Door Opening Men - a question for you

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  • KickassAugust
    KickassAugust Posts: 1,430 Member
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    I do this on a regular basis and it makes no difference if it's a lady or a man. If I'm coming out of a building or approaching a door I allways hold the door, or open it and wait if someone else is going that way.

    It's called manners and the result of good parenting.

    *mwah*
  • Awkward30
    Awkward30 Posts: 1,927 Member
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    I do it all the time as well... although one time a feminazi wouldn't walk through the door. (awkward) Now if I get that vibe, I won't hold it.

    The feminazi from the sammich thread should come over here and rant about how capable women are of opening their own doors blah blah blah.

    I open doors for people, and I think it is relatively rare that someone opens one for me because I usually open it for them. But there have been a few times where I've had my hands full and someone has decidedly not opened the door for me and it always strikes me as "I'm gonna tell your mommy!"
  • crw72209
    crw72209 Posts: 169 Member
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    I appreciate it when someone holds a door for me and it doesn't slam in my face.
    I hold the door for others too (guy or girl). But there is always a moment when it's a distance factor. Are they too far away where you have to wait...... haha
  • saxmaniac
    saxmaniac Posts: 1,133 Member
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    To the men who open the doors when a lady is behind or in front of you.

    You'd have to ask your coworker if she means in front of, or behind. Big difference.

    I'll hold-open a door for anyone who is behind me (as I'm in already the doorway), which is the courtesy of not dropping the door unexpectedly in their face.

    I won't open a closed door for any lady who is in *front* of me... unless it's my wife, relative, or an elder. Women often get all nasty or stone-faced when you hold do this, and that's probably due me to being raised in the Northeast than the South. I'd rather be them mad at men in general for nobody holding the door, than me specifically for doing so.

    One man earlier said it depends on her "comportment" which is an excellent idea. Too few women seem nice enough to open the door for, honestly. If I get the sense they won't be a ***** about it, and you can usually tell from body language, I'd do it. Around here, it rarely happens.
  • Embooya
    Embooya Posts: 222 Member
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    To the men who open the doors when a lady is behind or in front of you.

    Why?

    What prompts you to open a door for a woman?

    My reasoning for asking is simple. I have never been in a situation where there was a man immediately before or behind me where I've actually had to touch the door myself. They always, always, always open the door for me. I'm so used to it I've never noticed it.

    However, a coworker of mine has been complaining that she has never met a man in this town who will open the door for her!

    So what's the difference? Why are guys ignoring her and tripping over themselves to open doors for me?

    It can't be appearance because she dresses better, she's skinnier and she's prettier (not being modest, this is just facts). So it's not as if I'm getting special treatment because of appearance. So what else could it be?

    What is this elusive thing that will make you open the door for one woman and ignore the next? Please discuss and enlighten me. :D Thank you.


    Three possible reasons:

    1) Out of pure respect

    2) They were raised that way

    3) Its a great way to gawk at your heiny and not look like a total creep.
  • penrbrown
    penrbrown Posts: 2,685 Member
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    Isn't there a difference between opening a door and holding a door? Holding a door that you're already going through is just common courtesy, regardless of sex. I mean, your hand is already on it, just keep it there for a second.

    But I find that it's much rarer for someone to open the door for someone else, and it is largely a man doing it for a woman. To me, this is when someone goes out of their way to open the door and then stands aside holding it while you go through first. I'll open a door for someone who seems like they could use the help, like someone carrying an armful of stuff or someone on crutches (seriously people, it's damn near impossible to get through a door on crutches). Or I'll do it when I approach the door at the exact same time as someone else. I can recall a few times that a man did it for me for no particular reason, but I can probably count them on one hand; I'm wondering what planet the woman from the OP is living on where she expects it all the time.

    The second is what I'm talking about. I guess people missed the 'behind or before me' comment I made in my OP.

    Guys have DARTED IN FRONT OF ME to open the door for me. This happens quite regularly and it's not as if I prompt or expect it. This is what I consider 'holding the door' for a lady. It's not the usual courtesy door opening if you're in front and someone is behind. This is a deliberate push the woman out of the way so you can open the door for her! Haha.

    I've always suspected it's because the guy wants to get a look at me from behind BUT I can't figure out why a guy would choose to do that for a girl like me and not a prettier girl? I was hoping maybe the guys around here would have some insight into that. Do some women just seem intimidating? Like they'd lash out if you darted in front to hold the door? Or are you just not paying attention some days? Or did you think the door was automatic so you didn't take the chance?

    Just this morning I was at the post office and the guy behind me darted in front to open my door (I had no mail in my hands, dunno what that was about). I thanked him by rushing through and opening the next set of doors for him before he could get ahead of me! HAH! Even Steven. :P
  • KiraBg
    KiraBg Posts: 24
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    I would think it is eye contact. If she ignores and never looks the person in the eye, they will never hold the door for her since she is ignoring them. I think there is some non-verbal communication happening just body language that gets guys to open and hold doors for us! On another note, any time I go to work and I am first at the door, I actually open it and hold it for all the nice gentlemen walking after me because they let me out of the elevator first :laugh:
  • penrbrown
    penrbrown Posts: 2,685 Member
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    I would think it is eye contact. If she ignores and never looks the person in the eye, they will never hold the door for her since she is ignoring them. I think there is some non-verbal communication happening just body language that gets guys to open and hold doors for us! On another note, any time I go to work and I am first at the door, I actually open it and hold it for all the nice gentlemen walking after me because they let me out of the elevator first :laugh:

    That's something I hadn't considered! I'm big with eye contact. People accuse me of 'flirting' but really I was just taught to acknowledge people. :) Thanks for pointing that out!
  • penrbrown
    penrbrown Posts: 2,685 Member
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    I'm a woman, and I hold doors open for whoever's behind me. So do my daughters. (Ok, they have been known to shove each other out of the way to hold the door open for strangers, but one manner at a time, I guess.) It's just polite.

    My guess? You don't have an expectation that men MUST hold the door open, so you notice it when they do and the once or twice they don't doesn't register. She believes that all doors must swing by male arms only, and so the outrage gland starts working when they don't. (And we all listen to our outrage gland more than any other organ. True fact.)

    Somehow I missed this post. This very well could be the case? :) She thinks we're all country bumpkins around here so I think she's also looking for behaviors that affirm this belief.
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
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    I open doors for people all the time, my son has been raised to do the same. It's not about the gender of the person coming in behind you, it's about not letting the door close in their face!

    I am more inclined if someone is elderly or burdened with toddlers to hold the door open even if they are not right behind me. By elderly I don't mean hale and hearty, I mean someone with a cane or who seems a bit frail.
  • saxmaniac
    saxmaniac Posts: 1,133 Member
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    I've always suspected it's because the guy wants to get a look at me from behind BUT I can't figure out why a guy would choose to do that for a girl like me and not a prettier girl? I was hoping maybe the guys around here would have some insight into that. Do some women just seem intimidating? Like they'd lash out if you darted in front to hold the door? Or are you just not paying attention some days? Or did you think the door was automatic so you didn't take the chance?

    Congrats, you have figured out that attitude and gratitude, is far more important than looking at your *kitten*.

    Intimidation is totally wrong -- I don't feel unsafe. But if a woman has the stone-cold *****face on, then I have no desire to go out of my way to be nice to her, who is either going to either completely ignore me at best, or at worse complain about it. It about not wanting to invite extra negativity in your life.

    There are two women here at work (both very overweight and quite average-looking) who walk always around like ice-queens, nose always in the air. They will not even acknowledge your presence, their entire body language says "you do not exist". I'd actually consider dropping the door in their faces.

    That said, I've never "dart ahead" of a woman like Gollum or whatever. Lame.
    That's something I hadn't considered! I'm big with eye contact. People accuse me of 'flirting' but really I was just taught to acknowledge people. :) Thanks for pointing that out!
    I bet this is it. You're the opposite of ice-queen ladies above.
  • lukeevans85
    lukeevans85 Posts: 108 Member
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    the only time I "dart ahead" of anyone, male or female, is if they are carrying a baby, pushing a stroller, or have some sort of injury or disability. That's the polite thing to do. And as someone who carries babies and toddlers and pushes strollers regularly and has had some pretty serious injuries...there are not enough people out there who do this sort of thing.
  • penrbrown
    penrbrown Posts: 2,685 Member
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    Congrats, you have figured out that attitude and gratitude, is far more important than looking at your *kitten*.

    Intimidation is totally wrong -- I don't feel unsafe. But if a woman has the stone-cold *****face on, then I have no desire to go out of my way to be nice to her, who is either going to either completely ignore me at best, or at worse complain about it. It about not wanting to invite extra negativity in your life.

    There are two women here at work (both very overweight and quite average-looking) who walk always around like ice-queens, nose always in the air. They will not even acknowledge your presence, their entire body language says "you do not exist". I'd actually consider dropping the door in their faces.

    That said, I've never "dart ahead" of a woman like Gollum or whatever. Lame.
    That's something I hadn't considered! I'm big with eye contact. People accuse me of 'flirting' but really I was just taught to acknowledge people. :) Thanks for pointing that out!

    I bet this is it. You're the opposite of ice-queen ladies above.

    Aw, I think the darting ahead is kind of cute when it happens. Although it's always a little awkward too. Like WOAH! What the heck-oh! Door. Thanks. Hahaha.

    Thanks for the input. :) I'm starting to think it's all about attitude.
  • carriempls
    carriempls Posts: 326 Member
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    I think you're just encountering different men with different habits.

    What's similar and always interesting to me is men who do or don't let ladies go ahead of them when waiting to get on the bus. I take public transportation to work daily and in the morning in my neighborhood I am almost always allowed to walk in front of any gentlemen lined up. In the afternoon going home it seems everyone scrambles to get on - it's not even a cohesive line but a mob of folks trying to get a seat. Once in a while a guy or two will let the ladies go first (or even curiouser, only one or two of the ladeis) but it's much more rare in that occasion.
  • Natashaa1991
    Natashaa1991 Posts: 866 Member
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    i would never date a guy who doesn't open doors. at some point in my life i started expecting from other people to open the door for me, for example when i'm shopping with my mom or friends i always wait for them to open the door. it's ok they don't get mad, they make fun of me and say things like "she forgot how to open doors" :)

    Can I buy you dinner?

    sure :) i like dinner :D
  • lisamurphy7227
    lisamurphy7227 Posts: 26
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    last weekend we were traveling. i was at a gas station that had double doors. one guy that actually looked kinda scummy held the door open for me. i smiled and said thankyou. when i turned to go through the second door the nice looking gentleman cowboy litterally closed the door on my face. i was shocked!
  • _the_feniks_
    _the_feniks_ Posts: 3,443 Member
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    Hippo or Gazelle, I'm opening the door for you.
  • likearadiowave
    likearadiowave Posts: 445 Member
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    When a person opens a door for me, I see it as a polite gesture. Nothing more, nothing less.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    I'm a lady and I hold the door for other women, children or guys. I think its a respect thing.
  • contingencyplan
    contingencyplan Posts: 3,639 Member
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    I open doors for anyone nearby, man or woman, and hold them open. Considering that most doors in public places close on their own due to hydraulic arms on the top of them it would seem like a safety hazard not to. It's simply safer this way.

    EDIT: That being said if it's a normal door that you have to close behind you on its own I more than likely wouldn't. The main reason being is because in order to do that I would have to reach the door first, but I like walking slightly behind the person I'm with as it makes me feel safer and more secure having them in my field of vision at all times. I like being able to see the person without having to actually make eye contact as eye contact makes me uncomfortable, and the easiest way is to walk slightly behind them.

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