A Happy Marriage = Wife in the Kitchen
Replies
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I am entirely ok with this IF the wife is a housewife or stay-at-home-mom. However, if both partners work full time, then they should share the housework equally.
Have you ever tried putting away dishes with a couple of little ones "helping"? Trust me, staying home IS a full time job. I've worked outside the home, and now I work FROM home, in the evenings when he gets home from workout outside the home. We both do the cleaning. We have 3 kids, and each of us needs to.
My husband stayed home when the baby was born- I went back to work after 3 months and he stayed home for a year with her and the two older kiddos. Now he FULLY appreciates what I do all day when he's gone to work, and I've never had to change the trash or try to bring laundry down to the basement with a toddler in tow!
Yes, actually, I have. I was a SAHM for 7 years with 2 boys. I still did 99% of the housework because it was a part of my "full time job".0 -
I think people just need to find what works for their relationship. True enough, I am a stay at home mom and I cook, clean, and do whatever else the house needs done. I consider that my job. The key factor for me is that my husband appreciates what I do, and if he has the time and energy ( he works overnight
) he will do things like cook breakfast for the kids or stay up for another hour to watch them so I can sleep in.
I believe it's not about which gender does what to keep a household running but a mutual appreciation and respect for what the other does.0 -
my parents are not traditional, there is no such thing as tradition in my family. They've been together for 23 years,a nd their 22nd wedding anniversary is in November. Coincidently, I was born just about 22 years ago, in Dec of 1990, and my dad graduated high school in May of 1991. There's a 2% chance that teen parents stay together especially for that long. You know how it works? Because they shut up and do it.
They both worked at least two jobs my entire child hood and we lived under the poverty line until I was 12. I was never with a day care, one of them was always home. They didn't get to see each other as much, but the rule was, whoever is home takes care of the house. That included me and a brother four years yougner, and whatever place we were living. There was no complaining, it just worked.
I don't live with my boyfriend yet and I know everything changes when you do. But I make more money and I always will. I'm in school for accounting and already work for a financial company and he wants to teach high school history. I'm not sure how it will work out when we live together, but you can sure as hell bet I am not doing all of the work. We'll end up with similar hours, so sharing the tasks is a must.
The marriages that last are not the ones with women in the kitchen. They are the ones with people who know how to communicate and don't become bitter because they always do all the work and feel like the other person doesn't. The divorce rate is so high because one of the two people no longer wants to work for the same goal. Household tasks have nothing to do with it. Coincidence if anything.
I'm a CPA and grew up poor also.
Get a flipping housecleaner when you get out of school. End of story. I haven't swept/mopped my house in probably 5 years and if I did, trust me, the marriage would be MUCH harder to make work.
I swear, I see people driving cars equal to a year's salary (for them) yet they spend HALF of their weekends cleaning the damned house. People have priority issues.0 -
I do most of the "housework" cleaning etc--my man does the cooking--i feel this is equally shared about the household duties if you will--I would have to say do what works best for you and your SO--nothing wrong with dishing out equal responsibilities0
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In my marriage I do everthing.... I mean everything. I work full time at an equally paid job as him. I do all the household chores, run the kids places, cook, finances, grocery shop, everything..... and still have the energy for some great sexy time.
AND I have no issues with any of it. I do not keep score.
Why?
Cause the man treats me like gold. Everyday (usually more then once) I am told I am beautiful, I am reminded in so many ways that he loves and cherises me on a daily basis. He chases me around claiming he can't keep his hands off me. He treats me exactly the way I need to be treated in order to feel the best about myself.
I believe marriage is different for every couple. How it works for them may not work for the next two. Do what makes the other person happy and they will do in return.0 -
Yep. I know a few couples who hate each other but stay together because it's "God's plan".I always think these statistics are silly- people who, for cultural or religious reasons, believe that women are supposed to subservient baby machines/house maids for the men in their lives probably also have religious and cultural objections to divorce.
Mystery solved.0 -
I haven't read all of the responses, but in reading the article it seems like the actual theme in the study is that it is more about being in a relationship rather than a contract. The so called "Modern" couples that they show end in divorce more because they were already only thinking of it as a contract deal, rather than being in a relationship where you help each other out out of respect and love for each other. So it is not really on how you divide the work, as in 50/50 or 40/60 or whatever. The real issue becomes how you see the obligation, are you helping because you have been told to do so, or because you have a desire to do so for your loved one.0
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Okay I will chime in.
I do the cooking, the cleaning, and child raising. I also, watch 2 extra kids all day, and run a side business from my home. I have a daughter of my own. I still manage to have dinner on the table for him when he gets home, and everything done. I don't sweat the small stuff, and I take pride in my family, and work. I love and respect my man for the 10 - 12hr shifts he puts in at work. He takes out the trash, does all the house maintenance, the yard, car, ect.. My daughter who is 8 has her own chores, she makes her bed, she does her own laundry, she does a load of dishes everyday, she cleans the litter boxes, and feeds her cats, everyday! We are all team players, and we all do our 100% to make this a great family unit.
I do agree that divorce is socially acceptable now days, and yes probably higher divorce rates happen these days due to the woman being able to support herself outside of the home.
I don't agree that one should keep scorecards in a relationship. I don't agree that a man should be able to sit on the couch, or have a "fun" lifestyle while the woman is left to clean and care for the children. That builds resentment. If the family unit is on the same page, same goal, both parties working together to achieve that goal, then everything will come together. This also doesn't mean that my man doesn't cook a meal here or there when I'm having a rough day. It also doesn't mean that I don't do the cat litter, or wash the dishes when my daughter is having a hectic day, or needs a little help. We come together as a unit, and I think that is what is missing in a lot of "modern" families. Each person has their own goals, and agendas, that the until isn't working towards one similar goal, so it is each man for themselves.
There.. my 2 cents! Okay, maybe that was like 5 cents! LOL0 -
Let's see!
My husband and I have never once discussed who does what,
yet our house is clean,
dishes done,
bathrooms cleaned,
floors swept and mopped,
vaccumed,
cat boxes done,
lawn is mowed,
house is painted,
snow is shoveled,
and we always have food on the table,
clean clothes and a roof over our head...............
I do not do it all and he does not do it all.. we just do whatever needs doing!!
It has worked for us for 20+ years......
This. Also, we don't obssess if we didn't do the dishes one night if that meant we got to cuddle up on the couch with a book. Priorities are critical.0 -
It's more likely just because the same couples that are more old-fashioned in the area of gender roles will, in most cases, also tend to be more traditional in the sense of staying in a marriage and avoiding divorce at all costs.0
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I don't mind helping out around the house at all. Laundry, dishes, cooking, the list goes on. But if I'm doing it, I'm gonna do it the way I want to. I don't wan to be bit*hed at because don't do it the way she does.
Amen!!! Kudos to you! I dont give a rats *kitten* if my little ones diaper is on backwards or if the whites get put in the wash with the darks as long as I did not have to do it, I am totally fine with the way it gets done. Mama need a damn break too!
I am a SAHM and I do 98% of the house work plus taking care of the kids but nothing gets me in the mood more than my husband taking out the trash or helping me clean up after dinner or changing a diaper. It helps me know that I am not in this alone and it make me appreciate him even more. 0 -
I call Bullsh@t....
I'm the bread winner - I make several times more than he does. I work 9 hrs a day, get up round 5:30 am, 5 days a week. AFTER I have DONE MY WHOLE WORK DAY, I HATE GOING HOME AND FINDING OUT HE SPENT THE WHOLE MORNING/AFTERNOON DOING NOTHING! Then he goes to work for 4.... yes.... FOUR HOURS! Plus, he's left dishes, clothes, trash and car stuff out.
When I get home, there's all the housework, the cooking, plus heaven help the house needs something addressed (like the lawn!) or heck, even my car (he has 2 - he'll spend every free dime on them, but I have to change my own oil & breaks because he has no time).
Sorry, I call this "study" BS - a major steaming pile of cr@p.
Our biggest fights are always based around how freaking LITTLE he does around the house HE WANTED ME TO BUY!
How that if I'm making all the money and he pays NO BILLS, how come I have to DO EVERYTHING!
Plus, he can't even spend time with me! He skipped my birthday this year... because his precious Sebring broke and he HAD to fix it.
I've known the man for 10 years (come this Nov) - married for 4.... I don't know HOW LONG I CAN do this...
*sorry rant over, return to your normal internet surfing experience*
If you've known him for 10, married for 4, it sounds like you knew what you were getting yourself into.0 -
In my marriage I do everthing.... I mean everything. I work full time at an equally paid job as him. I do all the household chores, run the kids places, cook, finances, grocery shop, everything..... and still have the energy for some great sexy time.
AND I have no issues with any of it. I do not keep score.
Why?
Cause the man treats me like gold. Everyday (usually more then once) I am told I am beautiful, I am reminded in so many ways that he loves and cherises me on a daily basis. He chases me around claiming he can't keep his hands off me. He treats me exactly the way I need to be treated in order to feel the best about myself.
I believe marriage is different for every couple. How it works for them may not work for the next two. Do what makes the other person happy and they will do in return.
I don't have to be my husband's maid to get this kind of treatment.
In our marriage, I can't say that it's split 50/50, but we both have our chores. He does all the cooking, vehicle maintenance, and yard work. I do all the cleaning (house, laundry, dishes). I work a lot more hours than him since I'm a grad student, so when I get really behind on things he helps me out.0 -
**** I'll be married forever then lol0
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I forsee a divorce in your future.. lol0
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I am entirely ok with this IF the wife is a housewife or stay-at-home-mom. However, if both partners work full time, then they should share the housework equally.
this! unfortunately what i see happen though is that both partners work, but the woman still ends up doing the majority of the cooking and cleaning, which can lead to some serious resentment.0 -
interesting........i have been divorced twice, on my 3rd marriage....and with all of them i have done ALL the housework. first marriage lasted 6 yrs, second lasted 11 months (physical abuse was reason for divorce) and i have been with my husband 12 years, married 11 yrs now.0
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I feel like my guy is more of the "wife" in our house haha.
He loves cooking and prefers it and he's mad OCD so he's always cleaning even when it's spotless. I do all the dishes, laundry and vacuuming though.0 -
That's because no matter how many times he does the dishes, he doesn't put them in the dishrack the right way!!!!!
Thank you!
If I wait around for stuff to be done right I will have to wait a looooong time. I rather do it myself, right the first time and not have to even redo it again. It doesn't matter how many times I explain how it's done..it just never happens.
This my friends is the key to men getting out of doing chores...lol
yeah i'm pretty sure they just keep doing it wrong on purpose. it's a conspiracy. they all went on some secret men's blog and decided they would just keep putting the dishes in there all crazy until we all just give up and tell them to go back to the couch. lol.0 -
Looks like im not getting married0
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Hunh.
I always try to help out. I'm never comfortable if my partner is doing something in the kitchen/around the house and I'm not.
At the same time I've never been married.
Looks like I should stay on the couch...
I'm the same...i always did the lions share and I've never been married...
that being said i'm a girl....maybe *I* should be on the couch...
jus sayin0 -
I will not mow the yard or take out the garbage. my fiance will not cook or help with the cats. w both do laundry, but only if im busy and need him to put clothes in the dryer.
Im a housewife, but if/when i decide to go to work.....ah hell, ill probably still do everything. lmao. i love him, but im a control freak and he kinda sucks at housework.0 -
Really, I did the whole housewife thing the first time around.. operative word. First!
Second time I'm a full partner in the marriage working full time making more than my husband. He works closer to home so he does dishes, yard work, takes trash out and most often floors and laundry. He cooks for himself and I cook for myself. That leaves me with whatever is left. I spend 1.5 hours in commuting total in a day, and he spends about 20 mins total.
It's fair enough for me and when he's not interested in doing laundry, then I go buy new clothes.
When I don't want to cook we eat out. When he bought me the steam mop, he earned the rights to clean the floors until that mop died.0 -
house elf ftw0
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I think there are a lot of outside factors not taken into consideration. If both parties are sharing the chores, it probably means both parties work, meaning a more hectic schedule. It may also mean unhappiness derives from "Well, I thought they were going to do that and now I'm mad they didn't", whereas in traditional gender roles, everyone knows what's what. Finally, it probably doesn't take into account people who subscribe to more traditional gender roles tend to WANT to live that way, and are therefore happier doing so.
Obviously that's not true across the board, but I think there are a lot of factors not being taken into account here.
I've only lived with my boyfriend for a year. For a while I was doing the bulk of the housework, but that was because I was working a lot less than he was, so I didn't mind picking up the slack. Now we tend to split it more evenly or try to do it together. I do most of the cooking though, since I enjoy it. It's different for every couple and no one can dictate how they should work their relationship.0 -
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/9572187/Couples-who-share-the-housework-are-more-likely-to-divorce-study-finds.htmlCouples who share the housework are more likely to divorce, study finds
Divorce rates are far higher among “modern” couples who share the housework than in those where the woman does the lion’s share of the chores, a Norwegian study has found. In what appears to be a slap in the face for gender equality, the report found the divorce rate among couples who shared housework equally was around 50 per cent higher than among those where the woman did most of the work.
Discuss
There are several logical flaws at play here:
1) The assumption that it would require the woman to be in the kitchen, and not simply, one home/care taker and one business/worker is an equation for defined roles where each knows what they are responsible for and thus cuts down on arguments and poor communication.
2) The idea that because couples haven't learned how to communicate and share house work equally, means that they *can't* learn to do so.
3) The idea that even when couples share house work, it's shared equally. Generally studies show that when both partners work, women still do roughly 60-80% of the house work. Resulting in more stress on the woman (as she's trying to get "everything" done) and more feelings of guilt for the man, who feels useless and relegated to the sidelines. Ultimately creating resentment on both sides of the issue.
Having to share house work tests your ability to work together, talk to each other, and express your own wants and needs. OF COURSE it's going to result in a higher divorce rate.0 -
Thats BS.
If hubby wants me to have energy for him when the sun goes down, he better help.
haha.true story0 -
I thought it went something like "if you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman you wife"
Haha! That SONG!0 -
Correlation in one study does not imply causation. I call bull****!
I would do most of the chores if I didn't work full time. If we both work full time, we both share. Plus my fiance is a WAY better housekeeper than I am, and he volunteers to do a lot of the stuff because he tends to think I don't clean thoroughly enough He complains about how I leave socks and dishes everywhere and don't clean up the countertop when I spill a miniscule amount of sugar while seasoning my coffee. We both hate dishes, but we team up and get that *kitten* under control. Marriage = working together. 0 -
Coorelation =/= Causation0
This discussion has been closed.
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