A Happy Marriage = Wife in the Kitchen

yoovie

In all honesty though, I come from a traditional as heck family.

My mom didnt get a job until we were in highschool. My dad worked and came home to a clean house and dinner and the kids with their homework done so he could relax after being on his feet all day dealing with jerks and getting the menial sht taken care of and using his brain at max for a few hours at a time with just a short lonely lunch in a crap cafeteria break room with no color or life in it.

If he didnt have my mom's smile to come home to and the smell of food and my brother and I laughing and having fun cause we already got past the homework btching part - he probably would have lost his mind. Having to come home and keep house too- I just dont feel like that would have been fair to him.

Im not saying all women should be in the kitchen, but im saying, if youre a wife and you work part time or less, I know what I would fill that time in with:

Super fast cleaning followed by later Btch im going to the gym til you get home - there's a roast in the crockpot so I already won

I saw the benefits it gave my parents. They for real felt like partners. So many people think that being partners means splitting everything right down the middle, but I find its better when you divide and conquer. Your man has a great job and supports you? Make sure yall have a badass castle and a feast when yall are done ruling the world together each day. Treat him like a king and you'll be his Queen. My dad told me that's just math.

100%. Forced equality for the sake of making things strictly 50/50 often comes at the cost of taking advantage of specialization, complementary, and reciprocal dependency.

I reject the notion that all inside-housework must be split 50/50 by time, and if it isn't, it's some nefarious sign of unfairness.

My wife has been a SAHM for the last 10 or so years, and so she does most of the cooking and cleaning - because she actually is home to do it. Before that, we split the housework and cooking up much more equally, as we were both working full-time.

What I do believe in is, as a couple, it's very good idea to have roughly the same amount of FREE TIME. Whether you spend your working time in a job outside the home, or on indoor housework, or outdoor yard maintenance, is irrelevant.

The kids are in school now, and she's taking some courses, and working part time. Still, with all that, she's home more than me. When she goes back to work full-time we'll balance it out. Life circumstances changes, you have to be ready to change with it.

Yes!! The free time is more important I believe. Thats exactly how my parents did it. It wasnt all about who spent more time doing what kinds of stuff keeping our lives running - they made sure they always had a certain amount of free time together, and an equal amount of free time alone (without kids as well). What they chose to use that time for was up to them, - to use with awesomeness or to squander. Dividing up free time made a huge difference - and im also pretty sure thats why they had sex almost everyday of my life.

thechubner

I definitely don't mind doing all the house work (and staying barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen) - but my prerequesite is that my husband must make enough money to keep me in the life style in which I'm accustomed without my having to work. To me that's fair. If we both have to work we should share the chores. If I'm working and he's not - he should tidy the house. It sounds fair to me. Perhaps the reason why couples who share the house work have a higher divorce rate is because both the husband and the wife work - and the added stress / time apart is also a factor in what drives the couple apart.

I think of it this way (and I'm very happy in my marriage) - if my husband could make enough money to where I didn't have to work it would give me the opportunity to focus all of my energy and efforts on our family. This means that when he gets home I can have a hot meal on the table for him, the kids fresh faced, homework done, and ready to greet him, and the house nice and clean. When he arrives home we're all happy to see him - we greet him, and share a nice family meal, after which he goes and relaxes and I clean up the dishes and the kitchen. After he's had some "him time" and the kids are in their night routine (teeth brushing, bathing etc) - this is the time that I bring him a nice beverage of his choice and listen to how his day went. This gives him a chance to vent his frustrations. After which I make sure the kids get to bed and we go to the bedroom to start our night time rituals (bathing, teeth brushing, sexy time etc) - and we get a good nights sleep, after which I wake up 30 minutes before him, freshen my face, brush my teeth, and make him a nice hot breakfast. I send him off to work with a good breakfast in his belly and feeling relaxed refreshed and supported by his family. Then I get the kids ready for school (up, teeth, breakfast etc) and when they leave I have a few minutes of me time before I start tidying up, dong errands, etc. I feel loved and secure with my family because I have a husband who is relaxed and happy (because he's taken care of) and we're financially secure so I don't have to worry.

Nice life, but thank you Ronald Regan - now the woman has to work to. For many families it looks more like this: The husband gets home from work before the wife so he (wonderful man that he is) has dinner ready by the time she get home. When dinner's done she clears the table and does the dishes and cleans up the kitchen. When the homework is done the family gets to spend about an hour or two of famly time (watching tv, playing a game, taking a walk etc) before it's time for everyone toget bathed and ready for bed. When the kids are in bed the couple scrambles to make sure the house is tidy, the laundry is done, the trash is out etc - Then they collaps into bed exhausted (too exhausted for intamacy) and wake up after not enough sleep - wake the kids up before they would have to) so they can brush their teeth, so they can get to their before school care provider who will hopfully feed them breakfast and make sure they get to school before the tardy bell rings - the husband and wife have already parted ways - and another stressful day begins

It's pretty easy to see WHY a happy marriage = wife in the kitchen. Unfortunately in this economy it's not practical for everyone

natalie412

I think a couple who has to have everything 50/50 is fussing about the wrong things and is bound to fail. We do and give to our mates because we love and care about them. Life is never equal as the eb and flow of realtionships change just as circumstances do. Sometime each person carries the load a bit more than the other. If you have never done more than 50 % in your relationship, I feel sorry for your mate. Sometimes I do more and sometimes he does more. Pregnancies, surgeries, depression, the blues, loss of job, death of a loved one are all examples of lifes issues. When we are down we need our mate to carry us, just as if they are down we will gladly cary them.

Life is NEVER 50/50. You should give 100% all of the time.

Awesome response! You are a wise lady.

dodihere

If I was able to be a stay at home mom, you bet your sweet *kitten* I would do every little bit of cooking, cleaning, laundry and shopping. I would do it bc I WANT to, not bc I am told or have to. However, since that is not an option and I work 40hrs while husband works 50ish hours, things are split. I do 90% of the cooking and shopping but he helps with cleaning and laundry. It works for us.

Definitely would be Martha Stewart eat your heart out, let me rub your feet and back baby. But no, I have to work - hungry? Figure it out. Go mow the lawn and get off the computer.

maspicantexfa

Let's see!

My husband and I have never once discussed who does what,
yet our house is clean,
dishes done,
bathrooms cleaned,
floors swept and mopped,
vaccumed,
cat boxes done,
lawn is mowed,
house is painted,
snow is shoveled,
and we always have food on the table,
clean clothes and a roof over our head...............

I do not do it all and he does not do it all.. we just do whatever needs doing!!

It has worked for us for 20+ years......

Right ... I think people who keep scorecards are the ones who are more unhappy.

rml_16

I think women tend to turn into mothers after a while.

My husband already has a nagging mother that corrects him on everything he does, he doesn’t need another one. He tries to help and helps a lot and that needs to be appreciated and rewarded. Yea he thinks shoes go on the living room floor rather than shoe closet, but he is 38yo, is nagging gonna change that? Probably not, so I don’t let it bother me. Yea he doesn’t put the dishes away, BUT who cares, he did the dishes.

I'm a Capricorn, It is not in my nature to NOT be bothered. He's a Gemini. It isn't pretty. :-)

NoAdditives

I've been a stay at home mom for the last 4 years, so I've definitely done the majority of the housework. There are things, like vacuuming and cleaning the bathrooms, that my husband does because I just don't do them. But, for the most part, I keep the inside clean, he keeps the outside nice. And, of course, I'm the primary chef. I jokingly Asked him if he would have married me if I wasn't such an awesome cook, and he said no.

tilliesmom9

I am a "subservient baby machines/house maids" but believe it or not I am also a feminist. I like traditional family roles but I am also a bit of a hippie. It is hard to label people because people are complex. I do know this works well in my marriage.

DrMAvDPhD

This reads to me as "Women who do all the housework are more likely to depend on their husbands for financial support and less likely to get divorced." Control all the variables.

postrockandcats

Maybe they all divorced because they were fighting about housework :laugh:

Seriously, though- my divorce had nothing to do with housework. I think that there are a few more factors at play here than who scrubs the loo.

petithamu

That's because no matter how many times he does the dishes, he doesn't put them in the dishrack the right way!!!!!

This. And that is why he's not really allowed to use the kitchen...

myofibril

This is why I have a cleaner.

And a mistress.

rml_16

I should go into hiding forever now right? Im going to get beat up for that I know it.

lol

NOt by me. I actually agree. If a woman isn't working and her husband is, then her job is keeping house. There's no reason she shouldn't. It honestly, especially these days, doesn't take that much time if you stay on top of things in general. But if you both work full time, then there needs to be a split because you're both exhausted.

DMZ_1

In all honesty though, I come from a traditional as heck family.

My mom didnt get a job until we were in highschool. My dad worked and came home to a clean house and dinner and the kids with their homework done so he could relax after being on his feet all day dealing with jerks and getting the menial sht taken care of and using his brain at max for a few hours at a time with just a short lonely lunch in a crap cafeteria break room with no color or life in it.

If he didnt have my mom's smile to come home to and the smell of food and my brother and I laughing and having fun cause we already got past the homework btching part - he probably would have lost his mind. Having to come home and keep house too- I just dont feel like that would have been fair to him.

I saw the benefits it gave my parents. They for real felt like partners. So many people think that being partners means splitting everything right down the middle, but I find its better when you divide and conquer. Your man has a great job and supports you? Make sure yall have a badass castle and a feast when yall are done ruling the world together each day. Treat him like a king and you'll be his Queen. My dad told me that's just math.

There is something to be said for splitting duties.

I have done the whole work a job and be responsible for the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping and laundry thing. And it is really taxing to do, even if you are just looking after yourself and live in a small apartment. After a full day of work, it feels better to have someone make your dinner and do your laundry.

I think there's a lot more to this equation than A Happy Marriage = Wife in the Kitchen. A person can really write a ton about this, as it is a juicy topic with a lot of angles.

cubizzle

Let's see!

My husband and I have never once discussed who does what,
yet our house is clean,
dishes done,
bathrooms cleaned,
floors swept and mopped,
vaccumed,
cat boxes done,
lawn is mowed,
house is painted,
snow is shoveled,
and we always have food on the table,
clean clothes and a roof over our head...............

I do not do it all and he does not do it all.. we just do whatever needs doing!!

It has worked for us for 20+ years......

Right ... I think people who keep scorecards are the ones who are more unhappy.

My thoughts exactly

Sharyn913

I do the lions share of the household chores, Im a stay at home mum though both boys are at school during the day. My husband works 14 hour days as a prison officer... I wouldnt dream of asking him to pitch in unless it was his day off and he offers (he does, really) Im an old fashioned type I guess, it just doesnt bother me in the slightest.

I'm not a stay at home mom, I work full time and have a toddler, but I still do the cooking and cleaning, and he does the manly stuff (redo bathroom, lay carpet, pressure wash house, etc) he does manual labor during the day, while I have a desk job, and I wouldn't even think to ask him to help fold laundry just so chores are "50/50" He makes more money than I do, and I spend more than he does. I guess it works out equally =]

mfpcopine

I think women tend to turn into mothers after a while.

My husband already has a nagging mother that corrects him on everything he does, he doesn’t need another one. He tries to help and helps a lot and that needs to be appreciated and rewarded. Yea he thinks shoes go on the living room floor rather than shoe closet, but he is 38yo, is nagging gonna change that? Probably not, so I don’t let it bother me. Yea he doesn’t put the dishes away, BUT who cares, he did the dishes.

What is he, 5 years old? He can't learn to pick up after himself? He's acting like a little boy because that's exactly how you're treating him. And why are you putting it on women? What about men turning into their (traditional) fathers?

If men are so incompetent and unable to learn why do they still occupy most of the positions of power in the world?

This is b.s.

katrinkap

oh my god. do we need more boobie pictures out there so we don't have to discuss this **** AGAIN?

Erienneb

my parents are not traditional, there is no such thing as tradition in my family. They've been together for 23 years,a nd their 22nd wedding anniversary is in November. Coincidently, I was born just about 22 years ago, in Dec of 1990, and my dad graduated high school in May of 1991. There's a 2% chance that teen parents stay together especially for that long. You know how it works? Because they shut up and do it.

They both worked at least two jobs my entire child hood and we lived under the poverty line until I was 12. I was never with a day care, one of them was always home. They didn't get to see each other as much, but the rule was, whoever is home takes care of the house. That included me and a brother four years yougner, and whatever place we were living. There was no complaining, it just worked.

I don't live with my boyfriend yet and I know everything changes when you do. But I make more money and I always will. I'm in school for accounting and already work for a financial company and he wants to teach high school history. I'm not sure how it will work out when we live together, but you can sure as hell bet I am not doing all of the work. We'll end up with similar hours, so sharing the tasks is a must.

The marriages that last are not the ones with women in the kitchen. They are the ones with people who know how to communicate and don't become bitter because they always do all the work and feel like the other person doesn't. The divorce rate is so high because one of the two people no longer wants to work for the same goal. Household tasks have nothing to do with it. Coincidence if anything.

natalie412

In all honesty though, I come from a traditional as heck family.

My mom didnt get a job until we were in highschool. My dad worked and came home to a clean house and dinner and the kids with their homework done so he could relax after being on his feet all day dealing with jerks and getting the menial sht taken care of and using his brain at max for a few hours at a time with just a short lonely lunch in a crap cafeteria break room with no color or life in it.

If he didnt have my mom's smile to come home to and the smell of food and my brother and I laughing and having fun cause we already got past the homework btching part - he probably would have lost his mind. Having to come home and keep house too- I just dont feel like that would have been fair to him.

Im not saying all women should be in the kitchen, but im saying, if youre a wife and you work part time or less, I know what I would fill that time in with:

Super fast cleaning followed by later Btch im going to the gym til you get home - there's a roast in the crockpot so I already won

I saw the benefits it gave my parents. They for real felt like partners. So many people think that being partners means splitting everything right down the middle, but I find its better when you divide and conquer. Your man has a great job and supports you? Make sure yall have a badass castle and a feast when yall are done ruling the world together each day. Treat him like a king and you'll be his Queen. My dad told me that's just math.

Love this, Yoovie!

Fox_n_sox

I think that is bull. I think if the woman stays home all day, it's different. If they both work, the work should be shared. I worked 2 1/2 years out of my 3 year relationship, and still did all the house work, pissed me off and made me feel like he was ungrateful. If I stayed home or didn't work as much as my SO I know I would be responsible to clean the house and cook dinner and take care of all the house hold chores.

FreeThotStrm

I used to work full time and our house was always a mess. We'd fight constantly. I felt like since I was working so much we should share the work, and I did all the cooking and shopping as well.

Then my husband joined the military, and I had a child, and it just became easier for me to be a housewife/SAHM. Our marriage has never been better. The house is clean. We eat better. We have more sex. I can believe it.

BrettPGH

I think women tend to turn into mothers after a while.

Typically after child birth...

hellnokitty

I think women tend to turn into mothers after a while.

Typically after child birth...

HAH.

mfpcopine

The marriages that last are not the ones with women in the kitchen. They are the ones with people who know how to communicate and don't become bitter because they always do all the work and feel like the other person doesn't. The divorce rate is so high because one of the two people no longer wants to work for the same goal. Household tasks have nothing to do with it. Coincidence if anything.

Agreed. And if household tasks are that burdensome, hire someone to help clean the house. Where I live, house cleaners make decent money.

Sharyn913

Let's see!

My husband and I have never once discussed who does what,
yet our house is clean,
dishes done,
bathrooms cleaned,
floors swept and mopped,
vaccumed,
cat boxes done,
lawn is mowed,
house is painted,
snow is shoveled,
and we always have food on the table,
clean clothes and a roof over our head...............

I do not do it all and he does not do it all.. we just do whatever needs doing!!

It has worked for us for 20+ years......

Right ... I think people who keep scorecards are the ones who are more unhappy.

My thoughts exactly

My thoughts EXACTLY!!! I think a lot of women are so tied up in the mentality that we have to be equal to men, that ohhhhhhhhhh nooooooooooo if we do one extra dish in the sink, we lose it. If I vacuum the entire house and do laundry, and he spends 20 minutes mowing the lawn, do you think for one second I'm going to tell him I'm pissed because I spent 30 minutes? NO.

MemoirsOfaDame

All I have to say if you want something done the right way " Do It Yourself" !

jcjsjones

my parents are not traditional, there is no such thing as tradition in my family. They've been together for 23 years,a nd their 22nd wedding anniversary is in November. Coincidently, I was born just about 22 years ago, in Dec of 1990, and my dad graduated high school in May of 1991. There's a 2% chance that teen parents stay together especially for that long. You know how it works? Because they shut up and do it.

They both worked at least two jobs my entire child hood and we lived under the poverty line until I was 12. I was never with a day care, one of them was always home. They didn't get to see each other as much, but the rule was, whoever is home takes care of the house. That included me and a brother four years yougner, and whatever place we were living. There was no complaining, it just worked.

I don't live with my boyfriend yet and I know everything changes when you do. But I make more money and I always will. I'm in school for accounting and already work for a financial company and he wants to teach high school history. I'm not sure how it will work out when we live together, but you can sure as hell bet I am not doing all of the work. We'll end up with similar hours, so sharing the tasks is a must.

The marriages that last are not the ones with women in the kitchen. They are the ones with people who know how to communicate and don't become bitter because they always do all the work and feel like the other person doesn't. The divorce rate is so high because one of the two people no longer wants to work for the same goal. Household tasks have nothing to do with it. Coincidence if anything.

Looks like you grew up in a very smart household! Very wise beyond your years, Lady!

agentscully514

All I know is, if I was doing the majority of the housework for two people, the probability of my divorce would skyrocket.

apponly

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/9572187/Couples-who-share-the-housework-are-more-likely-to-divorce-study-finds.html

Couples who share the housework are more likely to divorce, study finds
Divorce rates are far higher among “modern” couples who share the housework than in those where the woman does the lion’s share of the chores, a Norwegian study has found. In what appears to be a slap in the face for gender equality, the report found the divorce rate among couples who shared housework equally was around 50 per cent higher than among those where the woman did most of the work.

Discuss

I wonder if those women in the study worked full time for a living on top of handling household chores, LOL.. plus it's a Norwegian study so I am sure there are cultural differences that should be taken into account depending on where and how we personally were raised. My mother never worked so she did all the housework, they were married until my father died.

I worked every day for 30+ years. I could not wait to divorce that lazy, disgusting, p.o.s. selfish ex that never lifted a finger, even to clean up his own crap in his bathroom. I've never been happier than when I got him out of my life.

I found my most ideal mate who regularly cooks and cleans up after himself, a personally responsible full-time employed man. He's been in the same situation, his ex never contributed to clean up her own messes either.

Result is a very respectful, peaceful, long-term, and deeply commited relationship reflecting a true partnership for life, bread crumbs and shared cat litter duties included.