???? for the ladies in long term relationships.

JenRei87

if he told you this will keep happening then it means he doesn't care, and when he doesn't care then there is no relationship there. What's the point in being with someone who you can't "relate" with. Respect yourself, find someone better, you'll be glad you did in the end.

Iceman1800

And if I may share a guy secret, that's not what he's doing. There's someone else.

IndyMario

Several big red flags here.

- Disregard for your feelings
- Reduced interest in spending time with you
- Using alcohol on a daily basis to the point of intoxication (and driving)

Obviously, whenever there is a significant change in a person's behavior something is on their mind. Better get in his head and get it figured out before something bad happens. It could just be the stress of the move or the financial situation. But if he wont communicate with you or shuts you out, then the problem could be with you (or another person, if you get my my meaning).

It wont get better until you get to the root of the problem. If you cant then you know its time to walk.

Yup, definitely agree with this statement.

emtb319

You need to stand up to him and tell him flat out that if he wants a beer after work then he can have one from the 6 pack you have in the fridge. If that doesn't work, do what I did to my ex-boyfriend and one of my former in-laws. Call PD and tell them that every day around a certain time, the same guy goes to a certain bar, gets drunk and then drives. Yes, it's not nice, but what can you do when he won't listen? Sometimes they only learn the hard way.

tubbyelmo

My ex-husband did, he drank almost every night. I'm tee-total so believe me it did start to get on my nerves. That's why he's my EX-husband now though. My current partner doesn't touch alcohol, he's a biker and works hard, I'm so much happier and love hearing him arrive home - there was a while I was actually quite scared of my ex getting home. Probably not what you wanted to hear, sorry hun x

kellyo15

Drinking and driving is a dealbreaker for me. Also, drinking away money daily when your funds are limited is sure to cause problems. He doesn't sound like he's very concerned about you at all to be honest Although, are you working? It doesn't really sound like you are and maybe you should, especially if money is tight. As terrible as he sounds in your OP, getting out of the house and away from his family shouldn't be solely his responsibility.

I'd take a long look at your relationship and see if you're getting out what you put into it, and if you're truly happy with this guy. I just married my husband in July but we've been together for 8 years and I love him but I'd leave if he decided drinking away our tight budget and then driving home afterwards was a new thing he was going to do. Once a week he does go out for wings with the work guys...but he invites me and I sometimes go join them!

tajmel

My husband doesn't drink. Obviously, the first issue here is that he's not being safe. He needs to find another way home, or not go. It's that simple. He's not just playing with his own life.

Now just addressing him being out every night, yes that's a problem. You say this is new. If you're otherwise happy, you should give this a chance to resolve. Your situation sounds depressing, and his escapist, risky behavior suggests to me that he's deeply depressed. It doesn't make his behavior fair or ok, but it might give you some compassion, and maybe hope that it's not really forever. Insist you see a counselor together, and do whatever you can to get your family into a calmer environment. Are you working? If not, find a job ASAP. You guys need your space and some stability.

froeschli

you say you guys are low on money, but he can afford to go to a bar? wtf.
i've poured all my husband's scotch down the drain once because he got a bit drunk and started an argument. it did cause another argument the next day, but he has started drinking less, or at least not been starting 'conversations' when he's had a drink...

anyhow, i'd probably wish that DUI on him, or even tip off the local cops as to where they need to hang out.... yup, i have no tolerance for drinking and driving.

chooriyah

Agree with the previous posters - he is not acting as if he wants to be married and it's incredibly disrespectful and also dangerous. It is interesting that this started since you moved in with his family. It's just a suggestion (and only applicable if you are still interested in trying to work things out rather than the kicking to the curb option), but is it possible that he is reacting to money issues and also certain feelings of shame at having to move back in with his parents with pure avoidance? Sounds like he is trying to pretend that this is not all happening, mostly by acting like he's 18 and seeing as little as possible of his family and also you, staying out late, getting buzzed etc.

In any event, it doesn't excuse his behaviour. If you guys are to stay together, he needs to make a plan together with you for how to get together enough money to get your own place again. If he wants to go out for a drink in the evening, he should come home and the two of you walk together to the nearest bar, or have drinks in the garden together. I think you getting your own job and your own independence is also crucial, whether or not you stay together.

It could also be that there is someone else... this is exactly the type of 'self-destruct' behaviour that people sometimes use to end relationships (by making living with them unbearable) when they don't have the balls to end it themselves.

Troll

I can understand guys like to have a beer or two after work each night . We just moved back to Washington from Arizona and are staying with my guys family til we find a place. We are low on money and I do not know his family that well not to mention it is a 45 minute drive from their house to his work ... He has been going to the bar after work and getting buzzed every night and this is a new thing. He also just informed me this will be an every night type of thing.... Just pisses me off. maybe I would like to get out of here for a few hours to go and do something. Not to mention leaves me here with his family and then when he comes home he eats and passes out and we dont get to talk... I just feel so frustrated right now.... not to mention he is risking getting in an accident or getting pulled over and getting a DUI . Yes we have talked and yes I have vented on a few other things about it. I am just curious do any of your guys do this???

he may be stressed over the move, but thats a piss poor excuse. theres a very strict no drinking and driving, even so much as ONE beer policy in this house. i had a dear friend whos car was completely runover by a "buzzed" man in a truck. they cut her out of the car, but she didnt make it. she had a two year old son. im 100% against drinking anyway, and my fiances fam is full of raging alcoholics. i would seriously talk to him again, and im sorry ladies, but there are times that having a sitdown doesnt work. sometimes getting angry and twisting off about it is the wakeup call.

fitatfiftyfive

He's selfish - and he's avoiding the reality of having having to move in with family - total avoidance of the reality of your lives right now. So unfair to leave you alone with them. If you are having money troubles why is he spending $$$ on beer at at bar? Be firm and tell him you have some important issues to discuss that involve the two of you. Insist he talk with you--stay calm - try not to raise your voice because that is when you become "an emotional woman" - talk with him like a guy would - state how his actions make you feel - lay out the expense and obvious danger he is putting himself and innocents in by driving after a night at the bar - no preaching no whining no judging - just state the obvious - Use the words "I believe" or "when you do things things it makes me...."
I was married 20 years to a selfish man - a "dry" alcoholic is how he was described because he didn't drink but had all the traits of an alocholic,
Good luck sweetie. If he doesn't "see the light" then maybe he'll "feel the heat". Either way, if you can get him off the street you're doing us all a big favor!
Bottom line - if he's not willing to listen you should seriously consider moving on without him - you didn't mention if you have children together, but if you don't then move on before your do.

sarah44254

My guy doesn't drink, I have not had this issue ever in the 5 years we have been together. Your situation sounds like alcoholic behavior. Read what you can about alcoholism and even ask for some help through local organizations. You can either help him understand his issue or you can walk away from it.

Rowan813

You're not the world's biggest idiot, but you should be with someone who wants to be with you. You should have a partner who will put your needs at least at the same level as his own and will consider your feelings in every decision he makes. This man isn't doing that. There are way better men out there. Don't waste any more time on this one.

I'm sorry. I know it's easier said than done...

Very well stated. I have been married for 11 years. Neither of us would treat the other like this. We both put the other person first willingly and it makes us happy. You deserve better.

DoomCakes

I think he's selfish and immature on this situation. You are trying to save money, but he's blowing it on a pretty expensive habit (depending on what he drinks and how many it takes to get him 'buzzed' could be 1, could be 10) You're right, he could risk a DUI, in which case there goes A LOT of money. He also needs to take into consideration how YOU feel. You're home, with HIS parents who you don't know well enough, and you don't go out and have fun like he does. Doesn't seem fair, honestly I'd say he needs to decide which is more important... his relationship with beer in a bar, or his relationship with you. Tell him he he really wants, buy a box of beer and drink it at home with you. That way he can get buzzed, enjoy time with you, and you can get a bit of buzz too.

He could also just be scared of the level of commitment, when stuff gets too real too fast, they do stupid childish things like hide and drink and avoid other responsibilities aside from work.

DoomCakes

And if I may share a guy secret, that's not what he's doing. There's someone else.

^ Was kinda my first thought when it became a "it's going to be an every night" kind of statement. It's every night with someone else, and that's what he wants, you're not stopping him.

ironanimal

So, what did you do to piss him off? Another 'headache'?

mrsbeckham1

I am not one to give unsolicited advise but since you asked here it is....before anyone can love themselves they must first love GOD. I know that sounds corney but it is true. The next question to ask is do you love yourself? No one deserves to be treated less than the best. The best means showing you the love that he wants you to show him. If you decide to stay with him just know that there is alot to endure, but if you choose to leave there is still along road ahead because you will now have to know who you are and what you will and will not accept from someone who says they love you. Neglect is not love nor is making excuses for him. I hope you find the strength to do what is best for you.

Illona88

I say leave him.

Obviously he doesn't care about anyone but himself and thinks he is able to get away with this kind of behaviour.

Also if he is driving drunk, I would have kicked his *kitten* out a long time ago.
A drunk driver killed a friend of my family, who was a father to four small children. Driving when you've had a drink is just reckless and selfish.



If you don't have a job yourself it may seem harder to leave him, but there are always ways to do so. Friends and family will always be more than happy to help you leave a man that treats you like this. You just have to ask them.

Cliffslosinit

Check his txt msg, facebook, etc. He is seeing someone else. He's got it made as long as you allow it!!!

NU2U

Lose him...you care more than he does. He's either seeing someone else..or just doing what he can to cause enough conflict with you to make you get tired enough to leave. He obviously doesn't care what you think, or how you feel. Don't let him walk all over you like that. You're better than that..and you deserve better.