???? for the ladies in long term relationships.
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Step 1: Open door.
Step 2: Have him stand in the doorway facing outward.
Step 3: Kick him in the *kitten* as hard as possible (aim for the curb and kick swiftly).
Step 4: Close door.
Step 5: Move on with your life.
Life is way too short to waste on people who just aren't worth your time no matter how long you've been together. Find a way to move on.
Oh, and +1 more for calling the cops on his drunk driving *kitten*. He's a selfish turd for putting other innocent people at risk with his behavior.0 -
I know this feeling. I've been there. You aren't happy because he treats you like *kitten*, but you don't want to leave because you love him and he might change back into the man you fell in love with. But my advice to you would just be to break up with him. A healthy, loving relationship should be effortless. It doesn't seem like your relationship with him is any of those things, and I do apologize for that.
It's not meant to be...you WILL find someone better- trust me!0 -
My abusive first husband wasn't a drinker, but he certainly had the attitude that he was his own boss and I had no say in what he might do at any given time. If he deigned to do anything nice for me, I had better be the must frigging grateful person on the planet. ::eyeroll::
My current (and final) husband likes to do things like go to baseball games or spend some time with his buddies, but he ALWAYS talks with me about it first. He often will go to the movies without me, but only after I have said I don't want to see the movie in question; otherwise, I would be invited to come along. If I tell him it's not a good time for whatever reason, he will abandon that plan or reschedule it for another day. He would NEVER just go do something, especially if I had said I wanted him not to. Generally, we each share our wants and needs and try to help each other get those things met if possible.0 -
Being trapped in the middle of no-where with the in-laws (as nice as they are) 24/7 does not sound like a life. The only thing you have to look forward to is a drunk coming home late?
Start developing your exit plan. Go when you're ready.0 -
NO My husband of 36 years would never drink and drive. At the age of 4 our grandaughter was paralyzed after the van she was riding in was hit by a drunk driver. Think of a 4 year old little girl being PARALYZED for the rest of her life because your boyfriend chose to drink and drive. Remember buzzed driving IS DRUNK DRIVING.0
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So...why are you still with this dude again? Why again would your life not be exponentially better as a singleton, given the circumstances? He sounds like a real winner.0
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It's time for you to do something about this....It sucks that he leaves you for the bar to sit at home by yourself...That is definetly something I couldn't do and I hope you see a "goodbye" in your future...0
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Hell to the NAW!!! Been married 13 years, and there's no way I'd put up with that! My husband WANTS to come straight home and be with us after work! You deserve that too, IMO.0
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Nope.
I'd really like if my OH went & did stuff rather than work & come home. Not that I don't like spending time with him, I do. I just think he needs some time out to himself.
I definitely wouldn't like it if he was doing it every day after work though.0 -
You've posted a few times about this guy. Listen, I have been in a relationship just like yours before...you know how it ended? Divorce. I was stupid enough to marry the *kitten* in the first place. At first, our relationship started off fine....I guess it was the courting period, whatever. But about 6 months after we got married, he too started drinking every night. It got to the point where even our friends didn't want to hang out with us because they say how disrespectful he was to me. A few years later was when the verbal abuse started....then it got physical, especially when he was drinking.
I was always that girl that was like, "why would you tolerate that?" But when I found myself in the same situation, I just kept telling myself that he would change, things would get better, but you know what? They didn't. It just got worse. I don't know what happened, if it was someone from above looking out for me, but one day, a light bulb just went off in my head, and I was like, I need to leave. That was almost 3 years ago. I hate myself for staying in that relationship for so long, but it was a learning experience. I learned that you always have to put yourself first, you are number one, don't let anyone treat you less than you should be treated. A real man will hold you on a pedestal and do anything for you, because you are HIS number one....get my point?
OMG were we married to the same person?? My ex did the same stuff. He drank constantly and it let to his affair. Not worth it. Iam now in a wonderful marriage with a man who doesnt drink at all. And wants to spend his time with me rather than a bar. You need to walk away now before its too late and something bad happens. I wish you all the luck!!!0 -
My Ex would get off work early and go to his friends and get drunk, then come home and pick a fight. Or I would see him at a friends house while her husband was at work. After he started to beat me and the cops were called and charged him, it still didn't end. After 18 years married to the **** I woke up one night and threw his sorry *kitten* out. I had enough. We were separated about a year when he drove home drunk, but he didn't make it, he ran his car into a rock cut. I just thank god no one else was hurt and he didn't have my children in the car.
It is hard not knowing where to turn or what to do. But you will survive with out him. There are lots of guys out there that will treat you like the lady you are and deserve to be treated like.
I have a new man in my life and it is hard to get him to even go to the local store without me.0 -
Several big red flags here.
- Disregard for your feelings
- Reduced interest in spending time with you
- Using alcohol on a daily basis to the point of intoxication (and driving)
Obviously, whenever there is a significant change in a person's behavior something is on their mind. Better get in his head and get it figured out before something bad happens. It could just be the stress of the move or the financial situation. But if he wont communicate with you or shuts you out, then the problem could be with you (or another person, if you get my my meaning).
It wont get better until you get to the root of the problem. If you cant then you know its time to walk.0 -
1. My guy has (thankfully) gotten past that stage. He has driven drunk before, and both times he wound up having a horrific car accident where he should never have walked away-and he was lucky and blessed that no one else was hurt. He'll admit that he was young and immature, and he was dealing with his own demons. He's also smart enough now that on the RARE occasion he wants a beer, he stays put-whether it's at home or at my house. Even his friends know that I'll come pick them up regardless of the time, just to keep them from putting themselves and everyone else in harms way.
2. I don't know that I've ever had a man tell me that he'd be going out every night and (without the words) tell me he's not going to make time for me or our relationship. The closest I ever came to behavior like that was an ex that had wanted to break up for 6 months-so we finally did. And I am SO much better for it.
3. In a relationship, we should all treat our S.O. however WE want them to treat US. It's not just a "Biblical" principle (please, don't get offended)-it's just good common courtesy. It sounds like he wants to be treated like crap. Don't stoop to that level-hold your head high and know that somewhere out there, some wonderful guy is just waiting for the moment he can sweep you off your feet.
I agree that you probably know what you should/want to do, you just need confirmation. Good luck-in whatever you decide. I'll be thinking about you!0 -
No, telling you that this will be your new normal is completely unacceptable. Driving home drunk/buzzed is NEVER acceptable (I know what it is like to lose someone to a drunk driver. The drunk driver walked away, my friend did not and his girlfriend lost an eye and was left with brain damage). And leaving you with people you don't know all day long and then coming home drunk/buzzed, eating and then passing out so that you don't get any time together or any time outside of where you live yourself and just telling you that that is how it will be is not acceptable.
I haven't seen your other posts but from what other people have replied it doesn't seem like he is a good SO and you might want to start really evaluating if you're happy with not only the current situation, but the relationship in general. Don't stay with someone because of the past, stay with them because of the future you can have together. That is the best advice I have ever gotten about a relationship. Goodluck!0 -
My ex was like that but not until he turned about 22...we started dating in high school. He had that kind of attitude before that though. Any how, you said that this is new and that you have vented about him before this post. Was there much to vent about before you moved in with his family? How is his relationship with his family? If he doesn't feel comfortable around his family and you feel like it will all go back to normal as soon you guys get your own place, then talk to him and tell him how you feel and what you need. If it's just because he is back in his home town with all of his friends and he didn't really know anybody in AZ, then maybe it's time to move on. If you can't see things getting better with a new home then don't waist your life away like this.0
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Sad situation. My ex-husband did things like that. Unless you're willing to settle for taking second place to alcohol, it's probably time to issue an ultimatum and stick to it. My ex told me the grass wasn't greener on the other side. That turned out to be another of his lies.0
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No...my boyfriend has a beer or two a couple times a week.
I am so sorry about his attitude though. You'd think he'd listen to someone he loves.
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my boyfriend used to do that several nights a week. i got upset, screamed at him, and gave him an ultimatum, get your priorities straight or leave.
he still drinks, but not that often, usually at home, usually with me, and never so bad that he can't function.
i had to dump him for him to realize that i was serious. days later he came crawling back. i suggest you do the same. if he changes and comes back, great. if he continues on with this lifestyle, it's not your problem anymore.0 -
I can understand guys like to have a beer or two after work each night . We just moved back to Washington from Arizona and are staying with my guys family til we find a place. We are low on money and I do not know his family that well not to mention it is a 45 minute drive from their house to his work ... He has been going to the bar after work and getting buzzed every night and this is a new thing. He also just informed me this will be an every night type of thing.... Just pisses me off. maybe I would like to get out of here for a few hours to go and do something. Not to mention leaves me here with his family and then when he comes home he eats and passes out and we dont get to talk... I just feel so frustrated right now.... not to mention he is risking getting in an accident or getting pulled over and getting a DUI . Yes we have talked and yes I have vented on a few other things about it. I am just curious do any of your guys do this???
I wouldn't put up with it. Sounds to me like this guys needs to grow up and shape up, or get out. You deserve a man who's going to put your feelings and needs on the same level as his own if not BEFORE his own! Believe me, you ARE worth that and if he's dumb enough not to see it and make the appropriate adjustments, he's not the guy for you.0 -
Sounds like he love alcohol not you. Time to move on.0
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In no way is this normal.
1) This is chronic alcohol abuse, that may become (or already is) addiction
2) This is chronic emotional abuse of you
3) This is reckless endangerment of others on the road
If you were going to make a list of what you want in a mate, would these things be on it?
The question isn't about his behavior. It's about you, and what you want in your life, and what you deserve (respect) at the hands of someone who professes to love you.
If you don't define what you want and what you will not tolerate, he will continue to run all over you. Maybe literally.0 -
I've been engaged since Dec. 2011 but with my fiance since April of 2008. He did a lot of drinking in the beginning of our relationship, I mean A LOT. He had just gotten out of the Marine Corps so the circumstances were different, but I brought it up to him. He didn't listen, so I gave him a choice. Stay and stop drinking so much, or leave. He stayed because our relationship was important.
If he can't consider your thoughts and feelings, you may need to rethink things...0 -
I've been married for 24 years this November and my husband definitely does not go out and "get buzzed". I buy his favorite beer so he can drink it here at home while in my company, usually while we enjoy watching our favorite shows together on TV.
It sounds to me like you have more issues going on here than just a husband that wants to "get buzzed" every night. He isn't considering your feelings, even when you've told him about them, and my red flags are waving in the breeze about your situation. If you haven't yet, I suggest seeing a counselor to help work this through, even if your husband won't go. They are trained to help you see what is best for you. Best of luck, sweetie. I think you're going to need it, I'm sorry to say.0 -
One of my business partners has the awesome quote..."Start as you mean to go." I love that, so honest to yourself.
In other words, who you are right now is who you are, everyone else better deal with it. (translation: this would be your SO right now...)
Another one; this might have been Oprah or Dr. Phil:
"When people TELL you who they are, BELIEVE THEM!!".
Either way, you've just gotten the info you need to understand where your life is going.
Are you with it? Your choice after all.0 -
Single at the moment. But no, never did that. If I had a "guys night out" she knew about it ahead of time and it was never in conflict with our plans. If I had a hot wife at home after work I would want to see her, and if there was drinking it would be usually with her.0
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Yeah completely inconsiderate. To you to the other people on the road and to his family.
I have been married for 13 years. I can't think of any time he has left me at home to go out and drink. We used to drink together a lot but always at home usually precluding a pretty fun evening together with lowered inhibitions. I'd love for him to go out and do something (preferably not drinking in bars) every once in a while because I think we could use a little space now and then, we also work together (together pretty much 24/7) but he says he is happiest with me.
You deserve no less and the right guy won't want to be anywhere else every night.0 -
You've posted a few times about this guy. Listen, I have been in a relationship just like yours before...you know how it ended? Divorce. I was stupid enough to marry the *kitten* in the first place. At first, our relationship started off fine....I guess it was the courting period, whatever. But about 6 months after we got married, he too started drinking every night. It got to the point where even our friends didn't want to hang out with us because they say how disrespectful he was to me. A few years later was when the verbal abuse started....then it got physical, especially when he was drinking.
I was always that girl that was like, "why would you tolerate that?" But when I found myself in the same situation, I just kept telling myself that he would change, things would get better, but you know what? They didn't. It just got worse. I don't know what happened, if it was someone from above looking out for me, but one day, a light bulb just went off in my head, and I was like, I need to leave. That was almost 3 years ago. I hate myself for staying in that relationship for so long, but it was a learning experience. I learned that you always have to put yourself first, you are number one, don't let anyone treat you less than you should be treated. A real man will hold you on a pedestal and do anything for you, because you are HIS number one....get my point?
Yes I know.... I guess sadly I am going to have to give up on this. I just don't see it getting any better... I tried!0 -
No, my husband doesn't do this and not all guys do. My husband is in his 30's and too old to do that sort of thing. Your guy won't change or grow up even as much as you want him to. You shouldn't put up with his and I hope things work out for you with or without him.
my guy is 440 -
I went through a brief period where my guy wanted to go out every night to the bar. We have been together for 10 years now. While I was not very happy that he wanted to go out every night. I also understood that he turned 21 and I still had a year to go before that happened. We did live by one rule, it was okay for him to go out but he had to come home after work and I drove him and picked him up from the bar when he was ready to come home. He had fun for a month or two then all but stopped and said it was because I could not be there having fun with him. That was six years ago and he took his turn being the sober driver when I turned 21. While it is not the same situation there are many factors to consider. Why did you guys move there? Does he feel like a failure since you are living with his parents? While none of those things excuse what he is doing they might help explain. Depending on if this was a regular issue before or if it has just started since moving there would determine what I would suggest you should do. Bottom line though if you are not happy and he treats you like dirt it is time to say goodbye.0
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Looks like you've discovered why this guy hasn't been taken in 44 years. Don't be the idiot who stays with him. You are on a weight loss site-lose the quickest (insert his weight here)pounds you've ever lost!No, my husband doesn't do this and not all guys do. My husband is in his 30's and too old to do that sort of thing. Your guy won't change or grow up even as much as you want him to. You shouldn't put up with his and I hope things work out for you with or without him.
my guy is 440
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