A Happy Marriage = Wife in the Kitchen

Fox_n_sox

I think that is bull. I think if the woman stays home all day, it's different. If they both work, the work should be shared. I worked 2 1/2 years out of my 3 year relationship, and still did all the house work, pissed me off and made me feel like he was ungrateful. If I stayed home or didn't work as much as my SO I know I would be responsible to clean the house and cook dinner and take care of all the house hold chores.

FreeThotStrm

I used to work full time and our house was always a mess. We'd fight constantly. I felt like since I was working so much we should share the work, and I did all the cooking and shopping as well.

Then my husband joined the military, and I had a child, and it just became easier for me to be a housewife/SAHM. Our marriage has never been better. The house is clean. We eat better. We have more sex. I can believe it.

BrettPGH

I think women tend to turn into mothers after a while.

Typically after child birth...

hellnokitty

I think women tend to turn into mothers after a while.

Typically after child birth...

HAH.

mfpcopine

The marriages that last are not the ones with women in the kitchen. They are the ones with people who know how to communicate and don't become bitter because they always do all the work and feel like the other person doesn't. The divorce rate is so high because one of the two people no longer wants to work for the same goal. Household tasks have nothing to do with it. Coincidence if anything.

Agreed. And if household tasks are that burdensome, hire someone to help clean the house. Where I live, house cleaners make decent money.

Sharyn913

Let's see!

My husband and I have never once discussed who does what,
yet our house is clean,
dishes done,
bathrooms cleaned,
floors swept and mopped,
vaccumed,
cat boxes done,
lawn is mowed,
house is painted,
snow is shoveled,
and we always have food on the table,
clean clothes and a roof over our head...............

I do not do it all and he does not do it all.. we just do whatever needs doing!!

It has worked for us for 20+ years......

Right ... I think people who keep scorecards are the ones who are more unhappy.

My thoughts exactly

My thoughts EXACTLY!!! I think a lot of women are so tied up in the mentality that we have to be equal to men, that ohhhhhhhhhh nooooooooooo if we do one extra dish in the sink, we lose it. If I vacuum the entire house and do laundry, and he spends 20 minutes mowing the lawn, do you think for one second I'm going to tell him I'm pissed because I spent 30 minutes? NO.

MemoirsOfaDame

All I have to say if you want something done the right way " Do It Yourself" !

jcjsjones

my parents are not traditional, there is no such thing as tradition in my family. They've been together for 23 years,a nd their 22nd wedding anniversary is in November. Coincidently, I was born just about 22 years ago, in Dec of 1990, and my dad graduated high school in May of 1991. There's a 2% chance that teen parents stay together especially for that long. You know how it works? Because they shut up and do it.

They both worked at least two jobs my entire child hood and we lived under the poverty line until I was 12. I was never with a day care, one of them was always home. They didn't get to see each other as much, but the rule was, whoever is home takes care of the house. That included me and a brother four years yougner, and whatever place we were living. There was no complaining, it just worked.

I don't live with my boyfriend yet and I know everything changes when you do. But I make more money and I always will. I'm in school for accounting and already work for a financial company and he wants to teach high school history. I'm not sure how it will work out when we live together, but you can sure as hell bet I am not doing all of the work. We'll end up with similar hours, so sharing the tasks is a must.

The marriages that last are not the ones with women in the kitchen. They are the ones with people who know how to communicate and don't become bitter because they always do all the work and feel like the other person doesn't. The divorce rate is so high because one of the two people no longer wants to work for the same goal. Household tasks have nothing to do with it. Coincidence if anything.

Looks like you grew up in a very smart household! Very wise beyond your years, Lady!

agentscully514

All I know is, if I was doing the majority of the housework for two people, the probability of my divorce would skyrocket.

apponly

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/9572187/Couples-who-share-the-housework-are-more-likely-to-divorce-study-finds.html

Couples who share the housework are more likely to divorce, study finds
Divorce rates are far higher among “modern” couples who share the housework than in those where the woman does the lion’s share of the chores, a Norwegian study has found. In what appears to be a slap in the face for gender equality, the report found the divorce rate among couples who shared housework equally was around 50 per cent higher than among those where the woman did most of the work.

Discuss

I wonder if those women in the study worked full time for a living on top of handling household chores, LOL.. plus it's a Norwegian study so I am sure there are cultural differences that should be taken into account depending on where and how we personally were raised. My mother never worked so she did all the housework, they were married until my father died.

I worked every day for 30+ years. I could not wait to divorce that lazy, disgusting, p.o.s. selfish ex that never lifted a finger, even to clean up his own crap in his bathroom. I've never been happier than when I got him out of my life.

I found my most ideal mate who regularly cooks and cleans up after himself, a personally responsible full-time employed man. He's been in the same situation, his ex never contributed to clean up her own messes either.

Result is a very respectful, peaceful, long-term, and deeply commited relationship reflecting a true partnership for life, bread crumbs and shared cat litter duties included.

Shannon2714

I am entirely ok with this IF the wife is a housewife or stay-at-home-mom. However, if both partners work full time, then they should share the housework equally.

Have you ever tried putting away dishes with a couple of little ones "helping"? Trust me, staying home IS a full time job. I've worked outside the home, and now I work FROM home, in the evenings when he gets home from workout outside the home. We both do the cleaning. We have 3 kids, and each of us needs to.

My husband stayed home when the baby was born- I went back to work after 3 months and he stayed home for a year with her and the two older kiddos. Now he FULLY appreciates what I do all day when he's gone to work, and I've never had to change the trash or try to bring laundry down to the basement with a toddler in tow!

Yes, actually, I have. I was a SAHM for 7 years with 2 boys. I still did 99% of the housework because it was a part of my "full time job".

Lizrobin3108

I think people just need to find what works for their relationship. True enough, I am a stay at home mom and I cook, clean, and do whatever else the house needs done. I consider that my job. The key factor for me is that my husband appreciates what I do, and if he has the time and energy ( he works overnight ) he will do things like cook breakfast for the kids or stay up for another hour to watch them so I can sleep in.

I believe it's not about which gender does what to keep a household running but a mutual appreciation and respect for what the other does.

jnh17

my parents are not traditional, there is no such thing as tradition in my family. They've been together for 23 years,a nd their 22nd wedding anniversary is in November. Coincidently, I was born just about 22 years ago, in Dec of 1990, and my dad graduated high school in May of 1991. There's a 2% chance that teen parents stay together especially for that long. You know how it works? Because they shut up and do it.

They both worked at least two jobs my entire child hood and we lived under the poverty line until I was 12. I was never with a day care, one of them was always home. They didn't get to see each other as much, but the rule was, whoever is home takes care of the house. That included me and a brother four years yougner, and whatever place we were living. There was no complaining, it just worked.

I don't live with my boyfriend yet and I know everything changes when you do. But I make more money and I always will. I'm in school for accounting and already work for a financial company and he wants to teach high school history. I'm not sure how it will work out when we live together, but you can sure as hell bet I am not doing all of the work. We'll end up with similar hours, so sharing the tasks is a must.

The marriages that last are not the ones with women in the kitchen. They are the ones with people who know how to communicate and don't become bitter because they always do all the work and feel like the other person doesn't. The divorce rate is so high because one of the two people no longer wants to work for the same goal. Household tasks have nothing to do with it. Coincidence if anything.

I'm a CPA and grew up poor also.

Get a flipping housecleaner when you get out of school. End of story. I haven't swept/mopped my house in probably 5 years and if I did, trust me, the marriage would be MUCH harder to make work.

I swear, I see people driving cars equal to a year's salary (for them) yet they spend HALF of their weekends cleaning the damned house. People have priority issues.

laurin2010

I do most of the "housework" cleaning etc--my man does the cooking--i feel this is equally shared about the household duties if you will--I would have to say do what works best for you and your SO--nothing wrong with dishing out equal responsibilities

anneerick

In my marriage I do everthing.... I mean everything. I work full time at an equally paid job as him. I do all the household chores, run the kids places, cook, finances, grocery shop, everything..... and still have the energy for some great sexy time.
AND I have no issues with any of it. I do not keep score.
Why?
Cause the man treats me like gold. Everyday (usually more then once) I am told I am beautiful, I am reminded in so many ways that he loves and cherises me on a daily basis. He chases me around claiming he can't keep his hands off me. He treats me exactly the way I need to be treated in order to feel the best about myself.

I believe marriage is different for every couple. How it works for them may not work for the next two. Do what makes the other person happy and they will do in return.

SueGremlin

I always think these statistics are silly- people who, for cultural or religious reasons, believe that women are supposed to subservient baby machines/house maids for the men in their lives probably also have religious and cultural objections to divorce.

Mystery solved.

Yep. I know a few couples who hate each other but stay together because it's "God's plan".

ZoeLifts

I haven't read all of the responses, but in reading the article it seems like the actual theme in the study is that it is more about being in a relationship rather than a contract. The so called "Modern" couples that they show end in divorce more because they were already only thinking of it as a contract deal, rather than being in a relationship where you help each other out out of respect and love for each other. So it is not really on how you divide the work, as in 50/50 or 40/60 or whatever. The real issue becomes how you see the obligation, are you helping because you have been told to do so, or because you have a desire to do so for your loved one.

AmberLeighD

Okay I will chime in.

I do the cooking, the cleaning, and child raising. I also, watch 2 extra kids all day, and run a side business from my home. I have a daughter of my own. I still manage to have dinner on the table for him when he gets home, and everything done. I don't sweat the small stuff, and I take pride in my family, and work. I love and respect my man for the 10 - 12hr shifts he puts in at work. He takes out the trash, does all the house maintenance, the yard, car, ect.. My daughter who is 8 has her own chores, she makes her bed, she does her own laundry, she does a load of dishes everyday, she cleans the litter boxes, and feeds her cats, everyday! We are all team players, and we all do our 100% to make this a great family unit.

I do agree that divorce is socially acceptable now days, and yes probably higher divorce rates happen these days due to the woman being able to support herself outside of the home.

I don't agree that one should keep scorecards in a relationship. I don't agree that a man should be able to sit on the couch, or have a "fun" lifestyle while the woman is left to clean and care for the children. That builds resentment. If the family unit is on the same page, same goal, both parties working together to achieve that goal, then everything will come together. This also doesn't mean that my man doesn't cook a meal here or there when I'm having a rough day. It also doesn't mean that I don't do the cat litter, or wash the dishes when my daughter is having a hectic day, or needs a little help. We come together as a unit, and I think that is what is missing in a lot of "modern" families. Each person has their own goals, and agendas, that the until isn't working towards one similar goal, so it is each man for themselves.

There.. my 2 cents! Okay, maybe that was like 5 cents! LOL

krithsai

Let's see!

My husband and I have never once discussed who does what,
yet our house is clean,
dishes done,
bathrooms cleaned,
floors swept and mopped,
vaccumed,
cat boxes done,
lawn is mowed,
house is painted,
snow is shoveled,
and we always have food on the table,
clean clothes and a roof over our head...............

I do not do it all and he does not do it all.. we just do whatever needs doing!!

It has worked for us for 20+ years......

This. Also, we don't obssess if we didn't do the dishes one night if that meant we got to cuddle up on the couch with a book. Priorities are critical.

beach_please

It's more likely just because the same couples that are more old-fashioned in the area of gender roles will, in most cases, also tend to be more traditional in the sense of staying in a marriage and avoiding divorce at all costs.