the way your wife looks is so important to you, tell her you aren't attracted to her moderately chubby body anymore and go call an divorce attorney because YOU DON'T DESERVE HER. Keep the attorney on speed dial so you can 'trade-up' every 15 years when you get bored with the new model.

    :laugh: :laugh:

    To expect both women and me to be perfectly svelte and toned in the their 40s is .............asking too much! I don't know if you realise this but losing fat gets a LOT harder after age 40. Fact. It has nothing to do with being lazy or greedy, but everything to do with hormones, hence why the OPs wife is active, but still packing a few extra pounds.

    I think the OP is having a mid life crisis and doesn't want accept that they are getting older. I actually love my b/fs love handles and whilst he is still fit and healthy, a few extra pounds dont even enter my head when I'm touching him. I suggest the OP gets real!!
  • Tiff050709
    Tiff050709 Posts: 497 Member
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    I would probably say that even if you did say something it wouldn't do you any good. She has to want to lose weight because only that thought clicking in her head and making that decision will work. You could try to do fun activities like hiking, dancing, etc but other than that it has to be her choice to do it.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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  • DamePiglet
    DamePiglet Posts: 3,730 Member
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    39586d1347941702-my-tea-lasers-moved-not-dead-yet-long-shot-holy-batman-thread-resurection.jpg

    I know, right????
  • Hauntinglyfit
    Hauntinglyfit Posts: 5,537 Member
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    Wow. You guys make me so happy I'm divorced. Even my jerk of a husband didn't make me deal with this self-absorbed, whining, superficial garbage. If the way your wife looks is so important to you, tell her you aren't attracted to her moderately chubby body anymore and go call an divorce attorney because YOU DON'T DESERVE HER. Keep the attorney on speed dial so you can 'trade-up' every 15 years when you get bored with the new model.

    I know he hurt you bad, but it's okay, not all men are pigs. :flowerforyou:
    Calm your breastesses.
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
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    39586d1347941702-my-tea-lasers-moved-not-dead-yet-long-shot-holy-batman-thread-resurection.jpg

    I know, right????

    Dang it! Zombie thread got me! 1sgpx1.jpg
  • Pixt
    Pixt Posts: 95 Member
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    It's been my experience that the journey to 'fit' or 'ripped' or whatever is a personal one.

    The best advice I can give is this: Turn your eyes from her to you. What personal choices could you be making that would contribute to the overall health and fitness of the household? Sure, you can eat 2500 calorie meals and not gain weight ... but can you ask for meal changes that would create healthy eating options for everyone. Not "hey, hun, lets diet" but rather "hey, I'd like to try eating more vegetables, would you mind if we tried having more of them at dinner for a week". Gradually request an overall healthy meal plan for YOU.

    Have you thought about trying a workout from home?... if you're fit, it can't possibly hurt you to add in a bit more activity. Get some DVDs, and go out on a limb and get the 'girly' ones ... you know what I'm talking about, Jillian Michaels, Les Mills Combat, TurboFire. Dudes can do them too, it won't kill you, I promise. Make a 30 day program and every day pop that dvd in and workout. Do it right in the middle of the living room. Tell her she's welcome to join you. Do not request that she join you.

    Make your home some place where it is normal to make healthy eating choices and to make space and time to get a great workout in.

    That way ... when SHE is ready to begin her journey, she can do it in a safe and loving environment, where there are healthy eating options and she doesn't have to be embarrassed to flail around the living room with sweat dripping off her ... 'cause, well, popping in a dvd and bustin' *kitten* to workout is a common occurrence in your house.

    *edit* damnit with the zombie thread ... going to leave this here anyway, lol
  • MimosaRosa
    MimosaRosa Posts: 5 Member
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    The husband can not motivate his wife to lose weight unless the wife asks him to support her in some kind of weight loss/exercise program. The minute you open your mouth and volunteer your observations, expect a honest concern or comment about your dirty laundry, balding head, not so white teeth or the fact that you really can not sing/dance/tell a good joke or worse that you are not so great in bed -- along with some resentment, hostility or worse. You will open a door to a very delicate place and once it is open, although it's not the best communication technique, you are now vulnerable to your wife asking or suggesting ways to motivate you to improve yourself. No matter what your good intentions you are walking on some unchartered mined territory. Good luck with that. And all those suggestions for your wife to join you at the gym, a run or a walk are sooo transparent. Here comes more resentment and thoughts that you must think she is some kind of clueless piece of chalk. She might not want to go to the gym, walk or a run WITH YOU if she was a supermodel. She might not want to share that part of her personal time with you. What I would suggest is that you tell your wife that YOU are concerned that although YOU go to the gym, you have not met certain health goals and would like to limit treats, carbonated beverages, etc. in the house and to severely limit fast food, eating out and concentrating on more healthy meals at home. YOU do all of those things: shopping, prep, etc. Oh, and stop looking at other women's assets.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    No.
  • robin52077
    robin52077 Posts: 4,383 Member
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  • calebland
    calebland Posts: 1
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    Yes you can.

    1) Talk about how fat you feel, you think your fat is disgusting, you hate how you feel and how you look....rinse and repeat, she may start feeling fat herself through osmosis....it's like a knitting circle feeding off each others negativity.

    2) You go to the gym!.....go go go, get a schedule and stick to it, you can suggest she go with you if she wants. If she agrees....great, read no further....if not continue onto step 3.

    3) Stay positive....share your experience at the gym and that it makes you feel great, your also learning a lot, you found a great personal trainer to partner up with and help your routine and she is really knowledgable.

    4) Enjoy as your wife begins attending the gym regularly with you the moment she hears you were working with a female trainer....oddly enough you haven't seen your trainer around the gym lately....oh well you have a great workout partner now with your wife.

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