???? for the ladies in long term relationships.
deniseearheart
Posts: 919 Member
in Chit-Chat
I can understand guys like to have a beer or two after work each night . We just moved back to Washington from Arizona and are staying with my guys family til we find a place. We are low on money and I do not know his family that well not to mention it is a 45 minute drive from their house to his work ... He has been going to the bar after work and getting buzzed every night and this is a new thing. He also just informed me this will be an every night type of thing.... Just pisses me off. maybe I would like to get out of here for a few hours to go and do something. Not to mention leaves me here with his family and then when he comes home he eats and passes out and we dont get to talk... I just feel so frustrated right now.... not to mention he is risking getting in an accident or getting pulled over and getting a DUI . Yes we have talked and yes I have vented on a few other things about it. I am just curious do any of your guys do this???
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Replies
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I wouldn't put up with it. Honestly, his attitude really stinks. Telling you this will be an every night thing, and showing a complete disregard for your feelings?
Why would you want to stay with someone who treats you so horribly? You deserve so much better than that.0 -
I wouldn't put up with it. Honestly, his attitude really stinks. Telling you this will be an every night thing, and showing a complete disregard for your feelings?
Why would you want to stay with someone who treats you so horribly? You deserve so much better than that.
because I am the worlds biggest idiot I guess..... I also vent here because he is not on this site or anywhere near it and I just want to get other thoughts and I am also curious if others guys do this to them every night??!!0 -
You're not the world's biggest idiot, but you should be with someone who wants to be with you. You should have a partner who will put your needs at least at the same level as his own and will consider your feelings in every decision he makes. This man isn't doing that. There are way better men out there. Don't waste any more time on this one.
I'm sorry. I know it's easier said than done...0 -
This is not the norm, but I am guessing you already know that. Don't put yourself down for trying to make things work, but maybe you looking for less advice and more of a general concensus that you should pack your bags or have him pack his bags or pack each other's bags or hire someone to pack the bags...u get what I'm saying
PS - I know I'm not a lady...0 -
I wouldn't put up with it.0
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No, my boyfriend does not do that. He isn't that selfish or stupid.
Your boyfriend needs to grow up. There is nothing wrong with going out for a beer after work, but it is wrong for him to do it every night and tell you you just have to suck it up and accept it. He needs to make time for you too.
There's also the major issue of him driving while buzzed/drunk. He could kill himself or someone else, and if he laughs that off, he's an immature moron. I'd be packing my stuff if he brushed that off.
This is not a "normal" guy thing. It's a normal douche thing. Find yourself a guy who will treat you with respect and respect himself in the process.0 -
You've posted a few times about this guy. Listen, I have been in a relationship just like yours before...you know how it ended? Divorce. I was stupid enough to marry the *kitten* in the first place. At first, our relationship started off fine....I guess it was the courting period, whatever. But about 6 months after we got married, he too started drinking every night. It got to the point where even our friends didn't want to hang out with us because they say how disrespectful he was to me. A few years later was when the verbal abuse started....then it got physical, especially when he was drinking.
I was always that girl that was like, "why would you tolerate that?" But when I found myself in the same situation, I just kept telling myself that he would change, things would get better, but you know what? They didn't. It just got worse. I don't know what happened, if it was someone from above looking out for me, but one day, a light bulb just went off in my head, and I was like, I need to leave. That was almost 3 years ago. I hate myself for staying in that relationship for so long, but it was a learning experience. I learned that you always have to put yourself first, you are number one, don't let anyone treat you less than you should be treated. A real man will hold you on a pedestal and do anything for you, because you are HIS number one....get my point?0 -
No, my husband doesn't do this and not all guys do. My husband is in his 30's and too old to do that sort of thing. Your guy won't change or grow up even as much as you want him to. You shouldn't put up with his and I hope things work out for you with or without him.0
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You've posted a few times about this guy. Listen, I have been in a relationship just like yours before...you know how it ended? Divorce. I was stupid enough to marry the *kitten* in the first place. At first, our relationship started off fine....I guess it was the courting period, whatever. But about 6 months after we got married, he too started drinking every night. It got to the point where even our friends didn't want to hang out with us because they say how disrespectful he was to me. A few years later was when the verbal abuse started....then it got physical, especially when he was drinking.
I was always that girl that was like, "why would you tolerate that?" But when I found myself in the same situation, I just kept telling myself that he would change, things would get better, but you know what? They didn't. It just got worse. I don't know what happened, if it was someone from above looking out for me, but one day, a light bulb just went off in my head, and I was like, I need to leave. That was almost 3 years ago. I hate myself for staying in that relationship for so long, but it was a learning experience. I learned that you always have to put yourself first, you are number one, don't let anyone treat you less than you should be treated. A real man will hold you on a pedestal and do anything for you, because you are HIS number one....get my point?
^^ Great advice!!!!!! I agree that a guy should treat his lady like a princess and do anything for her.0 -
I don't know what you should do.
But personally I hope he gets caught.
One of the most selfish things someone can do is drink and drive.
I'd call the cops on him - granted I'm not in love with the dude.0 -
Mine doesn't drink or go out to bars. Maybe he has gotten past that phase being 30 but I know he's never been a drinker. Honestly I wouldn't put up with that though. It'd be one thing if it was every once in a while or maybe once a week and you had your out time too but every day is just ridiculous and he sounds like he doesn't care much at all about your position.0
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My husband used to do that, until he started dating me, then he just naturally stopped I guess? Be with a man that wants to spend time with you, you deserve that.0
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Nope-- would not be my guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!0
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You do post a lot of negative things about him.
Why are you staying with him?0 -
And the same guy who forgets your birthday :frown:
He needs to shape up or ship out. Communication is vital between the both of you, does he know how you feel on all these matters?0 -
Sounds like you've got it together and sorry you had to learn the hard way you seem like such a sweet heart but at least you choose the right path and got rid of that selfish boy child.0
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I have been with my guy for 8 yrs and he would never ever act like that. You deserve a man who will treat you like a queen.0
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You've posted a few times about this guy.
Wow sweetie you know what you need to do, why are you so hesitant. Trust me there is someone better for you out there, get out while you still can0 -
Dump him now! Just think of what the years to come will look like. If you are unhappy now it will get 100 times worse as the years pass. Cut your losses and move on.0
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I'm not a female, but I have had my share of long term relationship experience. I could never imagine doing this to someone to whom I shared my life with and loved dearly. I've never been a big drinker and I HATE the bar scene. I used to smoke A LOT of weed, my girlfriend asked me to stop for her and for my health, so I stopped. Relationships are a give and take kind of thing, there has to be balance, compromise and empathy. It sounds like he isn't showing you any of these three. It sounds like he not happy with his life or his situation right now and is drinking himself into a state of numbness so he doesn't have to deal with it.
Sorry you're having to deal with this
My advice would be to tell him how you feel and ask him if he would spend some more time with you and less time at the bar. Tell him how awkward it makes you feel to be stuck with HIS family. If he still doesn't want to show you more affection or some sort of compromise,then you may want to look for an exit.0 -
Drinking and driving!! lets just hope he doesnt run into some innocent person or family and kill them, easier said then done but if i knew someone doing that I would call the police on them no question even my own husband!!, also like others have said it shows that he is a very self centered person that only thinks of his needs and wants and sorry to say but people like this rarely change if you stay you will find it will most likley get worse and you will never be treated equally or fairly better to leave now and find someone that you can love and be loved by in a happy and healthy relationship0
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no. unacceptable.0
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Yeah, I don't think he is being fair to you or considerate of you at all. I think you should lay down the law and if if he wants to stay out every night leaving you with his family, it may be time to move on. Better while you're young, single and childless then to have this come up later on when it may be too late to act on it.0
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When I was in my late teens, I lived with a boyfriend like that. It didn't last and if I'd had any sense I would have ended it sooner because I knew better.
Now am happily married (almost 17 years; together for 22) to a wonderful man who would never pull that kind of crap.0 -
I do not know the whole situation here. Do you work or is he the only one supporting you? Do you have kids together? Have you tried getting to know his family? Do you drive? Do you have friends you can go out with?
Now, for the topic at hand with my limited information: My husband drinks in the evenings several nights of the week. He does this at home. He has cut back a lot since we first met. He says this is because family is important to him. He would NEVER drink and drive. That would just be foolish. And dangerous. He does go out with the guys some nights, when we have discussed it ahead of time.
If I were in your shoes, I would look for work. Sometimes it is simply a matter of attitude that if he is the only one paying the bills, then he feels like he should be able to relax, and he does have the power in the relationship. The person who cares the least controls the relationship. The only way to take back that power so you can be on equal footing again is to work on you. You cannot fix his habits. You can choose what you will and will not put up with, though.
A job is great divorce insurance. If you are living with relatives you don't know well, try to get to know them better. You have to live together, so why keep it awkward? Maybe they are feeling the same way you are. I am friends with my mother in law, and it helps to get her perspective on hubby's behavior because she watched him grow up. Sometimes there is an additional issue you are not seeing that plays a part in his behavior. I would start by helping one of them with a chore, like laundry or dishes so it isn't as uncomfortable. You can talk while you work and keeping your hands busy will fill any silences.
Work on how you feel about yourself. Maybe this means exercising, maybe this means finding a hobby, getting a makeover, doing your hair differently, whatever makes you feel good about you. You could even volunteer somewhere so you know you are making a difference. This can also lead to having a support group of friends.
I wish you all the best. I realize that not all of my suggestions will fit into your life at the same time, but I hope that at least one jumps out and strikes you as something worthwhile.0 -
Absolutely not, I couldn't deal with it.
It's a waste of money, it's dangerous, and the list goes
on and on.0 -
I don't know what you should do.
But personally I hope he gets caught.
One of the most selfish things someone can do is drink and drive.
I'd call the cops on him - granted I'm not in love with the dude.
^^^this0 -
so you marry him
he goes out a runs someone over or even just hits a few cars and gets sued
he's drunk so insurance doesn't pay
they get his assets and YOUR assets cos your married.
that's even if you don't mind him not spending time with you, he also effectively steals everything you current own or earn into the future.
how does this sound like a good arrangement?
leave him, get a dog.0 -
Been with my guy almost 4 years and while he does other things to piss me off ( don't they all???).....no, that is not something he would do....
Maybe it's time to re-evaluate the relationship? From your posts, you seem really unhappy...Life is too short for that! :drinker:0 -
Never touch the stuff. I like to be free and in control of my life. I love to enjoy my life.0
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