???? for the ladies in long term relationships.
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Looks like you've discovered why this guy hasn't been taken in 44 years. Don't be the idiot who stays with him. You are on a weight loss site-lose the quickest (insert his weight here)pounds you've ever lost!
^^^^^^AGREE!!!!!!!!!0 -
Lmaoyou should pack your bags or have him pack his bags or pack each other's bags or hire someone to pack the bags0 -
No, my hubby does not. He might work late, but he comes home as soon as he can, and when he's away, we talk on skype or the phone till bedtime. We still don't like being apart.
We've now been together 6 years.
He would never think of hurting me or disrespecting me, nor I him, because we care and love each other.
We've moved several times, state to state due to work and our relationship is stronger then ever.
What you are going through isn't normal just because it's a long term relationship, a relationship can be so much more and I hope that you are able to find someone who treats you the way I am treated, you are worth it and you deserve it.0 -
Its time to get out, no doubts no thoughts no wondering maybe....its time..you've posted about this dude before and as lots said...they know where its gonna end up0
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I'd start meeting him there after work
Then you can see for yourself what's going on. I'd surprise him, in fact. That way you can see if he's with guys, girls, "a" girl, etc. And yeah, I wouldn't put up with it either. Sorry you are having to deal with this and possibly make a tough choice.0 -
Same kinda thing happened with me and my bf. He continued to drink and go out. He got a DUI and now he is suffering the consequences. I, being the caring and compassionate woman I am, have stayed with him. I voiced my concerns, It took a while for him to realize where his life was headed, but thankfully he came to his senses. He quit drinking, smoking, going out to bars, as well as eating poorly. So now we live together, doing our diet together and supporting each other. We've gotten in fights and nearly broken up, but we moved passed that stage in our life and are stronger for it. Everybody is different though. Some people are more hard headed and stubborn. Good luck to you. I know that being with an alcoholic is one of the toughest times that someone can have. I'm sure that he is a great person, I am not giving anyone an excuse to go out and drink in such a way, but you should realize that alcoholism is a crazy form of disease that sometimes even the smartest people can't control. Support is the one main thing that a person like this needs. There is probably something more going on in his mind right now. A move is very stressful.
****EDIT**** I do mean everything that I said, but, I did not know that you have had many issues with this person. If this has continued long, maybe it is time to lose that "extra baggage" i.e. HIM. 0 -
And this is the same guy who forgets your birthday every year?:indifferent:
I know it is MUCH easier to say, "just leave him," but unfortunately that is the ONLY answer. The only other alternative is to waste the rest of your life with him (unless he leaves you).
Also, if you two are sexually active, what happens if you get pregnant? Do you think he will make a good father or even be there for the child if he can't even be there for you?
My last boyfriend ended up being a narcissist and pathological liar. While the red-flags were there from the start, I ignored them because I didn't think it was possible to end up in yet another abusive relationship. Last month I left the country and cut all communication. I stopped taking the birth control pill after getting my period and went on with life until last week when I noticed my stomach was looking bigger. I realized there was a possibility of pregnancy and spent days worrying. Today I finally couldn't take the stress anymore, and went to a store I never frequent and bought a test. I was extremely lucky in that the results were negative (NOT pregnant), but it was definitely a lesson learned -- I should have left when the abuse started.
Anyway, I don't know if you boyfriend? husband? is abusive or not, but he still sounds like a huge *kitten* and I wouldn't be surprised to find out that he belittles/threatens/frequently ditches/physically harms you.
Actually he sounds like a real unappreciative loser. He has a cute/sexy younger woman (judging by your pic) who puts up with all of his b.s. and probably takes care of him much more than he does her (am I right?)...yet I know people who treat their dogs better than he treats you.
I've been in TWO abusive long-term relationships and while I unfortunately can't advise you on how to get into a good relationship, I CAN tell you how to get out of a bad one -- and that means leaving and cutting all contact.
Good luck!!0 -
Your boyfriend sounds like a very self absorbed person who thinks he can have you and whatever else he wants, too. My husband and I have been together for 22 years. Even during his heavy drinking days (he is a recovering alcoholic), he wanted to spend his time with me, not away from me. At 44 he should act more like a grown up and not like a kid who just turned 21. I think you might want to seriously reconsider your relationship with him.0
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Yes, it is probably just a phase. If he is anything like my boyfriend (who was 18 at the time), he just needs a wake up call and sorting out some personal problems he must be dealing with. That was the case with my boyfriend.
If you are very serious about him being your life partner or want to really try to make things work. Make sure you remind him you are also his friend and there to listen. Make sure you are supportive and do your best to work things out peacefully.
Best of luck to you!0 -
No, my husband doesn't do this and not all guys do. My husband is in his 30's and too old to do that sort of thing. Your guy won't change or grow up even as much as you want him to. You shouldn't put up with his and I hope things work out for you with or without him.
my guy is 44
44 years old and doing this? RUN. The faster, the better. Don't waste any more time on this guy. It will not get better.0 -
I found one of my ex's drinking and driving (at the same time) I dumped him there and then! Do not agree with that, needless to say I have moved on and got a better life with a lovely guy and he is the same old drunkered idiot!0
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Chances are he's depressed and unhappy about the situation he's in now. Guys handle it in different ways. However, like most of us know on here, when you repeat bad behaviors, they become habit. This WILL be a permanent thing-and I wouldn't stick around to watch it. You deserve better than that.0
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Your understanding of guys is wrong. Dump the jerk. If he hasn't yet, he will be cheating on you. Enjoy being miserable with him for years.
EDIT: Just saw that he's 44 and doing this? There aren't enough letters in the word LOSER to describe him.0 -
my man knows better than to do this I let him know right in the start of our relationship what was acceptable and what wasn't then he was given the choice to continue the relationship or not. I would not stand for that kind of behaviour its pretty childish in my opinion, but you need to decide if its something you are going to tolerate if not you need to take some sort of action to let him know you are serious. Thats just what I would do.0
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Sounds like trouble is brewing0
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I have a similar issue.. only mine does it at home and takes a little bit from our savings to walk to the store... It irritates the *kitten* out of me because I wanna spend time with him.. our schedules are so messed up that I hardly see him ='( BUT you say you worry about him getting a DUI, I say you threaten to call Hwy Patrol on his *kitten*! I know that is harsh but he could hurt himself or someone else.. Drunk driving is nothing to mess around with. Maybe you should get his family involved.. have a mini intervention.. going out drinking every night can lead to addictions.. =/ I don't know him personally so I couldn't say.. but I don't think it would hurt to talk to someone in the family..
Good luck, be strong! 
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no, My husband always lets me know if he has plans and clears them with me to make sure we didn't have anything to do, or if I want him to stay home. If he went to the bar EVERY night, I would leave with the kids until he decides to get his act together. Luckily both of us drink only socially. It seems immature and childish to need to go get buzzed every night!0
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seems like emotional abuse to me. If you wouldn't put up with him beating you, why would you put up with this?0
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As a red neck kind of guy, one night a week would be acceptable. Every night? No way would I do that to my wife0
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I have been with my husband for 6 years now and I could not imagine him treating me like that. I can understand maybe going to the bar on a Saturday night for a couple of beers with some friends but every night seems a bit much. You may need to tell him that he needs help or youre out of there. He should be coming home to you everynight and not some bar.0
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if he told you this will keep happening then it means he doesn't care, and when he doesn't care then there is no relationship there. What's the point in being with someone who you can't "relate" with. Respect yourself, find someone better, you'll be glad you did in the end. 0
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And if I may share a guy secret, that's not what he's doing. There's someone else.0
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Several big red flags here.
- Disregard for your feelings
- Reduced interest in spending time with you
- Using alcohol on a daily basis to the point of intoxication (and driving)
Obviously, whenever there is a significant change in a person's behavior something is on their mind. Better get in his head and get it figured out before something bad happens. It could just be the stress of the move or the financial situation. But if he wont communicate with you or shuts you out, then the problem could be with you (or another person, if you get my my meaning).
It wont get better until you get to the root of the problem. If you cant then you know its time to walk.
Yup, definitely agree with this statement.
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You need to stand up to him and tell him flat out that if he wants a beer after work then he can have one from the 6 pack you have in the fridge. If that doesn't work, do what I did to my ex-boyfriend and one of my former in-laws. Call PD and tell them that every day around a certain time, the same guy goes to a certain bar, gets drunk and then drives. Yes, it's not nice, but what can you do when he won't listen? Sometimes they only learn the hard way.0
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My ex-husband did, he drank almost every night. I'm tee-total so believe me it did start to get on my nerves. That's why he's my EX-husband now though. My current partner doesn't touch alcohol, he's a biker and works hard, I'm so much happier and love hearing him arrive home - there was a while I was actually quite scared of my ex getting home. Probably not what you wanted to hear, sorry hun x0
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Drinking and driving is a dealbreaker for me. Also, drinking away money daily when your funds are limited is sure to cause problems. He doesn't sound like he's very concerned about you at all to be honest
Although, are you working? It doesn't really sound like you are and maybe you should, especially if money is tight. As terrible as he sounds in your OP, getting out of the house and away from his family shouldn't be solely his responsibility.
I'd take a long look at your relationship and see if you're getting out what you put into it, and if you're truly happy with this guy. I just married my husband in July but we've been together for 8 years and I love him but I'd leave if he decided drinking away our tight budget and then driving home afterwards was a new thing he was going to do. Once a week he does go out for wings with the work guys...but he invites me and I sometimes go join them!0 -
My husband doesn't drink. Obviously, the first issue here is that he's not being safe. He needs to find another way home, or not go. It's that simple. He's not just playing with his own life.
Now just addressing him being out every night, yes that's a problem. You say this is new. If you're otherwise happy, you should give this a chance to resolve. Your situation sounds depressing, and his escapist, risky behavior suggests to me that he's deeply depressed. It doesn't make his behavior fair or ok, but it might give you some compassion, and maybe hope that it's not really forever. Insist you see a counselor together, and do whatever you can to get your family into a calmer environment. Are you working? If not, find a job ASAP. You guys need your space and some stability.0 -
you say you guys are low on money, but he can afford to go to a bar? wtf.
i've poured all my husband's scotch down the drain once because he got a bit drunk and started an argument. it did cause another argument the next day, but he has started drinking less, or at least not been starting 'conversations' when he's had a drink...
anyhow, i'd probably wish that DUI on him, or even tip off the local cops as to where they need to hang out.... yup, i have no tolerance for drinking and driving.0 -
Agree with the previous posters - he is not acting as if he wants to be married and it's incredibly disrespectful and also dangerous. It is interesting that this started since you moved in with his family. It's just a suggestion (and only applicable if you are still interested in trying to work things out rather than the kicking to the curb option), but is it possible that he is reacting to money issues and also certain feelings of shame at having to move back in with his parents with pure avoidance? Sounds like he is trying to pretend that this is not all happening, mostly by acting like he's 18 and seeing as little as possible of his family and also you, staying out late, getting buzzed etc.
In any event, it doesn't excuse his behaviour. If you guys are to stay together, he needs to make a plan together with you for how to get together enough money to get your own place again. If he wants to go out for a drink in the evening, he should come home and the two of you walk together to the nearest bar, or have drinks in the garden together. I think you getting your own job and your own independence is also crucial, whether or not you stay together.
It could also be that there is someone else... this is exactly the type of 'self-destruct' behaviour that people sometimes use to end relationships (by making living with them unbearable) when they don't have the balls to end it themselves.0 -
I can understand guys like to have a beer or two after work each night . We just moved back to Washington from Arizona and are staying with my guys family til we find a place. We are low on money and I do not know his family that well not to mention it is a 45 minute drive from their house to his work ... He has been going to the bar after work and getting buzzed every night and this is a new thing. He also just informed me this will be an every night type of thing.... Just pisses me off. maybe I would like to get out of here for a few hours to go and do something. Not to mention leaves me here with his family and then when he comes home he eats and passes out and we dont get to talk... I just feel so frustrated right now.... not to mention he is risking getting in an accident or getting pulled over and getting a DUI . Yes we have talked and yes I have vented on a few other things about it. I am just curious do any of your guys do this???
he may be stressed over the move, but thats a piss poor excuse. theres a very strict no drinking and driving, even so much as ONE beer policy in this house. i had a dear friend whos car was completely runover by a "buzzed" man in a truck. they cut her out of the car, but she didnt make it. she had a two year old son. im 100% against drinking anyway, and my fiances fam is full of raging alcoholics. i would seriously talk to him again, and im sorry ladies, but there are times that having a sitdown doesnt work. sometimes getting angry and twisting off about it is the wakeup call.0
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