A Happy Marriage = Wife in the Kitchen

skinnybearlyndsay

Thats BS.
If hubby wants me to have energy for him when the sun goes down, he better help.

Amen. Just because I have a uterus doesn't mean I have to baby him too. He'd better help around the house and help with the cooking or get used to how uncomfortable that couch is.

poedunk65

Marriages fail because of the individuals not fighting to keep the love alive. Divorce is way to easy these days. It is like anything else, you get out of it what you put into it!

There is no struggle for power in a relationship, you should be true partners!

kittyhasclaws

I always think these statistics are silly- people who, for cultural or religious reasons, believe that women are supposed to subservient baby machines/house maids for the men in their lives probably also have religious and cultural objections to divorce.

Mystery solved.

Thanks for putting my thoughts into words.

Just because someone's not divorcing doesn't mean their marriage is good. Maybe they just feel they don't have options.

I love being married, but I don't see high divorce rates as bad things. Being stuck in a bad situation is way worse than divorce.

Agreed. How many of those "barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen" are too afraid to leave the situation they're in? I do most of the housework because I'm the one that's home most often. But HE does the dishes at night and gets the kids breakfast in the mornings and takes the trash out most of the time. I do the rest of the cooking and cleaning and whatnot because I'm not at work, just school two days a week.

AmyFett

Agreeing with the people who pointed out that it's because women can support themselves. Shared housework happens more in instances where the women hold a job. They're much more likely to divorce if they can support themselves.

I haven't had a job in over 4 years, and my husband still helps me around the house and helps with OUR children. I'm in college and taking additional classes and there's NO way I'd be able to keep up with all that, kids full time, and a full time job or full and part time job. It just won't happen. I have no way to leave him, nor do I want to, and he doesn't want to leave me either. If this is even an issue, why would two people be together?

dbarchus

My take on that is that people in the UK are very confused since they've recently been told that Men are happiest when sharing the housework (and, no, you didn't misread that, ladies) "according to a study published by Cambridge University, men actually like to do the housework."

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2165220/Men-happiest-sharing-housework-didnt-misread-ladies.html

KittieLea

Damn, already? It's early!

***Gets the popcorn***
:smokin:

natalie412

I think there is some truth to the fact that couples that do it this way tend to have more traditional values, and would probably have religious objections to divorce - so it isn't just due to division of labor! Hey, I am one of those religious people. However, earlier in our marriage, I worked outside the home, and my hubby stayed home with our daughter, and he did the lion's share then - laundry, dishes, cleaning house. Just makes sense. I would still make dinner most of the time, because I love to cook.

Now I have a lot more free time than him, so I do it. Marriage is a partnership above all else, and you just have to work these things out how they make most sense. He does help - and it is great when he does, but he works his *kitten* off in our business, so I would feel bad most of the time asking him to do more. He already works a lot more hours than I do!

Martucha123

I always think these statistics are silly- people who, for cultural or religious reasons, believe that women are supposed to subservient baby machines/house maids for the men in their lives probably also have religious and cultural objections to divorce.

Mystery solved.

this
modern means not only sharing housework,
it means people are less determined to stick together when unhappy

Kari089

That's because no matter how many times he does the dishes, he doesn't put them in the dishrack the right way!!!!!

Thank you!

If I wait around for stuff to be done right I will have to wait a looooong time. I rather do it myself, right the first time and not have to even redo it again. It doesn't matter how many times I explain how it's done..it just never happens.

This my friends is the key to men getting out of doing chores...lol

randomtai

It's called compromise... I do ALL the cooking and he does the dishes. He does the chores I hate doing and vice versa.

12skipafew99100

I think a couple who has to have everything 50/50 is fussing about the wrong things and is bound to fail. We do and give to our mates because we love and care about them. Life is never equal as the eb and flow of realtionships change just as circumstances do. Sometime each person carries the load a bit more than the other. If you have never done more than 50 % in your relationship, I feel sorry for your mate. Sometimes I do more and sometimes he does more. Pregnancies, surgeries, depression, the blues, loss of job, death of a loved one are all examples of lifes issues. When we are down we need our mate to carry us, just as if they are down we will gladly cary them.

Life is NEVER 50/50. You should give 100% all of the time.

Sick_Beard

People divorce because it is much easier to walk away from a marriage than it was 10 - 20 years ago where it was frown upon and people just stuck with it and tried to make the best of the situation.

MyPaperBleedsInk

Ahaha...
If things aren't being done equally, I'd say it's doomed to fail anyway, due to laziness on his part. I would be very annoyed/pissed off and would stop cleaning entirely as well

mfpcopine

"“One would think that break-ups would occur more often in families with less equality at home, but our statistics show the opposite,” he said."

No, you'd expect FEWER break-ups, because one of the partners (usually the woman) likely would be dependent on the other and have no choices. People who have equal opportunities leave if they can't get what they want, and increasingly it's women as much as men.

NormalSaneFLGuy

I find divorce rates also decrease when you physically chain your spouse in the bedroom and disconnect the phone lines. Can't get divorced if she can't file the papers. There are also other statistics that show an even lower divorce rate when said spouse is locked in a basemet cellar. I mean really... if you aren't locking your wife in the basement, isn't it an affront to god and the sanctity of marriage?

mfpcopine

Agreeing with the people who pointed out that it's because women can support themselves. Shared housework happens more in instances where the women hold a job. They're much more likely to divorce if they can support themselves.

Exactly.

sixrings

Happy Marriage...more time with the wife in bedroom feet facing ceiling and a dirty kitchen. I think everyone would be happier :-)

hellnokitty

Marriages fail because of the individuals not fighting to keep the love alive. Divorce is way to easy these days. It is like anything else, you get out of it what you put into it!

Wow, massive generalization.

Some of marriages might fail like that. But I bet more fail because of abuse(emotional and physical), gambling, drinking problems, drugs, cheating etc.
Saying divorced people are lazy people that didn't fight hard enough is pretty offensive- I think it takes a lot of bravery to escape from an abusive or toxic relationship, and we should be patting those people on the back, not telling them they are failures for not sucking it up and slogging through it.

Divorce ftw!

horndave

What man would divorce a woman doing the MAJORITY of the work??? hmmmmm

Exactly

rml_16

That's because no matter how many times he does the dishes, he doesn't put them in the dishrack the right way!!!!!

Agree!! I don't let him touch the dishes, but he does take out the trash instead.

I also got tired of doing his half of the cleaning, so I hired a cleaning company. Best decision ever!!

It's tough to take out the trash wrong. But dishes, mopping, vacuuming and ESPECIALLY laundry! lol

I'm a control freak, but the BF does pitch in quite often.

Just to clarify, he does it "wrong" because he doesn't do it the way I do it, not because it's ACTUALLY wrong. lol

Tracepa98

Thats BS.
If hubby wants me to have energy for him when the sun goes down, he better help.

Thats why I left my last boyfriend. LOL He worked 4 days a week, I worked 5 and was expected to cook dinner, clean after, do laundry, and vacuum. But he didn't see the problem when he spent his time when i was home to wash and detail his car all day. And of course he would get mad when I wanted it and he didnt. :laugh: Bye Bye.. that was 4 years ago.

mooglysmom

When I was working, and my husband wouldn't help, it made me feel so undervalued and unappreciated. We worked on it, he started helping more (keeping in mind we had 2 small children as well). But I also worked nights and he worked during the day. It was hard for him to get things done with 2 tired children on his tail.

Now I'm a stay at home mom, with 1 in school full time, and the other is in preK 3 mornings a week. I consider it my job to do the majority of the cleaning (plus, I'm better at it. If I left it to the husband a: nothing would get done but once a week, b: it wouldn't be done right). His job is to take care of the lawn, the cars, the garbage, take our oldest to all his Cub Scout stuff (and there's a LOT of that!), and obviously bring home a paycheck, lol. He does help with the dishes when I ask.

Topsking2010

This thread is going to be fun!

Given the high divorce rate in the USA It makes we wonder what is the cause.

I doubt very seriously who does chores plays a role in divorce.


All I can say I love a woman that cooks and in return I will spoil her!!

juliecat1

I am entirely ok with this IF the wife is a housewife or stay-at-home-mom. However, if both partners work full time, then they should share the housework equally.

That. If they're both working - there's no reason the wife should also bear the brunt of all child care, cooking and cleaning. Trust me - doesn't work.

This secttion though:
“The more you organise your relationship, the more you work out diaries and schedules, the more it becomes a business relationship than an intimate, loving spontaneous one.

very true. People get so caught up keeping score of who's doing more or not doing enough rather. There's a balance where the family (kids included) all pitch in for the greater good. Do all things in love and kindness and not for recognition or reward.

fcp1234

That's because no matter how many times he does the dishes, he doesn't put them in the dishrack the right way!!!!!

Thank you!

If I wait around for stuff to be done right I will have to wait a looooong time. I rather do it myself, right the first time and not have to even redo it again. It doesn't matter how many times I explain how it's done..it just never happens.

This my friends is the key to men getting out of doing chores...lol

You know what, if somebody kept telling me I was doing everything wrong, I wouldnt do it anymore. Give him a break and be happy with he does.

IslandDreamer64

Totally works that way for me and my husband. I do all of the housework except taking out the trash. In return, he fixes EVERYTHING. I can't begin to count the money we've saved over the years because of his awesome fix-it skills. He does plumbing, heating, AC, electrical, can weld, do metal fabrication, most auto repair, and has a small engine repair business on the side. He's a busy man, no need for me to make him do the dishes or the grocery shopping.

Ge0rgiana

I always think these statistics are silly- people who, for cultural or religious reasons, believe that women are supposed to subservient baby machines/house maids for the men in their lives probably also have religious and cultural objections to divorce.

Mystery solved.

^^^^

I'm happier than I've ever been in my life being the head of my household with blended gender roles.

russellma

:huh:

Although my husband generally stays out of the kitchen and we have an amazingly happy marriage, that is not the reason we're happy.

I respect him and try to make him happy, God being my Helper. He does his best to make me feel cherished and happy. Household responsibilites are just necessary evils. We split them in such a way that they get done most efficiently so that we can focus on the things that are really important!

Attitude (particularly an unselfish one!) is everything!

MassiveDelta

That's because no matter how many times he does the dishes, he doesn't put them in the dishrack the right way!!!!!

The real reason for Divorce?

tigerlily8045

We both work full time and the only "house work" he does is load/start the dishwasher. If I need help with something he will certainly pitch in but he does the outside stuff I do the inside and most of the child care. We have more traditional roles and that is what we agreed upon when we got married. It takes communication people!