Door Opening Men - a question for you
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I've always suspected it's because the guy wants to get a look at me from behind BUT I can't figure out why a guy would choose to do that for a girl like me and not a prettier girl? I was hoping maybe the guys around here would have some insight into that. Do some women just seem intimidating? Like they'd lash out if you darted in front to hold the door? Or are you just not paying attention some days? Or did you think the door was automatic so you didn't take the chance?
Congrats, you have figured out that attitude and gratitude, is far more important than looking at your *kitten*.
Intimidation is totally wrong -- I don't feel unsafe. But if a woman has the stone-cold *****face on, then I have no desire to go out of my way to be nice to her, who is either going to either completely ignore me at best, or at worse complain about it. It about not wanting to invite extra negativity in your life.
There are two women here at work (both very overweight and quite average-looking) who walk always around like ice-queens, nose always in the air. They will not even acknowledge your presence, their entire body language says "you do not exist". I'd actually consider dropping the door in their faces.
That said, I've never "dart ahead" of a woman like Gollum or whatever. Lame.
I bet this is it. You're the opposite of ice-queen ladies above.That's something I hadn't considered! I'm big with eye contact. People accuse me of 'flirting' but really I was just taught to acknowledge people.
Thanks for pointing that out!0 -
the only time I "dart ahead" of anyone, male or female, is if they are carrying a baby, pushing a stroller, or have some sort of injury or disability. That's the polite thing to do. And as someone who carries babies and toddlers and pushes strollers regularly and has had some pretty serious injuries...there are not enough people out there who do this sort of thing.0
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Congrats, you have figured out that attitude and gratitude, is far more important than looking at your *kitten*.
Intimidation is totally wrong -- I don't feel unsafe. But if a woman has the stone-cold *****face on, then I have no desire to go out of my way to be nice to her, who is either going to either completely ignore me at best, or at worse complain about it. It about not wanting to invite extra negativity in your life.
There are two women here at work (both very overweight and quite average-looking) who walk always around like ice-queens, nose always in the air. They will not even acknowledge your presence, their entire body language says "you do not exist". I'd actually consider dropping the door in their faces.
That said, I've never "dart ahead" of a woman like Gollum or whatever. Lame.That's something I hadn't considered! I'm big with eye contact. People accuse me of 'flirting' but really I was just taught to acknowledge people. Thanks for pointing that out!
I bet this is it. You're the opposite of ice-queen ladies above.
Aw, I think the darting ahead is kind of cute when it happens. Although it's always a little awkward too. Like WOAH! What the heck-oh! Door. Thanks. Hahaha.
Thanks for the input. I'm starting to think it's all about attitude. 0 -
I think you're just encountering different men with different habits.
What's similar and always interesting to me is men who do or don't let ladies go ahead of them when waiting to get on the bus. I take public transportation to work daily and in the morning in my neighborhood I am almost always allowed to walk in front of any gentlemen lined up. In the afternoon going home it seems everyone scrambles to get on - it's not even a cohesive line but a mob of folks trying to get a seat. Once in a while a guy or two will let the ladies go first (or even curiouser, only one or two of the ladeis) but it's much more rare in that occasion.0 -
i would never date a guy who doesn't open doors. at some point in my life i started expecting from other people to open the door for me, for example when i'm shopping with my mom or friends i always wait for them to open the door. it's ok they don't get mad, they make fun of me and say things like "she forgot how to open doors"
Can I buy you dinner?
sure i like dinner 
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last weekend we were traveling. i was at a gas station that had double doors. one guy that actually looked kinda scummy held the door open for me. i smiled and said thankyou. when i turned to go through the second door the nice looking gentleman cowboy litterally closed the door on my face. i was shocked!0
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Hippo or Gazelle, I'm opening the door for you.0
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When a person opens a door for me, I see it as a polite gesture. Nothing more, nothing less.0
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I'm a lady and I hold the door for other women, children or guys. I think its a respect thing.0
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I open doors for anyone nearby, man or woman, and hold them open. Considering that most doors in public places close on their own due to hydraulic arms on the top of them it would seem like a safety hazard not to. It's simply safer this way.
EDIT: That being said if it's a normal door that you have to close behind you on its own I more than likely wouldn't. The main reason being is because in order to do that I would have to reach the door first, but I like walking slightly behind the person I'm with as it makes me feel safer and more secure having them in my field of vision at all times. I like being able to see the person without having to actually make eye contact as eye contact makes me uncomfortable, and the easiest way is to walk slightly behind them.0 -
My husband always says that if there comes a day when he doesn't open that door his grandmother will come out the grave just to tell him about himself.0
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Hippo or Gazelle, I'm opening the door for you.
Haha! 0 -
I've noticed it can also be a cultural thing or a head-in-the-clouds thing. People are in deep thought or thinking about math (ha!) and they are so focused on themselves that they don't think to hold a door. It's not about class or lack of respect, it just IS sometimes.
I do usually hold a door for someone who's behind me when I know they are. It's just a learned behavior. I don't get offended when it doesn't happen to me, but on the flipside, when they go out of their way to rush up to the door to open it, I will blush.0 -
Feminazi. Love that word. And those types of women piss me the heck off. They ruin it for the old fashioned gals like me. Who wouldn't want a gentleman to hold the door for them? I don't get it.I do it all the time as well... although one time a feminazi wouldn't walk through the door. (awkward) Now if I get that vibe, I won't hold it.0 -
i would never date a guy who doesn't open doors. at some point in my life i started expecting from other people to open the door for me, for example when i'm shopping with my mom or friends i always wait for them to open the door. it's ok they don't get mad, they make fun of me and say things like "she forgot how to open doors"
I can't explain it, but I find this a bit rude that if you were the first one in a group to reach a door you would simply stand there and wait for another person in the group to open the door for you. If you were one of my friends the joke wouldn't be "she forgto how to open doors" but instead "what makes you feel superior?" Like I said, I can't explain why I had a pretty strong reaction to this post, but I did. I find the whole process of opening doors an issue of respect in many ways, and not holding a door open for another person or enen expecting them to constantly open the door for you shows a lack of respect for them.0 -
i would never date a guy who doesn't open doors. at some point in my life i started expecting from other people to open the door for me, for example when i'm shopping with my mom or friends i always wait for them to open the door. it's ok they don't get mad, they make fun of me and say things like "she forgot how to open doors"
I can't explain it, but I find this a bit rude that if you were the first one in a group to reach a door you would simply stand there and wait for another person in the group to open the door for you. If you were one of my friends the joke wouldn't be "she forgto how to open doors" but instead "what makes you feel superior?" Like I said, I can't explain why I had a pretty strong reaction to this post, but I did. I find the whole process of opening doors an issue of respect in many ways, and not holding a door open for another person or enen expecting them to constantly open the door for you shows a lack of respect for them.
Agreed. If you get to the door first and you just stand there waiting for the other person to open it for you it only makes you seem like a narcissistic ***** with a self-entitlement complex. It would more than likely set off a red flag even in gentleman who would otherwise be more than happy to open a door for you.0 -
I do this on a regular basis and it makes no difference if it's a lady or a man. If I'm coming out of a building or approaching a door I allways hold the door, or open it and wait if someone else is going that way.
It's called manners and the result of good parenting.
^^^ This ... I do the same - regardless of age, sex, race, looks, etc. It's just manners ...0 -
I do this on a regular basis and it makes no difference if it's a lady or a man. If I'm coming out of a building or approaching a door I allways hold the door, or open it and wait if someone else is going that way.
It's called manners and the result of good parenting.
This.0 -
I always have men opening doors for me....
I've had men stand at the door and wait up to five minutes for me just so they could hold the door open (I was taking my time grabbing things from my car and locking it up).....
so I don't know why another woman would have this problem....most men have the good manners to do this.
I also hold open doors for people ....maybe it's karma?0 -
I do this on a regular basis and it makes no difference if it's a lady or a man. If I'm coming out of a building or approaching a door I allways hold the door, or open it and wait if someone else is going that way.
It's called manners and the result of good parenting.
^^yep0 -
I do it for women I’m with if I can beat you to the door without having to run. Actually door openers also open them and let men or women through. We are a nonsexist group
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I do this on a regular basis and it makes no difference if it's a lady or a man. If I'm coming out of a building or approaching a door I allways hold the door, or open it and wait if someone else is going that way.
It's called manners and the result of good parenting.
Snap!0 -
I find the look on my face incites the behavior. Happy face = polite strangers. Sour puss = open your own door. Being dressed like a girl also increases the odds.0
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I do it pretty much for what a lot of others have already said.... it's just a common courtesy thing. I do it for anyone that's within a couple of steps or so of the door.... and sometimes me being in a wheelchair kind of throws some people off and they almost sprint to the door as if I'm in some kind of distress holding it open for them, when in actuality the chair makes a pretty good door stop.
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So she's saying they just let the door go in her face? Sounds like most women I encounter when walking into or out of a business. :noway:
FTR- I hold the door for anyone within a few steps of reaching it. I consider it rude to let it go when they are about to reach it.
^^ For real! I'm a woman, but always hold the door open for people when I can and there are plenty of both men and women that do the same for me if they are in front. But the ones that realy annoy me, and they are usually women, go sauntering through a door they have had to open for themselves because no one was in front, and never look back as they let it swing back right into my face. And this is usually AFTER I have just held the door open for them!
To the OP, maybe your friend never returns the favor and it's karma swinging back to smack her in the face? Just Kidding, but you never know 0 -
I don't understand why some women feel it's "demeaning". When someone opens a door for you, it's a gesture of courtesy and respect. They obviously don't think you're too weak to open a door. Thank them, be happy there are still nice people in this world, and go about your day. I hate that some men are afraid to be nice to me because they think I'll go all femi-nazi on them. I think it's really sweet when anyone (male or female) opens a door for me, and I always hold the door for the people behind me. I also open doors for people if I see them holding something in both hands or pushing a stroller.
My dad is still old-fashioned and even goes so far as to help me with my coat when we're dressed up for a wedding or Christmas. He walks on the outside (road side) of the sidewalk too. He raised my brother to be a gentleman and taught me to be a lady. We're both better for it.0 -
I will always open the door for anybody, as it's just manners. What does bug me though is when the person can't even be bothered to say "thanks" or something like that. It usually ends up with me muttering a few £$%"'! under my breath if they just ignore you.:)0
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Maybe it's her attitude / confidence? Does she smile / come off as friendly or happy?0
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I don't hold doors open for anyone, in fact if there is a way to lock it behind me I do. The only exception is if it is an elevator shaft, I hold those doors open for people.0
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I don't gender-discriminate if holding the door is convenient or useful. If someone is immediately behind me, I'll at least give the door an extra push so it will be open and ready for them to catch when they go to grab it. If someone is carrying something in both hands and/or it looks like they need help with the door, I'll wait for a reasonable time if they are nearby and hold the door open.
However, I do have a bias toward waiting a few extra seconds to hold the door if it's a woman. It's how my pappy brought me up, and I occasionally get some nasty negativity over it, but it's just what my generation was taught was right and proper. and I frequently get a smile and a pleasant "thank you".
For the people who are mean and nasty about it, I just ignore them, or if it's too nasty I simply explain that my father always taught me to hold the door for a lady, and apologize for mistaking them for one.0
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