A Happy Marriage = Wife in the Kitchen

ElectricMayhem

So what does it mean if my husband does about 70% of the housework? That's part of the reason i married him We both work full time and he actually is in school part time. Point blank i LOATHE housework, it literally makes me pissed off...dunno why? Maybe because in my first marriage my ex refused to do anything to help out so i just quit doing it unless necessary. Yes i'm spoiled in a sense, i know...but i do ALL of the cooking because i'm good at it and i love it, it's a form of therapy for me. And i do all of the grocery shopping , handle all the kid's activities (homework, recitals, den mom to boy scouts), and pretty much anything else to run the household. I think it's a pretty fair trade :bigsmile: I will say though i've noticed in the last few months i've been helping a lot more with the housework, maybe due to an energy increase because of my losing weight. The reason it works for us is because we are partners in every sense of the word, if he feels overwhelmed he will ask for help and vice versa. Plus he always likes to tell people "My wife makes the messes and i clean them up" :laugh:

mainegirl47

No where in that paragraph does it say it's a Happier Marriage as the title suggests. Perhaps the study's lopsided findings are just a reflection of the more tradition wife resigning herself to that lifestyle, remaining in the marriage because she has no outside income or inclination to leave, rather than the fact that she's actually in a happy marriage and wants to stay. Not that traditional roles are wrong, but it would be easy to guess that a more 'modern' women would be able to support herself and would be more likely to divorce an unequal partnership. I know of many women that stayed in a marriage because they saw no other alternative, not because they were happy in that 'kitchen' role.

AnnaMC1977

Um I work for a living, and would expect some RESPECT from my man. And if that means rolling up his sleeves and helping out a bit, so be it. This isn't 1950, and I didn't vow to "love honor and OBEY" like the pretty little subservient housewife of yesteryear. How could anybody be happy with "wifely duties"? Cooking, cleaning and taking care of kids? Hmmmm...which professions do that? ?

T34418l3angel

That's because no matter how many times he does the dishes, he doesn't put them in the dishrack the right way!!!!!

Agreed! Also my husband is banned from doing laundry since on more than a few occasions he's started a load and left it in the washer for a few days to sour or the most recent time, actually put it in the dryer but never turned the dryer on.... Me not knowing he did this until I SMELLED it :P

gingerjen7

i agree, wife should be in the kitchen, playing with kids, shopping, cleaning, taking care of her mans needs. Man needs to be working, bringing home lots of money, not complaining about having to work, bringing her expensive trinkets and baubels, playing with kids in evening, fixing wifes car, yard work, hauling out garbage, making sure wife is VERY satisfied in the bedroom.

This made me gag.

RachaelTorres

I totally agree! When things get tough or uncomfortable, people think they can just throw their marriage away and start over. Whatever happened to commitment? and a promise? These things mean nothing anymore in today's society.

JenniBaby85

Um I work for a living, and would expect some RESPECT from my man. And if that means rolling up his sleeves and helping out a bit, so be it. This isn't 1950, and I didn't vow to "love honor and OBEY" like the pretty little subservient housewife of yesteryear. How could anybody be happy with "wifely duties"? Cooking, cleaning and taking care of kids? Hmmmm...which professions do that? ?

I cannot and will not judge a Mom who works outside the home for working outside the home. I would expect the same respect, you know, NOT to be judged that my husband and I chose together that I would stay home with our children.

I'm quite happy being a SAHM. Kids are hard work, but worth it. I also love the hugs I get throughout the day for simply being there.

Professions that do those include;

Chef - you know the people who cook your meals at restaurants
Waiter/Waitress - You know the people who serve your meals
Baker - you know, the people who bake the cakes you buy for special occasions
Daycare worker - you know those people who take care of your children while you work.
Maid - you know the people who are *supposed* to keep your hotel rooms clean. And possibly hired to come to your home to keep it clean.


Professions I do, but do not get paid for;
Chef
Baker
Maid
Waitress
Interior decorator
Landscape architect
Fashion consultant
Hair stylist
Counselor
Nurse
Dietician
Dish washer

I do the "Duties" involved with the above professions on a daily basis. I just had to do the Heimlich maneuver on my daughter recently, who may well have been "missed" if she were in a daycare. NO regrets there.

So yes, I WORK, I just do not get paid with money. I get paid with my children as the biggest reward.

ElectricMayhem

In all honesty though, I come from a traditional as heck family.

My mom didnt get a job until we were in highschool. My dad worked and came home to a clean house and dinner and the kids with their homework done so he could relax after being on his feet all day dealing with jerks and getting the menial sht taken care of and using his brain at max for a few hours at a time with just a short lonely lunch in a crap cafeteria break room with no color or life in it.

If he didnt have my mom's smile to come home to and the smell of food and my brother and I laughing and having fun cause we already got past the homework btching part - he probably would have lost his mind. Having to come home and keep house too- I just dont feel like that would have been fair to him.

Im not saying all women should be in the kitchen, but im saying, if youre a wife and you work part time or less, I know what I would fill that time in with:

Super fast cleaning followed by later Btch im going to the gym til you get home - there's a roast in the crockpot so I already won

I saw the benefits it gave my parents. They for real felt like partners. So many people think that being partners means splitting everything right down the middle, but I find its better when you divide and conquer. Your man has a great job and supports you? Make sure yall have a badass castle and a feast when yall are done ruling the world together each day. Treat him like a king and you'll be his Queen. My dad told me that's just math.

I didn't read past this post of yours to see what else was said, but i agree with you completely. In fact, i stayed home sick the other day (and with a sick kid as well), and i managed to clean out part of the garage, do tons of laundry and make a humongous pot of yummy dinner for us to nosh on once the hubs got home. It made me feel good to get things accomplished (even though i didn't get to shower until after we ate lol). My husband was pleasantly surprised with the cleaning part (i spoil him with dinner pretty much every night). I told him "This must be what a stay at home mom feels like" We are planning on having a kiddo together sometime in the near future and i told him i'd be happy to stay at home once we have a baby. (my job doesn't pay squat but it's cake and free insurance so why not?) Plus i'd be able to workout during the day instead of trying to cram it into my already limited evening time. Being a stay at home mom is no joke, prob harder than any other job there is so cheers to your mama for doing it right :drinker:

juicy_cat

Actually no I don't so really that point about us earning the same is void....we both do earn exactly the same annual salary but I work much longer hours than he does...he is home based and I travel to and from work. He often starts dinner before I get home for which I am grateful...

HealthyBodySickMind

It takes a raised right man to keep a happy hen.

TonkaDanteFriend

I'm here for the sammiches.

yoovie

to me this is just hilarious.

if you dont want to pick up after someone else and take care of them, why on this spinning rock would you get married?

so you could change your facebook relationship status?

so you could wear a pretty dress for a day?

seriously ive facepalmed so many times today it looks like I got slapped.

If you dont want to pick up after a man, then just dont live with one holy hell

you get everything you want in life and then complain about your damn diamond shoes.

yoovie

Deffo I do everything in this house this is my little project he works hard all week I'm sure as hell gnna look after him x

:drinker:

cubizzle

to me this is just hilarious.

if you dont want to pick up after someone else and take care of them, why on this spinning rock would you get married?

so you could change your facebook relationship status?

so you could wear a pretty dress for a day?

seriously ive facepalmed so many times today it looks like I got slapped.

If you dont want to pick up after a man, then just dont live with one holy hell

you get everything you want in life and then complain about your damn diamond shoes.

get the bagel head..... it will cushion the blows

clarkeje1

I always think these statistics are silly- people who, for cultural or religious reasons, believe that women are supposed to subservient baby machines/house maids for the men in their lives probably also have religious and cultural objections to divorce.

Mystery solved.

THIS

OspreyVista

I can easily see that the problem is that one person is too lazy to help out around the house, so one of them works all day, comes home and cleans too, and takes care of the kids. Yeah, I totally wouldn't stay in a relationship like that If I don't have a job (which I currently dont') I don't have a problem doing all the housework. However, I'm trying to find a full time job and I'll be a half time student. There's no way I'm going to do 70 hours a week between work and school, then all the housework on top of that as well.

jroselive2012

I always think these statistics are silly- people who, for cultural or religious reasons, believe that women are supposed to subservient baby machines/house maids for the men in their lives probably also have religious and cultural objections to divorce.

Mystery solved.

^ This is EXACTLY where my mind went when I saw this.

bella_babe_86

That's because no matter how many times he does the dishes, he doesn't put them in the dishrack the right way!!!!!

Couldnt agree more with this! I have never understood how my husband can take things out of the dishwasher and not put the dirty ones in the right way, it drives me insane! For my sanity, I do the housework, because lord know he's not going to be able to find things even if he puts them away so atleast I know where everything is. He does work alot and im a stay at home mom so I dont mind having the responsibilities of the house.

Hmmcglothl

I think this is just because women who do more housework are more likely to put up with their husbands s*** than file for divorce. Do your own laundry!! I feel that if one person works though, the other should pick up the housework. If they both work then it should be split even. Unless the woman does all the housework and the man actually does all of the yard work and makes the house look nice on the outside... damn this could get complicated.....I'm gonna stop..

Prettylittlelotus

So silly. There are so many other factors to consider. Although, I will say Norwegian studies tend to use data from some of the largest population pools, but where's the study on how happy those women are?

Personally, If I was in a relationship where I felt like I was required to do more work simply because of my gender, than I would drop the broom and walk away. However, I do tend to take on more in my household, but it isn't because of any old fashioned ideas about gender roles. It's because I would rather get **** done, then wait for someone else to do it.

"If you want something done right, do it yourself."

Prettylittlelotus

you get everything you want in life and then complain about your damn diamond shoes.

Love this.

Hmmcglothl

i agree, wife should be in the kitchen, playing with kids, shopping, cleaning, taking care of her mans needs. Man needs to be working, bringing home lots of money, not complaining about having to work, bringing her expensive trinkets and baubels, playing with kids in evening, fixing wifes car, yard work, hauling out garbage, making sure wife is VERY satisfied in the bedroom.

I pretty much think you're awesome. I concur. I like manly working men. The stay at home dad thing isn't for me.

scruffykaz

I think it's about more than sharing the housework or not.

A lot of things have changed since the days when women used to work solely in the home. Society's values have changed, women often work outside the house now, attitudes towards divorce have changed and women expect more equality.

I haven't read the study but it needs to focus on other things as well as sharing the housework or not...

cubizzle

i agree, wife should be in the kitchen, playing with kids, shopping, cleaning, taking care of her mans needs. Man needs to be working, bringing home lots of money, not complaining about having to work, bringing her expensive trinkets and baubels, playing with kids in evening, fixing wifes car, yard work, hauling out garbage, making sure wife is VERY satisfied in the bedroom.

I pretty much think you're awesome. I concur. I like manly working men. The stay at home dad thing isn't for me.

damn right! What guy in his right mind would want to spend time raising his kids when he can work all day away from all that garbage in order to make lots of money to basically pay 'someone' to do the house work for him, while taking care of the annoying little brats, making his dinner, and then fufilling all his sexual needs.

Nixenne

Ah. So THAT's why my marriage failed.

In all seriousness, that was probably the biggest thing my ex-husband and I argued about. He had this image in his head of a perfect little housewife who kept a spotless house and cooked amazing dinners. That's not me, nor will it EVER be. I was working 12- and even 24-hour shifts at the time and we had a young daughter...but even when I tried staying home, what he wanted just wasn't practical. It was yet another attempt from him to control me. And I wasn't about to sacrifice my own happiness and sanity to prolong a miserable sham of a marriage. I've never been one to honor "tradition" anyway.

Now, I'm with a much more open-minded man. He does the majority of the cooking and dishwashing, takes out the trash and does his own laundry. I bake him yummy treats, vacuum/dust/organize the house, clean the bathroom and take care of shared laundry like towels, bedding, etc. We've both chosen the tasks we're better at and/or don't mind doing; it works best for US and we're both happy this way.

bonjour24

i disagree with this. mainly because i work full time shifts while my hubby is a stay at home dad of 3 kids (ages 6,4 and 2).

on my days off, i do all of the cooking. but i HATE housework. i mean, i'll load the dishwasher and hang out the laundry. but anything more taxing i really don't see why i should have to do it. i go to work and get paid. he stays home and does more housework than me. it's part of his job, and he's better at it- i really don't see the mess. as long as there's a clear path for me to walk through, i really don't care.

the one thing that we do agree on is that we spend $30 a week on having a cleaner come in for 2hrs, and she mops the floors and blitzes the kitchen and bathroom. we both hate that, and we have trouble making the time to get that done.

our relationship is fine! as long as he makes me my sammiches.

conservativek

*WARNING: What you are about to read is politically incorrect.*
I DREAM of being a wife and stay-at-home mom. It's what I feel called to do. If I have a husband who is willing to work the hard, long hours necessary to support a family, I would consider myself so, so blessed to marry a man like this. I would be absolutely delighted to take care of every last bit of housework, cooking, cleaning, and anything in between. There's a huge fallacy behind the "50/50, Husband better do his share of housework" mentality, especially if the wife is a SAHM... If my husband worked hard every day to "bring home the bacon," I would consider that to be much more than " his 50%," and would be happy to treat him like a king. I understand that there are extenuating circumstances-unemployment, disability, etc.- that would require SAHM's to go to work. I'm not judging.

Mr_Bad_Example

A happy marriage = lots of time in bed.

Someone should take up that study.

Poorgirls_Diet

My husband said to me one day; 'Do you know the reason why you have smaller feet than me? It was because I could stand closer to the kitchen sink than him. So I said if that was the case it wasn't worth buying a whole pig to get a little sausage!!

A happy marriage = working as equals!

Now he washes the dishes and I dry and he cooks now and again when he is free and although we do have rough patches like every other marriage we work at it!

devil_in_a_blue_dress

A happy marriage = lots of time in bed.

Someone should take up that study.

This is why there is not a happier wife in the world than I. Or me.