What is with all the stipulations when friending someone?
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What is with all the stipulations when friending someone on here?
I have read on many people bios that you…..A) Have to send them a message when friending them; of when and why your friending them.
You can’t have too less of a calorie intake C)You have to log in all the time unless you have a excuse, D) Be a frequent commenter E)You have to engage with the person on a regular basis F)No people with a eating disorder.
WOW! That’s a lot of stipulations of being ones interwebs friend. I am new here but I guess there are many who have ed's that you have to put that in your bio? Are these stipulations common to being ones friend on here? Or are these people extreme?
I have only run across people with the first requirement...
That said, isn't "friending" two party decision?0 -
Yeah, you gotta set the parameters right off of the bat, or you will end up with some serious creepers. It is wise to add disclaimers...0
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I am a fan of the following stipulations:
A) Have to send them a message when friending them; of when and why you're friending them. You can’t have too little of a calorie intake
F) No people with an eating disorder.
Why?
A- I want to know why people are friend requesting me. I need to know what goals they have so I can do my best to help them. Also so I know what they may be able to help/advise me on.
B- I want to lose weight the healthy way and will not tolerate people who are going to starve themselves.
F- Same as "B"
I can understand this one a bit too "C)You have to log in all the time unless you have a excuse" My friends list is rapidly filling up..It's hard to keep track of everyone. If someone has not logged on for a month or more......I'll delete them so I can more easily keep track of people.
I'm here to track my calories and progress. It's also nice to get encouragement and motivation from others. I like to help others as well. So yeah, I guess I do agree with some of the stipulations you mentioned. If I know why someone is friending me...it's easier for me to help them and it's easier for me to know what areas they can help me in
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I don't have Stipulations !!! yay me! well, not advertised anyways, I like to add people who bike, into interesting adventure type *kitten*, and who generally come across as Bad *kitten* Mother Fcckers. I can't say no to a gorgeous face.
Thinspo !!?? Eeeeewww!! GTFO !!0 -
Perhaps it is because I am new and want to have some like minded friends that I accept everyone; in fact, I ask to be added as a friend right on my signature ticker, lol. I guess I don't quite get all the restrictions up front, I mean if the person is not a good fit to be your friend can't you just delete them? I have not used the option yet, but it shows a "delete" option on each friend so why not give people the benefit of the doubt and friend them, heck they may turn out to be the best friend you have.0
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What is with all the stipulations when friending someone on here?
I have read on many people bios that you…..A) Have to send them a message when friending them; of when and why your friending them. You can’t have too less of a calorie intake C)You have to log in all the time unless you have a excuse, D) Be a frequent commenter E)You have to engage with the person on a regular basis F)No people with a eating disorder.
WOW! That’s a lot of stipulations of being ones interwebs friend. I am new here but I guess there are many who have ed's that you have to put that in your bio? Are these stipulations common to being ones friend on here? Or are these people extreme?
My reasons:
A) I would like to know why you'd like to be on my FL, ie friends in common, forums-cuts down creepers I refuse to support ED and dangerously low calories.
C)I log in all the time, if not whats the point?
D)Like minded people support each other.
E)I dont expect anyone to contact me all the time.
F)same reasoning as B.
I'm not a snob or extreme but I do like having a **** ton of awesome people I interact with on here. If you bring drama I dont want to deal with it.0 -
They may have had some bad experiences with mismatched interweb friendships. It has happened to me a few times. As much as we'd like to believe we're all here for the same reason....there are a lot of people out there with a way different approach and philosophy to weight loss and maintenance. I'm a 'eat more to weigh less' person and seeing constant posts in your news feed from a friends who eat less than a 1000 calories a day not positive, motivating or inspiring to me. I think people are just trying to cultivate a list of like minded friends. Although I admit when I was a newbie on here and saw people with restrictions to who their friends could be I thought it was kind of arrogant and pompous. Now i get it!
This exactly. It doesn't make me feel good about my 1500 net cals with 1-200 exercise cals if you are eating 1000 and burning 1500! I also think that these people are hurting themselves and can't stop myself from telling themselves so. Would you stand by and watch someone cut their wrists??? Same thing in my mind. On the other hand, they don't need me judging them all of the time, so I will unfriend them (or turn them down in the first place if I saw it then).
Oh, and if I am going to take the time to read and comment on most/all of your posts, why shouldn't I ask for someone who will do something similar for me?0 -
WOW. This is a really interesting topic. I'm glad someone posted it on here.
I believe it's common courtesy to send a note to someone you would like to befriend.0 -
I agree with lizziebeth. I am not in the business of "collecting" friends. I like to keep my friend list manageable because I like to remember who my friends are and why we connected in the first place. For me, having hundreds and hundreds of anonymous friends defeats the purpose.
Same. I don't have that many restrictions. Just want a note about why they are friending me so that I know "so and so is my height and weight, that's cool, we will progress together" or "so and so also lifts, we can discuss programming" or "so and so thinks I'm funny. That's good, I don't have to worry about being offensive"
And if they eat a low amount, I'm okay with it, but I cannot take the "I ate 1300 calories today, I'm such a cow!" because that makes me feel fat for eating my healthy 1500-2000 calories. I'm here for me, so while I do love helping other people, I have to keep in mind what is best for me.0 -
Simples. I don't add people.0
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I'm way to laid back of a person to put stipulations down. If I friend you and you are a weirdo, that delete button is wonderful.0
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If I just walked up to you and started touching your pecs, would you consider me a friend?
I'd touch yours back.
I approve of this friendship.
:stands around waiting with pecs hanging out:
ohheyyyy0 -
The only stipulation I have is that a message is required. If you don't tell me who you are or why you want to be my friend, how do I know we have anything in common? I also thing it is just simple courtesy to include a message. No message = decline. Also if the message is creepy = decline.
I also like people to interact. Why would you want to be my friend if you never say a word? If I don't hear from the new friend in a matter of a week or 2, that person gets deleted.0 -
For me it's about how I choose to support my friends on here. We're here to lose weight and/or get fit. That is priority #1. The social aspect helps but is somewhere near #10 on my list of priorities for my healthier lifestyle. However, when I do accept someone, I am ready to give them every ounce of support and advice I can muster. So when some creeper randomly sends me a friend request, they will not get accepted. I'll give people a chance and check out their profiles but if nothing is filled in and they haven't posted something in a thread I've posted in lately, the FR is declined. There must be a reason for me to accept you and put my energy into supporting you.
I'm also quick to delete because I'm not about collecting friends. If all you do is crab and moan but you're not putting effort in, you're gone. If I cheerlead you on a regular basis but you can't spare 2 seconds to give me a WTG, you're gone...sorry, this is a 2 way street. And if you haven't logged in a month without some indication of why - you will be deleted.
I will not waste my time on people who aren't serious about this. Come on now - it's not FB, it's MFP!0 -
Some social media sites prompt you to include a message when you "friend" someone. MFP doesn't make it so obvious since it's a separate button. It was only later when reading stipulations that I found I must have been branded a "creeper" for failing to honor that bit of protocol! :-)0
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Just like I don't walk up to a stranger and start talking to them like I know them, I think it's polite to send a message that at least says "Hi, I'm blah...etc etc".0
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I'm way to laid back of a person to put stipulations down. If I friend you and you are a weirdo, that delete button is wonderful.
I'm your polar opposite. I need a note with a fr, and if you're not weird we probably won't get along.0 -
I have a stipulation of requiring a message because some people treat this site like a Facebook friends list arms race. It is tiresome really to have people add you only because they want to pad their friends list. I give and like to receive feedback so for me adding someone is paying attention to them and their goings ons. It's my time and mental energy they're requesting, I don't think asking for a message (I even give suggestions to as what to write) is too unreasonable and out of bounds.0
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Would you walk up next to a person and not say a word and expect them to consider you a friend? Same thing here.
If I just walked up to you and started touching your pecs, would you consider me a friend?
I would
All of what you wrote is in my profile, OP. I used to accept FRs without a note, but once my FL got above 200 it was hard to keep up with everyone, so I had to add it. Even with me saying if you don't communicate with me I'll delete you, I still get FRs from people who don't communicate with me. So I delete them! :drinker:0 -
Sending a blank friend request is like walking up to someone, wide eyed with a slightly too large smile.
And staring at them.
Just when the tension becomes even worse, say "yes?" Smile even wider, and nod furiously.0 -
I have found that by the time many people have come to MFP they are in "ME" mode. Not in a negative way but they have put themselves last for so long that it is time to care for themselves. For some there is no extra time or energy to care for one more person who can only take. The nice thing is they are putting it out there, this is what I need and will accept. I can't blame anyone for that.0
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Yes I understand not wanting the ed around you but C, D, & E? Just seems a bit much. It’s almost a job in its self to be the person’s friend.
I haven't been here long, and I don't have a ton of friends- but the ones I have are very supportive, encouraging, and they do notice my progress. It takes allot of effort. And they have never met me in real life. I really appreciate that.
I think people want to know 1. you are here for similiar reasons, and 2. You are committed to the MFP friendship. They need/want encouragement, too. They want the same level of commitment and reciprocity. Allot of people are friend collectors. I am not like that. I have a small group of friends that I really feel like we are all on this journey together. Expressing a sincere desire to connect, and support the person you are requesting goes a long way.0 -
If I just walked up to you and started touching your pecs, would you consider me a friend?
I'd touch yours back.
I approve of this friendship.
:stands around waiting with pecs hanging out:
ohheyyyy
can anyone join this pec touching party?0 -
I don't have any stipulations, but I won't accept a totally blank profile.
Even people who send FRs with message and APPEAR non-creepy can turn out to be a weirdo. I just exercise my right to delete people who turn out to be creepy... which I did just today after getting a skeevy PM first thing this morning.0 -
1.) I have over 100 on my FL that I talk with and support everyday. If someone can't take the 2 seconds to write a message in their Friend Request then they aren't who I'm looking for.
2.) In the beginning I had blank friend requests that were out of the blue, then they started trying to sell me crap like Body By Vi, body wraps, Shakeology or Beach Body. Now I ask for a message and I go look at their profile first.
3.) I don't have it on my profile, but I don't generally friend anyone that eats under 1200 because I want people I can relate to. If you are eating 600 cals, *****ing that you are "so full" but can't lose any weight, and don't want to hear any suggestions, we don't have the same fitness/health goals in mind.
So yes, I'm one of those *****y people who has stipulations, if someone doesn't like it, they don't have to send me a FR.0 -
Sending a blank friend request is like walking up to someone, wide eyed with a slightly too large smile.
And staring at them.
Just when the tension becomes even worse, say "yes?" Smile even wider, and nod furiously.
Bahahaha! Exactly this. I have nothing to add.0 -
I like getting a message with friend requests but not getting one isn't a deal breaker for me. If I accept a FR and then the person is annoying in some way I'll delete them but otherwise I just try to send requests to people who have intrigued me in some way in the forums or on another friend's posts. Biggest pet peeve? Guys who actually request pictures of me or other women on their friends list. I'm not here to entertain, I'm here to find a healthier way of life.0
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Sending a blank friend request is like walking up to someone, wide eyed with a slightly too large smile.
And staring at them.
Just when the tension becomes even worse, say "yes?" Smile even wider, and nod furiously.
I think you described my son, but he gives an almost evil smile.0 -
There is just TOO MANY awesome people on this site to be friends with them all. It becomes necessary to narrow it down to a specific number of people that you have the most in common with. People narrow them down with stipulations... it's not personal. Just practical.0
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I dont' give a fvck if someone includes a message. I'll add you, if you're annoying or a d-bag, then I delete. Simple.0
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