A Happy Marriage = Wife in the Kitchen

dbguinn1980

Another silly story reminding us that there are lies, damned lies and then there are statistics (Mark Twain). For me it seems that when my wife of 26 years is more receptive to horizontal exercise its usually when I've vacuumed, cleaned, done the dishes, cooked- or any combination thereof.

MassiveDelta

I am a stay at home mom. I do all the housework, all the cooking, most of the yard work and the lions share of the child rearing. My husband takes out the trash on occasion (but the won't for some reason break down boxes or anything of that nature, so either I do it or it sits in the yard forever) and he mows lawn a couple of times a month. For the most part I do most of the above things because he simply has no idea HOW to do things like yard work or clean a toilet or wash a dish. This is not snark, he was raised in a environment where they had maids and gardeners, etc. He had similar help right up until we got married and once we were married he not longer need all that help because he had me. He's perfectly happy. I'm ****ing exhausted.

Sounds like he doesnt know what he has.

DesireeLovesOrganic

religion and culture have no play here.. man goes out to work woman stays home, man returns home and has to work? totally unfair share of the total workload.

if both worked then 50% of the housework is fair

Are there kids involved here because that makes it totally different. If you are home with kids you are working your *kitten* off. "Mama, mama, mama, mama." You can't even pee without them following you around. My husband was laid off for a month last year (I am self employed so I booked more jobs when he was laid off) and he was like "Are you kidding me? This is horrible, If I don't get a job soon, I am going to kill myself." Ha! Now it's reversed, he is working more and I am barely working but now the kids are in school so I try to do more. ORRRR at least do a "mad dash rush" 20 mins before he comes home to make it look like I at least did something all day. :P

quietasariot

I prefer to do *most* of the chores because my husband isn't that great at them, but he DOES help out whenever I ask.

When he was in the USMC and working upwards of 15 hours a day (sometimes less, sometimes more) I didn't expect or want him to do much - take the trash out and very rarely, help fold laundry. I figured he was working his butt off that many hours a week - and my job was a stay at home mom - so I didn't expect help with MY job.

Now we are both full time students and he works part time, so he still doesn't do as much as I do around the house, but he's learned to do more since becoming a civilian. Another thing: I don't know if this is ALL men, but mine needs to be told exactly what has to be done. He doesn't think about the dishes in the sink or the clothes in the basket. If I have to tell him, that's fine. Nobody is a mind reader, y'all.

He is also the sweetest, kindest, most caring man I've ever met and like some others have posted, treats me like a queen. If he were a jerk, it'd probably bother me to do housework .

juicy_cat

I work, he works and we earn the same. Through choice we have no children and the chores are shared...he cooks more than I do because he likes it and is better at it. I clean the toilet more than he does because I don't mind doing it to make up for the fact I don't cook so much...if we fancy a change about we discuss it...like grown ups...it's all good in our house.... :-)

If I did not work and he did...I'd keep house...happily...

bsuzanne88

We both work but I do the majority, nevermind that...I do ALL the housework. I do it because I can get it done faster and easier and more efficient. I like it that way.

Busymomshantell

I was raised down South and was raised with the wife takes care of the house/kids/hubby values. Been married almost 20 years and plan to have a lifetime of years to come, have 3 awesome kids and I do all the housework, cooking, packing lunches, laundry, taking care of kids and hubby and...I spend the money. Hubby works long hours and pays the bills. Works fine since I am a stay home mom - but I was royally pissed when I worked outside the home and still had to do it all.

majikmiker

It totally depends on the couple I think. My wife and I have our own areas in the house, and we tend to stick to those things. She washes the laundry, I fold it (mainly because I like the towels folded a certain way, lol), I do all the grocery shopping and cooking, she looks after the kids lunches and the dog, I clean my bathroom, she does hers. Our kids also have their own chores. I don't ever grab a load of laundry to put it on, just like she doesn't just decide to cook. We've been married for 15 years and it's just the way we do things.

I don't have a cultural or religious objection to divorce, but I do have a moral objection to it. I think people now are too quick to give up on a relationship, and in the end it's kids that suffer (if there are kids in the relationship). If, as a divorced couple, you can work out an amiable relationship with the other parent, then that's great. It still is going to cause hardship and confusion in a child, even if the parents get along afterwards. But hey, I don't have a study to back me up, so don't go by what I have to say I guess.

I guess that's why some people are having their vows changed to "As long as our love shall last", which I heard at the last wedding I was at. That way it leaves their options open. :brokenheart: :sad: :huh:

ArielBold

No.

And that's all I have to say.

Powerful argument. 10/10

fishgutzy

When my wife was working as a middle school teacher I did a lot of the cooking and a huge part of the cleaning. Teaching is not a 6 hour a day job. For good teachers it is also 3 to 4 hours a day of correcting papers and lesson prep.
Now that she is a full time mom, she does 95% of the cooking, the kids do a lot of the cleaning and she does the laundry.
I do all the heavy lifting.
We are happier and live better now on a single income than we did with both of us working. It helped that we moved out of a high tax high cost of living state.
I suspect that the stress in "splitting work" comes from one party constantly believing the other isn't doing their "share."
My wife "cooks." I throw stuff in a pan or on the grill.
My wife does laundry. I throw the clothes in the washer.
Starting October 1, for two weeks my kids will have to suffer my version of cooking because my wife is flying down to AZ for two weeks to help my mother after her hip replacement surgery.
My wife is still my fantasy girl. :bigsmile:
If more husbands saw their wives this way there would be less divorce too.

_VoV

I work, he works and we earn the same. Through choice we have no children and the chores are shared...he cooks more than I do because he likes it and is better at it. I clean the toilet more than he does because I don't mind doing it to make up for the fact I don't cook so much...if we fancy a change about we discuss it...like grown ups...it's all good in our house.... :-)

If I did not work and he did...I'd keep house...happily...

Just a question: do you think that earning more or less makes a difference in the housework division of labor?

Edit: I'm assuming the same number of work hours, but just a different rate of pay.

MoreBean13

Yeah, this wouldn't make a happy marriage for ME. There's a reason the term "chore" is synonymous with things you don't like doing.

A happy marriage = hire a maid so we have more time for fun.

yoovie

religion and culture have no play here.. man goes out to work woman stays home, man returns home and has to work? totally unfair share of the total workload.

if both worked then 50% of the housework is fair

Are there kids involved here because that makes it totally different. If you are home with kids you are working your *kitten* off. "Mama, mama, mama, mama." You can't even pee without them following you around. My husband was laid off for a month last year (I am self employed so I booked more jobs when he was laid off) and he was like "Are you kidding me? This is horrible, If I don't get a job soon, I am going to kill myself." Ha! Now it's reversed, he is working more and I am barely working but now the kids are in school so I try to do more. ORRRR at least do a "mad dash rush" 20 mins before he comes home to make it look like I at least did something all day. :P

People who make babies and then complain about them all the time.

Hellbent_Heidi

Clearly the person who wrote this has not tasted MY cooking :sick: .....my husband generally prefers me to keep very clear of the kitchen....

JenniBaby85

I am a SAHM. I do about 95% of the housework, and 99% of the cooking, and 95% of the child care because hubby is at work. But he helps me TREMENDOUSLY with house work and our kids when he is home from work. It improves and causes more frequent "nightly sessions" when I am relaxed, and he helps me so much.

I love him!

DesireeLovesOrganic

religion and culture have no play here.. man goes out to work woman stays home, man returns home and has to work? totally unfair share of the total workload.

if both worked then 50% of the housework is fair

Are there kids involved here because that makes it totally different. If you are home with kids you are working your *kitten* off. "Mama, mama, mama, mama." You can't even pee without them following you around. My husband was laid off for a month last year (I am self employed so I booked more jobs when he was laid off) and he was like "Are you kidding me? This is horrible, If I don't get a job soon, I am going to kill myself." Ha! Now it's reversed, he is working more and I am barely working but now the kids are in school so I try to do more. ORRRR at least do a "mad dash rush" 20 mins before he comes home to make it look like I at least did something all day. :P

People who make babies and then complain about them all the time.

And I would make them again. Define "all of the time." Telling these people that think the wife should do it all that raising kids is harder than it looks is not "complaining about them all of the time." I actually like my kids....usually. Ha! (P.S. We speak sarcasm in our house and we have personalities and don't take everything so seriously.)

slackerwoman

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/9572187/Couples-who-share-the-housework-are-more-likely-to-divorce-study-finds.html

Couples who share the housework are more likely to divorce, study finds
Divorce rates are far higher among “modern” couples who share the housework than in those where the woman does the lion’s share of the chores, a Norwegian study has found. In what appears to be a slap in the face for gender equality, the report found the divorce rate among couples who shared housework equally was around 50 per cent higher than among those where the woman did most of the work.

Discuss

My opinion: You should share the work

Fact: I'm on my second marriage. LOL

jenillawafer

I'll make you a sandwich right away.

ahviendha

I always think these statistics are silly- people who, for cultural or religious reasons, believe that women are supposed to subservient baby machines/house maids for the men in their lives probably also have religious and cultural objections to divorce.

Mystery solved.

thank you, yes. i hate these studies which like to stir up controversy when really it's a very simple correlation not causation.

Angie_1991

Bushleague................