What is with all the stipulations when friending someone?

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  • embercakez
    embercakez Posts: 141
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    so you don't end up with stupid pieces of ****...but sometimes those ****ers get through.
  • Donnaakamagmid
    Donnaakamagmid Posts: 198 Member
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    When I 1st started in January I accepted anyone but I got a lot of people I just didn't click with. I had one person who posted knock knock jokes all day long. Another pissed and moaned because they weren't losing, yet they also posted about all the partying they did everynight. :huh:


    I'm a middle aged woman, I'm here to help get fit and I want friends with similar goals. I like to keep my list small so I can support and be supported as my wonderful MFP friends deserve.

    We are each here for our own reasons and should be able to choose how we use the site.

    Arrogant & snobbish? Maybe, but it's my journey, my choice.
  • kellygirl324
    kellygirl324 Posts: 74 Member
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    I don't discriminate. Everyone needs a friend and support, ED or not! I was deleted off of someone's friend list bcuz I didn't partake in his "getting off". Oops...sorry mods. I came on here for fitness/health, not hooking up!
  • Brandicaloriecountess
    Brandicaloriecountess Posts: 2,126 Member
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    For me....

    I want to know why someone wants to be my friend. I already have a lot of friends and I find it hard to keep up as it is.

    I have had some crazies add me, don't want to go there again.

    I don't really want to be anyone's "inspiration" because I'm not really actively trying to lose weight right now.
  • drmerc
    drmerc Posts: 2,603 Member
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    I only friend people who believe in numerology
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
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    It almost appears snobbish.


    It isn't that I think I'm better than other people...



    ...it's that I actually am better than them.
  • Jenn728
    Jenn728 Posts: 683 Member
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    The delete button works real well for me.
  • JessieMaeH82
    JessieMaeH82 Posts: 79 Member
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    But all of you must admit - when you're new, you don't discriminate. It's the friendships you make initially that last the longest. And you didn't discriminate against them.... right? Just playing devil's advocate :)

    I agree with this one! Although now I do have stipulations. Although I don't post them.
  • jynxxxed
    jynxxxed Posts: 1,010 Member
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    A - The message is to avoid creepers/people who collect friends. Nobody is wrong for seeking like-minded people with similar goals.

    B - I can't relate with somebody who is fighting to eat 300 calories a day. Our goals are different and I can't justify cheering them on.

    C - Inactive friends seems pointless except to look like you're popular on here. I'd much prefer people who are pushing just as hard as I am. Again, someone that I can relate to.

    D - I don't personally care if somebody comments frequently. Some do because they need that little bit of motivation to help push them.

    E - Same as above.

    F - I don't mind if somebody is /recovering/ from their ED. As stated previously, I can't support somebody eating 300 calories a day and bragging about their weight loss. It's a scary thing and isn't something I want to see everyday.

    Does this answer your questions?
  • _JR_
    _JR_ Posts: 830 Member
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    It almost appears snobbish.

    Because us "snobs" don't want to have 1000 friends running our feed up. Because people with several hundred friends aren't really "friends" with most of them. You can't keep up with everyone if you just let everyone in the door.

    Because those of us who've been here for a while realize that you need to automatically filter out the ones you would routinely cut from your list anyways.

    I have no problem having expectations if you want into my little world.
  • CentralCaliCycling
    CentralCaliCycling Posts: 453 Member
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    What is with all the stipulations when friending someone on here?

    I have read on many people bios that you…..A) Have to send them a message when friending them; of when and why your friending them. B) You can’t have too less of a calorie intake C)You have to log in all the time unless you have a excuse, D) Be a frequent commenter E)You have to engage with the person on a regular basis F)No people with a eating disorder.

    WOW! That’s a lot of stipulations of being ones interwebs friend. I am new here but I guess there are many who have ed's that you have to put that in your bio? Are these stipulations common to being ones friend on here? Or are these people extreme?

    I have only run across people with the first requirement...

    That said, isn't "friending" two party decision?
  • NWCyclingBeast
    NWCyclingBeast Posts: 157 Member
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    Yeah, you gotta set the parameters right off of the bat, or you will end up with some serious creepers. It is wise to add disclaimers...
  • EmilyOfTheSun
    EmilyOfTheSun Posts: 1,548 Member
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    I am a fan of the following stipulations:

    A) Have to send them a message when friending them; of when and why you're friending them.
    B) You can’t have too little of a calorie intake
    F) No people with an eating disorder.

    Why?

    A- I want to know why people are friend requesting me. I need to know what goals they have so I can do my best to help them. Also so I know what they may be able to help/advise me on.

    B- I want to lose weight the healthy way and will not tolerate people who are going to starve themselves.

    F- Same as "B"

    I can understand this one a bit too "C)You have to log in all the time unless you have a excuse" My friends list is rapidly filling up..It's hard to keep track of everyone. If someone has not logged on for a month or more......I'll delete them so I can more easily keep track of people.

    I'm here to track my calories and progress. It's also nice to get encouragement and motivation from others. I like to help others as well. So yeah, I guess I do agree with some of the stipulations you mentioned. If I know why someone is friending me...it's easier for me to help them and it's easier for me to know what areas they can help me in :)
  • markymarrkk
    markymarrkk Posts: 495 Member
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    I don't have Stipulations !!! yay me! well, not advertised anyways, I like to add people who bike, into interesting adventure type *kitten*, and who generally come across as Bad *kitten* Mother Fcckers. I can't say no to a gorgeous face.

    Thinspo !!?? Eeeeewww!! GTFO !!
  • JohnMessmer
    JohnMessmer Posts: 536
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    Perhaps it is because I am new and want to have some like minded friends that I accept everyone; in fact, I ask to be added as a friend right on my signature ticker, lol. I guess I don't quite get all the restrictions up front, I mean if the person is not a good fit to be your friend can't you just delete them? I have not used the option yet, but it shows a "delete" option on each friend so why not give people the benefit of the doubt and friend them, heck they may turn out to be the best friend you have.
  • _GingerSnap_
    _GingerSnap_ Posts: 339 Member
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    What is with all the stipulations when friending someone on here?

    I have read on many people bios that you…..A) Have to send them a message when friending them; of when and why your friending them. B) You can’t have too less of a calorie intake C)You have to log in all the time unless you have a excuse, D) Be a frequent commenter E)You have to engage with the person on a regular basis F)No people with a eating disorder.

    WOW! That’s a lot of stipulations of being ones interwebs friend. I am new here but I guess there are many who have ed's that you have to put that in your bio? Are these stipulations common to being ones friend on here? Or are these people extreme?

    My reasons:
    A) I would like to know why you'd like to be on my FL, ie friends in common, forums-cuts down creepers
    B) I refuse to support ED and dangerously low calories.
    C)I log in all the time, if not whats the point?
    D)Like minded people support each other.
    E)I dont expect anyone to contact me all the time.
    F)same reasoning as B.

    I'm not a snob or extreme but I do like having a **** ton of awesome people I interact with on here. If you bring drama I dont want to deal with it.
  • lilawolf
    lilawolf Posts: 1,690 Member
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    They may have had some bad experiences with mismatched interweb friendships. It has happened to me a few times. As much as we'd like to believe we're all here for the same reason....there are a lot of people out there with a way different approach and philosophy to weight loss and maintenance. I'm a 'eat more to weigh less' person and seeing constant posts in your news feed from a friends who eat less than a 1000 calories a day not positive, motivating or inspiring to me. I think people are just trying to cultivate a list of like minded friends. Although I admit when I was a newbie on here and saw people with restrictions to who their friends could be I thought it was kind of arrogant and pompous. Now i get it!

    This exactly. It doesn't make me feel good about my 1500 net cals with 1-200 exercise cals if you are eating 1000 and burning 1500! I also think that these people are hurting themselves and can't stop myself from telling themselves so. Would you stand by and watch someone cut their wrists??? Same thing in my mind. On the other hand, they don't need me judging them all of the time, so I will unfriend them (or turn them down in the first place if I saw it then).

    Oh, and if I am going to take the time to read and comment on most/all of your posts, why shouldn't I ask for someone who will do something similar for me?
  • NiSan12
    NiSan12 Posts: 374 Member
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    WOW. This is a really interesting topic. I'm glad someone posted it on here.

    I believe it's common courtesy to send a note to someone you would like to befriend.
  • Awkward30
    Awkward30 Posts: 1,927 Member
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    I agree with lizziebeth. I am not in the business of "collecting" friends. I like to keep my friend list manageable because I like to remember who my friends are and why we connected in the first place. For me, having hundreds and hundreds of anonymous friends defeats the purpose.

    Same. I don't have that many restrictions. Just want a note about why they are friending me so that I know "so and so is my height and weight, that's cool, we will progress together" or "so and so also lifts, we can discuss programming" or "so and so thinks I'm funny. That's good, I don't have to worry about being offensive"

    And if they eat a low amount, I'm okay with it, but I cannot take the "I ate 1300 calories today, I'm such a cow!" because that makes me feel fat for eating my healthy 1500-2000 calories. I'm here for me, so while I do love helping other people, I have to keep in mind what is best for me.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,104 Member
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    Simples. I don't add people.

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