???? for the ladies in long term relationships.

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deniseearheart
deniseearheart Posts: 919 Member
in Chit-Chat
I can understand guys like to have a beer or two after work each night . We just moved back to Washington from Arizona and are staying with my guys family til we find a place. We are low on money and I do not know his family that well not to mention it is a 45 minute drive from their house to his work ... He has been going to the bar after work and getting buzzed every night and this is a new thing. He also just informed me this will be an every night type of thing.... Just pisses me off. maybe I would like to get out of here for a few hours to go and do something. Not to mention leaves me here with his family and then when he comes home he eats and passes out and we dont get to talk... I just feel so frustrated right now.... not to mention he is risking getting in an accident or getting pulled over and getting a DUI . Yes we have talked and yes I have vented on a few other things about it. I am just curious do any of your guys do this???
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Replies

  • txlissa62
    txlissa62 Posts: 128
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    I wouldn't put up with it. Honestly, his attitude really stinks. Telling you this will be an every night thing, and showing a complete disregard for your feelings?

    Why would you want to stay with someone who treats you so horribly? You deserve so much better than that.
  • deniseearheart
    deniseearheart Posts: 919 Member
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    I wouldn't put up with it. Honestly, his attitude really stinks. Telling you this will be an every night thing, and showing a complete disregard for your feelings?

    Why would you want to stay with someone who treats you so horribly? You deserve so much better than that.





    because I am the worlds biggest idiot I guess..... I also vent here because he is not on this site or anywhere near it and I just want to get other thoughts and I am also curious if others guys do this to them every night??!!
  • michellekicks
    michellekicks Posts: 3,624 Member
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    You're not the world's biggest idiot, but you should be with someone who wants to be with you. You should have a partner who will put your needs at least at the same level as his own and will consider your feelings in every decision he makes. This man isn't doing that. There are way better men out there. Don't waste any more time on this one.

    I'm sorry. I know it's easier said than done...
  • Fat2Fit4Life
    Fat2Fit4Life Posts: 599 Member
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    This is not the norm, but I am guessing you already know that. Don't put yourself down for trying to make things work, but maybe you looking for less advice and more of a general concensus that you should pack your bags or have him pack his bags or pack each other's bags or hire someone to pack the bags...u get what I'm saying

    PS - I know I'm not a lady...
  • Turtlehurdle
    Turtlehurdle Posts: 412
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    I wouldn't put up with it.
  • EnchantedEvening
    EnchantedEvening Posts: 671 Member
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    No, my boyfriend does not do that. He isn't that selfish or stupid.

    Your boyfriend needs to grow up. There is nothing wrong with going out for a beer after work, but it is wrong for him to do it every night and tell you you just have to suck it up and accept it. He needs to make time for you too.

    There's also the major issue of him driving while buzzed/drunk. He could kill himself or someone else, and if he laughs that off, he's an immature moron. I'd be packing my stuff if he brushed that off.

    This is not a "normal" guy thing. It's a normal douche thing. Find yourself a guy who will treat you with respect and respect himself in the process.
  • LiveLifeLogically
    LiveLifeLogically Posts: 41 Member
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    You've posted a few times about this guy. Listen, I have been in a relationship just like yours before...you know how it ended? Divorce. I was stupid enough to marry the *kitten* in the first place. At first, our relationship started off fine....I guess it was the courting period, whatever. But about 6 months after we got married, he too started drinking every night. It got to the point where even our friends didn't want to hang out with us because they say how disrespectful he was to me. A few years later was when the verbal abuse started....then it got physical, especially when he was drinking.

    I was always that girl that was like, "why would you tolerate that?" But when I found myself in the same situation, I just kept telling myself that he would change, things would get better, but you know what? They didn't. It just got worse. I don't know what happened, if it was someone from above looking out for me, but one day, a light bulb just went off in my head, and I was like, I need to leave. That was almost 3 years ago. I hate myself for staying in that relationship for so long, but it was a learning experience. I learned that you always have to put yourself first, you are number one, don't let anyone treat you less than you should be treated. A real man will hold you on a pedestal and do anything for you, because you are HIS number one....get my point?
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
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    No, my husband doesn't do this and not all guys do. My husband is in his 30's and too old to do that sort of thing. Your guy won't change or grow up even as much as you want him to. You shouldn't put up with his and I hope things work out for you with or without him.
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
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    You've posted a few times about this guy. Listen, I have been in a relationship just like yours before...you know how it ended? Divorce. I was stupid enough to marry the *kitten* in the first place. At first, our relationship started off fine....I guess it was the courting period, whatever. But about 6 months after we got married, he too started drinking every night. It got to the point where even our friends didn't want to hang out with us because they say how disrespectful he was to me. A few years later was when the verbal abuse started....then it got physical, especially when he was drinking.

    I was always that girl that was like, "why would you tolerate that?" But when I found myself in the same situation, I just kept telling myself that he would change, things would get better, but you know what? They didn't. It just got worse. I don't know what happened, if it was someone from above looking out for me, but one day, a light bulb just went off in my head, and I was like, I need to leave. That was almost 3 years ago. I hate myself for staying in that relationship for so long, but it was a learning experience. I learned that you always have to put yourself first, you are number one, don't let anyone treat you less than you should be treated. A real man will hold you on a pedestal and do anything for you, because you are HIS number one....get my point?

    ^^ Great advice!!!!!! I agree that a guy should treat his lady like a princess and do anything for her.
  • CarleyLovesPets
    CarleyLovesPets Posts: 410 Member
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    I don't know what you should do.

    But personally I hope he gets caught.
    One of the most selfish things someone can do is drink and drive.
    I'd call the cops on him - granted I'm not in love with the dude.
  • aproc
    aproc Posts: 1,033 Member
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    Mine doesn't drink or go out to bars. Maybe he has gotten past that phase being 30 but I know he's never been a drinker. Honestly I wouldn't put up with that though. It'd be one thing if it was every once in a while or maybe once a week and you had your out time too but every day is just ridiculous and he sounds like he doesn't care much at all about your position.
  • SPNLuver83
    SPNLuver83 Posts: 2,050 Member
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    My husband used to do that, until he started dating me, then he just naturally stopped I guess? Be with a man that wants to spend time with you, you deserve that.
  • momofpre
    momofpre Posts: 23
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    Nope-- would not be my guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • ToughTulip
    ToughTulip Posts: 1,118 Member
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    You do post a lot of negative things about him.

    Why are you staying with him?
  • SarahofTwins
    SarahofTwins Posts: 1,169 Member
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    And the same guy who forgets your birthday :frown:

    He needs to shape up or ship out. Communication is vital between the both of you, does he know how you feel on all these matters?
  • momofpre
    momofpre Posts: 23
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    Sounds like you've got it together and sorry you had to learn the hard way you seem like such a sweet heart but at least you choose the right path and got rid of that selfish boy child.
  • suckerlove
    suckerlove Posts: 198
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    I have been with my guy for 8 yrs and he would never ever act like that. You deserve a man who will treat you like a queen.
  • avir8
    avir8 Posts: 671 Member
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    You've posted a few times about this guy.

    Wow sweetie you know what you need to do, why are you so hesitant. Trust me there is someone better for you out there, get out while you still can
  • bikinibeliever
    bikinibeliever Posts: 832 Member
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    Dump him now! Just think of what the years to come will look like. If you are unhappy now it will get 100 times worse as the years pass. Cut your losses and move on.
  • tranquilpaths
    tranquilpaths Posts: 19 Member
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    I'm not a female, but I have had my share of long term relationship experience. I could never imagine doing this to someone to whom I shared my life with and loved dearly. I've never been a big drinker and I HATE the bar scene. I used to smoke A LOT of weed, my girlfriend asked me to stop for her and for my health, so I stopped. Relationships are a give and take kind of thing, there has to be balance, compromise and empathy. It sounds like he isn't showing you any of these three. It sounds like he not happy with his life or his situation right now and is drinking himself into a state of numbness so he doesn't have to deal with it.

    Sorry you're having to deal with this :(

    My advice would be to tell him how you feel and ask him if he would spend some more time with you and less time at the bar. Tell him how awkward it makes you feel to be stuck with HIS family. If he still doesn't want to show you more affection or some sort of compromise,then you may want to look for an exit.

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