Door Opening Men - a question for you

12357

Replies

  • pixtotts
    pixtotts Posts: 552 Member
    i always hold doors for everyone and anyone :)
    I HATE people who dont say thankyou or even acknowledge me though :(
    x
  • melsmith612
    melsmith612 Posts: 727 Member
    My first husband was a door-opener and I got used to it so much so that when I began dating my 2nd husband and saw that he NEVER did it, I was actually put off by it. I called him rude and told him he had no manners (he's the type to actually rush into a doorway before women also). Since piping up about it I have effectively refused to open doors for myself while we're together in public and will literally just stand there in front of the unopened door until he catches on. He's gotten better about it now. :laugh:
  • Captain_Tightpants
    Captain_Tightpants Posts: 2,215 Member
    I do it because I have no choice. My hand is sticky and it takes a while to release my grip on any door handle I touch.
  • PlunderBunneh
    PlunderBunneh Posts: 1,705 Member
    I don't understand why this is gender based. I'm a woman (obviously) and I hold the door for anyone within a reasonable distance. It's manners, dammit. Other people hold it for me sometimes as well. It's rare that a door is shut in my face.
    I'm a bit curious if door holding is as common on the East Coast, especially tri-state area. Seems to me that the general feeling there was much more of a "too busy for you" attitude. Although some folks out here near Boulder can get a bit pretentious at times, being overly friendly and polite is usually the norm. Missed that during our years on the east coast.
    I'm rambling, not enough coffee yet....
    Hold the door. It's nice.
  • Aello11
    Aello11 Posts: 312 Member
    I always hold the door for anyone around me.... just raised that way. And I don't really expect acknowledgement - but does give you a good feeling when you get that nod of the head, smile or a hey thanks.
  • ewhsweets
    ewhsweets Posts: 167 Member
    Agree...manners. And it goes both ways esp when saying OMG "thank you" when somebody, anybody holds a door for you.
  • ZugTheMegasaurus
    ZugTheMegasaurus Posts: 801 Member
    Isn't there a difference between opening a door and holding a door? Holding a door that you're already going through is just common courtesy, regardless of sex. I mean, your hand is already on it, just keep it there for a second.

    But I find that it's much rarer for someone to open the door for someone else, and it is largely a man doing it for a woman. To me, this is when someone goes out of their way to open the door and then stands aside holding it while you go through first. I'll open a door for someone who seems like they could use the help, like someone carrying an armful of stuff or someone on crutches (seriously people, it's damn near impossible to get through a door on crutches). Or I'll do it when I approach the door at the exact same time as someone else. I can recall a few times that a man did it for me for no particular reason, but I can probably count them on one hand; I'm wondering what planet the woman from the OP is living on where she expects it all the time.
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
    :smile: My boyfriend's father instilled manners.
  • RubyWare
    RubyWare Posts: 51 Member
    I open doors if I'm closest and appreciate it when others hold the door for me. That being said I recently had an embarrassing situation regarding a door being held for me. Myself and my co-workers were heading back from lunch. A gentleman from the group in front of us was holding the door. One of my friends got held up at the guard station. I had already made eye contact, thanked him and was stepping back while looking over at my friend to check her progress. I assumed he passed on through as I reached for the door to keep it from closing. Unbeknowst to me he was still there and I grabbed a big handfull of his manly bits. I looked at my hand, still full of bits, and then looked at him and I think mumbled "I'm sooo sorry" or something along those lines ….. I'm not sure if he said anything, what with all the blood rushing to my face and hearing a rushing noise in my ears, but he did smile and nod to me as he just walked on his merry way.
  • jfcarlson713
    jfcarlson713 Posts: 108 Member
    Don't quite get why this is guy/girl thing. I'm a 54 yr old female and always hold the door open for someone nearby. I also ALWAYS acknowledge and thank someone that opens/holds a door for me. Does your friend think this is an entitlement or does she see it as a curtesy? Does she open/hold doors for others?
  • cnsmith2
    cnsmith2 Posts: 539 Member
    I do this on a regular basis and it makes no difference if it's a lady or a man. If I'm coming out of a building or approaching a door I allways hold the door, or open it and wait if someone else is going that way.

    It's called manners and the result of good parenting.

    This. I'm female and I open doors for people, and thank them kindly if they do so for me.
  • ewhsweets
    ewhsweets Posts: 167 Member
    When I say holding a door, I refer to going out of your way to wait for somebody to walk through before you if you are ahead of them - or yes opening it for you.

    My husband still comes to my side to open my car door to open it for me. Very rare, and something his father instilled in him, and that the Marine Corps hammered into him...manners regardless of sex. When I have kids, it will be ma'am, and opening doors etc.

    And yes, younger females especially definately seem expect that EVERYBODY 'should' do things like hold/open doors etc.
  • Darkskinned88
    Darkskinned88 Posts: 1,177 Member
    i was just raised to always open the door for a woman (and check her out subtly), however if i dont get a thank you or even a look i'll be tempted to shut it on you...stupid heavy doors that dont slam :grumble:
  • trijoe
    trijoe Posts: 729 Member
    I do it for everybody. Men, women, old, young, black white brown, you name it. It's a simple easy way to be nice to somebody. And it surely seems to me one thing this world could use much more of, is people being nicer to other people. Naive? Simplistic? Possibly, I suppose. But that's not going to stop me. Pointless? Oh no. Not pointless at all. Kindness is a beautiful thing, whether I'm sharing it with somebody else, or somebody else is sharing it with me.
  • nachoheeledge
    nachoheeledge Posts: 8
    I do this on a regular basis and it makes no difference if it's a lady or a man. If I'm coming out of a building or approaching a door I allways hold the door, or open it and wait if someone else is going that way.

    It's called manners and the result of good parenting.

    I agree, I do the same :smile:
  • Natashaa1991
    Natashaa1991 Posts: 866 Member
    i would never date a guy who doesn't open doors. at some point in my life i started expecting from other people to open the door for me, for example when i'm shopping with my mom or friends i always wait for them to open the door. it's ok they don't get mad, they make fun of me and say things like "she forgot how to open doors" :)
  • chivalryder
    chivalryder Posts: 4,391 Member
    I do this on a regular basis and it makes no difference if it's a lady or a man. If I'm coming out of a building or approaching a door I allways hold the door, or open it and wait if someone else is going that way.

    It's called manners and the result of good parenting.
    I second that

    ^^ yep, this.

    I will whole-hartedly agree with this.

    If I am in front of a woman, I will always hold the door for her, even if I have to wait a few seconds. If I am behind a stranger, I will make an attempt to get to the door before her, so I can open the door without needing to say something like "wait for me."

    If I am with a female friend/girlfriend, I will expect her to wait if I am behind her for me to open the door for her, even if it's a set of double-doors and she has to wait between the two. No woman should ever have to open a door if I am with her.

    All I expect in return is a smile and a "Thank you."

    Also, a woman should never hold a door open for me. It's just not right.

    Chivalry isn't dead as long as I'm living. Call me old-fashioned (I also expect the woman to wait for me to walk around the car and open the door for her) but that's just the way I am.
  • chivalryder
    chivalryder Posts: 4,391 Member
    i would never date a guy who doesn't open doors. at some point in my life i started expecting from other people to open the door for me, for example when i'm shopping with my mom or friends i always wait for them to open the door. it's ok they don't get mad, they make fun of me and say things like "she forgot how to open doors" :)

    Can I buy you dinner?
  • Philllbis
    Philllbis Posts: 801 Member
    I do this because this was how I was brought up. I was also taught to stand when a lady enters a room. I work with many younger people and they think this is strange. Especially in meetings.
  • Dub_D
    Dub_D Posts: 1,760 Member
    Everyone should hold the door for everyone! If you don't, you suck. At least that's how it works here in Canada.
  • KickassAugust
    KickassAugust Posts: 1,430 Member
    I do this on a regular basis and it makes no difference if it's a lady or a man. If I'm coming out of a building or approaching a door I allways hold the door, or open it and wait if someone else is going that way.

    It's called manners and the result of good parenting.

    *mwah*
  • Awkward30
    Awkward30 Posts: 1,927 Member
    I do it all the time as well... although one time a feminazi wouldn't walk through the door. (awkward) Now if I get that vibe, I won't hold it.

    The feminazi from the sammich thread should come over here and rant about how capable women are of opening their own doors blah blah blah.

    I open doors for people, and I think it is relatively rare that someone opens one for me because I usually open it for them. But there have been a few times where I've had my hands full and someone has decidedly not opened the door for me and it always strikes me as "I'm gonna tell your mommy!"
  • crw72209
    crw72209 Posts: 169 Member
    I appreciate it when someone holds a door for me and it doesn't slam in my face.
    I hold the door for others too (guy or girl). But there is always a moment when it's a distance factor. Are they too far away where you have to wait...... haha
  • saxmaniac
    saxmaniac Posts: 1,133 Member
    To the men who open the doors when a lady is behind or in front of you.

    You'd have to ask your coworker if she means in front of, or behind. Big difference.

    I'll hold-open a door for anyone who is behind me (as I'm in already the doorway), which is the courtesy of not dropping the door unexpectedly in their face.

    I won't open a closed door for any lady who is in *front* of me... unless it's my wife, relative, or an elder. Women often get all nasty or stone-faced when you hold do this, and that's probably due me to being raised in the Northeast than the South. I'd rather be them mad at men in general for nobody holding the door, than me specifically for doing so.

    One man earlier said it depends on her "comportment" which is an excellent idea. Too few women seem nice enough to open the door for, honestly. If I get the sense they won't be a ***** about it, and you can usually tell from body language, I'd do it. Around here, it rarely happens.
  • Embooya
    Embooya Posts: 222 Member
    To the men who open the doors when a lady is behind or in front of you.

    Why?

    What prompts you to open a door for a woman?

    My reasoning for asking is simple. I have never been in a situation where there was a man immediately before or behind me where I've actually had to touch the door myself. They always, always, always open the door for me. I'm so used to it I've never noticed it.

    However, a coworker of mine has been complaining that she has never met a man in this town who will open the door for her!

    So what's the difference? Why are guys ignoring her and tripping over themselves to open doors for me?

    It can't be appearance because she dresses better, she's skinnier and she's prettier (not being modest, this is just facts). So it's not as if I'm getting special treatment because of appearance. So what else could it be?

    What is this elusive thing that will make you open the door for one woman and ignore the next? Please discuss and enlighten me. :D Thank you.


    Three possible reasons:

    1) Out of pure respect

    2) They were raised that way

    3) Its a great way to gawk at your heiny and not look like a total creep.
  • penrbrown
    penrbrown Posts: 2,685 Member
    Isn't there a difference between opening a door and holding a door? Holding a door that you're already going through is just common courtesy, regardless of sex. I mean, your hand is already on it, just keep it there for a second.

    But I find that it's much rarer for someone to open the door for someone else, and it is largely a man doing it for a woman. To me, this is when someone goes out of their way to open the door and then stands aside holding it while you go through first. I'll open a door for someone who seems like they could use the help, like someone carrying an armful of stuff or someone on crutches (seriously people, it's damn near impossible to get through a door on crutches). Or I'll do it when I approach the door at the exact same time as someone else. I can recall a few times that a man did it for me for no particular reason, but I can probably count them on one hand; I'm wondering what planet the woman from the OP is living on where she expects it all the time.

    The second is what I'm talking about. I guess people missed the 'behind or before me' comment I made in my OP.

    Guys have DARTED IN FRONT OF ME to open the door for me. This happens quite regularly and it's not as if I prompt or expect it. This is what I consider 'holding the door' for a lady. It's not the usual courtesy door opening if you're in front and someone is behind. This is a deliberate push the woman out of the way so you can open the door for her! Haha.

    I've always suspected it's because the guy wants to get a look at me from behind BUT I can't figure out why a guy would choose to do that for a girl like me and not a prettier girl? I was hoping maybe the guys around here would have some insight into that. Do some women just seem intimidating? Like they'd lash out if you darted in front to hold the door? Or are you just not paying attention some days? Or did you think the door was automatic so you didn't take the chance?

    Just this morning I was at the post office and the guy behind me darted in front to open my door (I had no mail in my hands, dunno what that was about). I thanked him by rushing through and opening the next set of doors for him before he could get ahead of me! HAH! Even Steven. :P
  • KiraBg
    KiraBg Posts: 24
    I would think it is eye contact. If she ignores and never looks the person in the eye, they will never hold the door for her since she is ignoring them. I think there is some non-verbal communication happening just body language that gets guys to open and hold doors for us! On another note, any time I go to work and I am first at the door, I actually open it and hold it for all the nice gentlemen walking after me because they let me out of the elevator first :laugh:
  • penrbrown
    penrbrown Posts: 2,685 Member
    I would think it is eye contact. If she ignores and never looks the person in the eye, they will never hold the door for her since she is ignoring them. I think there is some non-verbal communication happening just body language that gets guys to open and hold doors for us! On another note, any time I go to work and I am first at the door, I actually open it and hold it for all the nice gentlemen walking after me because they let me out of the elevator first :laugh:

    That's something I hadn't considered! I'm big with eye contact. People accuse me of 'flirting' but really I was just taught to acknowledge people. :) Thanks for pointing that out!
  • penrbrown
    penrbrown Posts: 2,685 Member
    I'm a woman, and I hold doors open for whoever's behind me. So do my daughters. (Ok, they have been known to shove each other out of the way to hold the door open for strangers, but one manner at a time, I guess.) It's just polite.

    My guess? You don't have an expectation that men MUST hold the door open, so you notice it when they do and the once or twice they don't doesn't register. She believes that all doors must swing by male arms only, and so the outrage gland starts working when they don't. (And we all listen to our outrage gland more than any other organ. True fact.)

    Somehow I missed this post. This very well could be the case? :) She thinks we're all country bumpkins around here so I think she's also looking for behaviors that affirm this belief.
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
    I open doors for people all the time, my son has been raised to do the same. It's not about the gender of the person coming in behind you, it's about not letting the door close in their face!

    I am more inclined if someone is elderly or burdened with toddlers to hold the door open even if they are not right behind me. By elderly I don't mean hale and hearty, I mean someone with a cane or who seems a bit frail.

Categories