A Happy Marriage = Wife in the Kitchen
Replies
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I work, he works and we earn the same. Through choice we have no children and the chores are shared...he cooks more than I do because he likes it and is better at it. I clean the toilet more than he does because I don't mind doing it to make up for the fact I don't cook so much...if we fancy a change about we discuss it...like grown ups...it's all good in our house.... :-)
If I did not work and he did...I'd keep house...happily...
Just a question: do you think that earning more or less makes a difference in the housework division of labor?
Edit: I'm assuming the same number of work hours, but just a different rate of pay.0 -
Yeah, this wouldn't make a happy marriage for ME. There's a reason the term "chore" is synonymous with things you don't like doing.
A happy marriage = hire a maid so we have more time for fun.0 -
religion and culture have no play here.. man goes out to work woman stays home, man returns home and has to work? totally unfair share of the total workload.
if both worked then 50% of the housework is fair
Are there kids involved here because that makes it totally different. If you are home with kids you are working your *kitten* off. "Mama, mama, mama, mama." You can't even pee without them following you around. My husband was laid off for a month last year (I am self employed so I booked more jobs when he was laid off) and he was like "Are you kidding me? This is horrible, If I don't get a job soon, I am going to kill myself." Ha! Now it's reversed, he is working more and I am barely working but now the kids are in school so I try to do more. ORRRR at least do a "mad dash rush" 20 mins before he comes home to make it look like I at least did something all day. :P
People who make babies and then complain about them all the time.0 -
Clearly the person who wrote this has not tasted MY cooking :sick: .....my husband generally prefers me to keep very clear of the kitchen....0
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I am a SAHM. I do about 95% of the housework, and 99% of the cooking, and 95% of the child care because hubby is at work. But he helps me TREMENDOUSLY with house work and our kids when he is home from work. It improves and causes more frequent "nightly sessions" when I am relaxed, and he helps me so much.
I love him! 0 -
religion and culture have no play here.. man goes out to work woman stays home, man returns home and has to work? totally unfair share of the total workload.
if both worked then 50% of the housework is fair
Are there kids involved here because that makes it totally different. If you are home with kids you are working your *kitten* off. "Mama, mama, mama, mama." You can't even pee without them following you around. My husband was laid off for a month last year (I am self employed so I booked more jobs when he was laid off) and he was like "Are you kidding me? This is horrible, If I don't get a job soon, I am going to kill myself." Ha! Now it's reversed, he is working more and I am barely working but now the kids are in school so I try to do more. ORRRR at least do a "mad dash rush" 20 mins before he comes home to make it look like I at least did something all day. :P
People who make babies and then complain about them all the time.
And I would make them again. Define "all of the time." Telling these people that think the wife should do it all that raising kids is harder than it looks is not "complaining about them all of the time." I actually like my kids....usually. Ha! (P.S. We speak sarcasm in our house and we have personalities and don't take everything so seriously.)0 -
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/9572187/Couples-who-share-the-housework-are-more-likely-to-divorce-study-finds.htmlCouples who share the housework are more likely to divorce, study finds
Divorce rates are far higher among “modern” couples who share the housework than in those where the woman does the lion’s share of the chores, a Norwegian study has found. In what appears to be a slap in the face for gender equality, the report found the divorce rate among couples who shared housework equally was around 50 per cent higher than among those where the woman did most of the work.
Discuss
My opinion: You should share the work
Fact: I'm on my second marriage. LOL0 -
I'll make you a sandwich right away.0
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thank you, yes. i hate these studies which like to stir up controversy when really it's a very simple correlation not causation.I always think these statistics are silly- people who, for cultural or religious reasons, believe that women are supposed to subservient baby machines/house maids for the men in their lives probably also have religious and cultural objections to divorce.
Mystery solved.0 -
Bushleague................0
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It's believable. I'm okay with doing a bigger portion of the housework. Only because I don't currently work a job outside of the home. If I worked full time and had to come home and do everything by myself, I'd be so pissed off.
My sentiments exactly!!0 -
Deffo I do everything in this house this is my little project he works hard all week I'm sure as hell gnna look after him x0
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I'm fine with doing the housework. I'm not employed right now so really that's my only job. I do get aggravated with the dishes sometimes but it's my own fault, I'm the one who cooks and dirties them up. My fiance does what he can to help sometimes, I do have to be vocal about it (taking out trash). I don't expect him to do ALL housework or even half considering he's working to keep finances in check. I guess I'm old fashioned....0
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I always think these statistics are silly- people who, for cultural or religious reasons, believe that women are supposed to subservient baby machines/house maids for the men in their lives probably also have religious and cultural objections to divorce.
Mystery solved.
EXACTLY. Plenty of people stay in MISERABLE marriages because they don't believe in divorce, and plenty of people get married when they probably shouldn't.
That said, if I didn't work, I would have absolutely no problem doing the majority of the house work. But, since I do work full-time, my partner and I share the household responsibilities. There are some things I'm better at than he is (I do all the cooking---his culinary skills are limited to sandwiches and ramen noodles) but he is more meticulous then I am when it comes to taking care of the floors (we have wood laminate throughout the majority of our place, he's constantly swiffering). I really don't think that if our relationship were to end it would be because we both do chores.0 -
We both work but I do the majority, nevermind that...I do ALL the housework. I do it because I can get it done faster and easier and more efficient. I like it that way.
Same here! Although, he never complains if I don't get something done, and he also has no problem doing something himself if he has to.
My man works super hard to provide for us. I work full time as well- but it just supplements what he makes. I love being "needed" around the house. I can officially say I run our household!
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I'm fine with doing the housework. I'm not employed right now so really that's my only job. I do get aggravated with the dishes sometimes but it's my own fault, I'm the one who cooks and dirties them up. My fiance does what he can to help sometimes, I do have to be vocal about it (taking out trash). I don't expect him to do ALL housework or even half considering he's working to keep finances in check. I guess I'm old fashioned....
^Me too^0 -
Interesting, Personally, I disagree. As my first marriage turned into a "parent-child" relationship where I took responsibility for all the finances, majority of all household chores, the primary care giver to our two children, working 50+ hours a week, etc. Our marriage ended in divorce. I was so tired of feeling unappreciated and having to do all the work. I didn't get to come home from work and sit on the couch until midnight every night....
I don't like housekeeping, I work, I have kids, I also suffer from anxiety from PTSD... so I need to have down time where I can relax. As a result, it means my husband and my kids have to help out. My new husband has already helped out around the house more often than my first husband did and I very much appreciate it.
There are so many factors in relationships though... I don't really think you can just generalize to house work.0 -
Weird. I had a class on gender studies last semester. I took it with a cautious mind but in the class the teacher actually said that couples who split the work were happier compared to couples where one person did most of the house work, child rearing, and other things. The same results were seen in heterosexual couples as well as same-sex couples. If someone in the same sex relationship did more work than the other there was more likely to be to dissatisfaction in the relationship.
Either way, really, how can you be sure who/if anyone is telling the truth with these sorts of things? Some people may take a long time putting these things together and get mad if you refute it but you can't really know unless you do the research for yourself.0 -
Thats BS.
If hubby wants me to have energy for him when the sun goes down, he better help.
Here Here! By the time I get home from working a full time job, making dinner feeding the kids and dog. Cleaning dishes and dinner up. Bathing the kids and putting them to bed all by myself I'm damn sure going straight to bed to relax and recover before doing it all again the next day.0 -
I'm fine with doing the housework. I'm not employed right now so really that's my only job. I do get aggravated with the dishes sometimes but it's my own fault, I'm the one who cooks and dirties them up. My fiance does what he can to help sometimes, I do have to be vocal about it (taking out trash). I don't expect him to do ALL housework or even half considering he's working to keep finances in check. I guess I'm old fashioned....
I don't even necessarily see that as old-fashioned, per se, just more practical really. I mean, if you're not working outside the home, you obviously have more time to devote to household chores, and since he is working outside the home providing the financial support for you, then it just makes sense for you to have most of the domestic responsibilities. Whether it's both people working and splitting the household chores, or one person working outside the home and the other managing the household duties, it's all about balance.0 -
i agree, wife should be in the kitchen, playing with kids, shopping, cleaning, taking care of her mans needs. Man needs to be working, bringing home lots of money, not complaining about having to work, bringing her expensive trinkets and baubels, playing with kids in evening, fixing wifes car, yard work, hauling out garbage, making sure wife is VERY satisfied in the bedroom.0
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Right now I do the majority of the housework, as I am unemployed.
My other half DOES help, if I'm doing something else, not feeling well, need help ETC.
He does a lot more housework when we're both working, mostly because there's more housework to be done... I tend to have everything done while he's at work. He actually complains occasionally because he feels like he's not contributing in a housework way... (when he starts to feel like that, I make him take out the garbage until I forget that I was saving it for him)
I am also a bit OCD about specific things, so I don't allow him to help put groceries or dishes away or fold laundry or vacuum. The first three SHOULD be self explanatory, everything in it's place, neatly folded laundry. The third: I like the carpet lines all going the same way...
I have known MANY A house-dad, mom working relationship where the mom works, dad does most of the housework, and they are fine too. I also know women that demand help, then get insanely *****y to their husbands about things not being done to their exacting expectations, and then give a resentful "fine I'll do it myself."
I think whatever works in a specific situation and with the specific personalities involved is what you do.
Directly relating to the article:
Yes, this is possible.
BUT: I don't think my own comments should apply to woman CURRENTLY out of work, so picking up a larger share, as that's a temporary situation, IN GENERAL THOUGH
Women that do the majority of the housework, or all of the housework tend to be 1: housewife or housewife/mother by occupation, 2: if they do have a job, usually not making nearly as much money as the guy, because women making more money tends to shift relationship dynamics. 3: are in a male-dominated marriage. When all three of those are in play, if the woman isn't happy the women usually isn't capable of financially supporting herself outside of the marriage, and is likely to stay in an unhappy situation.
This is NOT me knocking women who love being a stay at home wife, lots of people are happy and have wonderful relationships that way. I just believe that, with the article, they need to include those variables as part of the reasoning.
If a couple breaks because they don't share housework well, then there's a bigger reason for that couple to break.0 -
Weird. I had a class on gender studies last semester. I took it with a cautious mind but in the class the teacher actually said that couples who split the work were happier compared to couples where one person did most of the house work, child rearing, and other things. The same results were seen in heterosexual couples as well as same-sex couples. If someone in the same sex relationship did more work than the other there was more likely to be to dissatisfaction in the relationship.
Either way, really, how can you be sure who/if anyone is telling the truth with these sorts of things? Some people may take a long time putting these things together and get mad if you refute it but you can't really know unless you do the research for yourself.
The study only referred to divorce, not if people were happy in their marriages. BIIIIIG difference lol0 -
Either way, really, how can you be sure who/if anyone is telling the truth with these sorts of things? Some people may take a long time putting these things together and get mad if you refute it but you can't really know unless you do the research for yourself.
Biased sampling and ignoring important variables affects research results greatly.0 -
i agree, wife should be in the kitchen, playing with kids, shopping, cleaning, taking care of her mans needs. Man needs to be working, bringing home lots of money, not complaining about having to work, bringing her expensive trinkets and baubels, playing with kids in evening, fixing wifes car, yard work, hauling out garbage, making sure wife is VERY satisfied in the bedroom.
So....women shouldn't have careers if they want to be married and have a family? That's weird...I could've sworn this was 2012, but I must've hopped in the DeLorean and headed back to the 1950s without realizing it...
And I don't need my partner to fix my car, that's what mechanics are for.0 -
religion and culture have no play here.. man goes out to work woman stays home, man returns home and has to work? totally unfair share of the total workload.
if both worked then 50% of the housework is fair
Are there kids involved here because that makes it totally different. If you are home with kids you are working your *kitten* off. "Mama, mama, mama, mama." You can't even pee without them following you around. My husband was laid off for a month last year (I am self employed so I booked more jobs when he was laid off) and he was like "Are you kidding me? This is horrible, If I don't get a job soon, I am going to kill myself." Ha! Now it's reversed, he is working more and I am barely working but now the kids are in school so I try to do more. ORRRR at least do a "mad dash rush" 20 mins before he comes home to make it look like I at least did something all day. :P
People who make babies and then complain about them all the time.
Lolzzzzz0 -
... I would agree if I wasn't out of the house 11 hours a day and he didn't work from home - still I do the majority of it -- he has no understanding of deep cleaning anything...0
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I would be interested to see a study about MEN who stayed home and women who worked and their divorce rates. It could very well be that trying to squish what used to be 2 jobs (ie take care of the home and have a job) is now 3...2 jobs AND take care of the home. Any SAHM/D can tell you it is hard hard work to be GOOD at your 'job'. I think the stress of splitting a job and home duties could contribute to the marriage conflict and not necessarily have to be 'women' in the kitchen - but someone at home.
I will say the stress in our marriage melted when I left my job - we had just inheretied custody of my daughter when I started my job 6 months in....I was working on my MBA and his job required about 70 hours a week of work...we were in full meltdown mode. When calculated out for gas, my work clothes, aftercare, eating out constantly because no one was awake enough to cook by 7 PM and of course the incrased TAX rate I was working for about $4 an hour. It wasn't WORTH IT, so I left my job. Now my daugther is a Senior and finding another job is near impossible, but I still don't regret it because I can see the many times she would have gone in a very bad direction had there not been someone paying attention, close attention, to her emotional state...friends...school work etc. I'm sure those issues, had they come to full fruition, would have caused stress in the marriage as well.0 -
I think that it's believable to a certain extent, actually. Don't get me wrong- I'm a feminist. I don't subscribe to the notion of traditional gender roles. I do think, though, that if a couple, early on in their relationship, can establish what their roles in the house will be and agree on them, it can save a lot of headache and fighting down the line. For example, my husband just cannot do laundry. He flat-out stinks at it. I know that laundry is 'my job', because I don't want our clothing getting wrecked. Because of this, we don't fight about who does the laundry, it just gets done. On the other hand, I'm not into cooking very much. I'm not a BAD cook, it's just that I'm not nearly as good at it as he is and we both prefer to eat meals he's prepared. So, he cooks the meals and I do the laundry and we're both okay with that.
In general, in our house, we have our roles and we stick to them. If we know the other person can't do 'their jobs', for whatever reason, the other person just sort of picks up the slack. The division of duties isn't gender-stereotypical (for example, he mends torn clothing and I do most of the household repairs). Because we know what our jobs are, we just do them. We don't bicker about whose turn it is to do what. I'm not saying our relationship is perfect, but that is one area that has never caused conflict for us.
Based on my experience, I can see how a couple that knows their individual 'roles' in the relationship might succeed simply because the division of duties isn't a daily source of conflict. Those individual roles may be more traditional (man at work, woman at home, etc) or they might be more modern (like in my family)- but what matters is that they work for that particular couple.0 -
... I would agree if I wasn't out of the house 11 hours a day and he didn't work from home - still I do the majority of it -- he has no understanding of deep cleaning anything...
That's where mine is different, the one time he did clean the bathroom (6 years of marriage together 9 years) I was dealthy ill....he was insantly thorough...ex miltary.0
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