Partner hates me using MFP :(

Lyssa62

What I did:

I replaced the time I 'wasted' on Facebook with time spent on here helping others and reading interesting stuff. Job done. Nobody notices any difference as I was a computery geek anyways

I'm glad I'm not the only one. Facebook is pretty lame anymore ..I too spend more time here than facebook and feel like at least here I am not just wasting time on a virtual farm or city or some crap like that.

vjrose

My hubby doesn't have an issue with the logging, it's the keeping up with my pals that irritates him, but he's good about it so we manage to compromise.

nxd10

My husband is very supportive, but there are things I can do on MFP that annoy him. The most important is logging during meals (especially when we're out) because it doesn't take long, but it's not time I'm talking to him.

He still things I'm goofy when I snap a picture with my cell phone so I will remember, but it is no big deal.]

Different weight loss methods work differently for different people. This has been great for me. Obsessive is another word for mindful. I log everything. It helps me a lot. But someone who hasn't had to do that might think it's overkill.

If 'just eating healthy' worked for everyone, there wouldn't be so many overweight people.

So my three suggestions . . .

Don't log when he's around or at meals. That's actually just polite.
Snap a picture of your food as a reminder or jot it down or just get good at remembering
Keep logging . You got to do what works for you.

taylorwaylor

My partner and I have just had a huge row over me using MFP - he says it is making me obsessive and doesn't understand why I can't just eat healthily and exercise like 'normal people'. I log everything, down to a mint or cup of coffee, and he thinks it is crazy. I love MFP, it helps me stay on track and I know that without it I would over eat because I wouldn't be so conscious, but now I am thinking maybe I should stop using it and see how I go just estimating calories and exercise - or as he suggests stop thinking about it and just 'exercise and stay away from burgers' - what do you guys think? Anyone ever feel like logging everything is a bit obsessive?

do what you want! I suggest keeping track still, exspecialliy if you think you'll over eat without it... when I first started tracking my food I was VERY obsessesive about it... it actually got embarrassing! but I've slowly been able to calm myself down about it, ha. I think that you actually learn from tracking your food... and after awhile you won't be so " obsessive" about it... keep doing your thaaang!

opuntia

Realistically, if you have an obsessive personality, then you're going to be obsessed about something, so it might as well be something that is having a positive effect on your life. For me, counting calories wasn't so positive - there are other things I'd rather focus on. But then my reason for being here is more about health than weight - if I were obese, I would probably consider counting calories a worthwhile obsession.

Josie_lifting_cats

Welcome to Earth.

People think I'm nuts.

People tell me I'm doing it the wrong way. (I've heard as much as "just stop eating carbs" to "if you visualize yourself skinny it will happen" to "drink lots of really cold water because it's a negative calorie food and you'll be fine". SIGH)

People think I'm obsessive. (And I'm so not as far as the MFP community would be concerned!)

When it comes to bike riding, I was criticized and called ridiculous this week because I biked home from my office (40 miles) with some rain and 18 mph winds.

Was I cold? Yes. Did it suck taking 3 hours to get home? Yes. Was I thrilled that it was 8 when I walked in the door and I kissed my kids goodnight and ate my dinner alone? No.

Was I thrilled because I DID IT? Heck yes!

The best lesson I learned since my husband and I joined MFP was that I need to do what I want to do because I want to do it or I want those results...not for anyone else. Other people's goals don't have to be my goals. And even if my husband would prefer one body type, I need to aim for the lifestyle that works for me - and being ripped and chiseled is not the lifestyle I want.

PisceanDream224

Maybe only log once a day?? Maybe you can plan a certain time each day and limit your activity on here, that way ya'll can compromise? Or, you could be like me and explain "my health is important to me, and if I feel like getting on a health site (no matter how frequent) then I WILL!" :P

xLexa

You are3 doing this for you and not for your partner. In the first few days, weeks, you are on it more than usual because you might be tracking foods, pre-planning your meals for the day and trying to figure it out. I made my husband an account and added him to my friends list, he has never logged in lol but maybe one day he will. My new healthy eating is reflected in the household and we are all eating better him included. I am waiting for the day he says he wants to start exercising with me Get him involved, he will see better the benefits of it and why you are doing it. I guess make him feel a part of it. If he still has issues.... a swift kick in the ging-gang goolies should sort it out.... ok that was a joke :P Violence is not the answer!

jesz124

What you'll find is that the more you get used to knowing how many cals are in each thing, the less meticulous you'll become in logging because you'll be quite good at estimating how much you've had.

I don't agree with this. I think you should always weight rather than estimate

smokinjackd

If by normal he means the millions of us that are doing the same as you over numerous of these type of sites then congratulations, youve arrived.

LMPMOM4

I'm sorry he is not supportive. He really should be. You can't change other people, only yourself. He's just going to have to deal with you wanting to be more healthy. Period. If he can't, you'll have to have a good heart to heart. He should support you. That's what relationships are all about.

Shadowsan

What you'll find is that the more you get used to knowing how many cals are in each thing, the less meticulous you'll become in logging because you'll be quite good at estimating how much you've had.

I don't agree with this. I think you should always weight rather than estimate

Well, there's always that.

But as you get better at understanding how much is in X amount, then meticulous logging isn't required as much.

For instance:

If you know that 1 scoop of protein powder is 30g - would you really bother to weigh it? Same goes for pasta etc. Measuring implements are fantastic tools which then negates the need to weigh absolutely everything.

I have spaghetti measurers, various scoops of different sizes, and a measuring jug. Don't very often have to break out the scales anymore

Plus... After a while you do get much better at knowing how much is in X amount by looking at it.

In fact, it's a great game - pick something you're about to cook up, look at it, try to work out how heavy it is.

The more you do it, the closer and more accurate you'll become after a while

All a learning process!

LMPMOM4

I wanted to add I don't think you should have to hide this or change your behaviors or dumb this down. It takes hard work to be healthy. You owe it to yourself to be the best you can be. If he can't deal with that it's his, not your, problem. Keep on rockin it girl!

smokinjackd

Oooohhhhh, change of thread, love it. I weigh nothing, I just know. A gram or two here and there doesn't factor in. I do though measure.

FenderGuy

I have the same problem. I keep my iPod next to me at the dinner table and I log everything that I'm eating. My wife blew up at me one day because of it. I told her I'm sorry, but that's the only way I can do it. If I don't log everything, I know I will overeat. Stick to your guns. My wife is very supportive and is dieting as well, but she has her own way of keeping track. I have to do what I have to do.

Eupho

I must admit, I have noticed that my partner who seemed very interested in my MFP food logging at the beginning.. has become 'quieter' when I talk to him about it. :flowerforyou:

I have started to NOT keep chattering on about foods, and nutrients and calories etc etc.. AND ... as I have the app on my phone, I take it with me the bathroom.. and log my food while I am in there. :laugh:

I dont log food as soon as we have eaten (like I did at the start) ... sitting at the dinner table logging :laugh: .. Nooo.. not anymore.. that IS rather unsociable.. haha

I try to keep a mental log until I am next on my own.

FlaxMilk

I don't agree with the people who are saying he is jealous or obsessive. We don't know anything about either of you.

I agree with Slinky. I'd start by thanking him for being concerned about you and then explain to him that you wish you could just eat and not have to log to be healthy, but that hasn't worked for you in the past. Be honest with yourself if your logging does get intrusive and figure out a way around it.

bpmartyr

If I were the man in the situation, I would be easily subdued if my female companion said, " It makes me feel better about myself and when I feel better about myself I am more likely to give BJ"s." I would then shut right up about it.

melpop8

Get him to use MFP too. Do it together, failing that, log on when your on your own.

I wonder if the poor thing is feeling neglected? YAWN!!!

Mind if my guy said that to me he would be put in his place immediately!!

Good on you for making the decision you have to change your life, stick with it and good luck

BeckySBowen

I agree, it can be a little obsessive, but when you make up your mind to change your life, you need to learn how to do it and track your progress. My husband has been using it and I didn't feel it was necessary. Now that I'm on board, I've had a change of heart. Using MFP helps me with portion control and planning. Once it becomes routine, counting calories and recording may not be needed.

smokinjackd

One thing I should add though is,I have found myself yammering on a bit sometimes. It's only human nature to want to share your good mood but not everyone is in the same frame of mind as you. Maybe try bringing him into it so he doesn't feel ostracized.

rchanc

I've started using MFP a couple of months ago, and I realized that I was addicted so far. After 1 month logging everything like crazy, I decided to stop it and try to follow my willing to eat by myself. The results were that I've started losing weight. Now I can use MFP again, without feeling so addicted because I'm confident that I can do it. I can use MFP like a spreadsheet to help me controlling what I ate, without losing my mind trying to keep on track of small things.

acstansell

hubs and I have had the same issue. I just reminded him that I'm not him and in the time that he's known me, he should know I have control issues - I either waffle between too much or none.

If you can't make him understand then tell him that you are doing it for you and that he can keep his opinions to himself.

kiachu

And please ignore the people saying he is jealous or a douche or giving you a right to be selfish.

If you in a relationship and anything your doing is bothering your partner don't just dismiss it. Logging food and stressing about food can be very obsessive and stressful for both parties. Your always crunching numbers and on your phone or the computer day in and day out and the other person has experience that with you anytime food becomes an issue.

Like the other person that had a meltdown at her anniversary dinner because the menu at the restaurant changed. I'm sure that distressed her husband watching her have that reaction over food as it did her.

You have to learn to keep track but also be flexible. So if your being on MFP is taking time away from your partner or distressing them in terms of enjoying time with you, find a way to balance both out.

chelovik

I have to keep track otherwise I will really screw up stuff.

focusfitt

dear scpdxb,
food for thought for you in hopes that you can reconcile some of the guilty feelings you're having. would your partner rather you track, or would your partner rather see you have a heart attack. would your partner rather you track, or would your partner rather you see you with high blood pressure. the list goes on and on.

i used to work for weight watchers (5 years) and there are about a dozen reasons why those we love have this type of reaction. bottom line is what do you think is good and healthy in YOUR life. i've done this food and exercise game all my life (i'm 40), and for me personally i track everything as well. when i stop paying attention, i stop tracking, when i stop tracking, i feel uncomfortable and unhappy with the way i feel, move, look, etc. if you need to track. then track. i saw one smart gal on here saying she does take some weekend breaks....that's very healthy and i do that too.

it's hard to do it, but we have to differentiate someone else's guilt vs. our own, and you don't own this. you're not doing anything wrong. there are WAY worse things that you could be doing. what you're doing is helping yourself be healthy, happy, and feeling good. my wish for you is that your partner see the good intent behind what you're doing and support you on your journey.

best of luck

NCchar130

And please ignore the people saying he is jealous or a douche or giving you a right to be selfish.

If you in a relationship and anything your doing is bothering your partner don't just dismiss it. Logging food and stressing about food can be very obsessive and stressful for both parties. Your always crunching numbers and on your phone or the computer day in and day out and the other person has experience that with you anytime food becomes an issue.

Like the other person that had a meltdown at her anniversary dinner because the menu at the restaurant changed. I'm sure that distressed her husband watching her have that reaction over food as it did her.

You have to learn to keep track but also be flexible. So if your being on MFP is taking time away from your partner or distressing them in terms of enjoying time with you, find a way to balance both out.

I think this is really good advice. :flowerforyou:

My husband doesn't really complain much, he tends to get quiet and moody when I'm doing something that annoys him. I've seen that a few times since I started on here. Like anyone would be, I'm excited to see it working and of course I want to share it. However, he's not ready to make a change for himself. And since I personally can find it annoying when someone is analyzing every bite of food they put in their mouths at a meal (dieting friends or relatives), I can understand where he is coming from. So I try to keep my MFP to myself :bigsmile: though I do share successes with him on weigh-in days and such. I still cook meals for us that include things I'm not going to eat myself. I don't want to try to force him to come along with me on this project; he'll have to make that choice for himself. And besides, he has never once badgered me about the weight I've gained since we got married so I don't want it to seem like I'm picking at him now.

therighttrack

Hi I do the same. I am constantly on MFP..I think it is addicting! LOL And yes my husband hates it! He is a skinny minny with a metabolism that does not stop. He has no ideal how hard it is to have to loose even a lb never mind watch what you are eating, exercise and see the scale stay the same or even go up a bit. I try to stay away from the MFP when he is around (as much as possible anyway) and log in when he is outside or gone out...no arguments, no guilt!

KirstinM0

If it's helping you to be healthy and happy then don't quit!

MaraDiaz

MFP is an education tool. The 'obsessive' logging eases off and will be replaced by 'normal people' healthy eating and exercise once you become more innately aware of the values of what you're eating. Hubby just needs to understand that the obsessive logging is just a part of the education process to living a overall long term healthy lifestyle.

Exactly this. And to learn, you have to read and think about it and study it and calculate it. Ignorance of what to eat, how much to eat, what exercise to get and how much we need every day is a large part of either being overweight or being unable to maintain a healthy weight.