Cheating on your Spouse
Replies
-
ome people want to try new things sexually but are scared/embarrassed to ask their spouse for fear of being rejected or thought to be disgusting or deviant, so they cheat, do the new stuff with a stranger, and voila.0
-
I don't think there is any universal reason why people cheat on the one they love, but I do think most people who do cheat feel that it only affects them, not their relationship or the one they love. I think it is easy for many, if not most of us to compartmentalize one part of our life from another. I don't make this comment from a lofty perch, but because I did something I wish I could take back, but thank god didn't go too far for my future wife to be unable to forgive me.
I went to a conference when we were dating and I met a woman who i found attractive and more important for my ego, she found me attractive. Nothing happened on the trip, but we did exchange numbers and soon afterwards, she was going to find herself in my city. We made plans to see each other and then were sending inappropriate texts back and forth. A few days before she arrived my girlfriend confronted me in the middle of the night, in tears and apologizing for going through my texts. She said she knew I hadn't cheated yet, but I was on my way and why would I do that.
There was a lot more to it, but long story short (too late), she forgave me and I learned only through the pain I caused her, that cheating is not something that happens outside your relationship. I may have already known it, but I didn't feel it. I know that i could borrow on our house and gamble the money away, tell her she's gotten REALLY fat, do any number of insensitive things that I could never imagine myself doing, but only one thing would destroy us, breaking this vow. I wish I hadn't learned at the expense of the pain I caused her, but I know I am luckier than I am able to express that she didn't leave me, she forgave me and she eventually married me.
I still flirt around a bit, but I do tell her about it. I find women sexually attractive, I'm less likely to share that fact as clearly. I always remind myself that besides loving her, I genuinely like her more than anyone else I know, so why cause her a pain I would dream on visiting another person in this world.0 -
ome people want to try new things sexually but are scared/embarrassed to ask their spouse for fear of being rejected or thought to be disgusting or deviant, so they cheat, do the new stuff with a stranger, and voila.
See when I hear a person is "scared" or "embarrassed" to tell their spouse about anything, I wonder why they are married.0 -
Sometimes they might want the security of home and the excitement of something new. If they can keep it up they can have the best of both worlds.
^
this!
honestly, i think cheating should be allowed, or at least swinging. It's fun to have something different once in awhile. Imagine your favorite food. Now imagine eating it 3 times a day. How long before you get tired of it?
I use to think "oh i just need the perfect girl and then I'd NEVER want someone else". Well, finally got her, sexy slim exotic dancer. Men loved her, women were jealous, amazing in bed, and I still wanted something else after a few months.
i think it's human nature to never settle, never be content, to always want to push the boundaries, go a little further than before0 -
For a woman to commit adultery it is probably because she is selfish, bored and feeling that her needs are not met. If romance/passion and appreciate are lacking from the husband she (if she doesn't use her better judgement) can find herself in an affair. Sometimes it is for excitement. The woman may still love her husband, but isn't getting her needs met so she finds them elsewhere.
THIS IS ALWAYS WRONG AND NEVER IS APPROPRIATE. but it happens too often.0 -
THey're not happy, but they can't bare the thought of actually telling the person they're not happy. The easy way out I suppose, for the short term anyway.0
-
Another way this happens is because of poor boundaries. A married man or woman should never, ever be alone with a member of the opposite sex. Even if that person is your best friend. why? Because it is all too easy for sparks to start flying out of nowhere. Also, safeguard yourself. When interacting with people act as if your spouse is over your shoulder, hearing everything, seeing everything. This way you can ask yourself if they would be okay with your behavior if they had seen it. I think this is a great way to guard yourself from adultery.0
-
honestly, i think cheating should be allowed, or at least swinging. It's fun to have something different once in awhile. Imagine your favorite food. Now imagine eating it 3 times a day. How long before you get tired of it?
I use to think "oh i just need the perfect girl and then I'd NEVER want someone else". Well, finally got her, sexy slim exotic dancer. Men loved her, women were jealous, amazing in bed, and I still wanted something else after a few months.
i think it's human nature to never settle, never be content, to always want to push the boundaries, go a little further than before
Maybe the relationship was too shallow, and that's why you wanted something else?0 -
I haven't read all of the responses, but I think most people let their animalistic nature take a hold of them.
We are not truly meant to be with 1 person or we would not have those urges of being with someone else.
Personally, I CHOOSE to be monogamous. But it is not the nature of humans to be with just one mate for life.0 -
honestly, i think cheating should be allowed, or at least swinging. It's fun to have something different once in awhile. Imagine your favorite food. Now imagine eating it 3 times a day. How long before you get tired of it?
I use to think "oh i just need the perfect girl and then I'd NEVER want someone else". Well, finally got her, sexy slim exotic dancer. Men loved her, women were jealous, amazing in bed, and I still wanted something else after a few months.
i think it's human nature to never settle, never be content, to always want to push the boundaries, go a little further than before
Maybe the relationship was too shallow, and that's why you wanted something else?
No, it is NATURE taking its course.
Of course, we can make choices. Some choose to be monogamous and others tend to go with their instinct.0 -
Another way this happens is because of poor boundaries. A married man or woman should never, ever be alone with a member of the opposite sex. Even if that person is your best friend. why? Because it is all too easy for sparks to start flying out of nowhere. Also, safeguard yourself. When interacting with people act as if your spouse is over your shoulder, hearing everything, seeing everything. This way you can ask yourself if they would be okay with your behavior if they had seen it. I think this is a great way to guard yourself from adultery.
Are you serious? This actually made me laugh.
People are not at the mercy of their impulses, they make choices. If you feel like something is warming up with someone inappropriate, then do something about it. To sever dear relationships because you might get the sudden urge to cheat at some point seems like you accept that you don't actually have control over yourself.0 -
I think opportunity and temptation meet.0
-
Another way this happens is because of poor boundaries. A married man or woman should never, ever be alone with a member of the opposite sex. Even if that person is your best friend. why? Because it is all too easy for sparks to start flying out of nowhere. Also, safeguard yourself. When interacting with people act as if your spouse is over your shoulder, hearing everything, seeing everything. This way you can ask yourself if they would be okay with your behavior if they had seen it. I think this is a great way to guard yourself from adultery.
This sounds so immature and jealous..........WOW, just WOW0 -
I've heard "still in love, but not happy and I tried telling you..."0
-
No, it is NATURE taking its course.
Of course, we can make choices. Some choose to be monogamous and others tend to go with their instinct.
Wow, I didn't know that someone who held the ultimate knowledge to the universe would be sitting on MFP on the forums. There is no book on what "Human Nature" is or isn't when it comes to this stuff. I think just as many people feel the natural urge to be monogamous as to be polygamous. Also, this discussion was more about why people choose not to talk to their spouse, not whether or not cheating is natural instinct.0 -
Another way this happens is because of poor boundaries. A married man or woman should never, ever be alone with a member of the opposite sex. Even if that person is your best friend. why? Because it is all too easy for sparks to start flying out of nowhere. Also, safeguard yourself. When interacting with people act as if your spouse is over your shoulder, hearing everything, seeing everything. This way you can ask yourself if they would be okay with your behavior if they had seen it. I think this is a great way to guard yourself from adultery.
Speechless........0 -
Another way this happens is because of poor boundaries. A married man or woman should never, ever be alone with a member of the opposite sex. Even if that person is your best friend. why? Because it is all too easy for sparks to start flying out of nowhere. Also, safeguard yourself. When interacting with people act as if your spouse is over your shoulder, hearing everything, seeing everything. This way you can ask yourself if they would be okay with your behavior if they had seen it. I think this is a great way to guard yourself from adultery.
Are you serious? This actually made me laugh.
People are not at the mercy of their impulses, they make choices. If you feel like something is warming up with someone inappropriate, then do something about it. To sever dear relationships because you might get the sudden urge to cheat at some point seems like you accept that you don't actually have control over yourself.
Thank You.0 -
Hey everyone.
I have recently found out that one of my "brother-in-law's" wife has been cheating on him (for at least the last month for what we now know of). The family is fairly devastated, and this in my eyes is tragic. They both appeared to be so happy and "in love" on the outside - but I guess we never really know what happens behind the closed doors of a marriage.
Now I get it - people cheat. They cheat because they are not getting any at home, they cheat for the "excitement" (perhaps followed by a rush of guilt!), they cheat because they no longer love their partner and just want to feel wanted by someone. These are some of the reasons for cheating.
I want to know WHY DO SPOUSES NOT TELL THEIR PARTNER THEY ARE THINKING OF CHEATING? I mean especially a married couple!! My in-laws were together for 7 years, and it just blows my mind that the wife could not approach her HUSBAND and say "Look, I am not happy in our marriage and I have been contemplating cheating on you". or "I am not happy, I am thinking of leaving". Instead what often happens is a wife/husband just cheats or packs up and leaves without any word of warning! I mean, yes there is the "unspoken warnings" but i figure if you have been with someone for 5, 6, 7 - 50 years you would be able to approach them and SAY "I am thinking of ending the relationship/cheating/leaving..etc".
So - please, someone enlighten me to this phenomena as to WHY A SPOUSE DOES NOT TELL THEIR PARTNER THEY ARE CONTEMPLATING CHEATING/LEAVING?
I have a few ideas, but I would love to hear other opinions as well as if you were the one who cheated *if you want*
What negative topic for a forum...At least you appear to have all the "reasons for cheating" figured out..
.That should make your spouse very comfortable (or is it one of those warnings you refer to above?)0 -
My ex husband years ago cheated on me continously.. I asked him why.. when you ahve everything you could ever want at home... kids a wife who adored him and Im a southern girl we treat our men like kings.... and you know what he said????
You are the woman every man would want to come home too but i cant control the need to cheat.. a man has the need to be with various women that has no meaning its sex... .. its an uncontrollable urge for a man.
I left hm that night!!! thats bully pucky... if you wanna cheat tell me you dont want me and go... Ill never beg a man to stay.. simple... SO yea I DONT get it!0 -
No, it is NATURE taking its course.
Of course, we can make choices. Some choose to be monogamous and others tend to go with their instinct.
Wow, I didn't know that someone who held the ultimate knowledge to the universe would be sitting on MFP on the forums. There is no book on what "Human Nature" is or isn't when it comes to this stuff. I think just as many people feel the natural urge to be monogamous as to be polygamous. Also, this discussion was more about why people choose not to talk to their spouse, not whether or not cheating is natural instinct.
My husband and I have went to marriage counselling and actually we thought she was nuts when she was telling us this very thing.............found 2 other counselors / therapists that stated the same thing.
It is NATURE, pure and simple.
We choose the lifestyle we wish to have. Monogamous, polygamy, etc. The natural attraction and urge is there. We choose to tune it out.0 -
My wife cheated on me with a co-worker that I had indicated that she and he were too close (we all worked at the same place). We were having problems based on my selfish behaviour and this was compounded by then (unknown) fact that I suffered from Clinical Depression. We had separated and she too the opportunity to go off to a motel with this co-worker. Her excuse was that we were separated so she was free to pursue this action even thought were Christians and should hold ourselves to a higher standard. Its been two years and I still feel sick to my stomach and have since left that place of employment.
In situations like this blame is shared and both parties and responsible for their actions and should hold themselves accountable. Blaming the other spouse for your decisions is a cop-out and will just lead to more anger and hurt.
Before this I believed that we were a strong Christian couple who could stand on the principles of Jesus but I realise that cheating is a complex and hurtful action that may bring short term joy and relief from a poor relationship but the repercussions are serious and severe. I pray that if your are in a marriage seek help before its too late and never take for granted that your spouse is strong enough to avoid to this temptation.
If you realise that you no longer want the relationship, be honest and tell your spouse and then go your way. The worst thing you can do is introduce another person into this equation before clearing the air.0 -
No, it is NATURE taking its course.
Of course, we can make choices. Some choose to be monogamous and others tend to go with their instinct.
Wow, I didn't know that someone who held the ultimate knowledge to the universe would be sitting on MFP on the forums. There is no book on what "Human Nature" is or isn't when it comes to this stuff. I think just as many people feel the natural urge to be monogamous as to be polygamous. Also, this discussion was more about why people choose not to talk to their spouse, not whether or not cheating is natural instinct.We are mammals, and if we look to the mammalian world, just 3 to 5% of the about 5,000 species of mammals form lifelong, monogamous bonds - this is the case of beavers, wolves, gibbons, jackals, foxes, some bats, dwarf deer and antelopes (like dik-dik).
A strictly monogamous animal mates only inside the pair. For example, in the case of geese, albatrosses or some parrots, the death of a partner totally compromises mating for the other, for that season or for life.
But biologists say that strictly sexually monogamous species are almost non existent. Most mammals have just a social monogamy: they pair up to mate and raise offspring, but still have flings. For example, in the case of the Arctic foxes, 25 % of the litters are not fathered by the male of the pair. Having offspring from multiple fathers allows a female to increase the genetic variation in her cubs. This increase in variation improves the chances that at least one cub in a litter will have the genetically proper stuff to survive for a long term in such a harsh and changing environment.
Why Monogamy?
Monogamy is a breeding behavior that is considered to give offspring a better survival chances, as in monogamous couples females receive all the support of the male in raising newborns to adulthood, from food to protection.
It's clear: a pair achieves more food and survives better than the bachelors. The "married" jackals were found to live on average 3-4 years longer than the solitary ones.
In beaver families, there is a strong need for cooperation to maintain their dams and pools, that's why beaver social units are so tight. Thus, monogamy evolved in situations where young need a better cooperation of both parents in raising them. That's why humans, with their long childhood, form monogamous pairs.
http://news.softpedia.com/news/Humans-Are-Not-Made-Monogamous-83227.shtml0 -
It depends on where your own starting point is ( your logic)
No, it is NATURE taking its course.
Of course, we can make choices. Some choose to be monogamous and others tend to go with their instinct.
Wow, I didn't know that someone who held the ultimate knowledge to the universe would be sitting on MFP on the forums. There is no book on what "Human Nature" is or isn't when it comes to this stuff. I think just as many people feel the natural urge to be monogamous as to be polygamous. Also, this discussion was more about why people choose not to talk to their spouse, not whether or not cheating is natural instinct.
My husband and I have went to marriage counselling and actually we thought she was nuts when she was telling us this very thing.............found 2 other counselors / therapists that stated the same thing.
It is NATURE, pure and simple.
We choose the lifestyle we wish to have. Monogamous, polygamy, etc. The natural attraction and urge is there. We choose to tune it out.
Yes, there is a book on human nature, it's the bible! God's word!
It says we are sinful.
So if you don't want to do the things you ought not to do, then....put it far from you.
I NEVER want to do that to my husband (and children, and other people who know me!)!!
It is true we can be attracted to others even when we are married. Duh!
I never want to go there.0 -
Hey everyone.
I have recently found out that one of my "brother-in-law's" wife has been cheating on him (for at least the last month for what we now know of). The family is fairly devastated, and this in my eyes is tragic. They both appeared to be so happy and "in love" on the outside - but I guess we never really know what happens behind the closed doors of a marriage.
Now I get it - people cheat. They cheat because they are not getting any at home, they cheat for the "excitement" (perhaps followed by a rush of guilt!), they cheat because they no longer love their partner and just want to feel wanted by someone. These are some of the reasons for cheating.
I want to know WHY DO SPOUSES NOT TELL THEIR PARTNER THEY ARE THINKING OF CHEATING? I mean especially a married couple!! My in-laws were together for 7 years, and it just blows my mind that the wife could not approach her HUSBAND and say "Look, I am not happy in our marriage and I have been contemplating cheating on you". or "I am not happy, I am thinking of leaving". Instead what often happens is a wife/husband just cheats or packs up and leaves without any word of warning! I mean, yes there is the "unspoken warnings" but i figure if you have been with someone for 5, 6, 7 - 50 years you would be able to approach them and SAY "I am thinking of ending the relationship/cheating/leaving..etc".
So - please, someone enlighten me to this phenomena as to WHY A SPOUSE DOES NOT TELL THEIR PARTNER THEY ARE CONTEMPLATING CHEATING/LEAVING?
I have a few ideas, but I would love to hear other opinions as well as if you were the one who cheated *if you want*
What negative topic for a forum...At least you appear to have all the "reasons for cheating" figured out..
.That should make your spouse very comfortable (or is it one of those warnings you refer to above?)
Don't like it? Judge me? Piss off.0 -
Please don't start with the bible...........for one that is not allowed on the forums and #2, the bible is a MAN-written word, said to be the "word of God".
Not everyone believes in "God".
I believe with energies of the earth, nature and science backs these things up.
I don't want to do that to my husband either. So, I made a conscious CHOICE when we got married to be monogamous and faithful.
Because I made this choice and also you did to, does not mean that is the way nature is intended to be.
It depends on where your own starting point is ( your logic)
No, it is NATURE taking its course.
Of course, we can make choices. Some choose to be monogamous and others tend to go with their instinct.
Wow, I didn't know that someone who held the ultimate knowledge to the universe would be sitting on MFP on the forums. There is no book on what "Human Nature" is or isn't when it comes to this stuff. I think just as many people feel the natural urge to be monogamous as to be polygamous. Also, this discussion was more about why people choose not to talk to their spouse, not whether or not cheating is natural instinct.
My husband and I have went to marriage counselling and actually we thought she was nuts when she was telling us this very thing.............found 2 other counselors / therapists that stated the same thing.
It is NATURE, pure and simple.
We choose the lifestyle we wish to have. Monogamous, polygamy, etc. The natural attraction and urge is there. We choose to tune it out.
Yes, there is a book on human nature, it's the bible! God's word!
It says we are sinful.
So if you don't want to do the things you ought not to do, then....put it far from you.
I NEVER want to do that to my husband (and children, and other people who know me!)!!
It is true we can be attracted to others even when we are married. Duh!
I never want to go there.0 -
If you can't tell your spouse your not happy you shouldn't be together if you're gonna cheat behind their back anyways. I dunno why people cheat but they are being selfish and not thinking about the people they are hurting. You can't have your cake and eat it too.0
-
Hey everyone.
I have recently found out that one of my "brother-in-law's" wife has been cheating on him (for at least the last month for what we now know of). The family is fairly devastated, and this in my eyes is tragic. They both appeared to be so happy and "in love" on the outside - but I guess we never really know what happens behind the closed doors of a marriage.
Now I get it - people cheat. They cheat because they are not getting any at home, they cheat for the "excitement" (perhaps followed by a rush of guilt!), they cheat because they no longer love their partner and just want to feel wanted by someone. These are some of the reasons for cheating.
I want to know WHY DO SPOUSES NOT TELL THEIR PARTNER THEY ARE THINKING OF CHEATING? I mean especially a married couple!! My in-laws were together for 7 years, and it just blows my mind that the wife could not approach her HUSBAND and say "Look, I am not happy in our marriage and I have been contemplating cheating on you". or "I am not happy, I am thinking of leaving". Instead what often happens is a wife/husband just cheats or packs up and leaves without any word of warning! I mean, yes there is the "unspoken warnings" but i figure if you have been with someone for 5, 6, 7 - 50 years you would be able to approach them and SAY "I am thinking of ending the relationship/cheating/leaving..etc".
So - please, someone enlighten me to this phenomena as to WHY A SPOUSE DOES NOT TELL THEIR PARTNER THEY ARE CONTEMPLATING CHEATING/LEAVING?
I have a few ideas, but I would love to hear other opinions as well as if you were the one who cheated *if you want*
What negative topic for a forum...At least you appear to have all the "reasons for cheating" figured out..
.That should make your spouse very comfortable (or is it one of those warnings you refer to above?)
Dude, you are EPIC.
Its incredible that your ex wives did not catch you cheating right away - it is clearly obvious that both of you are one of those cheaters we are referring too.0 -
Guess what.Please don't start with the bible...........for one that is not allowed on the forums and #2, the bible is a MAN-written word, said to be the "word of God".
Not everyone believes in "God".
I believe with energies of the earth, nature and science backs these things up.
I don't want to do that to my husband either. So, I made a conscious CHOICE when we got married to be monogamous and faithful.
Because I made this choice and also you did to, does not mean that is the way nature is intended to be.
It depends on where your own starting point is ( your logic)
No, it is NATURE taking its course.
Of course, we can make choices. Some choose to be monogamous and others tend to go with their instinct.
Wow, I didn't know that someone who held the ultimate knowledge to the universe would be sitting on MFP on the forums. There is no book on what "Human Nature" is or isn't when it comes to this stuff. I think just as many people feel the natural urge to be monogamous as to be polygamous. Also, this discussion was more about why people choose not to talk to their spouse, not whether or not cheating is natural instinct.
My husband and I have went to marriage counselling and actually we thought she was nuts when she was telling us this very thing.............found 2 other counselors / therapists that stated the same thing.
It is NATURE, pure and simple.
We choose the lifestyle we wish to have. Monogamous, polygamy, etc. The natural attraction and urge is there. We choose to tune it out.
Yes, there is a book on human nature, it's the bible! God's word!
It says we are sinful.
So if you don't want to do the things you ought not to do, then....put it far from you.
I NEVER want to do that to my husband (and children, and other people who know me!)!!
It is true we can be attracted to others even when we are married. Duh!
I never want to go there.
Your "energies of the earth" are allowed on the forums.
And so is my bible.
It's how I answer the question about why people would cheat on their spouses.
Have a nice day!:flowerforyou:0 -
Hey everyone.
I have recently found out that one of my "brother-in-law's" wife has been cheating on him (for at least the last month for what we now know of). The family is fairly devastated, and this in my eyes is tragic. They both appeared to be so happy and "in love" on the outside - but I guess we never really know what happens behind the closed doors of a marriage.
Now I get it - people cheat. They cheat because they are not getting any at home, they cheat for the "excitement" (perhaps followed by a rush of guilt!), they cheat because they no longer love their partner and just want to feel wanted by someone. These are some of the reasons for cheating.
I want to know WHY DO SPOUSES NOT TELL THEIR PARTNER THEY ARE THINKING OF CHEATING? I mean especially a married couple!! My in-laws were together for 7 years, and it just blows my mind that the wife could not approach her HUSBAND and say "Look, I am not happy in our marriage and I have been contemplating cheating on you". or "I am not happy, I am thinking of leaving". Instead what often happens is a wife/husband just cheats or packs up and leaves without any word of warning! I mean, yes there is the "unspoken warnings" but i figure if you have been with someone for 5, 6, 7 - 50 years you would be able to approach them and SAY "I am thinking of ending the relationship/cheating/leaving..etc".
So - please, someone enlighten me to this phenomena as to WHY A SPOUSE DOES NOT TELL THEIR PARTNER THEY ARE CONTEMPLATING CHEATING/LEAVING?
I have a few ideas, but I would love to hear other opinions as well as if you were the one who cheated *if you want*
What negative topic for a forum...At least you appear to have all the "reasons for cheating" figured out..
.That should make your spouse very comfortable (or is it one of those warnings you refer to above?)
Dude, you are EPIC.
Its incredible that your ex wives did not catch you cheating right away - it is clearly obvious that both of you are one of those cheaters we are referring too.
Of course, I love cheating.
Ha. That will be hilarious when your 70 and single with herpes.0 -
It is either a lack of emotional / physical affection or both in most cases... I'm sure there are other reasons, but people wouldn't feel the need to go seek other companionship behind their SO's back unless their needs weren't being met in some way. In my experience, I think it's important for each party in a relationship to be open to new ideas and new ways of expressing affection. It's really bad when you go to your SO and open your heart to them, letting them know your deepest desires, fantasies, or fetishes, only for them to give you a look of disgust and treat you as if you're some kind of monster for wanting anything like that. People cheat because they still love their SO, so they selfishly hide the betrayal in order to keep the one they love. Having their cake and eating it too, as they say...
Yes, cheating is wrong - but I do feel like it is partially both peoples responsibility to prevent it from happening, especially when the signs are blatantly obvious before it even happens - and most especially when the one thinking of cheating has repeatedly spoken to their SO about their problems with no positive responses. Physical / emotional needs not being met does not necessarily mean a lack of love. It's just not human nature to be mated for life with one person... :P0
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.3K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.2K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 423 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.7K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions