I don't even know what Title to give this.

CincinnatiDEIFan

To the OP. I hope you check back in when you can.

I am almost certain I am not the only one worried and wondering about you. Even though I have never met you or seen your picture even before this thread.

:-)

LadyIvysMom

I have to agree! If he doesnt support you, you should stay...just My opinion! My ex BF was kinda like that too. I had gone to school but stopped going because of some personal situations I was in. I kept saying I wanted to go back but, he never did anything to support my decision...and, he never wanted to do anything I wanted to do...only what he thought we should do!

Anyway, point I am making is that you really should think long and hard about the situation you are in and if you would really like to stay in that type of relationship that he doesnt support you.

GOOD LCUK and will say a prayer for you!!

BTW, if your relationship ended, would you be able to stay in the position you are in at work?

Thank you for reply.

I know what you mean, I still have some things to think over before I make my decision.

and when we almost broke up the other night I asked him if I was fired and he said that he wouldn't fire me but cut back my shifts, because the only reason he was giving me so much work was because we were partners. I just said ok, because some work is better than none.

If he is firing you or cutting back your shifts because of your personal relationship, that is probably not legal for him to do...

Sammylynn89

I know that this is hard, sad, confusing, and just plain miserable, but please, even though we are all strangers pretty much on this site, there are a lot of excellent opinions on here from these people. Listen to what they have to say. You're 19 and you have your whole life ahead of you! Be strong, do what's right for you, and don't give in or breakdown! It is tough but believe me, having broke up with a boyfriend of 7 years, I do not regret a thing. Maybe in fact...regret not doing it sooner, because I know that I deserved better. You deserve better now. Don't be me and regret that 4 years later because you decided to "work on it" with him. You have a support group here! Don't ever feel alone Best of luck with it girl, you'll be fine and you're stronger than you think you are, believe me!

rogue1022

you have taken him to where he is, with all the support you have given him. It is sad he cannot return the favor or at the very least be sympathetic to your needs and troubles OR DREAMS!!! You are young and you will get thru this, but it may be time to spread your wings and fly towards your dreams and aspirations. Two things may happen, eother he wakes up and steps up to the plate or you leave him behind. As hard as either maybe, you are the one with everything to win!!

fattypattybinger

I will be honst walk away. You are too young to be in a serius relationship. You need to put yourself first. Live your life go to school most important. Why should you at a younge age pay for his bills. Child support or whatever. Don't let anybody dictate your future. You aou still young find out who you are. You aren't even old enough to drink. So if u break up $300.00 week won't get you far. I lost my youth getting married at a young age and put of school. I at times regret the decisions that I made when I was your life. Live your life for yourself. Go to College the best investment and future you can give yourself. Sounds like yo could qualify for a Pell Grant.
Don't settle with the person. He already has his degree that is selfish. Can you move back home and live with your parents and go to school. No matter what go talk to your Mom or Dad they will lead you in the right way. If he is trying to control you know it will get worse. Nobody has a right to dictate your future you fill your destiny and it will happen. Sounds like you are already questioning the relationship. Why should you deal with his own bills. Worry about yourself. You are only young once. Look at yourself would you want to be busting your butt for $300.00 a week. In 10 years you could already have your Masters and working in a new field. Good luck spread your wings and fly. I go married at 18 and should have listened to my parents. Not that I really could change things now but I really missed out of alot of things. I didn't really find out who I was and before you know it I was married with 2 babies before I was 21. I didn't go to college until I was 28 and it was so hard with kids etc. So go to school make your dreams happen. You are not married so you can leave whenever you can. Get your degree you will never regret it.
Listen to your 2nd voice it will guide you in the right direction.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

Thank you for reply.

I know what you mean, I still have some things to think over before I make my decision.

and when we almost broke up the other night I asked him if I was fired and he said that he wouldn't fire me but cut back my shifts, because the only reason he was giving me so much work was because we were partners. I just said ok, because some work is better than none.

Are you kidding me????? I hope this isn't so you can help pay his ex wife the alimony that he owes her!!! Let him try and cut back your shifts and then go straight to HR. He sounds very immature to me and I was biting my tongue reading previous responses but then you said this and I feel really upset for you!

I just read this. Before you leave him go to HR first and tell them "X and I are dating. I told him that I was considering ending the relationship, but now I'm afraid to because he said if I did he'd cut my hours. I am unclear as to handle this situation." Do it soon before he can start putting in poor performance reviews for you.

JennyBug2007

I know what you mean, I still have some things to think over before I make my decision.

and when we almost broke up the other night I asked him if I was fired and he said that he wouldn't fire me but cut back my shifts, because the only reason he was giving me so much work was because we were partners. I just said ok, because some work is better than none.
[/quote]

Umm, he can't do that. It would be a SERIOUSLY stupid idea, anyway - he would be setting himself up for a huge lawsuit (from you).

As someone in the education field, I believe that anyone who wants move toward higher education should be able to do so. If your significant other just expects you to work a menial job and make babies and you want something better, GET OUT!

zoeluiisa

Thank you for reply.

I know what you mean, I still have some things to think over before I make my decision.

and when we almost broke up the other night I asked him if I was fired and he said that he wouldn't fire me but cut back my shifts, because the only reason he was giving me so much work was because we were partners. I just said ok, because some work is better than none.

Are you kidding me????? I hope this isn't so you can help pay his ex wife the alimony that he owes her!!! Let him try and cut back your shifts and then go straight to HR. He sounds very immature to me and I was biting my tongue reading previous responses but then you said this and I feel really upset for you!

I just read this. Before you leave him go to HR first and tell them "X and I are dating. I told him that I was considering ending the relationship, but now I'm afraid to because he said if I did he'd cut my hours. I am unclear as to handle this situation." Do it soon before he can start putting in poor performance reviews for you.

THIS.

marijasmin

Listen to your own heart. Stay if you must or go if you want. Whatever you do or don't only you will decide.
It isn't for me to judge, you asked for advice as you are conflicted, I suspect you have already decided. I hope it goes well but going is irrevocable and staying is reversible.
Breathe deep
Jas

grdnr03

you are young and have sooo much to live for! DUMP HIM he already has a history, that you dont need!! what you need is happiness, a decent education, and self control of your destiny...somewhere there will be room for someone that will appreciate you for who you are and what you will bring to the relationship.

he's either with you or not

hoping that reaching out will empower you to do the right thing

take care young one

ashley2586

I am going through a situation where I don't know what to do, and I would really like an outsiders opinion.

This past week has been a rough one for me and my SO. I leave for work at 5:15 am, and get home around 6:30 pm (12hr shift)
I am doing this everyday, I am also staying at a motel because I am out of state working. My SO is the manager of the company and he stays at the hotel everyday. He used to come to my location and hang out with me during the day, but for the past two weeks he hasn't come up here. He doesn't even text me or call me AT ALL. If I call him or text him he will respond, but not for long. When I asked what was going on, he flat out told me that he is avoiding me. When I asked why he said it was because I was mean.

Okay, first of all everyone has there good days and bad days. Second of all, when I get really mad I don't scream, yell or anything I sit there calm, quiet and collect myself. I am not a mean person, I seriously feel like I do everything to be the exact opposite.

Anyways, I sat there and listen to what he had to say, and for the next several days I made a point to be EXTRA nice. I would send him cute texts, cook him a special dinner, bought him a present, etc. NOTHING CHANGED.

I don't know what to do. I don't feel like this is because of something I am doing.

Okay so the next part....

The other night I brought up how I wanted to go to college soon. I don't want to wait too long, but I also don't want to quit my job. He totally flipped out on me, said that we don't have money for college. He has already been to college. He has his masters degree actually. I was shocked about his reaction. How could he not support me wanting an education? I am 19 years old and work my *kitten* off to make 300 dollars a day! I work 5 weeks straight of 12 hrs a day with only one week off then back to work another 5 weeks and so on. Never took a sick day, no vacation, I work every holiday! I just cant help but to think this isn't fair.

We are also paying off HIS debt. We also pay his ex wife 1000 dollars a month for alimony.

This I will admit I am furious about! I don't even know what to do! We literally almost split up yesterday, got as far as splitting the money but couldn't come to a compromise.


Okay sorry this is so long, I don't even know if anyone will read this. But please if you do, will you share your opinion?

Drop the douche. If he is acting like this now, is this going to change in the next few months, a year, 10 years? NO. if he is like this now it is how it will always be. do yourself a favor and do what you need to do for YOU!!!!

SoDamnHungry

Unless you're married, you shouldn't be helping to pay of his debt. That he's allowing a 19-year-old that he supposedly loves work 12-hour days to pay of his debt and alimony to his wife, while discouraging you from higher education.... That just sounds really bad. He sound immature and controlling.

And now that I've read the thing about him cutting your hours... Oh man, definitely go to HR and tell them what he said. And break up with him for real. Ugh.

melicharc

ID BE MEAN TOO IF I WORKED THE HOURS YOU DO AND KEPT COMPANY LIKE THAT! Let your gut feeling be your guide. Do not let fear hold you back. If it does not feel right now it most likely won't get better. If you were my daughter I would encourage you to re-evaluate your life goals. What it is you want for a career ...what type of man do you want by your side. If he is not your perfect match hold out for the one who is. NO ONE, I REPEAT No one is perfect but there is someone perfect for everyone. If you are allowing him to treat you like this then it is because you don't feel deserving of true love. Honey I've been there. Trust God and know that when he gives you a warning light you'd best be evaluating the situation and run far far ahway if that is what your guts says. Blessings to you

Lanibugluv

If you want to friend me you can and we can keep in touch and I will help you go through this hard time.

EmGetsFit

Three words: Dump. Him. Now.

You are young, you have your whole life ahead of you, and you can do so much better. It sounds like the "mean" thing and the suspicious behavior are a classic redirection technique. No one deserves to be treated like that at all. He has issues and they're not yours. Sorry but I've seen several friends go through similar situations and witnessed the frustration & heartbreak. Relationships are two-way support systems... I hope you get the outcome & support you need (& check with your H.R. manager if you have problems re: him being your boss). Good luck!

HSingMomto7Kids

I am soo soo very sorry that you are going through this.

taylorromanyk

You know what? Go to college. Get an education. Find someone who treats you like a QUEEN. You don't need him and his baggage (ex wife). I know you may love him but... I'm 19, and if I had to deal with all of this? I'd be pulling my hair out. You deserve to be happy, sweetheart.

syndywindy

I think you are in almost an abusive situation. I don't know what kind of work you are doing but $300 a day is pretty good. I think your SO is not only cheating on you but using you big time! He has an ex-wife, why are you helping him pay this? As harsh as this may sound, you need to get out from under him. You are young, do you have fame or friends that you can stay with? If so run as fast as you can from this SO, start saving some of that money and go to school. If you have go look at community colleges, the cost will be much less than a 4 year school.
As for repercussions at your current job and him being your boss, if he has a boss or if there is a human resources dept. talk to them. You can't be fired by this person because you break up with him.
As many others have said, you are young, you have so many options. This person is using you to pay his way. Don't be a doormat, stand up, be proud and let him know you aren't doing this any longer.

karins4

I agree with everyone here. You are 19 and not married to this guy.

-You are NOT responsible for paying his debts.
-You are NOT responsible for paying his ex wife's alimony.
-He has NO RIGHT to tell you that you can/cannot go to college. You want to go to college...you save your money and you go!
-Do not have a joint account...if you already have one, get your money out and put into your own account.
-If he stops talking to you and then says it's because "you're mean" when you know you haven't been, he's deflecting. Trying to get you to focus on what you "did wrong" instead of what's wrong with him.....p.s. - you did nothing wrong!

If he tries to make you believe you have to contribute to his debts, or tries to make you feel guilty about it he is using you and you need to get out. Don't get stuck in a situation where you've spent all your money supporting him and when the relationship ends you have nothing left to support yourself.

Another thing I don't think has been mentioned is in a lot of companies it is a huge no-no for a boss to date his/her employee. Even if the relationship started before the promotion. He should have made them aware of the fact when he was promoted so that he either managed a different group or you were moved to a different group where he has no power over you. He has already threatened your job if you don't do what he wants in the personal relationship. As others mentioned this is sexual harassment. Boss for 6 months and he is already abusing his power...if you cannot leave the company right now you need to ask about transferring to an area where he is not your boss anymore...fast.

You are young, smart and have your whole life ahead of you....don't waste it on a jerk.