Partner hates me using MFP :(
Replies
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This sounds like something you need to sit down and discuss calmly with your partner when the dust settles from your row.
It is one thing that you are using this to log and for support on diet and fitness - that is something you need to do for yourself. It can be challenging for those close to us when we are focussing so closely on logging, and on participating in this site generally, particularly in the beginning.
However in terms of your relationship, putting yourself in a position where you might receive relationship advice on here, when this is already a bone of contention between the two of you, might not necessarily be the best idea for many reasons. So speak to your partner - that is something you need to do for your relationship!
Just saying.0 -
Actually, Slinky is right. We can all say what we want or how we've handled things but it is not our relationship. I agree with a talk with your partner after the dust settles especially when it was a "big row."0
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The main purpose of using MFP is to record and manage your calorie balance so that the net result is weight loss. I find that the hardest part is being totally honest and recording everything as accurately as possible. If you don't record accurately then forget about using MFP and do something else.
I have been told more than once that I am "over the top" with my insistence to record everything (including recovering wrappers from the bin to scan the bar-code). Well, sorry but that's the way it is and I have lost 35kgs over the last twelve months so something is working. My critics just have to "suck it up". I have also been told I am looking skinny and drawn, this comes from others being well meaning but perhaps a little jealous. Now I simply laugh and say my health is more about how I feel rather than how I look.
Being called "obsessive" is a tough way to describe your attention to detail and may be based on envy, best to laugh it off. The comments will go away after a while as you progress towards your goals. Yours is a very personal journey and it is best, though hard sometimes, to focus on what you need to achieve obtain your objective.
Best wishes0 -
Dont stop if you don't want to but maybe try it alone for a month i stopped coming on here at Christmas to have a go alone but it hasn't worked but every one is different. but make sure it is your decision! Good luck and i hope he understands if you choose to stay
x 0 -
sounds like he is insecure and that that you might someone on here when all you are doing is to keep fit and healthy and I think you are doing the right way just tell him again why you are doing it and maybe ask him if he would like to join and that way will see that this site is for those that want to keep healthy and fit and not dating sex site that he might think it is so good luck0
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Hi and please add me as a freind if you like? My husband is aware of how much I use this site. About as much as you by the sound of it. He hasn't commented yet but I'm waiting for it.....! I think if it helps you then carry on! I find it helpful not just to log food and exercise but the motivation and support from other like minded people also does it for me! I have thought its about finding the right balance. If you think you would be okay on your own, then try that. After all, what would we all have done before this site existed? I don't know about you but I myself was on here and Facebook until about 3 weeks ago! I found I was spending too much time on both so have deactivated my Facebook account. Okay, so I have logged on briefly for a few times but to be honest, this site is enough and I don't really miss it! Good luck on your continued weight loss journey whichever path you choose to take! :flowerforyou:0
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I tend to agree with the posters who are questioning what he's really objecting to---is it MFP or is it that you are working to lose weight?
Most people really work to avoid change and aren't very welcoming of change they didn't personally initiate. Even though you may not think that your efforts to get control of your health and weight don't affect him, they do.
Also, many partners become insecure about the relationship when their partners start looking and feeling better. They worry that you're fixing yourself up to get back out on the market.
And no, you can't out-exercise a poor diet. Weight loss is at least 80% diet.0 -
Couldn't agree more!I'm 64 and have been dieting on and off for the last 50 years..... I choose whatever keeps me going and this is by far the best site I have EVER found. I'm in with a real chance of finishing what I started and I'd be real upset if my partner said what yours does. I guess all you can do is prove how much you need this by losing the weight. He won't moan then will he??
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Oh and in answer to your last question. Yes logging can take over your life and become obsessive. This is not a question of what you are doing not being "normal" - this is what is "normal" for you right now. Some people have the discipline to just exercise and eat sensibly, some of us don't. I accept that I do not have that discipline which is why, periodically, I feel the need to log my food intake.
What could be helpful for you and for those around you is if you allow yourself a day when you don't log. I sometimes do this on a Sunday, when me and my husband and son all eat together. This doesn't mean you stuff your face with cakes, bread and pies. You simply continue to eat healthily but don't obsess over the numbers or the portions. This takes the edge off the whole dieting thing and also gives you practice for the future when you stop logging forever!0 -
I am the same, my boyfriend doesn't like it either. I log EVERYTHING and scan foods in the supermarket to see if they are low calories. I just say to him... "This is what makes me happy and this is how I am achieving my goals" and things like "don't you want me to be hot?" hahaha.0
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Hm I can see why people feel that way about a site like this. I have a friend who works with people with eating disorders, and so the concept of calorie counting and using an online community is the way that a lot of eating disorders start. It does worry people, and I'm always making excuses when I talk about MFP so people don't think that I'm crazy! We also know that people who only talk about food and calories and exercise are boring- there's a difference between counting calories and being aware of what we eat and talking about it all the time! Not to say you're a calorie bore, but we do have to be careful!!0
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Problem is, like most people, he thinks unhealthy food makes you fat.0
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For myself, it does seem obsessive. I personally don't like focusing on logging each little thing I eat - it felt like far too much focus on my food, and on numbers, and I felt it was to the detriment of enjoying my food, and also to the detriment of focusing on other things in my life, so I actually stopped logging as a result. But obviously I'm a minority here, as the point of MFP is to log food. And lots of people find it really useful to be logging food, so I can't say it's obsessive for everyone.
But I can see that someone might feel a bit frustrated when they want to sit down for a lovely meal with their partner, and just enjoy the food and the atmosphere, and their partner is on her phone logging each thing, and talking about the calories. Is there not a way you can do the logging privately, and not talk about it? If you plan your meals in advance, you can log while you're planning, and work out the calories that way. Also, if there are meals you have regularly, you can simply enter that as a meal on your food diary, and then it's very easy to log.
I suppose a parallel to this is that I am a very analytical person, and some people find it annoying that I'm so analytical, and they tell me I should just enjoy life without analysing it. And I think that is how some people feel about people who log their food - that they should just enjoy the food without counting every calorie. I actually need to analyse life, because my mind doesn't process things automatically, so I can't understand it otherwise. And I guess it's the same for people who count their calories - they need to do it because their bodies don't automatically tell them when they've had enough, so they will gain weight if they don't.0 -
Here's one.
Go back to him with:
"Am I being obsessive, or... Dedicated?"
Commitment and dedication is not being obsessive. And the people who think it is are usually the people who have never been committed or dedicated to anything in their lives.0 -
So spot on there!Here's one.
Go back to him with:
"Am I being obsessive, or... Dedicated?"
Commitment and dedication is not being obsessive. And the people who think it is are usually the people who have never been committed or dedicated to anything in their lives. 0 -
Could it be we come here for support since we dont get it at home? Thats my case anyway.0
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Could it just be how often you are logging in or when? Surely if you fit it round other activities you do together rather than instantly logging something as soon as you've eaten it (or before) it will seem less intrusive to him? But no, don't give it up for anyone if it's helping you!0
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It can be and appear very obsessive. This is particularly true if you log while eating, or you break off conversations or events with him in order to log. Or you let it interrupt social situations, such as eating with friends. If you are not obsessive, you'll use it as a learning tool, to teach yourself what a healthy portion of food is, and what healthy activities is.
Perhaps tell him that he's right, and you really want to learn how to just eat healthily and be relatively active like normal people, but you need to learn where your balance is? That way he can get a better grip on what you are actually doing, and he understands that it's a process, not how you will act for the rest fo your life?
Oh, and watch out a little how you use it. Don't log when people would like to have a nice conversation. And save the social side of it for when you have time.0 -
Perhaps he is feeling a bit left out or ignored as you are using your phone much more than usual when you're together? I know I am, and this is a good wake up call that I need to keep it in check. I'm enjoying doing it because it appeals to my OCD side...but I know it drives me crazy when my hubby is always on his phone...especially at meal times!!!
How about setting aside time when you are alone to log, either a couple times a day or once a day?
I agree with this...it's new and different and takes up extra time. show him all around the site then tell him how much you feel it helps you. He'll get used to it.
Don't let him stop you doing this if you like it- or anything else for that matter.
I agree with this. I had the same kind of issue with my husband. He felt I was spending alot of time on the computer in the evenings when we used to sit and chat with each other, which was true. I explained to him how the site was helping me and he had a little look around on it. He didn't want me to stop as I am happy. We worked out that if I could just limit my time a bit and keep evening for the two of us. So now I pre-log my days food for the next day. Then once the kids go to bed I log on and fix anything I've changed and pre-log for the next day. I usually switch the computer off around 9p.m or there abouts and then we chat about our day or what ever. Best of luck xx0 -
Hi! No. logging everything is not obsessive if it genuinely helps you to achieve your goals. Could it be that you seem to be always at the computer/ on this site? My partner was getting fed up seeing me run to the computer every time I put some food in my mouth, and I can see how that must have looked obsessive to him. So now I try to go on just twice a day: at some point in the morning putting in everything I know I'm going to have that day, and at the end of the day to put in additions or make any changes and record my exercise. If I seem to be snacking throughout the day, I have a small notebook and pen in the kitchen drawer (which transfers easily to my bag) and quickly scribble down what I'm eating so that I don't forget anything for the evening log-in. It's working quite well with the bonus of me being a bit more relaxed as well as him!0
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You could set aside 10 minutes after breakfast, 10 after lunch and 15 at the end of your day to log your last meal and snacks and any exercise and tell him that will be all the time you devote to MFP. I would explain calmly that you find it much easier to stick to a better diet when you can see how many calories you eat and how your exercise is helping.
I know when I go over what I've eaten with MFPs help that my guestimation of calories is way way off.
But you should also stick to the promise of not making him a laptop widow. If it is any consolation this is a regular sparring topic in my house too.
Good luck0 -
He's also saying what works for a lot of MEN who often have more muscle mass and usually higher metabolisms than women. My partner is 6'1' and he needs 3000 calories a day just for maintenance! So just 'cutting out the burgers' and 'exercising a bit more' would work for him to lose weight, as he's got a lot of calorie room to play with. Whereas my maintenance is only 1700!
Not that I'm saying that men can't have weight problems, obviously, just that the attitude of 'just eat healthy, that's what works for me' doesn't recognize that that wouldn't work for ME. (or you).0 -
If MFP works for you and you're not constantly on your phone or computer logging, then your partner needs to know that while you respect their opinion and possible concern, this is your method. Doesn't matter if it's considered "normal" or not, what should matter is the results you get.0
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He has said what he is upset about but do you know why he is upset - is it that he feels you are spending too much time on here and less with him ? Just my opinion but people don't usually get upset unless they are affected in some way. I am not saying he is right to do this but I'm just trying to think a little wider.0
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I also don't think this is any more compulsive or obsessive than anything else I do. for me the logging side is just memory upgrade for me .0
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My partner and I have just had a huge row over me using MFP - he says it is making me obsessive and doesn't understand why I can't just eat healthily and exercise like 'normal people'. I log everything, down to a mint or cup of coffee, and he thinks it is crazy. I love MFP, it helps me stay on track and I know that without it I would over eat because I wouldn't be so conscious, but now I am thinking maybe I should stop using it and see how I go just estimating calories and exercise - or as he suggests stop thinking about it and just 'exercise and stay away from burgers' - what do you guys think? Anyone ever feel like logging everything is a bit obsessive?
Suggest you find out for sure the root cause of his objection.
Is he objecting because by spending time on MFP you focus less on your relationship or is it just because he feels you aren't acting like a 'normal person'
If its the latter then he's not being particularly tolerant. If its the former than you obviously need to agree on the right balance.0 -
I just started using MFP a few weeks ago and honestly, I see it a LOT like balancing my checkbook.
I used to be HORRIBLE when I was younger about being overdrawn at the bank because I would keep a running balance in my head , which of course was always wrong because I had always forgotten to consider some impulse buy or other.
Logging food and exercise is the exact same thing. I was surprised to find out when I started that I was taking in far more calories than I estimated I was. Now by logging daily, I can tell immediately that I need to go run it off or increase my exercise if I happen to have more calories than my daily goal.
It's the same principle as balancing a checkbook--and no one would call THAT obsessive. Plus, there's all the great support! 0 -
I had a meltdown at Fuddruckers for our anniversary dinner. They didn't serve the rib eye steak sandwich anymore and I had planned the meal down to the three french fries and the nacho cheese sauce. I had tears in my eyes as I reviewed the other menu choices on MFP. My husband put his arm around me as I looked and told the order person to just wait a minute... Because I showed him through day in and day out logging what MFP has done for me.
Fact--I would not be as successful without MFP. I started with excel and was getting tired of it after 3 weeks.
Fact--I would not be as successful without MFP. Reading about exercise got me on board with that.
Fact--I would not be as successful without MFP. My MFP pals cheer me and console me where others cannot.
Fact--I would not be as successful without MFP. I could not pass along what I have learned to others.
Just give it some time. Try to log meals early. Research items during "alone time".0 -
What I did:
I replaced the time I 'wasted' on Facebook with time spent on here helping others and reading interesting stuff. Job done. Nobody notices any difference as I was a computery geek anyways 0 -
oh I'm sure it's obsessive. I carry my fitbit with me everywhere..and yesterday while at a family reunion I made a "note" on my phone of everything I had on my plate. But so be it. You know this stuff we are logging could come in handy if we ever got sick or needed a note of what we had eaten the day before. (that's how my rational mind gets around the OCD of it) 0
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